Death

I have taken in a mother cat and her kitten. the mother I named Anna and the kitten Monnet. Monnet died today after being with me for only a little over a week. I had become so attached to her, that I can not stop crying! And I swear I hear her calling me to be picked up and cuddled. Lord, this hurts.

 The reason for this new thread: advice on loss. What gets You over the loss. Time?

How does a human companion (sorry, hate to say OWNer.) help mother cats and other animals in the home get over the loss?

What is the best way to help another animal(s) with depression should the other animal(s) go there.

So far, Anna (cat mom) is doing so much better than I am. She is sleeping on a paper bag and I am bawling my eyes out!

 I started this in hopes we could help each other in times of loss.

~donna

I am so sorry about Monnet. It hurts so much to lose one of our babies. I think when you lose a kitten, you also grieve for the life that might have been. At least little Monnet knew love during this last week - it seems perfectly natural that you would bond so closely with her in such a short time. She was a dear little girl you had rescued.

You ask what helps with the pain of loss -when I lost my dear boy Milo, I adopted 8 year old Polly who was languishing in a kill shelter and scheduled for euthanasia. It was the only way I could cope with the loss. It threatened to overwhelm me otherwise and this way I felt I had made some sense out of his death, i.e. by saving a life. It did help but I do not recommend this for everyone. I've read of other people doing this who felt it was a mistake and they needed more time to grieve.

Since Polly came three days after Milo went to the bridge, my other cat Wesley did not have long to grieve but he definitely missed Milo. When I came home from the vet without Milo, Wesley looked me straight in the eye and let out a mournful meow unlike anything I'd heard him make before. It was distinctly eerie. Wesley welcomed Polly immediately and she accepted him. There was no need for separating them at all, but they were both very laid back cats.

Time helps, too. I still cry when I think of losing Milo, though. And Wesley who was reunited with Milo 3 years ago at the bridge. When Wesley passed, I didn't have time to seek out a new baby before my neighbor brought me little Emma who was rescued from an abusive situation so again, another cat helped.

Time really just means the loss doesn't hurt with the same intensity and duration. You will never forget dear Monnet. She will always have a place in your heart. Someday perhaps you will get some comfort in knowing she experienced a week of love because of you.

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. it is killing me that Anna is looking for her baby and I can not make her understand that Monnet is gone.

~donna

Yes, it must hurt very much to see Anna looking for her kitten. Poor girl. It would be so nice if you could just pick her up and hug all the sadness and confusion away. I'm so sorry the two of you are going through this.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and words.

~donna

I'm very sorry for your loss.  Time does help.  Please be kind to yourself.  You are blessing to have taken in Anna and Monnet.  

I'm so sorry about your dear little kitty Monnet!  What gets you over the loss?  Well, tears do, for one.  Talking about it to someone who cares and understands because he or she has been through it or is going through a loss right now helps a lot too.  Be careful who you tell.  Not everyone will be kind.  There are people out there in the world - they aren't my friends that's for sure - that actually don't like animals.  I can't understand that.  Mine are like my kids.  So please test the waters before you go and bare your heart and soul to someone.  There are some vicious people in the world, but thank God there are plenty more good people here, like on this site.  

As far as how to help Monnet's mama Anna, I just don't know.  When Gracie died I made sure the other kitties saw her and would know why she wasn't coming back.  That isn't always possible.  Some situations don't allow for that.  I'm still having to remind mine that Gracie is in heaven now.  That seems to suffice.  Perhaps someone else has some good advice for you on that.  That is heartbreaking.  Poor mama kitty.  

Thank you so much for your kind words. I was going to bring Monnet in for Anna to say good bye, but when I took one last snuggle with Monnet she smelled like the vets office. I still need to get Anna to the vet and was afraid that Anna would associate the smell of the vet with death. I hope she will be able to deal with this death in her own way. She is still calling for Monnet, it was a rough night. But this morning Anna played and ate, so she seems to be okay. I am keeping a eye on her.

Death is not easy for any one, and I myself know how it is to loose a child. So, I know that right now all I can do for Anna is be there. I hope that it is enough.

~donna

I am truly sorry for your loss. I do understand how hard it is to lose a fur baby. It is complicated for you because your mother cat is suffering loss too. One thing that helped me when my soul mate cat died was to write his life story. So writing down your story about how your life has been since you got his mother and her kitten might help. Write it all, everything you remember about this little one who is gone, everything about this loving mother cat and all your feelings. I printed my story and put it all in a folder. I included pictures and the Rainbow Bridge poem. I lost him in 2005, but I still read his story. It brings back such sweet memories. Maybe it would help you.

As for the mother cat, hold her, love her and give her much attention. She will feel all of that. I hope time will make it better for both of you.

Is there a place here to post pictures? I would like to share with all of you the few pictures I have of Monnet and Anna,

~donna

There is a place to show pictures... I think the thread is called Our Feline Companions.  I wasn't sure how to upload photos, but it was really easy.  We would love to see Anna and little Monnet.  I know you said you just took them in a little over a week ago, but you never mentioned how old Anna is, but my guess she is still a baby herself.  My personal opinion is that the best thing for you and Anna right now is to be there for each other.  I know this is a great loss for you both, but there are always two sides and you have to chose which you will focus on and right now you need to just keep reminding yourself of all the good you can still do for Anna.

When our cat died, we knew we could never replace her, but we missed her so very much we decided to foster an animal from the shelter.  There is a big need for foster homes to improve the quality of life for these animals and of course we ended up adopting the first one we fostered so fostering turned out not to be for us... but its an option!  My personal thoughts are that right now, you and Anna just need to love each other and let time heal these wounds.

Sorry, I just read all your posts in the other threads so it answered some of my questions.  You and Anna just hang in there! 

I remember dealing with a similar situation when I opened my door to 6 of the 11 kitties I was feeding on my back porch.  One of them lost both his siblings. I found out later they had been trapped by the county and euthanized.   He had a different mom, not Gracie.  However, by that time he had become friends with Nat so he did have someone close to him to kind of soften his grief.  Perhaps Anna would like a new kitten?  It's just a thought.  

I'm so sorry for the heartache you are experiencing, you have a kind and big heart that loved so much to hurt so bad. Time is the only thing that helped me, not to forget, but to soften the ache, and it helps to heal that hole in your heart and the loneliness left in your life. I clung to the fact that my baby would never want me to live the rest of my life in pain, but would want me to celebrate the love we shared as something rare and precious and to remember her with smiles instead of tears. Sweet Monnet may be gone but she will live on forever in your memories. Give Anna extra love and attention, you can comfort each other through this and give each other the support you need by understanding what you each are feeling, you are both going through a significant loss. My heart goes out to you, take care.........RIP sweet Monnet, you will be forever held in two loving hearts! 

Monnet 

It's really devastating to lose such a little one - my condolences. There's a whole section for photos if you'd like to post them - Fur Pictures and Videos Only! - though usually photos of the felines who've crossed the bridge are posted right in their testimonial threads.

I was going to say you can likely post pictures right here in this thread if you would like to. Also give Anna some extra love and attention she's also greiving. I know my cat was sad for a while after she lost her kittens and extra attention seemed to help raise her spirits somewhat. sorry for your loss.

Thank you for you input and help!

~donna