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Hi there. I'm new here. I've been lurking for a couple of days and trying to read every relevant thread I can get my hands on. My partner and I are in the process of trying to adopt a fairly old stray tom, and today was damn stressful. I need somewhere to vent 
and hopefully get some advice! We didn't realise how many people go through this kind of situation until we found this forum.
Warning: I never get to the point in an acceptable number of words. Prepare to be confused, and quite probably bored.
We got Groszek, our first cat, about five years ago. She's the queen of the household. She's pretty grumpy, lazy, and somewhat overweight (currently dieting), but she can also be the sweetest, cuddliest cat in the world. She was and is our baby. My partner wasn't too sure at first, but one day when she was still small Groszek was frightened by strong winds and ended up lost in an alleyway a few streets away. We walked all around the neighbourhood calling her and after a day or so she ran out from under the bins, miaowing, into my girlfriend's arms. They took each other's hearts that day and my girlfriend has been Daddy ever since
She was an only cat until we figured that she was bored. She goes outside when she wants to (this is pretty normal in England - people don't usually let their dogs loose, there aren't many natural predators, and houses tend to be on the small side unless you're a rich bugger, which we aren't), but she always comes back soon and never strays far from the back door, which we usually leave open as we can't fit a cat flap. Due to the beautiful weather we're blessed with here in Manchester, we keep her indoors while we're at work in case it rains or she gets startled by a loud noise. But this made her very sad - when we got home she'd just sit near us and miaow ALL of the time, even though we cuddled her and played with her and spoke to her and loved her as much as we could.
We'd got her as a kitten when a work friend's cat got pregnant. The other two male kittens of that litter stayed in the same house. Unfortunately, this woman didn't see the importance of early spaying/neutering, and left all three cats unfixed. She was in denial - everyone but her could see that her cat was pregnant again, but she dismissed it. Possibly she believed that cats wouldn't commit incest. She isn't stupid, and quite obviously loves her animals - she took in a stray she found who'd been hit by a car, and paid for its leg to be fixed despite never having met it before - but sometimes I think her priorities are in the wrong places. She could have spayed her cat and had one, or three, but now with the kittens she's kept from various litters and her rescue there are 7 cats living in a small house, which must be costing more in the long run. Thankfully she has now spayed the mamma, and all the rest are boys. But she lets them outside like we do, and I think it's quite irresponsible as she's adding to the feral cat population and putting her boys in unnecessary danger (toms wandering and fighting more and all that). But I do like her, and she's always been a good friend to us. A bit of a weird situation.
Anyway, I digress. We ended up taking Pumek, a little black kitten from a later litter, who is possibly the most good-natured cat I have ever happened across. He is lovely, about eighteen months old, and also on the pudgy side (and also on a diet!). Groszek has never got along well with other cats, but we hoped a kitten would be less threatening for her and would stop her from being so bored, maybe encourage her to play when we weren't around, be a companion when we went on holiday etc. Plus, he's technically her brother...
She hated him. We messed up the introductions - we knew what to do, planned it out, and then crumbled when our queen relentlessly pawed the door to get into the living room. Due to the layout of our house, we couldn't seperate them without denying her access to the living room or our bedroom. She really didn't like this, and seemed curious about him, not angry. But when they came nose to nose she wasn't happy at all. They started playing a bit...then he got stronger and she hated him again. They're OK nowadays - when treats are around or there's danger she will tolerate or even love him, and we caught them touching paws on the bed one day - but she'll usually hiss if he gets too close, and grumbles a bit when he's around. She seems to have forgiven us, though, and even if she's a bit grumpier she certainly isn't bored!
Before we got Pumek, we had a problem with some neighbourhood cats (of which there are too many to count) coming in the house when the door was open, stealing Groszek's food and toys, spraying, and being a general nuisance. We assumed that they all belonged to neighbours, and tried to discourage them as humanely as possible by clapping, moving towards them quickly, spraying with water etc. as they were really stressing Groszek out. We'd had a problem with her litterbox use since she had a UTI - we took her to the vet and they treated her with antibiotics and checked for crystals in her urine, but she still associated pain with the box - and the marking by the strange cats wasn't helping her recovery. We had two large litter trays and one jumbo 32L underbed storage box, which we wash on a weekly basis and scoop daily, but she'd still use the floor at times (and still will if we miss a scoop). We added another underbed storage box when we took Pumek, and the boxes are spread over three locations.
One of these troublesome cats was a tuxedo cat who always looked a bit more unkempt than the others. He's fairly long haired, so we didn't see how skinny he was at first, and he didn't tend to hang about in view. You'd just see a shape in the corner of your eye, automatically stand up to see off the intruder (because Groszek was useless and cried for help) and then see this cat legging it and vaulting the yard gate. This probably started about three years ago, just after we'd moved in.
Once Pumek was neutered and vaccinated and cleared for the great outdoors, we let him outside. We tried to be sensible about it, stopping him when he attempted to climb the gate until he was a bit bigger. After he'd grown a bit, we let him out in the alley. He's a curious little thing but, like his sister, he stays within 100m of the house and neither of them ever try to go out on the road unless we're taking them for a walk. Occasionally if we're still alive at 1am, when dog walkers are all abed, we'll let them out the front and they run with us down the pavement, hiding amongst parked cars, chasing each other, and always keeping us in view. They love this. We used to take Groszek to the park when she was tiny, initially trying a lead, which she hated. I adore the way they follow us. It's really sweet.
I'm digressing again. This is meant to be about our newest addition. Sorry if I'm breaking rules by going off on a total tangent. It's just that this situation has been a long, long time in the making, and it all came to a head today. I want to explain everything, because it could be important. And it's kind of cathartic. I can't imagine how it would feel to do what some people here have done.
Anyway, when Pumek was exploring he made a new friend - the tuxedo cat. Pumek was still pretty young, very playful but not aggressive, and could hold his own against Queen Groszek, who doesn't take kindly to bunnykicks to the face, but we were afraid this tom could really hurt him. We'd heard about them attacking kittens, especially kittens who aren't theirs. The two would wrestle, bite, chase...sometimes the tom would hold Pumek by the neck and he'd cry out, and we were really worried, but Pumek always went back and got so excited when the tom appeared. He was happy, not scared. And he'd been so sad and confused when Groszek didn't want to play as much any more. He could have the best games with his new friend and we didn't want to take that away from him.
Later they started grooming each other - something Pumek and Groszek won't yet do - and Pumek seemed to be inviting the tom in for food. Groszek wasn't too happy, but we'd managed to get a closer look at him during playtime and noticed he was really thin, had really dirty feet, and seemed to have fleas. We were worried about Pumek catching them and felt sorry for the tom. We're a bit crap at scheduling flea/worming meds, even though they're provided on our monthly vet plan, so we had some prescribed meds left over and my partner managed to apply them. We started to feed him, and he started to trust us. One night it was raining so heavily and he came to the door and cried. He wouldn't come in and we were worried about stressing Groszek. We sobbed for hours thinking of him out there all alone. We felt like monsters.
My partner tried to be tough, but he broke her and she named him - Jinx. He didn't show interest in staying around at first, leaving after meals unless Pumek was up for a wrestle. But he did start to allow us to touch him, sometimes rubbing his head on us in thanks for a good while before starting his dinner. I think seeing us interact with our cats helped him to understand we weren't scary after all. We feel really guilty for chasing him off before, but we didn't know he needed help.
Eventually Jinx started to come inside to eat. But he hated feeling trapped, and would run if we moved towards the door. Despite loving him, my girl believed that he was using us to some extent, stating that he wouldn't have survived so long if someone else wasn't feeding him. Also, if it was about to rain he'd always clear out as if he had somewhere better to be. I hoped she was right but wasn't sure. He obviously hadn't been neutered. Massive little balls (if you know what I mean by massive little), huge jowls, a good few scars and ear notches, and the regular spraying (although he had the good grace to avoid carpet and stick to a few spots, and once even sprayed in a litter box).
My fears were confirmed when we went away for a few days to visit family. A friend passes our house on her commute each day, and agreed to visit morning and evening for treats, feeding, water changes, litter scooping, cuddles...you know the drill. But she didn't want to open the back door in case the cats got out - she wouldn't necessarily have the time to wait for them to come back in, and we didn't want them to get stuck outside. We also doubted that Jinx would approach a stranger for food. He didn't always come at the same times, although we'd always check the gatepost for him when we were in the kitchen. We didn't want the friend to leave food out in the garden without seeing him as it tends to spoil in rain or warmth and we didn't want to encourage the rogue cat army, who've largely given up since Pumek and Jinx have been around. So unfortunately we didn't provide for him when we went away, thinking he'd manage as he had before, or as he did when he disappeared for a day or two.
We really regretted this decision. We didn't see him for a couple of days when we got home and we were worried. One afternoon it was quite hot and we'd left the back door open. I came to find Jinx lying on the step, looking half-starved and weak. Pumek said hello but didn't try and play with him, sensing that he was too weak. We both cried like fools as we hurried to get him some shade and food and water. He was really happy to see us even though we didn't deserve it. I'm crying like a fool again right now. Stupid.
We really tried after that day, realising that we were all he had. He seemed to appreciate us as lot more knowing what it was like without us, and started to appear at regular times most mornings and nights. He got stronger and closer to us, and started spending time on a pillow just inside the back door, although he still got really scared if we tried to close it. We did manage a few times when the weather was really bad, wanting him to be dry. He'd paw at the door, meow, look at us so beseechingly...we felt cruel even though we were trying to help him. A couple of nights he eventually calmed down and slept until the next morning, but he wouldn't even wait for breakfast to go out and had to be fed outside. He'd refuse to come in for a few days afterwards. Other times we had to let him out in the night because he would cry and bang the mat on the floor trying to get our attention, or because the Queen was getting grumpy and upsetting him.
He trusts us, but will still run if he hears us coming and hasn't seen who it is. We've started calling as we approach, which has helped a bit. He still spooks really easily. He respects Queen Groszek as is her wont, and loves Pumek and endures his assaults with good grace. We think that he must have had humans before, to allow the petting. And he does a weird little miaow sometimes, which true ferals apparently don't do. But he must have had some bad experiences too, or doors and people being tall or noisy wouldn't creep him out so much.
A week or so ago we realised we couldn't go on like this, and discussed taking him to the vet to be neutered and checked over, wormed properly and everything. But he hates being picked up. Stroking, scratching - these are fine if we approach slowly and extend a tentative fist. But he'll struggle and panic when held, although he's never tried to bite us. He has a really nice temperament. We hated the idea of breaking his trust, and after seeing how weak he was when we left him for less than a week, we were terrified that he'd be too scared to come back for food, and maybe too scared of humans to find another family. We knew it was more responsible to neuter, safer for Jinx, better for the feral population, our walls and couch and other cats, but we didn't want him to hate us and/or starve to death.
I emailed our closest branch of Cats Protection, an English charity. I doubted that we'd be in the catchment area but thought we could get some advice at least. I explained the dilemma and we got a couple of really nice helpful replies which recommended neutering ASAP, stating that he'd probably return for food, but that we should release him after the surgery to avoid stressing him and should leave him two nights at the vets to ensure he was starved before the operation and had recovered afterwards.
Due to stress and my general foolishness I misread the email, despite reading it several times. So we arranged with the vet to neuter Jinx after keeping him one night, and for us to collect him the next afternoon, after a morning op. No matter, we can keep him in the spare bedroom if it's only absolutely necessary for one night...I doubt that'll be more stressful than a small cage at the dreaded vet. Plus I don't think they're open on Sundays. We will, of course, allow him to stay longer if he's happy with it!
This is all great...except that it involved us having to somehow get Jinx from our house to a vet a 10-20 minute drive away, depending on traffic...and we don't own (read: can't afford) a car. So we booked the day off work today, to allow as much time as possible for his capture. We didn't have a trap but did have a hard plastic carrier, which we lined with a towel. The vet said to bring him in the afternoon, before 7pm. This allowed for a decent window.
The vague plan was to get him inside for breakfast, somehow shut the door, and then worry about the next part of the plan. I'd read various tips but most involved getting the cat used to the carrier over a long period. The only quick fixes I found were to drop him in feet first with the carrier upright, or to hold the carrier above ground level and force the cat inside. Neither worked, but we'll get to that (probably much) later (sorry).
We'd never shut him in in the morning before, but he calmed down surprisingly quickly. He was happiest when everyone went back to bed, and slept on the landing. It was the first time we'd been able to walk past, or up/down the stairs, and have him remain relaxed and happy and not running for the door. He even made his first visit to me while I was on the toilet, a moment to remember. He was so happy all day, and slept on our bed with us for the last three hours...dead to the world, so trusting and happy.
We wanted to get moving before 5 to avoid the worst of the traffic and minimise the time spent in the taxi. We felt terrible, feeling that this was a rotten reward for his sudden acceptance and trust. But we also felt that to drop out at the last minute, when we had a golden opportunity, was placing our feelings above the greater good. So we woke up our sleeping babies, shared a can of reaaaally nice food out, and then got him after he'd eaten. He must have felt like it was his last meal.
Girlfriend grabbed Jinx and I stood uselessly. He wasn't going in on the floor. I tried the holding the box trick and it failed miserably. Jinx escaped under the bed (rookie error). Girlfriend requested cancellation of the appointment. I didn't know if he'd ever come in again after this if we weren't 'saving' him from the vet on Saturday (we're really hoping the positive of collecting him will outweigh the fear of the trapping to some degree) so I refused. She picked up the bed and I grabbed him in my arms. She took him and we wrestled him through the top of the box...the door was open and he legged it. We caught him again and finally got him in the front and shut the door.
My partner got a decent scratch, but we've been more badly hurt by our other cats when they're playing or scared, so he was really good and sweet. but he was TERRIFIED and he looked at us like we'd really betrayed him. I whispered that it would all be OK and he had to be brave and we cried again. He was scared in the taxi, in the waiting room and on the exam table. We covered the carrier with a blanket but he was still so scared he peed on the towel liner. Poor little boy. The vets were nice and said 'there's a nice little kitten in there somewhere'. They said he was OK for surgery and scanned for a chip that wasn't there. I know it''s sad that his owner must not have cared but we were glad there was no chip to slow the process down and make the trap for nothing.
We left him another can of the reallllly tasty food in the hopes he'd know we hadn't abandoned him. We're at home now and have to call tomorrow before 1 to see when we can collect him. Hopefully the anaesthetic will stop him remembering and he'll be happy to be rescued. We went and got him a new litter box, bed and bowls for his little room so he can see we really love him and want him. We're really worried but our vets are good so he should be OK. Tomorrow he'll be chipped and neutered and legally ours. I can't wait but we're really scared he won't forgive us.
In a way we're gutted that he was so open today, because we've betrayed him as soon as he finally trusted us, and can't really understand why we've done it. But I'm trying to see it as...he sort of knew, and he wanted to give us permission in a way...to see that he DID want to be inside and safe and part of our family. I really hope this is true.
So, yeah, that's where we are. I'm sorry for boring you all to tears, if anyone is still reading. If you have any advice or anything or want to point out glaring mistakes please do.
and hopefully get some advice! We didn't realise how many people go through this kind of situation until we found this forum.Warning: I never get to the point in an acceptable number of words. Prepare to be confused, and quite probably bored.
We got Groszek, our first cat, about five years ago. She's the queen of the household. She's pretty grumpy, lazy, and somewhat overweight (currently dieting), but she can also be the sweetest, cuddliest cat in the world. She was and is our baby. My partner wasn't too sure at first, but one day when she was still small Groszek was frightened by strong winds and ended up lost in an alleyway a few streets away. We walked all around the neighbourhood calling her and after a day or so she ran out from under the bins, miaowing, into my girlfriend's arms. They took each other's hearts that day and my girlfriend has been Daddy ever since
She was an only cat until we figured that she was bored. She goes outside when she wants to (this is pretty normal in England - people don't usually let their dogs loose, there aren't many natural predators, and houses tend to be on the small side unless you're a rich bugger, which we aren't), but she always comes back soon and never strays far from the back door, which we usually leave open as we can't fit a cat flap. Due to the beautiful weather we're blessed with here in Manchester, we keep her indoors while we're at work in case it rains or she gets startled by a loud noise. But this made her very sad - when we got home she'd just sit near us and miaow ALL of the time, even though we cuddled her and played with her and spoke to her and loved her as much as we could.
We'd got her as a kitten when a work friend's cat got pregnant. The other two male kittens of that litter stayed in the same house. Unfortunately, this woman didn't see the importance of early spaying/neutering, and left all three cats unfixed. She was in denial - everyone but her could see that her cat was pregnant again, but she dismissed it. Possibly she believed that cats wouldn't commit incest. She isn't stupid, and quite obviously loves her animals - she took in a stray she found who'd been hit by a car, and paid for its leg to be fixed despite never having met it before - but sometimes I think her priorities are in the wrong places. She could have spayed her cat and had one, or three, but now with the kittens she's kept from various litters and her rescue there are 7 cats living in a small house, which must be costing more in the long run. Thankfully she has now spayed the mamma, and all the rest are boys. But she lets them outside like we do, and I think it's quite irresponsible as she's adding to the feral cat population and putting her boys in unnecessary danger (toms wandering and fighting more and all that). But I do like her, and she's always been a good friend to us. A bit of a weird situation.
Anyway, I digress. We ended up taking Pumek, a little black kitten from a later litter, who is possibly the most good-natured cat I have ever happened across. He is lovely, about eighteen months old, and also on the pudgy side (and also on a diet!). Groszek has never got along well with other cats, but we hoped a kitten would be less threatening for her and would stop her from being so bored, maybe encourage her to play when we weren't around, be a companion when we went on holiday etc. Plus, he's technically her brother...
She hated him. We messed up the introductions - we knew what to do, planned it out, and then crumbled when our queen relentlessly pawed the door to get into the living room. Due to the layout of our house, we couldn't seperate them without denying her access to the living room or our bedroom. She really didn't like this, and seemed curious about him, not angry. But when they came nose to nose she wasn't happy at all. They started playing a bit...then he got stronger and she hated him again. They're OK nowadays - when treats are around or there's danger she will tolerate or even love him, and we caught them touching paws on the bed one day - but she'll usually hiss if he gets too close, and grumbles a bit when he's around. She seems to have forgiven us, though, and even if she's a bit grumpier she certainly isn't bored!
Before we got Pumek, we had a problem with some neighbourhood cats (of which there are too many to count) coming in the house when the door was open, stealing Groszek's food and toys, spraying, and being a general nuisance. We assumed that they all belonged to neighbours, and tried to discourage them as humanely as possible by clapping, moving towards them quickly, spraying with water etc. as they were really stressing Groszek out. We'd had a problem with her litterbox use since she had a UTI - we took her to the vet and they treated her with antibiotics and checked for crystals in her urine, but she still associated pain with the box - and the marking by the strange cats wasn't helping her recovery. We had two large litter trays and one jumbo 32L underbed storage box, which we wash on a weekly basis and scoop daily, but she'd still use the floor at times (and still will if we miss a scoop). We added another underbed storage box when we took Pumek, and the boxes are spread over three locations.
One of these troublesome cats was a tuxedo cat who always looked a bit more unkempt than the others. He's fairly long haired, so we didn't see how skinny he was at first, and he didn't tend to hang about in view. You'd just see a shape in the corner of your eye, automatically stand up to see off the intruder (because Groszek was useless and cried for help) and then see this cat legging it and vaulting the yard gate. This probably started about three years ago, just after we'd moved in.
Once Pumek was neutered and vaccinated and cleared for the great outdoors, we let him outside. We tried to be sensible about it, stopping him when he attempted to climb the gate until he was a bit bigger. After he'd grown a bit, we let him out in the alley. He's a curious little thing but, like his sister, he stays within 100m of the house and neither of them ever try to go out on the road unless we're taking them for a walk. Occasionally if we're still alive at 1am, when dog walkers are all abed, we'll let them out the front and they run with us down the pavement, hiding amongst parked cars, chasing each other, and always keeping us in view. They love this. We used to take Groszek to the park when she was tiny, initially trying a lead, which she hated. I adore the way they follow us. It's really sweet.
I'm digressing again. This is meant to be about our newest addition. Sorry if I'm breaking rules by going off on a total tangent. It's just that this situation has been a long, long time in the making, and it all came to a head today. I want to explain everything, because it could be important. And it's kind of cathartic. I can't imagine how it would feel to do what some people here have done.
Anyway, when Pumek was exploring he made a new friend - the tuxedo cat. Pumek was still pretty young, very playful but not aggressive, and could hold his own against Queen Groszek, who doesn't take kindly to bunnykicks to the face, but we were afraid this tom could really hurt him. We'd heard about them attacking kittens, especially kittens who aren't theirs. The two would wrestle, bite, chase...sometimes the tom would hold Pumek by the neck and he'd cry out, and we were really worried, but Pumek always went back and got so excited when the tom appeared. He was happy, not scared. And he'd been so sad and confused when Groszek didn't want to play as much any more. He could have the best games with his new friend and we didn't want to take that away from him.
Later they started grooming each other - something Pumek and Groszek won't yet do - and Pumek seemed to be inviting the tom in for food. Groszek wasn't too happy, but we'd managed to get a closer look at him during playtime and noticed he was really thin, had really dirty feet, and seemed to have fleas. We were worried about Pumek catching them and felt sorry for the tom. We're a bit crap at scheduling flea/worming meds, even though they're provided on our monthly vet plan, so we had some prescribed meds left over and my partner managed to apply them. We started to feed him, and he started to trust us. One night it was raining so heavily and he came to the door and cried. He wouldn't come in and we were worried about stressing Groszek. We sobbed for hours thinking of him out there all alone. We felt like monsters.
My partner tried to be tough, but he broke her and she named him - Jinx. He didn't show interest in staying around at first, leaving after meals unless Pumek was up for a wrestle. But he did start to allow us to touch him, sometimes rubbing his head on us in thanks for a good while before starting his dinner. I think seeing us interact with our cats helped him to understand we weren't scary after all. We feel really guilty for chasing him off before, but we didn't know he needed help.
Eventually Jinx started to come inside to eat. But he hated feeling trapped, and would run if we moved towards the door. Despite loving him, my girl believed that he was using us to some extent, stating that he wouldn't have survived so long if someone else wasn't feeding him. Also, if it was about to rain he'd always clear out as if he had somewhere better to be. I hoped she was right but wasn't sure. He obviously hadn't been neutered. Massive little balls (if you know what I mean by massive little), huge jowls, a good few scars and ear notches, and the regular spraying (although he had the good grace to avoid carpet and stick to a few spots, and once even sprayed in a litter box).
My fears were confirmed when we went away for a few days to visit family. A friend passes our house on her commute each day, and agreed to visit morning and evening for treats, feeding, water changes, litter scooping, cuddles...you know the drill. But she didn't want to open the back door in case the cats got out - she wouldn't necessarily have the time to wait for them to come back in, and we didn't want them to get stuck outside. We also doubted that Jinx would approach a stranger for food. He didn't always come at the same times, although we'd always check the gatepost for him when we were in the kitchen. We didn't want the friend to leave food out in the garden without seeing him as it tends to spoil in rain or warmth and we didn't want to encourage the rogue cat army, who've largely given up since Pumek and Jinx have been around. So unfortunately we didn't provide for him when we went away, thinking he'd manage as he had before, or as he did when he disappeared for a day or two.
We really regretted this decision. We didn't see him for a couple of days when we got home and we were worried. One afternoon it was quite hot and we'd left the back door open. I came to find Jinx lying on the step, looking half-starved and weak. Pumek said hello but didn't try and play with him, sensing that he was too weak. We both cried like fools as we hurried to get him some shade and food and water. He was really happy to see us even though we didn't deserve it. I'm crying like a fool again right now. Stupid.
We really tried after that day, realising that we were all he had. He seemed to appreciate us as lot more knowing what it was like without us, and started to appear at regular times most mornings and nights. He got stronger and closer to us, and started spending time on a pillow just inside the back door, although he still got really scared if we tried to close it. We did manage a few times when the weather was really bad, wanting him to be dry. He'd paw at the door, meow, look at us so beseechingly...we felt cruel even though we were trying to help him. A couple of nights he eventually calmed down and slept until the next morning, but he wouldn't even wait for breakfast to go out and had to be fed outside. He'd refuse to come in for a few days afterwards. Other times we had to let him out in the night because he would cry and bang the mat on the floor trying to get our attention, or because the Queen was getting grumpy and upsetting him.
He trusts us, but will still run if he hears us coming and hasn't seen who it is. We've started calling as we approach, which has helped a bit. He still spooks really easily. He respects Queen Groszek as is her wont, and loves Pumek and endures his assaults with good grace. We think that he must have had humans before, to allow the petting. And he does a weird little miaow sometimes, which true ferals apparently don't do. But he must have had some bad experiences too, or doors and people being tall or noisy wouldn't creep him out so much.
A week or so ago we realised we couldn't go on like this, and discussed taking him to the vet to be neutered and checked over, wormed properly and everything. But he hates being picked up. Stroking, scratching - these are fine if we approach slowly and extend a tentative fist. But he'll struggle and panic when held, although he's never tried to bite us. He has a really nice temperament. We hated the idea of breaking his trust, and after seeing how weak he was when we left him for less than a week, we were terrified that he'd be too scared to come back for food, and maybe too scared of humans to find another family. We knew it was more responsible to neuter, safer for Jinx, better for the feral population, our walls and couch and other cats, but we didn't want him to hate us and/or starve to death.
I emailed our closest branch of Cats Protection, an English charity. I doubted that we'd be in the catchment area but thought we could get some advice at least. I explained the dilemma and we got a couple of really nice helpful replies which recommended neutering ASAP, stating that he'd probably return for food, but that we should release him after the surgery to avoid stressing him and should leave him two nights at the vets to ensure he was starved before the operation and had recovered afterwards.
Due to stress and my general foolishness I misread the email, despite reading it several times. So we arranged with the vet to neuter Jinx after keeping him one night, and for us to collect him the next afternoon, after a morning op. No matter, we can keep him in the spare bedroom if it's only absolutely necessary for one night...I doubt that'll be more stressful than a small cage at the dreaded vet. Plus I don't think they're open on Sundays. We will, of course, allow him to stay longer if he's happy with it!
This is all great...except that it involved us having to somehow get Jinx from our house to a vet a 10-20 minute drive away, depending on traffic...and we don't own (read: can't afford) a car. So we booked the day off work today, to allow as much time as possible for his capture. We didn't have a trap but did have a hard plastic carrier, which we lined with a towel. The vet said to bring him in the afternoon, before 7pm. This allowed for a decent window.
The vague plan was to get him inside for breakfast, somehow shut the door, and then worry about the next part of the plan. I'd read various tips but most involved getting the cat used to the carrier over a long period. The only quick fixes I found were to drop him in feet first with the carrier upright, or to hold the carrier above ground level and force the cat inside. Neither worked, but we'll get to that (probably much) later (sorry).
We'd never shut him in in the morning before, but he calmed down surprisingly quickly. He was happiest when everyone went back to bed, and slept on the landing. It was the first time we'd been able to walk past, or up/down the stairs, and have him remain relaxed and happy and not running for the door. He even made his first visit to me while I was on the toilet, a moment to remember. He was so happy all day, and slept on our bed with us for the last three hours...dead to the world, so trusting and happy.
We wanted to get moving before 5 to avoid the worst of the traffic and minimise the time spent in the taxi. We felt terrible, feeling that this was a rotten reward for his sudden acceptance and trust. But we also felt that to drop out at the last minute, when we had a golden opportunity, was placing our feelings above the greater good. So we woke up our sleeping babies, shared a can of reaaaally nice food out, and then got him after he'd eaten. He must have felt like it was his last meal.
Girlfriend grabbed Jinx and I stood uselessly. He wasn't going in on the floor. I tried the holding the box trick and it failed miserably. Jinx escaped under the bed (rookie error). Girlfriend requested cancellation of the appointment. I didn't know if he'd ever come in again after this if we weren't 'saving' him from the vet on Saturday (we're really hoping the positive of collecting him will outweigh the fear of the trapping to some degree) so I refused. She picked up the bed and I grabbed him in my arms. She took him and we wrestled him through the top of the box...the door was open and he legged it. We caught him again and finally got him in the front and shut the door.
My partner got a decent scratch, but we've been more badly hurt by our other cats when they're playing or scared, so he was really good and sweet. but he was TERRIFIED and he looked at us like we'd really betrayed him. I whispered that it would all be OK and he had to be brave and we cried again. He was scared in the taxi, in the waiting room and on the exam table. We covered the carrier with a blanket but he was still so scared he peed on the towel liner. Poor little boy. The vets were nice and said 'there's a nice little kitten in there somewhere'. They said he was OK for surgery and scanned for a chip that wasn't there. I know it''s sad that his owner must not have cared but we were glad there was no chip to slow the process down and make the trap for nothing.
We left him another can of the reallllly tasty food in the hopes he'd know we hadn't abandoned him. We're at home now and have to call tomorrow before 1 to see when we can collect him. Hopefully the anaesthetic will stop him remembering and he'll be happy to be rescued. We went and got him a new litter box, bed and bowls for his little room so he can see we really love him and want him. We're really worried but our vets are good so he should be OK. Tomorrow he'll be chipped and neutered and legally ours. I can't wait but we're really scared he won't forgive us.
In a way we're gutted that he was so open today, because we've betrayed him as soon as he finally trusted us, and can't really understand why we've done it. But I'm trying to see it as...he sort of knew, and he wanted to give us permission in a way...to see that he DID want to be inside and safe and part of our family. I really hope this is true.
So, yeah, that's where we are. I'm sorry for boring you all to tears, if anyone is still reading. If you have any advice or anything or want to point out glaring mistakes please do.
