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How did you know it was the right time?

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
Guys, this is totally not cat related.

For those of you who have children, how did you know that it was the right time? I guess that since my grandad has died, I have become a little obsessed with the idea of having a baby and I know that it is really just grief probably and also trying to fill a void in the family. But I was just wondering how you guys knew.
post #2 of 13
If you and your love one feels the time is right, then it is . It is good to talk it over. Then again sometimes it just happens. Good luck
post #3 of 13
I thought I didn't want kids but after me and rich were married for a year we both started waiting them BAD!!!!!!! Now I really really want a baby but rich says we should wait alittle bit. It is just something you feel I guess.
post #4 of 13
Don't have kids, and don't want them, but I do have some advice that we were given by a very wise person after my mother passed away. Don't make any major life changes for at least 6 months after someone very close to you passes away.

Any time we lose someone we are reminded of our own mortality and how fragile life is, and oftentimes it makes us think differently about our own lives. Sometimes it can wake us up to something we needed to do all along, or something we wanted all along. Other times it is simply panic about the realization that we are mortal. When Mom passed, I was frantic about finding the right career for me and changing everything about my life. It was part of the grief, and I'm glad I didn't jump in at that time. Once I waited and wasn't thinking under those circumstances, my outlook had changed.

So basically, my advice would be to wait a while - a few months. If you still want a baby at that time, then the time is right.
post #5 of 13
I have to agree. It's not the same situation, but a friend of mine came out of a long term relationship and went into another within 3 months.

After we had been out for a few drinks, she opened up, and admitted that she went out with this man because she was lonely.

Your grieving at the moment, and you need time to get your head around things.

Good luck.

post #6 of 13
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys.

I appreciate your advice.
post #7 of 13
My aunt told me there is never truly a right time and just to have them when you want them (but then she's also the one that got pregnant and had to drop out of college).

My Mom said that's kind of true, but you try to get yourself squared away financially at least so you don't have money troubles because kids are very expensive.

We've been trying even though we're not squared away because we know we can handle it and we getting older (I'm 35 and DH is 38).
post #8 of 13
I could tell you stories of how we knew it was the right time but dont want to put you off as you would be in hysterics and you know what I am like for having fun. Its supposed to be serious this!
What always mystified me is how the hell Carol got pregnant (no - I dont need words or diagrams - thanks anyway). When we started trying for Christopher - everytime we got into bed with great ideas (or I did) Brandy followed us straight onto the bed and as we lay side by side by a huge purring tabby. If I got ideas - he knew almost what I was thinking and woke up and bitched at me. - he jumped clean in the middle of us and we were seperated for the night. How Carol got pregnant is a mystery!!!! (again there is a very embarrasing story there as well - some other time maybe involving a hotel in essex and a load of clients at breakfast).
I would agree with my colleagues - no decisions for at least 6 months after a bereavement. I would say just enjoy the practicing!
smiling at those stories now!
post #9 of 13
Thread Starter 
Thanks again guys. I really appreciate it! Heidi - your advice is sound and on reflection, I could kick myself for not thinking it myself.

TTMom, good luck!

And Kev, I know exactly what you mean. I often think Tarka and Luca are like the sword that was laid between Guinevere and Lancelot! They are a very effective form of birth control!

post #10 of 13
I had no idea the time was right the first time, it just happened. But with our second we knew because of female problems I was having that it was "now or never". I agree with everyone else that waiting awhile and taking time to grieve is important, you need to heal first. Of course each person is different so do what your heart and mind tell you.
post #11 of 13
Babies = loss of money

Get another cat to fill that void!!!

(I'm an anti-breeder)
post #12 of 13
Some girls just have this intense desire to have children, even at a young age. I've never had this desire so I can't really relate. But I do know that the responsible thing to do is wait untill you are financially secure. If you are living paycheck to paycheck maybe it's not the best time. If you have disposable income, then go for it.
post #13 of 13
Thread Starter 
Lol - Creepyowl!

I would love another cat anyway - but am only allowed two pets in my complex
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