Am I BAD AND SELFISH???

As some of u might know, I have been fostering Taz (black/white tuxedo male)since the 1st wk of Nov.

I went thru the introducing process with my 4 cats and Taz and at the beginning, things seemed to go well. However about a month ago or so, Zebra started to pick on him and as time passed, Zebra picked on him more and more. Zebra would creep up on him and start hissing/swatting at him. He'd get a fresh scratch on his nose almost on a daily basis from Zebra. I tried everything I could think of to stop this,I bought Feliway plugin, I'd clap my hands, say "NO" in a loud voice, squirt water near Zebra, throw a blanket over them, put Zebra in the bathroom for 1 min timeout, gave both treats if they were in the same room and behaved but nothing seemed to help. I spoke with Patty (foster mom who works with SPCA and have been working with me on Sats at cat adoption shows) but at that time, all foster homes were FULL.

Zebra and Buddy are the only ones who dislikes Taz- Pepper and Spike will play with him, chase him and I've seen Pepper grooming Taz. Buddy will hiss his head off and swat at Taz if Taz dared to come too close to Buddy or ME (Who's being possessive!? BUDDY!?!)

Before I left for Utah on Dec. 22nd, Zebra or Buddy must've attacked Taz cuz when I was going into my bedroom to pack,I passed my dining room and noticed tufts of fur ALL OVER. When I checked Taz out, he had a fresh long scratch so I knew he must've been attacked so I got all upset and called Patty and asked what to do.

I asked her to talk to SPCA about the possibility of finding another foster home for him cuz I felt that this was not fair to Taz at all. He can't even sleep in peace cuz I've seen Zebra creep up on him while he's sleeping then WHACK! Zebra is whacking the crap out of him - I've clapped, yelled, thrown blankets at Zebra..

Anyway, I got back from Utah and noticed that he was still alive and kicking.. No serious wounds besides scratches on nose so that was a big relief for me.

A couple days ago, I got an email from Peg who works at SPCA and she forwarded me an email from a couple who is interested in Taz. They have another cat (about 9 month old-1yr old) and wants a companion for their cat. They're currently in Europe and will be back tmr but wants to meet Taz soo keep ur fingers crossed that they are good candidates- won't declaw, will keep indoor, give tons of love and attention to Taz, etc..

Today, I went to a cat adoption show with Taz and saw Patty. There was another lady there also and Patty introduced me to her. Her name is Beckie and she wants to start being a foster mom for SPCA and Patty immediately thought of Taz soooo we agreed that she'd take Taz home and start fostering him. It was hard for me to leave without him!!

I KNOW it's better for him this way. I just WISH I could explain to him that I'm not abandoning him. This must be so confusing for him- living on streets, living with a family for 3 months then living with a weird single lady with FOUR cats (AND TWO who keeps hissing and scratching him) and now fostering with another lady and her cat. SIGH. I HOPE he finds a PERMANENT home soon!!

It was also hard for me to tell Patty that I can't really foster on a regular basis. She was soo disappointed. I KNOW they really need more foster moms and I felt like a HORRIBLE person for saying no to being a foster mom. I told her that I need to think of my 4 cats first, that Pepper MIGHT need eye surgery, if so, then she needs peace and quiet while recovering, I really don't have room for fostering, and I feel it's too much for me to handle foster cats since it's very time consuming. I did tell her that she can ask me to foster in emergencies and I'd be more than happy to help in other ways such as setting up/taking down at shows, creating bios for cats, etc. FELT so selfish though!!


Another thing happened at the show that got me a bit upset and nervous regarding patty handling adoptions.

one family were interested in Taz and they filled out an application while talking with Patty... I couldn't tell what they were talking about (I'm deaf and not a GREAT lipreader.. wink) BUT I had a BAD feelng about that family just from watching them so after they left, I looked over their application while patty was telling me they seem like a great home for Taz. Guess what?? they were planning on declawing! I freaked out and told her NO I don't want him being adopted to a family and be declawed! she said well, it's better for him to be in a home than be put to sleep. can see her point BUT..... I could tell she really wants the best for the cats but... SPCA is against declawing... that's the main reason why i decided to hook up with spca so they'd help me find a home for him.. After i talked to her a bit, she said okay that family can't adopt Taz- "I'll adopt another cat out to them and I'll talk to them about declawing". i was disappointed cuz i was told by spca that they wouldn't adopt out to anyone who were interested in declawing PERIOD..

I'm not sure what to do about that also. I'll send an email to Patty explaining more about declawing and encouraging her to NOT adopt any cats out to that family.

Sigh..
Sorry about this LONG message.. Just wanted to ask if I was wrong to stop fostering??

Sounds to me like you're doing the right thing. Obviously, some of your cats don't get along with "stranger" kitties. I could never foster unless the kitties were female. Peppurr doesn't like other male cats. He beats them up, chases them and won't even let them eat. He loves his buddy Zeus though, they are the best of friends.

You're so right about declawing. You did the right thing not letting those people adopt Taz. I can't stand it when people declaw cats for no reason. Even if there was a good reason, I still can't stand it. My local vets do the altervative declawing. Did you mention to Peg about Soft Paws? They worked awesome for me, my kitties haven't scratched the furniture since the Soft Paws fell off.

How old is Zebra? Male or female?

Good luck!

You weren't wrong with your actions. It's hard to see that when you're feeling guilty. You want the best for Taz and given the situation, it wasn't the best environment for Taz and your cats.

I've never fostered a cat and admire the people who do. Not everyone can foster. I'm restricted by space and I know that my two cats would stress with new cats coming and going all the time, not to mention the other two humans in the house. This despite the fact if I was able to keep the foster cat separated.

If you feel that you can't foster, then it is the right thing to tell your organisation that you're unable to. There's nothing wrong with that. Like you said, there are other ways that you can help. Sure, there may be a feeling of disappointment but they can do nothing but respect your decision. It was based on the welfare of all cats concerned. A foster cat being stressed is likely to develop undesirable behavioural traits and have a reduced chance of being adopted out. You did the right thing.

You absolutely did the right thing. Do not beat yourself about it. You do no favours if you put a cat in a foster home that's going to be full of anxiety because the resident cats aren't happy with the situation, and much as you want to help such a cat, the welfare of your own cats MUST come first.

I think your offer to foster only on an emergency basis, and to do other tasks that need doing is a most realistic compromise. Of course your contact at the SPCA is disappointed. That's to be expected, but there is no need for you to feel guilty.

I agree w/everyone else! I don't think you're doing the wrong thing, and you should NOT feel bad about it. You want what's best for your cat and that's all that matters. Just think how much happier (calmer) he'll be when he's in a home that's less stressful for him! You're doing the right thing. I know it's hard. (((((Pamela)))))

Thanks for the words of support!! I really appreciate it.. I am feeling a bit better about the whole thing now after I have spoken with some dear friends from this board and from hearing from u all!

I can see a big difference in Zebra already (Zebra is about 3 years old and is a female). Last nite after sniffing all over the apt when I got home and not finding Taz, she seemed to relax. This morning for the first time in a long time, she started wrestling with Spike and chasing him. She had not done that since Taz was brought in.

Now let's cross our fingers that this couple is definitely interested in Taz, meets all the criteria and adopts him so he can go to a PERMANENT home soon.

Will keep u guys posted on that.
THANKS again..

I started fostering over the summer and had a similar experience with an 8 year old tortie Manx that I brought over - it created havoc with my resident cats and I had to get her in another foster home. I also fostered 3 kittens that were dumped by my house and wound up adopting one out (thru tears of my own) and keeping the other 2. I did find out that kittens are easier to foster (and integrate) than adult cats.

I make a horrible foster mom - I have trouble giving them up for adoption. In place of fostering, I do a lot of fundraising, do their meeting minutes, do maintaintenance at their adoption center, keep their sponsorship and feral cat records, create their cage cards, and other stuff that they ask of me. The president of mine was disappointed that I couldn't foster, but she is reasonable and understands that each person can contribute in their own way.

I know that fostering is one of the hardest jobs to fill at humane societies, but fundraising is equally important to them. Give what you can to them - if they can't respect your relationship with your resident cats, perhaps there is another group out there that will.