Euthanizing my baby... :'(

I am 20 years old and I have Aspbergers Syndrome, a mild form of Autism. Lyla has been with me since I was about 8. The vet estimated she was 2-3. This last year, her health has been in a slow decline. She has weight issues, and it is hard to keep her weight up. She eats plenty, but like many senior cats I've met, she's pretty thin. My baby girl is the first pet I've ever had, and still is. It is so hard to think of not having her around, but... At the same time I know that she isn't feeling well. Her last meal will be 6 hours prior.she loves seafood, but will not be getting any because she is very sensitive to it. Instead, she will get half a slice of bacon, a serving (like a tablespoon) of sweet potato and marshmallow casserole (she loves it, definitely her mama's girl!), ground beef and and small saucer of lactose free milk. When ai got her, she was very sick. She had fleas galore and the vet told us she was very allergic to them and if they weren't dealt with it could result in a deadly reaction. She was prescribed flea drops and once she was home she got them on. We thought she would get better. However... She got even sicker. She vomited up everything she had eaten prior and fell into a coma-like state. She responded to us, but she was sluggish and slow. We thought the fleas had taken their toll and that she was treated too late. I was heartbroken. She came to MY room through the front door, she chose to come to ME. My dad couldn't stand seeing me so upset, and at work he couldn't stop thinking about it. At work, out of the blue, he called my mom and told her to wash the flea medicine off. We did. We ran the shower attachment and began to thoroughly wash her. Within hours she was snuggling. The next morning she was playing and eating. I was so happy, and seeing my joy, my father couldn't separate us. The original plan was to heal her up and give her a family friend because my dad is mildly allergic to cats. He and my mom sat me down Lyla, I thought they were going to have me say goodbye. Instead, I was saying hello to who was soon going to be my best friend, the rock I leaned on when upset and stressed and still do, and the girl I go to for comfort when I don't feel like speaking with other humans. She was also an aid in the difficult and scary world of socialization. When new people (or even old ones) came over, she kept me out of my room and helped me to stay out in that social environment. These 12 years have gone by fast... Too fast for my taste, because with my next pet-sitting pay I will be helping to pay for her last day with me. People can try, but it is IMPOSSIBLE to describe how making this decision feels. The best I can do is say that I know it is right, but it feels like I am murdering her. I am making the nearly impossible decision to end her life... She will be gone. Forever. And just the thought makes it feel like my heart is being crushed within my chest. I will have a huge hole in my heart and it may never go away. That scares me.

The pain will never go away, it will become bearable with the passing of time. She is a precious member of your family and a huge part of your life, of course it is horrible to contemplate a future without her. You would not be feeling this way if you didn't love her so much and so completely, but the last 12 years of your life would not have been complete without her, it outweighs the agony we go through when we lose them in the end. You are sparing her pain and suffering and will take it on as your own as heartbreak, all in the name of love. Just love her as much as you can in these final days, she feels your love and devotion, it is all she ever wanted. My heart breaks for what you are going through, just try to remember, as I did, that our babies would never want us to be so sad when we remember them, but to celebrate the great love that bonded us together and to eventually pass on that legacy of love to another. That keeps that love alive through generations, and helps to heal our shattered hearts. If something happened to us we would never want the ones we loved and left behind to mourn forever, but to go on with our lives by being happy and loving once again, your sweet Lyla would want no different. Please share your pain with others who understand, like us on this site, it helps to release the agony and start the process of healing. I'll pray for you both and keep you in my thoughts, take care of yourself..........Sweet Lyla, you know you are greatly loved and will take peace and comfort in that fact, please know too that you will never be forgotten, you will be forever held in a loving heart and in the precious memories of the one who loves you so much.

I'm so sorry about what you are going through with your sweet elder kitty!  I so know the feeling you have about euthanasia.  I abhor it.  Yet sometimes it seems like the only option.  I had to have my Gracie PTS in July and am STILL conflicted about it.  It was my first experience doing it.  It's horrendous.  

I'd just like to say that I've seen some posts on this site, posters with good intentions mind you, really push hard for euthanasia to the point of guilting the person into doing.  That's wrong!  It's just as wrong as making someone feel guilty for choosing it as well.  So do not let anyone else make you feel guilty whether you choose euthanasia or if you don't choose it.  She's your baby and only you can make the best choice for her.  Again I'm so sorry.  Why do they have to leave us?

I just had to put two down in 3 months, i was devastated and ultimately went to a grif counslor.
In. 2013 and 14 i lost 2 others they were genetic brother and sister. Currenly, one of the last twohas servre hip dysplasia and a deteriorated spine. She needs very expensive surgery. So my heart goes out to you. Seek out a grief therapist if necessary. Give yourself time to feel sad.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You're right that no one who has not been through this can understand but many of us here have had to put a beloved furry friend to sleep so you are among people who know how you feel. Only you can know if this is the right thing to do and if so, when to do it but a good guideline is to base your decision on the quality of life your kitty has. It is normal to second guess yourself at this point but if your kitty is suffering, helping to end that suffering is one of the kindest things you can do. As the one left behind, in a way you take on her suffering, which is a very hard thing to do, but also a gift of sorts. You will never forget her and she will live on in your heart, but with time the pain will become more bearable. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing you gave her a long and happy life, surrounded by your love.

I'm so sorry.  Please be kind to yourself and remember what a blessing you are; if not for you, what sort of life would Lyla have had?  Your lives were both enriched because of the other.  I am glad for your supportive parents, as well.  So many people are faced with loved ones who don't understand how much a cat means, and that breaks my heart.  Please keep us posted.

 

Thank you, nurseangel. I am not sure when it is happening exactly, but it is most likely before Christmas. I would love to have Santa Kitty one more Christmas, but if she is truly suffering, I do not want to prolong that. I love her & want what is best for her. She helped me out of the shell I rooted myself in & I am so grateful. I wouldn't have my best friend if she hadn't been there to help me with my social struggles. I am more grateful than anyone could ever comprehend. I may not post the exact day it happens, but I will update at some point for sure. I feel like I will need quite a bit of alone time and that there will be a lot of stealing my sister's guinea pig for some comfort, haha. I have been telling myself to be ready for three years, when she got cataracts and went blind. But I will be okay, and when I am ready, I will rescue another baby. Maybe not a cat, but to me I could own a Cobra and still love it, lol! Thank you, once again, I am glad that this site & it's forum aren't as dead as others are.