Female Cat Woes

cassandra moore

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This is going to seem like a long post. 

In the past few years a lot has changed in our family. We had two separate pairs of cats while my mom and Dad were separated. Then when dad got terminally sick with cancer, we moved together. I had to go watch our old house for about six months, away from my Luna (A black female) while mom worked on house hunting (The doctor told us dad had to be closer to the hospital where he got treatment), and got remarried to my dad. Before this six month absence, I was really close with Luna. She would come to my room to sleep with me at night, and always want to be on my lap when I was at my desk or in the living room. But when we combined households, everything changed. 

I've been reading the pages on this site for a while now, to figure out ways to regain trust with my Luna. But she is also getting in fights with the other female, when before she never had problems (We temporarily took in a different female once before, while we waited for someone to give her a home) with others. Now this is a permanent situation with my two females. Apart from Luna, who is a black cat, the other female is a long furred Himalayan Siamese mix called Missy. Both of them had always been so sweet with other felines and the drastic change in our family seems to have affected them. After about 18 months of being together once the houses were officially combined, Dad passed. So that was another big change for them since Missy was what one would call a 'total daddy's girl'. 

What we've been doing: 

Our house is a two level house with an upper floor and basement. At night when we start seeing signs of stalking, aggression to each other, we have a gate since neither girls jump fences etc. (Thank heaven). This gives them their space when we are sleeping and ensures no major fights. They can stare, grumble and hiss at each other without actually getting violent. We've tried leaving the gates open, but we'd wake up to nasty cat fights and a fresh vet bill once or twice.  

With Luna, I am having to do a reintroduction of myself to her, when we used to be best friends. Sometimes I'll just be sitting in the living room and she'll get nasty at me, so I hiss at her. It usually seems to work. I was worried I was being too nasty in turn with her, until I started reading the forums here. I will leave out her favorite treats and when she is eating will pet her. Every now and then, I'll pick her up. She usually puts up a fuss until I sit down. We've been making sure they have clean deposit boxes, and so on. 

It's hard for me to go through the reintroductions. When Luna gets really nasty, like I said, I hiss at her and sometimes grab her at the back of her neck and it works. It's not an all the time action on my part. Just when she really needs it.

I do try to play with her when she is out and about as well like we used to. But it doesn't normally last very long. 

Are there any more tips that you guys can give me to help with the reintroductions of myself to Luna, and how to help the two ladies Luna and Missy get along better? 
 

mani

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You've had quite a time of it.. I'm so sorry about the loss of your Dad.

Of course the cats will be feeling it too. It may be a case of doing the whole reintroduction process for your girls.. it's tedious but it does work.

As for your relationship with Luna, I'm not sure the hissing thing is a good idea in this situation as it makes you appear hostile as well, when in fact you just want to be friends.  I think the positive things you are doing are excellent and it may just be a case of time.

Had you considered trying a Feliway diffuser or spray?
 

catwoman707

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I also agree with what @Mani  said, the hissing is sending the entirely wrong message to her, if she acts up, completely ignore her and walk away from her.

If you do this immediately she will soon understand that you are not going to react to her if she is not behaving.

Yes, you may have to do a total reintroduction of the girls.

One will be the top cat and the other will have to adjust to it.

I have 2 girls who are both dominant types, and it took a long time to get them where they are at least tolerating each other, and despite the fact that Krissy is a cream puff and Simone is actually the tougher one, Krissy did not give in, ever, so it meant Simone would have to accept this. THAT was not a quick thing either.

Also if the girls were apart for some time, then they are like strangers again.

Keep that in mind.
 
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