Distraught

Just need some outside advice really.

A few weeks ago I came across this abandoned baby kitten covered in fly eggs and really really skinny. I contacted the local shelter for advice.

I took the kitten home, fed him, bathed him, helped him to poo and wee, he didn't take to the bottle or syringe. He lived of blended kitten food and kitten milk, he was thriving, a happy little baby boy, he would cry at the sound of my voice and come running, I'd pick him up and he would suck on my ear, he would purr and happily fall asleep.

This one morning my child was coming down the stairs in the house and I turned my back for a few seconds and the kitten ran to the stairs and as my child put his foot down he stood on the kitten.
My child starting shouting the kitten is bleeding, and the kitten started to seizure, blood went everywhere and the poor little thing pooed itself.
There was nothing to help save him, he died in my hands with both of us crying hysterically.
My son had nightmares that night and even wet the bed. A few days on and he seems to have got over it. But I haven't, I am so distraught, I cannot explain the amount of love I had for the kitten, I keep blaming myself if only I would of done something to prevent it he would still be here today.

This is a very caring community and it is obvious that you hurt very much over this. It was just a terrible accident and I'm sure if you could do things over again, you would. It does not help to torture yourself, although I'm sure I would do the same thing. When and if you bring another kitty into your home, I'm sure you will be extra careful because of what happened and that is all anyone can ask. You obviously have a lot of love to give.

You did do everything you knew how to do for this little one. What happened in your home was an accident. This sweet little abandoned kitten felt the love you gave him and did not go out of this world abandoned. He was blessed to have know some love. Don't beat yourself up over this. I pray that you will find peace and be able to focus on the good memories instead of the accident.

I'm so sorry to hear this. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't your son's fault either. If it hadn't been for you this kitten would never have known those weeks of being cared for and loved. He was a lucky kitten to have found someone to care for him in his short life. I know it was way too short, but if that's all the time he was allocated better to spend it with someone who loves him rather than alone.

Big hug to you and your son. Thank you for trying to help this little one.

As @blueyedgirl5946  said so beautifully, you are not at fault.   It was an accident that could happen with anybody who has a pet.  DH and I have both unintentionally stepped on our cats.  Once I gave my dog a little piece of cheese and he got choked.  In what seemed like a matter of seconds he was having a seizure.  I would have never hurt my dog and was very fortunate that I was able to help him.  It could have easily gone the other way.  I am glad that your son is doing better.  I can only imagine how horrible this was for both of you.  I am so sorry for your loss and wish I could put into words how admirable you are for everything you did for this kitten.  You are a blessing; please don't blame yourself.  

I am so sorry. You gave him the best life even if it was short.

I'm so sorry..big hugs to you and your child. Such a traumatizing event I can only imagine what you must be feeling. Like the above advice, try not to blame yourself. Try to actively stop yourself from going to that thought and instead replace it with your favorite memory. That kitten was loved and you were meant to be together. Big Hugs to you!

I'm so sorry for your loss. Kittens are so quick and get underfoot before you know it. It was a horrible accident, and my heart goes out to you and your son. Hopefully it's some consolation that the little one got the love and care he needed before this tragedy.

RIP, little one.

I know the terrible anguish you are going through, I wish I could tell you a way to end it, but I can't. Time is the only thing that helps to soften the pain in your heart, no matter what we would do to change the past is not going to happen. It was a horrible accident, you would never do ANYTHING intentional to hurt that baby, and he knows that. He knew love in that short few weeks, and you made his life a better world to be in. Try to keep busy and not dwell on the end, he would never want you to be so sad when you remember him. It made me feel a little better to pay for a cat's adoption at our shelter, it's something I do regularly now in my Chrissy's name. I'm not ready to take another into my heart yet, but it makes me feel good to know another little soul has a better chance of getting a home if the fees are paid. My heart goes out to you and your son, surround yourself with people who understand what you are going through. I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, take care...........RIP sweet baby, you were loved and will never be forgotten.

The "if-only's" are torture.  If you love an animal, there will always be those if-only's.  I'm so sorry your dear little kitten passed in such a way.  My heart goes out to you.  We are all only human, and if we had a crystal ball, then maybe we could avoid most pain and sadness.  But we don't   I'm so sorry!

Thank you all for your kind words. I have two other cats that are nearly 2 years old. They welcomed the kitten. One especially used to clean him and followed him wherever he would go. They're wandering around looking for him esp in all the places he used to like play.

It's only my partner that truley knows how upset I am, It is putting a strain on our relationship, he doesn't really know what to say to me anymore.

I guess in time itll get easier. I just wish he never died the way he did, he didn't deserve it.x

  Condolences on losing your kitten so tragically.  Your partner doesn't need to say anything - just being in your life is gift enough.  Bless you for rescuing that baby kitten from a lingering, terrible fate. He was blessed to have his time with you.  His life was short but he is loved for eternity

I know the strain it can put on a relationship, especially if one partner is not as emotionally attached as the other. You have to intentionally and purposely try to put your emotions and feelings under some kind of control when you are around these people, they are frustrated and don't know what to do to help. I know how hard it is to 'act' normal, but there are plenty of times to grieve privately, believe me, I know. I also found that you have to purposely try to put the memories on the back of your mind or you'll go crazy with grief with all the 'should haves-could-haves'. People all have different 'time frames' to grieve, some get through the grief and horror quickly, others, like me, don't. Try to hold on to the fact that time will help to soften the edges, and you have others in your life that need and love you, you all need to comfort yourselves and give each other support. Remember that sweet baby would never want you to remember  him with such sorrow, but to go on with your lives and feel happiness once more in his name, you would want the same if something happened to you, you wouldn't want the ones left behind to spend the rest of your lives in sorrow. Something horrific and tragic happened, let yourself accept that nothing will change what happened, time is the only thing that helps. You may want to comfort others who have gone through the same experiences, there are many who have, and it helps to talk with someone who knows what you are feeling. If I could take away your pain I would, know my heart cries for what you and your son are going through, I feel your sorrow and pain. Bless you for what you are going through, I'll pray for you all. Take care of yourself!