Friends not understanding

Hi everyone, i am new here

(Im writing from my Ipad so wont be able to type out a long story from the ipad keyboard!)

Anyways, i have a now affectionate ex feral cat. We have come a long way together from her not allowing me to move when i used to feed her and her sister when they lived in the back h area at the back of an industrial area. To now having her live with me where she cuddles me, licks me, head butts me for love and snuggles with me in my bed.

However i have some very real experiences directly related to her being formerly a feral (in the true definition) cat. That others seem to misinterpret as me being too overprotective.

For example i see that if i were to let her outside and another person (as she is still freaked out majorly by other people other than me) approached that she would run for miles and not necesairly back to where we live.

I see this in her behaviour when i walk her outside on a lead.

I do not see this in other cats who are not ex feral.

So because i dont let her outside this in turn creates a need to constant company and entertainment and attention. So much so that i actually plan my life outside of work around my cat. I never have a late night because if my cat doesnt have the night routine of me being home she meows all night and the after effects for me trying to work the next day are terrible.

So when i try to explain to others they simply Do not understand. They tell me just to let her outside to let her be a cat. I try to explain the difference but they still dont get it.

So im on these forums looking for any understanding, any advise?

To be honest there has been a lot hapoen that has made me think about putting the cat down, bevause simply of being ex feral. Not sure what to do.

So, why would you consider putting this loving cat down?  She is a loving cat who happens to be an ex feral.  Yes, she will always be skittish, but she is loving and you saved her from a life on the streets.  If you would like her to be outside, how about an enclosure where she can safely be outside without your supervision.  If you do an internet search, there are so pretty awesome enclosures.  They are expensive, but I bet your girl would really like it.  I take one of my indoor only cats out in a pop up pet tent.  He is only allowed out with a human and for short periods.  He may whine and yowl, but we just ignore it and he stops after a bit.

Have you tried feliway diffusers to help her feel more calm when you are gone?  What about Composure liquid max or Composure treats?  They are a non sedating calming supplement.  I have used them on a feral that I brought into my home and the liquid mixed into his wet food really helped to calm him down.

I certainly hope you will not put this cat down.  I am trying to understand your reasoning.  You should not be concerned what your friends think about your cat.  You love your cat and are providing a wonderful life for her.

Has she been to a vet and been spayed, vaccinated and checked for cat diseases?  This is very important for her over all health.

I brought a feral cat into my home 2 years ago.  He had a room of his own for one solid year.  He now is out and about in my home and does well with the family members who live here.  Yet if anyone comes to my house, he vanishes and hides for hours.  My extended family doesn't believe he exists.  They think it is strange to own a cat that others cannot see.  Yet, he loves us, plays with us and is a part of our pet family.  He is scared of loud noises such as the lawn mower, snow blower and vaccuum.  It's just the way he is.  He will be scared of things forever, but we deal with it and love him just the same.

Demi1980 said:

Hi everyone, i am new here

(Im writing from my Ipad so wont be able to type out a long story from the ipad keyboard!)

Anyways, i have a now affectionate ex feral cat. We have come a long way together from her not allowing me to move when i used to feed her and her sister when they lived in the back h area at the back of an industrial area. To now having her live with me where she cuddles me, licks me, head butts me for love and snuggles with me in my bed.

However i have some very real experiences directly related to her being formerly a feral (in the true definition) cat. That others seem to misinterpret as me being too overprotective.

For example i see that if i were to let her outside and another person (as she is still freaked out majorly by other people other than me) approached that she would run for miles and not necesairly back to where we live.

I see this in her behaviour when i walk her outside on a lead.

I do not see this in other cats who are not ex feral.

So because i dont let her outside this in turn creates a need to constant company and entertainment and attention. So much so that i actually plan my life outside of work around my cat. I never have a late night because if my cat doesnt have the night routine of me being home she meows all night and the after effects for me trying to work the next day are terrible.

So when i try to explain to others they simply Do not understand. They tell me just to let her outside to let her be a cat. I try to explain the difference but they still dont get it.

So im on these forums looking for any understanding, any advise?

To be honest there has been a lot hapoen that has made me think about putting the cat down, bevause simply of being ex feral. Not sure what to do.

Click to expand...

A lot of people don't get "cat people" regardless if their cats are former ferals or not.  Just because your cat is a former feral is NO reason to put her down. Please get that idea out of your head. 

As far as their opinion on how you care for your cats, who cares what they think? If you had a  child, would they say these things to you? Probably not. Now obviously, children and animals are not the same but this cat is a part of your family regardless. Your cat doesn't want to be outside anymore. It's not unusual for a feral who is taken into a home to not want to back outside. Their lives outside are very difficult. 

You have made amazing progress with this kitty and I applaud you for that. So many people would NEVER even consider feeding a feral much less take the time and effort into earning it's trust and love and then giving it a forever home. Feral cats are just cats who are not socialized to humans but that's the only difference between them and a cat who's currently snuggled up somewhere in someone's bed hogging the pillow. 

You can try to educate these people about ferals but be prepared for the "glazed over" look. They don't care. Your cat is probably still adjusting to life off the streets and simply doesn't know anyone but you. Your her safe haven. If this is what she needs right now to get used to life in a home, then it's what she needs. It's not much different that life with a new baby although they will never see it that way. You can slowly try to socialize her to others but I would wait until she's really comfortable in her new environment until you do so and this needs to be done slowly and the person cannot be the one to try to engage the cat in contact. 

I also plan my life outside of work around my pets. So what? I offer no apologies to anyone for that. They are 100% dependent on me for everything. You should be protective of her. There's nothing wrong with that. I think that once she gets settled that it might be a good idea to get her a kitty friend to focus some of her attention on and that way, you'll have more time to yourself- and them. 

You did a wonderful thing for this lucky cat and you'll have no problem here. We understand completely how you feel. My cats aren't former ferals and people don't want to hear about them either yet I'm expected to listen to them go on endlessly about their kids... 

Keep the cat and keep doing what you're doing. If they don't understand, that's their problem. If they were really your friends, they'd at least make an effort to see things from your point of view and even if they couldn't, they wouldn't judge you for helping a homeless animal. 

Demi1980 said:

Hi everyone, i am new here

(Im writing from my Ipad so wont be able to type out a long story from the ipad keyboard!)

Anyways, i have a now affectionate ex feral cat. We have come a long way together from her not allowing me to move when i used to feed her and her sister when they lived in the back h area at the back of an industrial area. To now having her live with me where she cuddles me, licks me, head butts me for love and snuggles with me in my bed.

However i have some very real experiences directly related to her being formerly a feral (in the true definition) cat. That others seem to misinterpret as me being too overprotective.

For example i see that if i were to let her outside and another person (as she is still freaked out majorly by other people other than me) approached that she would run for miles and not necesairly back to where we live.

I see this in her behaviour when i walk her outside on a lead.

I do not see this in other cats who are not ex feral.

So because i dont let her outside this in turn creates a need to constant company and entertainment and attention. So much so that i actually plan my life outside of work around my cat. I never have a late night because if my cat doesnt have the night routine of me being home she meows all night and the after effects for me trying to work the next day are terrible.

So when i try to explain to others they simply Do not understand. They tell me just to let her outside to let her be a cat. I try to explain the difference but they still dont get it.

So im on these forums looking for any understanding, any advise?

To be honest there has been a lot hapoen that has made me think about putting the cat down, bevause simply of being ex feral. Not sure what to do.

Click to expand...

  What you are describing, is essentially how to have a inside only cat.   Yes, you must plan your life accordingly.

And non cat people (and non dog people) dont understand you take care and responsibility about the cat.  "Its only a cat".

So  compare with all others owners of inside only cats - for example, many pure bred cats.

There are two remedies.  Get her a cat friend, ie another cat..   And or get yourself a reliable cat watcher.  Whom she knows at least somewhat, and who will "cat sit "  when you take your evening out...   The same cat sitter will help you out with holidays, when you want to take several days running on your own.

Im in exactly the same situation with my residents.  Especially as one of them is a shy cat.  Our oldest resident is no ex semiferal, he was properly home bred.  But he is shy, and thus, he learned me much about how fostered ex - semiferales are...

Leading me to believe, the fostered semiferales are behaving shy etc, not because they are ex semiferales, but because they are shy.   

As the behavior and small properties of my shy resident are almost in every detail as theirs...

And I dont mind it.  He is a wonderful family cat. But shy to any visitor, very watchful as soon he hears somebody is perhaps coming.

Hi Demi,

One of my cats is a former feral who hides anytime anyone comes over and is pretty much bonded only to me.  Because he is so skittish, I am very reluctant to go out of town over night.  I have a family member that comes to feed my cats their wet food when I am gone but, because my ex-feral won't get close, he often doesn't get much food because the others gobble it down.  The longest I have been gone since getting him was two nights. I fret the whole time I am gone and actually call my family member to check on how my cats are doing.  My friends think I am a little over-protective but I don't care.  You know your cat and what your cat needs better than anyone else.  Other people don't have to understand, they just need to accept you as you are.  Everyone has character quirks.  That is what makes life interesting. 

Whenever we have to go out of town and hire a cat-sitter, they do not believe we have six cats inside - they never see three of them because they hide.  They hide when someone knocks on the doo and they hide when contractros work in the neighborhoodr.  I can't blame them - as ex-ferals, they had rough lives.

But we promised them when we rescued them that we would provide them with the best life we could.  If that means adjusting our lives around them, so be it.

I've seen a t-shirt that says "If you say "it's only a cat," I'll tell you "You're only an idiot."  I may get one to shut anyone up who thinks they should offer an opinion about how I live my life, which is definitely lived around my cats.

Please don't think about putting her down anymore.  Keep your promise to her!

Oh please don't put him down. My feral lived 8years out side and than came in this winter. He is afraid of people and when people come in he runs under the bed. Once the nice weather came he is now an indoor outdoor cat who loves to set I my porch and comes in at night. I have friends who tell me I live for the cat. He came to me. He picked me to take care of him. I love him more than ever.