Still so sad

I'm still very upset about the loss of my cat in late March. I had hope that with time I'd feel better, but at this rate I feel like I'll never be able to think of Chef without breaking down. In order to go about my regular routine I have to tell myself to stop thinking about him. But it's so hard knowing I'll never see him again; that I'll never have another cat like him again...so obedient, loving, and sweet. He was so perfect and I have tremendous guilt about the pain he was in with cancer leading up to his death. I didn't even recognize it until a few days before he died. It had all come down on us so fast because he's so tough and never complained. I guess I'm just having a hard time getting over this. I really wanted to reach a point where I can think of him not in his sick stages or the times I held him and soaked every minute with him instead of choosing to do something else. I appreciate those who read this and understand how I feel. This is about the only place where people take the loss of their animal friends seriously.

WeLoveChef said:

 
I'm still very upset about the loss of my cat in late March. I had hope that with time I'd feel better, but at this rate I feel like I'll never be able to think of Chef without breaking down. In order to go about my regular routine I have to tell myself to stop thinking about him. But it's so hard knowing I'll never see him again; that I'll never have another cat like him again...so obedient, loving, and sweet. He was so perfect and I have tremendous guilt about the pain he was in with cancer leading up to his death. I didn't even recognize it until a few days before he died. It had all come down on us so fast because he's so tough and never complained. I guess I'm just having a hard time getting over this. I really wanted to reach a point where I can think of him not in his sick stages or the times I held him and soaked every minute with him instead of choosing to do something else. I appreciate those who read this and understand how I feel. This is about the only place where people take the loss of their animal friends seriously.

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Your situation sounds much like mine when I lost my dear ginger tabby, Milo.  He also died from cancer (oral) and, like you, I had very little warning.  It was 11 days from the time he showed symptoms to the day I had to euthanize him because he was clearly now in pain.  I had never been loved so much by any being before and the loss of that just tore me apart.  I realized almost immediately that I had to do something because the pain was so great and so I put the word out among my daughter's contacts (she worked for the US Humane Society) that I was looking for a cat between the ages of 5 and 9 who was in danger of being put down for lack of a home.  Within 3 days, Polly arrived and it was the perfect thing to do.  It gave meaning to his death - that I had saved another cat's life - and it gave me a new cat to focus on who was traumatized from her weeks at the shelter.  It also gave Wesley, my other cat, company as he too was grieving. 

That's what I did - I don't mean to suggest that is the right thing for you or anyone else to do.  Rather I wanted to let you know that I understand the deep grief that comes from losing such a precious part of your heart when a greatly beloved cat passes away.  I still grieve for Milo and miss him terribly.  It is a rare day that I don't think of him at least once a day and it has been over 4 years.  However, now I remember snuggling with him and the way his hair was wavy on his belly and how his ginger coat glowed in the sun.   And other good things.  I remember bringing him home from the shelter as a 6 month old kitten and what a rascal he was for years.  I don't expect to ever get over it, but at least I can cope alright.  I really think that without Polly, the grief might have been overpowering. 

Another hing that helped me was writing about him.  I wrote a lot about him in the weeks following his death and it was a good outlet, but Polly and time were the greatest healers.  Anwyay, you are not alone in feeling this intense grief - probably most of us here have felt it at some point or another.  I hope with time things do manage to get easier. 

This video made me cry but it also helped me.

RIP Chef. I'm sorry for your loss, I'm going through the mourning of losing a beloved Furry baby as well. Although I don't know what you personally are going through, you have my sympathies. *hugs*

Please understand it's Normal to feel like this. 7 or 8 years later I sometimes still cry over my wonderful doggie Eenie passing.

Just try to remember to take it day by day and that he was loved and cared for. something that a lot of animals will never experience.

Cherish your memories together and one day it will be bearable.

Huge hugs,
Lulu

Grieving is a journey that we all must take by ourselves, just when we think it is getting a little manageable the tide of pain comes crashing back like a tsunami. It's been three years for me and I still cry when I think of my little girl and how much I miss her. What you are going through is perfectly normal and only time will soften the pain and begin to heal the hole in your heart. As long as you have your precious memories the love that you shared with that beloved cat will forever be alive in your heart. The thing I cling to the most is that I know in my heart our sweet babies would never want us to be so sad when remembering them, they would want us to go on with our lives and be happy again, just like we would want them to do if something happened to us. You have to work at being happy again, try not to dwell on the end, remember the happy times and celebrate the fact that you two found each other and shared such a wonderful love. My heart cries for what you are going through, I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. I'll pray that sweet Chef can comfort you in your dreams and through your memories, you will be surely blessed for loving so much to hurt so bad.  RIP beloved Chef, you were greatly loved and will never be forgotten!

I think, depending on the relationship you have with your cat, it can take an unknown amount of time to "get over" his/her death.  It can even be that you never stop feeling sad about it.  It's been 14 months since the death of my feline friend and I still am sad and wistful.  Another feline friend of mine died in 2010 and I thought I would never stop feeling sad about it but I did as the circumstances were different.  Don't fight your feelings - they are what they are because of the bond you had with your friend.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Chef, it hurts so much to lose them, especially when it hits quickly like cancer.  I took the liberty of reading your other post, I lost my precious princess Tiger to pancreatic cancer almost 2 weeks ago. It sounds like you had a deep and strong bond with him, friends tell me that's why it's so hard to say goodbye, the love was so strong.  I don't think there can be a time frame on the grieving process either, it just takes time to heal.   When I lost my first two kitties and my dad in the same year, it took me 8 years to feel normal again, Tiger was my heart kitty that helped me through the grieving process.  All I can say is to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to heal.  Your Chef will be watching over you now, and no longer in pain. I cry myself to sleep at nights holding on to that thought.

Please don't beat yourself up.  You loved Chef and still do.  

Chef 

Thank you for your replies. I look at these from time to time when I get especially sad about Chef. It's helped to know others understand the pain and loss. 

To Margd: I wanted to let you know I did take your advice and eventually got a new cat that was losing her home. She was going to go to the shelter had we not taken her in. She had already had 5 homes before us and pretty shy as a result. It's been nice to have company for my other cat and also to help a new one. She even reminds me of Chef sometimes. She is sweet and I'm so glad we got her. I would've never had her in my life now had I not taken your advice. Thank you!

Aw, I'm so glad it's working out.  Bless you for taking that poor little girl in to your heart and home.  It is no wonder she is shy, having had five homes.  It will take her awhile to feel secure and accept that she has finally found a real family of her own but I'm sure she will get there.  What is her name?  And do you have any pictures?  We'd love to see them.  Thanks for letting me know - I have wondered how things were working out for you.  

Thanks Margd! Her name is Kiwi (we kept the name from her last owner). For some reason whenever I try to post pics of her on this thread it freezes my computer and shuts down. So I posted them under my profile and also under "Solids" community pictures. The pictures are labelled "Kiwi" under the profile pics. She's so sweet and funny (loves to lay flat like a rug on one of the arms of the couch)!

I checked out your photos - Kiwi is so pretty!!  Well, both of your cats are.  I love the shot of her lying flat on the arm of the couch.  What a cutie!  

WeLoveChef said:

Thanks Margd! Her name is Kiwi (we kept the name from her last owner). For some reason whenever I try to post pics of her on this thread it freezes my computer and shuts down. So I posted them under my profile and also under "Solids" community pictures. The pictures are labelled "Kiwi" under the profile pics. She's so sweet and funny (loves to lay flat like a rug on one of the arms of the couch)!

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Your kiwi is so cute! I'm so glad you took her in

I also have a cat named kiwi haha

WeLoveChef said:

I'm still very upset about the loss of my cat in late March. I had hope that with time I'd feel better, but at this rate I feel like I'll never be able to think of Chef without breaking down. In order to go about my regular routine I have to tell myself to stop thinking about him. But it's so hard knowing I'll never see him again; that I'll never have another cat like him again...so obedient, loving, and sweet. He was so perfect and I have tremendous guilt about the pain he was in with cancer leading up to his death. I didn't even recognize it until a few days before he died. It had all come down on us so fast because he's so tough and never complained. I guess I'm just having a hard time getting over this. I really wanted to reach a point where I can think of him not in his sick stages or the times I held him and soaked every minute with him instead of choosing to do something else. I appreciate those who read this and understand how I feel. This is about the only place where people take the loss of their animal friends seriously.

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I am so very sorry for your loss. Please know you are not alone in your grief. This site/forum is the only place I've found that folks understand the sadness many of us feel after losing our fur babies. Today it's been two weeks since I had to put Jose to rest. His ashes are ready to be picked up from the vet. However the pain is still too raw and I need to wait a few more days. Yesterday I packed up his toys, and all of his belongings. It felt like he was near me, but yet gone forever. I hope that makes some sense. I decided I will store everything, just in case my heart is ready for a new friend in the future. And yes, there is the guilt. Did I wait too long? Did I miss some signs, or simply ignore them? Late at night I run through these things in my head and cry. I want him back. But I want my healthy Jose back, not the terminally ill old friend I saw at the end. Hang in there. We will get through this together.

WeLoveChef, I am so sorry for your loss, and understand your grief. There is no timetable for grief. Just cry and cry as often as you feel like it. One day, you'll notice that the tears are less and less. I do believe our lost cats have souls, and are still with us after they pass. You can talk to Chef, and tell him how you feel. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that you loved him greatly, and that he is not in pain. If he could tell you himself, he would. One day, you will be able to think of him and smile. Trust me. It will happen. Until then, embrace your tears. They will heal you.

I'm still very upset about the loss of my cat in late March. I had hope that with time I'd feel better, but at this rate I feel like I'll never be able to think of Chef without breaking down.

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You will. I promise you will, but it's going to take longer than a few weeks. You need to allow yourself to grieve. It's ok to feel miserable. It's ok to grieve. You'll heal in your own time and not according to any schedule. When you want to cry you just go ahead and let rip. I lost my Eva three years ago and if I think about it enough I STILL end up in tears. However, I can also look at a picture of her and laugh too. This will happen for you. 

I agree with Talking to Chef. I talked to Eva a lot. Tell him how you are. Tell him how you miss him, and how you still love him.