Wanting to adopt roommate's cat when he moves - Advice appreciated!

radarlove413

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
137
Purraise
164
Hey all, 

My boyfriend's roommate of 2 years is moving out at the end of the month to live with his girlfriend and plans on taking his cat with him. My boyfriend and I are worried about the cat's long-term welfare and were hoping to ask the roommate if we could adopt his cat, or foster for a few months. I'm wondering if anybody else has experience with this type of conversation, and if they have any tips they could give.

Here's the basic story: He's had this cat for about four years now. The cat hasn't been to the vet since adoption, although she appears to be healthy . While her owner obviously cares about her, he will not be home for days at a time, leaving the other housemates to take care of her feeding, litterbox, etc. Until he'd moved in with my boyfriend, she'd never even had wet food. When he is home, he often leaves his door closed and rarely does more than give her a few minutes of attention. In a previous house he'd lived in, she spent most of her day locked in his bedroom because other roommates had let her out of the house/possibly abused her. She was very lonely. He also does not have the finances to take her to the vet any time soon, and if a health crisis does come up, he won't be able to pay for care. She's been moved around a lot before living at the current house.

A few months ago, the boyfriend and I tamed and adopted the stray that my family had been feeding since winter. Our cat has bonded deeply with the roommate's cat as well.

We worry because the roommate's girlfriend also has a cat, but the cat has never been to the vet or even spayed. She can't afford to license the cat or take it to the vet for next while. We worry about the risk of the roommate's cat contracting something like FIV, or them not being introduced properly and injuring each other. (she's done that in the past and taken cats back to the SPCA because they were "mean")

My boyfriend and I have the finances and the home to take care of the cat's needs. We were obviously fully aware the roommate would move out one day. However, the quality of care for his cat has declined and it worries us. We would like to sit down with the roommate and at least offer to keep her at the house for a few months while he gets settled. It's not like we're going to steal the cat or anything. We'd just like to offer to give his cat a home where all of her needs would be met, she's got a friend, and humans that are home for a majority of the time. And offer that if he can't keep her any more, at any point, we will adopt her no questions asked.

Does anybody have any pointers that could make the conversation go well? I'm open to any advice!

If he does take the cat, my boyfriend and i will keep watch at our local shelter, etc, and re-home her with us if she is given up.
 

Columbine

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Feb 27, 2015
Messages
12,921
Purraise
6,224
Location
The kitty playground
I have no experience of this kind of situation, but this is what I'd do :-

Start by talking about how settled the cat is in her current home, and how much she's bonded with your other cat. Explain that cat to cat introductions can be difficult and lengthy, and that simply moving away from somewhere she's so settled could be traumatic. Offer to buy her from your roommate - extra money may well have an appeal, and makes the conversation easier than just saying 'can we keep your cat'.

It's wonderful that you're looking out for this little girl. I really hope she's able to stay with you :cross:
 
Last edited:

shadowsrescue

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Apr 27, 2011
Messages
7,023
Purraise
5,084
Location
Ohio
Thank you so much for wanting to help.  I would also tell the owner of how the two cats have bonded and would miss each other so much.  It also would be difficult to have his cat meet another cat especially one that is not spayed.  The suggestion to offer to buy the cat is a great one.  Also tell him that if he could visit the cat at any time. 

I wish you luck.  You could approach it very casually just asking him if he would ever consider allowing "Cat" to stay with you since this is her home. 

Let us know how it works out.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #4

radarlove413

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
137
Purraise
164
Thank you for the wonderful advice. We're planning on talking with him in about a week or so. That way he has time to process the information, but there's no risk of the living situation being really comfortable for an extended amount of time if it doesn't go over well. I heard yesterday that his girlfriend thinks my boyfriend and I are too paranoid with cat-to-cat introductions. She seems to think she can throw the roommates cat at the other cats in her house and they'll get along instantly. Bleh...

I'm also going to print out some information to give him in case he'll want to read later. About vet care & how it affects cat life span, moving stress, FIV, etc. I like to think he loves his cat enough to let us keep her for the short term at least, rather than take her with him.
 

Columbine

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Feb 27, 2015
Messages
12,921
Purraise
6,224
Location
The kitty playground
I so hope he'll let the cat stay with you. The printouts are a great idea - be sure to include the declawing information just in case a landlord requests it - if he understands what it involves, I would hope he'd be less likely to do it.

I'll be thinking of you all. :cross: that she gets to stay with you :vibes: :vibes: :vibes: :vibes: :vibes: :vibes: :vibes:
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #6

radarlove413

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
137
Purraise
164
We were all set to go with the plan. And then I made the mistake of telling my dad. Who is the landlord. My boyfriend rents from my parents - I am a college grad living at home for one year to save for a down payment/emergency money.

We all thought he would be fine with it as the two cats have been in the house for months beautifully. However, he got super mad and mentioned that he only agreed to ever have 1 cat in the house, and he "barely allowed" my boyfriend and I to adopt ours. We were then told that if the roommate's cat would stay there longer than a month, he'd sell the house and evict everyone.

My mentions of how the cats haven't destroyed any property hadn't helped. He was worried about finances- I mentioned we were feeding the cat already and our emergency fund would cover the cat getting the vet care she needs (core vaccines at least since its been 4 years!). He didn't care.

After this bad discussion I don't trust his word allowing her in the house for a month. It's a completly irrational argument, stemming from a rental house they had where cats caused thousands in peppery damage. I tried to tell him the cat has been living in that house for 3 years with no problems - he still doesn't want us to take ownership of her. In his eyes, there will be more cats brought in if he allows this one. And one more cat will apparently damage the property. even though I offered to pay for any damages the roommate's can could cause.

I just feel really defeated right now. Here we were trying to help this beautiful cat and instead this happens.

Does anyone have any tips? And how to help out our cat after his friend leaves? I worry about if he will need a companion or not. And I feel guilty because I wanted him to have a friend. Especially since I know cats on their own can get so lonely :(
 

mingking

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Feb 8, 2015
Messages
496
Purraise
110
I don't know what your relationship with your dad is, but maybe after a few days, he will calm down and you can talk rationally with him. For now, I think I'd continue to go with the plan of asking your roommate for the cat. If your dad, in the end, doesn't allow 2 cats, you can try to find your roommate's cat a better owner that is able to take care of it. 

These are just my thoughts and what I would do in your situation. At least he gave you a month and I feel within that period, some things may change or you'll be able to change his mind. 
 
Last edited:
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #8

radarlove413

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
137
Purraise
164
I totally agree with you there! Ill see how the talk goes with the roommate and let you guys know. Hopefully he will see the right thing to do. If not, we can say we tried our best.

Maybe he'll calm down in a bit in the meantime. I hope so, anyway. He knows there's been no damage when he was over there to investigate a leaking pipe last month.
 

mingking

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Feb 8, 2015
Messages
496
Purraise
110
That's great! I hope the conversation with your roommate goes well! Fingers (REALLY) crossed! I guess one more tip is to let your roommate know that they can visit their cat any time or, maybe, if you want to, give the option of taking the cat back when they want to. And if they say no to you, at least offer them the option of letting you take care of the cat when they need to (but this is a big commitment for a cat that's not yours). 

As for you dad, I know some people are very set in their ways and let the past judge a lot of what they think will happen. But it's not impossible to change their mind. Perhaps you'd need to try a few different approaches to convince him but don't feel discouraged please! I think it also helps that he's your dad so you have some leverage there. 
 

Columbine

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Feb 27, 2015
Messages
12,921
Purraise
6,224
Location
The kitty playground
I hope your dad comes round once he's had some time to process your conversation. I'm sure he'll see that these cats aren't going to cause the same problems those others did.

In the meantime, good luck talking to your roommate :vibes:
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #11

radarlove413

TCS Member
Thread starter
Adult Cat
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
137
Purraise
164
Hey, I just wanted to update you guys on what happened.

The roommate took his cat. We did speak with him about proper vet care - especially after we noticed his cat was in need of a dental cleaning (swelling and pain when her gums were touched). He did ask me for our vet's phone number, and told me he booked her in to see him. However, this appointment was two days after he moved out. We're hoping he took her, but it just worked out a little too conveniently if you know what I mean?

He moved out a week earlier than we thought, and my boyfriend said his cat was very stressed during the whole moving process. When the roommate came to pick up the rest of his stuff, he said that his cat was mixing with the others in his girlfriend's place just fine. (so they didn't isolate her or anything). He does care about his cat, flaws aside, so I'm hoping that all is going as well as can be with his cat. We'll still watch the shelter and stuff to see if she comes up.

Our cat is adjusting well enough to being the only cat. He didn't really wander around looking for his companion, and he's eating/sleeping like normal. We're making sure to give him lots of play time, attention, and ear scratches.
 

shadowsrescue

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Apr 27, 2011
Messages
7,023
Purraise
5,084
Location
Ohio
Thanks for the update.  I hope the other cat adjust well and gets some proper vet care.  Thank you for caring about the cat and doing your best. 
 

mingking

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Feb 8, 2015
Messages
496
Purraise
110
Yes, I second what ShadowsRescue said. Thank you so much for doing your best to look out for the welfare of the cat. You did a great thing referring a vet to your ex-roommate.   
 

Columbine

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Feb 27, 2015
Messages
12,921
Purraise
6,224
Location
The kitty playground
Yes, thank you for the update. I really hope the girlfriend ensures this cat gets a consistently god level of care 
 


You did all you could. It's out of your hands now. So good to hear that your cat is adjusting well to being an only cat for now.
 
Top