Strange Cat Personality - stumped and need help!

Hey everyone! I'm new to the forum so bear with me because this might take a while to explain because Lucas's behavior is so odd. I appreciate anyone reading this! I need help with my cat Lucas, because his behavior as always stumped me but recently its been getting even stranger. Let me give you a run down on our situation and a little background on Lucas, and maybe you guys can help me out because its a bit heart-breaking.

The Cats

I have five cats total.

>Izzy is my cat and came to us first. She's 5 years old female British shorthair that I got when she was 1 and a half.

>Then we got Lucas, a large blonde tabby. He's HUGE. He was 6 years old when we got him, and he's closer to 8 or 9 now.

>Then we took in a pregnant stray, and got the kittens, Lt. Columbo, Liam Neesons, and Cutie. We kept Columbo because of a leg problem as a kittne, tried to adopt Liam and Cutie, but one backed out, and Cutie came back to us after a month so we just decided to keep them because they love to cuddle and play with eachother. They're almost 2 now. 

Lucas's Profile

Now back to Lucas. When we first got Lucas, the adoption agency told us that he used to be massively overweight. Over 20 lbs, maybe closer to 25 lbs. They brought him down to 16 lbs, and he's been bouncing between 16-18 pounds since we got him. We don't feed him any treats, he's just not the most energetic cat out there and its difficult to get him active.

>He loves men, and is very wary around women.

>He's nicer to strangers than to his family.

>He hates if a fisted hand is around him. His pupils get huge and he's immediately on "CODE RED ALERT"

>He has a biting problem too. You can't just go pet him, or he'll freak out and bite. Either motioning to bite or actually biting. 

>But he'll also bite if he wants attention or is cuddling. Obviously its a poor communication habit that I've been trying to break him of for years. In order for me to pet him if he's on the couch, I have to talk in a super high pitched soft voice and let him see my flat hand before I pet him for a little bit, but its not often he lets me pet him for long. 

>I can't play with him because he gets too worked up and aggressive - like a string toy or a laser pointer. Its like he just wants to be left alone.

>I don't know anything about his previous owners but I suspect abuse, because of his behavior and his overfeeding.

Lucas's Relationship to our other cats

When we first got him, he worked well with Izzy because he is ABSOLUTELY submissive and just left her alone. Before we got the kittens, they started sharing couch space and bathing each other, but that stopped when we got the kittens. Before we got the kittens, getting him active was a challenge. He would sleep and eat. And that is it. Just lay around all day.

After we got the kittens he has livened up quite a bit. but mostly likes to be left alone. Liam is our caretaker, and he makes 'rounds' to bathe all the cats in the house. He loves cuddling with Lucas but has to put up with five minutes of Lucas freaking out and going to bite him before Lucas eventually settles down and lets Liam take care of him. I feel like this is a good thing, because his biting doesn't deter Liam, and he's forced to relax. 

Cutie is our tiny female cat, and she is also important to Lucas. For some reason Lucas is the only cat she'll trill at. I don't know what that means, but she's always interested in being around, trilling, and playing with him, although Lucas typically tries to get away from her. Most of the time though, Lucas finds a retreat away from the other cats, and the kittens leave him alone if he hisses. We have a large house with plenty of space for everyone to circumvent the area safely, and high places they can go to escape. 

Lucas's latest progression

Lucas mostly likes my dad, and since he doesn't like women. I've had a hard time building a relationship with him. But I've been working hard at it, and its been paying off in an odd way. There are moments when Lucas gets so desperate for attention, its almost as intense as his aggression. Its like there's only two options - On or off.

I've recently been keeping the bedroom door open, and none of the cats really like to sleep in there with me except for Lucas. He'll curl up as close to me as he can, and will not stop purring. All night long. I wake up in the middle of the night and he's still purring as loud as ever, and if I move he gets even closer to me. This is very strange because normally he doesn't like me at all and has never cuddled with me before. In the morning after breakfast he comes back to me, kneads the blankets and starts suckling on the blankets! He'll roll into my hand desperate for pets, but if I pet him too much he bites. 

This is where it gets heart breaking for me. I've tried so hard to befriend this cat. He doesn't like anyone. But it's like he wants attention, and he wants to play, but he can't handle  it. He gets so overstimulated, and the suckling thing worries me. Its not just licking, he'll suckle for twenty minutes or more if I let him. For an 8 year old cat this is not desirable behavior and it worries me. I honestly don't know what to do. How to calm him down. Most of the day he's without stimulation as he keeps to himself. The kittens have kept him from sleeping all day which is a good thing, but he's so confused about human and cat attention.

Thank you all for reading this and I really hope I can get some help with him. I want him to be happy and healthy, and have a better relationship with him.

Welcome to the forums.  I will try and help you with a few of the issues.  First off, when was the last time Lucas was to the vet for a full check up?  He is 8 now and is due for his senior panel of blood work.  You want to be sure that there is not an underlying medical condition that could be causing some of his issues.

It does seem that he was possibly abused or not socialized well before he came to you.  Now that he is older, the behaviors have become habits for him.  There are lots of cats that do not like to be pet.  Some not at all and some for just a few seconds.  I have a 7 year old that we have had since he was 10 weeks old.  He will only handle a few seconds of petting before he will bite.  Watch for warning signs that Lucas is getting overstimulated or that he has had enough pets.  Look for swishing tails, ears flattening or an agitated look on his face.  I would give him a few seconds of petting and then stop.  Respect his wishes.  It does not mean at all that he does not like you.  Some cats build up static like electricity in their systems from too much petting.  The petting then becomes very uncomfortable, even painful for the cat.  Just give a few pets and settle for the cuddles.

I brought a feral/stray cat into my home 2 years ago.  He is mostly a woman cat and stays away from my DH most of the day.  Yet at night when he laying down, Marvin loves to come and snuggle with him and get some cuddles and pets.  A human is seen as much less threatening when they are laying down. 

As far as play, I would try a wand toy.  One with a long cord so that he stays at a length from you.  Have you tried a da bird wand toy.  They are awesome.  Play therapy is very important for cats.  You want to try the approach of hunt, catch, kill, eat, groom, sleep.  You play with the cat for the hunt, catch, kill.  Then it is most important that the cat have a snack or small meal for the "eat" portion.  Since Lucas needs to watch his weight, you can just give a small low calorie treat or play with him right before a meal.  Next, if you played to tire him out, after eating he should groom and take a nap.

I cannot answer the sucking question, yet it appears that it might be a source of comfort for Lucas.  Something that remained from when he was a kitten.  I would not worry about it unless it is obsessive.  This is something you can check with your vet about.

Have you tried feliway diffusers or composure calming treats or calming liquid?  Both might help Lucas.  You can find the best prices for both on Amazon or EntirelyPets.com  The feliways plug into the wall, but you need to have them in multiple rooms.  One is not enough for most homes.  The treats work well, but it takes 3-6 treats per day.  Some cats do not like the taste or textrue of the treats.  I prefer the liquid as it can be mixed into wet food 1-2x per day. 

He has had a recent vet check up and his health is normal, thankfully!

I try not to pet him very much, and I do not force petting him, especially if he has a high ground. I never sneak up on him because it seems to stress him out. I usually wait for when he comes to me for pets, and usually he can only take a few minutes of this. I didn't know about the static honestly, but we live in New Mexico where static is a huge issue. 

Oddly, his fur has gotten much better and less staticy though. He used to be greasy and scraggly, but since Liam has been bathing him his fur is as soft as ever. 

I guess that does make sense about the laying down. Maybe he feels better that I'm sleeping and more approachable, and I'm okay with him cuddling with me every other night or so.

And this is where the play thing gets hard. I've tried wand toys, and he seems to freak out about them. He doesn't like it hanging about his head and runs away. If I drag it on the floor, he's too lazy to chase it, and he's not too interested if I drag it by him. As for the laser pointer, he goes into "hunt mode' but never tries to actually move and catch it. Since he was so overweight I feel like he doesn't know how to move around and play. I'll try getting him to move more - but I don't know how...

I never thought about using fellaway, because we have other cats. I don't know how it will affect their behavior, so I might go with the treats for Lucas himself.

I'm glad to hear that he might like me after all. Its been a lot of hard work just to get him to trust me enough to pet him. 

Thanks for the reply! I'm open for suggestions!