I don't know what to do... it is Friday, my cat is clearly not right... and the decision maker is in

My son turned 4 two days ago, my wife left for a long trip overseas yesterday... and my cat is - I believe - dying.

She's had two seizures over the past two months that we've witnessed, perhaps many more that we haven't.  But other than that she's seemed more or less normal, with a normal appetite and reasonable mobility.  She's 14 and hasn't had great mobility for the past year (howls when we pick her up, struggles a little up the stairs).

I don't think she ate anything yesterday.  It is hard to tell because we have another cat.  This morning she didn't come for food and I had to go find her.  She was half way up the stairs on the landing, sleeping.  For the first time ever, she didn't purr when I started petting her.  I could see she could move her limbs (stretched once) and flick her tail and her head and eyes move... but she wasn't going to get up.  I tried picking her up and she made it clear that wasn't welcome.  I brought the food down to her, and she seemed interested and sniffed it, then growled and put her head back down.  It has been a few hours and she's still just lying there, still won't purr (though she lets me pet her) and still howls if I even attempt to pick her up.

She absolutely hates going in the car.  So did our last cat and what I regret most about the end of that one's life is subjecting her to multiple vet visits that were horrifying to her.  It is a bit of a conundrum... I need the vet to know if it is something we can fix, but really we are pretty sure she's near the end and we already said we weren't going to put her through what we did the last one.  It was thousands of dollars for us, but more importantly it was a miserable end for the cat.  We don't want to do that again.

But I'm here looking for advice nonetheless.  Should I put her through obvious discomfort and try to stuff her in a box she hates, take her on a car ride she abhors, to subject her to the poking and prodding that will only result in having to come back for tests, and then again for X and again for Y?  Or should I get a vet that will come out today (Friday... nobody will do it Saturday or Sunday) to put her down?  I already asked and there are no vets here that will do housecalls other than for euthanizing.  Or should I just let her be and see how the weekend goes?

And it isn't just about the cat.  I'm very concerned with how to deal with a 4 year old.  Should he be there?  Should I do it when he goes out with his aunt?  Do I talk to him about it before?  After?  

I don't know why I'm seeking help on the Internet.  Usually I'd talk this over with my wife, but I won't have contact with her for several days.  We did discuss it briefly before she left (I think she had a sense) and she told me not to let the cat suffer.

That is very difficult to face and you will just have to go with your gut.  I might as well say that at this point in my life, I am not a euthanasia enthusiast, but if you are going to go that route, I wouldn't subject kitty to the vet, the pokes, the prods, the car, the stress, or the weekend, but would have the person come to your home.  It does't sound like the cat wants to move too awful much.  Does she have a bed she sleeps in, or a blanket that is familiar to her you could use to make a bed in a box, and take that too her so you can put her in it and move her someplace quiet?  After our cat quit eating and began to lose strength and couldn't walk, she would cry for me to take her to the litter box... so if you are able to move her, I would put her someplace with food, water, litter easily accessible.  Warming up food helps release the odor to stimulate appetite, but if you really feel she is near the end, when a cat stops eating and drinking, they begin to lose sensation (pain is diminished as their body begins shutting down) so force feeding actually is harder on them than starving.

As for your son, with my kids, I used the approach that I gave them as much information as I felt they were comfortable with.  I think you should start by telling him that Kitty is very sick, and yes, let him see. Then answer questions as they are asked.  Death is scary enough, but kids learn to deal with death by experiences such as this.

Best of luck to you, your son, and your poor kitty.

Thank you

If it were me, I think I would take her to the vet and make sure her problem isn't something easily treated.   Has she been to the vet since she started having the seizures?

I don't want to chime in when it comes to whether or not you should put your cat to sleep (I have NO experience with that and I am so sorry for what you, your family, and what your cat is going through right now).

But I do think you should keep your son in the loop. Telling him what's happening is better than sending him away and coming home to find his kitty gone. He can take the time to say good bye. It will be hard for both you and him but I really believe in telling children the truth, even if it's hard to deal with. Kitty heaven and the rainbow bridge are good ways to describe where your cat might go to and that she'll be happy and missing both your family when she goes there. 

I'm sorry, this might be upsetting to read, but my dad was told that his dog ran away, only to find out that the villagers in his village kidnapped his dog and killed it (He lived in a rural village in China). He didn't find this out until years later in his 20s and held a lot of resentment towards his parents for lying. But that situation is VERY different from yours, OF COURSE!! He had told me he wished his parents had told him the truth so he didn't have to spend so much time worrying where his dog had gone to.. even though the truth is much more devastating than a run away dog. 

So, any change?  How is everything with son, kitty, and you?

I know you said she hates the car ride, but this is one time when she NEEDS to be taken to the vet.  It's very possible she has something very treatable OR she can be put on anti-seizure meds and her life can be extended.  Your son definitely should be kept in the loop.  This is a great learning experience for him.

Okay, so after I got home I got to thinking more about this and wish I would have said more about talking to your son about this.  Sometimes people try to soften the reality of death by saying things like Kitty went to sleep, and I wouldn't recommend this.  You don't want him to be scared of sleeping.  Its hard to offer guidance on what approach to take without knowing your stance on God and the afterlife, but it is through living that your children learn what you believe.  Its not what you say to them that sticks... its what you do.  If he grasps what is really going on with Kitty, of course he will be sad... losing a friend is a sad thing, but kids grieve like pets do, hard and fast.  He will miss his friend,  but he will get on with the business of living.  

I would tell your son as much as he can understand.  Children this young don't really comprehend death, I think full comprehension of death usually comes around age 10, but I would still use that term rather than 'sleep'.  If you do choose to euthanize I don't think I would have him actually witness it.  If everything goes right it would probably be okay but there are those rare times when things don't go well, If god forbid this is one of those rare times you wouldn't want your son to witness it.

I am not saying you should have your kitty euthanized, I wouldn't presume to have an opinion, just what I would do as far as your son is concerned if that is your choice.