Tough decision on sick, older dog

It's not a cat, but I'm hoping for sort of a sounding board here.

My partner and I have a roughly 13 year old "Cockapoo".  I adopted him about 5 years ago and it was a mistake.  He is an extremely loving and sweet dog, but we never really clicked, and now I am faced with end of life care for him.

Here's why it was a mistake.  I had just been diagnosed with epilepsy and I was freaking out about the sudden loss of freedom.  Through the now-retired Petfinder Classifieds, I found what was advertised as a miniature poodle needing a new home downstate, near Indianapolis.  The dog was said to be able to predict the family's son's seizures.  I thought, here is my ticket to freedom, I can train a seizure alert service dog.

I made arrangements to adopt the dog.  To make a long story short, he was not a miniature poodle, but a cockapoo (I don't care that much) and he was not a rescue, as was said, so much as the owner no longer wanted to use him as breeding stock, UGH.  He had at least been neutered and vaccinated so that much was done.  Within the year he developed cataracts and he is pretty much blind except for the ability to see some light and possibly shadows.  I can deal with a blind dog, okay.  Also, within the year HE began having SEIZURES.  So my seizure alert dog was a no-go because he needed his own darn seizure alert dog.  Still, I can deal with a blind, epileptic dog that I never really bonded with.

A few months ago he began leaking blood from his prepuce.  A few hundred dollars later, we have a probable diagnosis of prostate cancer, which is inoperable in dogs.  However, the blood leaking cleared up with some expensive antibiotics, and we never revisited the subject as to whether it had been a nasty infection or actual prostate cancer.  Yesterday he was leaking blood again.  It doesn't bother him and he doesn't seem in pain, nor does he have potty accidents.  But he drips blood ALL OVER THE PLACE when he's dripping.

I am at a loss as to what to do.  Money is tight and I am still paying off vet bills from his last visits and Mimsy's bout with gastroenteritis.  I feel like I've failed this dog by not caring more, but I'm leaning towards just having him euthanized.  I don't think it's right to dump a senior dog with a laundry list of problems on someone else or, heaven forbid, contact a rescue group.  He is not unhappy but if he does have prostate cancer, it's pretty much terminal anyway.  If he doesn't, and he just has recurring infections that require really expensive antibiotics (90 USD for a 10 day course for a 25# dog)...is it worth my money to do that again, given that he is also due for a liver enzyme check and a phenobarb level check?

I have cared for this dog to the best of my ability.  He has not been starved, neglected, or abused.  He is groomed regularly, walked regularly, sees the vet at least twice annually, eats high quality grain-free food...  But I don't feel a connection to him that makes me feel like spending probably $500 more on his vet bills with the possibility of still having to euthanize him, is the 'right' option.

Maybe I'm just a terrible person for considering euthanizing him now.  I mean, he does not appear to be in pain and his quality of life is decent, except when he's dripping blood all over the house.  (He quickly removes belly bands, which were my only option for leakage control).

What would you do in this situation?  What do you think I should do?

Have you discussed this with your partner, who "has his boots on the ground" so to speak, and knows both you and the dog.

I think its a decision you have to make because you are the one who has to live with it.

First question I have is "Is the vet willing to or does the vet suggest Euthanization?"  I am not sure its ethical to euthanize a pet that isn't terminal and I do not know if vets are bound by an ethical code in that regard.

Second question I have "Would you rest easy if you turned the animal into the shelter or would you always wonder if he had been adopted, or gotten well or died".  If you could surrender the animal to the shelter and be happy with your life, then I think I would go that route.  If you don't love the dog, I think dog probalby knows that.  I am not sure that is a good quality of life to know someone is just tolerating you and wish they had never adopted you.  

My vet would euthanize him per my request, but I don't know that she would recommend euthanasia at this point without firmly establishing a diagnosis of terminal prostate cancer. 

I would NOT rest easy at all giving him to a shelter.  Whether or not I bonded with the dog is irrelevant, I adopted him and that means caring for him for the rest of his life.  I refuse to surrender him to a shelter where he would doubtless be deemed unadoptable due to his age and medical conditions.  If some magical Senior Epileptic Blind Possibly Cancerous Cockapoo rescue exists and would take him, that would be beautiful, but I am not naive enough to think that rescues have infinite money at their disposal to care for a dog that is my responsibility.  There are younger dogs with fewer health issues who are facing euthanasia in shelters, those are the dogs I think rescues should concentrate on.

I think I need to bite the bullet and get him into the vet and explain what's going on.  Then I can work on a plan with my vet about what is really urgent to do as far as care is concerned and what is not.  I will probably end up having him euthanized, the question is whether it is sooner or later.  But I would rather have this dog die peacefully with my and my partner holding him than scared and alone at a shelter because I thought he "might have a shot" at getting adopted.  In an ideal world, this wouldn't be an issue, but it unfortunately is.  I believe that if you have an elderly pet that you can no longer keep, for whatever reason, including that the financial burden is too much, you should talk to your vet about having it humanely euthanized rather than surrendering it to a shelter so it can spend its last days in an unfamiliar, stressful environment.  That being said, my first toy poodle was an owner surrender for euthanasia due to old age/illness...but a grant paid for her to have her mammary cancer excised and she lived another four years before succumbing to CHF.  But Lacey was healthy except for the tumor.  Spense has two strikes already with being blind and epileptic, and his probable tumor would not be operable.

I will be talking to my partner about this later today when she gets home from work.  It does need to be a decision we both make even though I am sure she will defer to me as he was 'my dog' before we got together.

You are not a bad person for thinking this way. I totally get it. I lost my last dog (who also had mild epilepsy) to cancer, and operating was the worst decision we could have made. Like your guy is now, she was fine before the op. Afterwards, well...she was a different animal, and we kept on with her when we should have pts (mum has issues letting go). I actually wish we'd let her go fully healthy rather than see her rapid decline. It would have been fairer to her.

I guess what I'm saying is look at this from the dog's perspective. He must be really sore when he's leaking blood too - another consideration when determining treatment options. I'm not convinced you even need to go the biopsy route. Talk to your vet in terms of probabilities, and work from there. Bear in mind that the epilepsy puts him at greater risk of complications with anesthetics etc.

I can't tell you what I'd do in your position because I just don't know. I certainly belive that euthanasia is a valid decision though - and that's purely from the dog's perspective.

This is never easy. I know you'll make the right choice.

Well, you are right about the shelters being overcrowded with many younger dogs.  But some people are just care takers and they go specifically looking for a dog that really needs them.  When we adopted Snowy, we went looking for a kitten who we could love and enjoy for years before being faced with those daunting medical bills, and the hassles that come with caring for a sick pet.  Our previous cat had just died the month before following a long illness.  But we found Snowy, and she is only 2, but she will require a lot of care for the rest of her life just because of her medical issues, but we clicked and we put down the kittens, walked out with Snowy and have not regretted it.

It is an interesting issue though, how much money No-Kill shelters spend on an animal that will require extensive care and may or may not have a good quality of life after all the surgeries and nursing back to health, but if an owner goes into a vet with the same animal, euthanasia (I want to say "is often", but will say instead "can be") a recommded course of action. 

No matter which route, situations like this just leave an empty space in our hearts.  Even if the dog just had a seizure and died on its own today solving the dilema, I think this experience will still have left its mark on you  - at least, I  know it would with me.  

It's not unreasonable to consider euthanasia. You've taken good care of this dog. You have your own needs and resources to consider as well as that of the dogs. I love dogs, to me it would be a much kinder option for the dog than sending him to a shelter or even re homing him. I'd say you are a caring person, from your posting.