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Christmas Kinda Sucked

post #1 of 3
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Yesterday was the first Christmas where my mother decided not to show up.... my parents separated in 2000 and Christmas' since then have been tension filled events. I'm the oldest of two children and I see and talk to my dad more than I do my mother, for that matter I haven't seen my mother since the first part of November.

Last night I arrived at my sister's place assuming my mother was going to be there like she usually is... she was not. I later overheard that she was "elsewhere"

The way my parents separated sucked and I won't go into the gory details in this forum.... however I do not agree with a legally married woman living with another guy as my parents are still legally married.

Thanksgiving the idea was broached that I meet this guy and I just kept my mouth shut as I have really no desire to meet this guy and he will never ever be considered a step father to me at all and there were a couple of presents for me that were signed by mother " Love Mom and ****" and that part just made me wanna vomit.

I figured I would have gotten a call from her yesterday but alas I did not.... my mom's not even dead but it sure felt like it yesterday.

Normally I don't post long winded blogs but I felt it necessary.
post #2 of 3

My condolences. I have dealt with the dysfunctional family thing for so long that it feels functional. You don't have to accept the guy as a stepfather; friend of your mother's will do nicely. My mother has blotted out the part of her life prior to about 1976, which, unfortunately includes the better part of my childhood. Don't let yourself be set up for disappointment on the holidays. Not worth it.
post #3 of 3

I don't know your age, but I'm assuming that you are an adult child.
I divorced 11 years ago (my ex was cheating on me) and my children, particularly my daughter (now 21) has been very bitter about the effect that it has had on her and her brother. It does impact children significantly (no matter the age) . Holidays are extremely tough.

You can't change your mother. She is free to make the choices she is making. The repercussions will come in time. My ex is remarried. . . . and miserable. He is paying the consequences for his mistakes.

My children spend very little time with him. . . and the holidays are no different. This is partly their choice, partly his, primarily the fact that his new wife is mean spirited and my children want nothing to do with her.

Instead of dwelling on the things you cannot change, try to make the most of it. Focus on spending more time with your father. Chances are, your mom won't be with this new man for very long, and if she is, you still don't have to accept him if you choose not to.
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