Need Your Opinions Please

Sorry, this is not cat-related, not even close. But I need some opinions if anyone is willing to share.

I was wondering how many of you out there are parents, especially parents of more than two children. My husband and I are thinking about having a third child. I love my kids, and I know I'd love a third just as much. But the work of three scares me to be honest. And of course, the majority of the work would fall on me. I was just curious if anyone out there has three or more children, and how much harder was it to have three rather than two? Not just work wise, but emotionally too. I'm also thinking of the long-term implications of having three, so I'd love to hear from parents of teenagers and grown children too.

Any opinions?

I don't have ANY kids, so I'm no help at all.


sorry.

Dawn,

Sorry, I only had two, who are now grown. My sister had three and she wanted three. Both my son and my daughter have 3 and both chose to, no accidents.

The only thing I can offer is that now that my kids are grown, I wish I had a dozen! I love all the family stuff. However, when they were small I certainly didn't want a dozen. Too much work. If I had it to do over, I would have at least one more (or maybe two).

I am like AP.. I don't have ANY kids... and don't plan on having any for a while.. I do, however, LOVE kids.

If you two are talking about having a 3rd and are both pretty happy with the idea then I say go for it. However if you are scared about having to deal with 3 at once.. being a stay at home mother but you think having a third would bring you lots of joy and happiness.. you could wait until one or both of the children you have now have started school.

Then they are in school half of the day so it'll make it much easier on you. Just an idea.

I wish you the best and lots of joy and happiness in whichever desicion you and your hubby make.

I don't have have any kids either...unless you count my two beautiful step-children, so I guess I can't help much. Sorry

I have 3 grown children, even grown they are still legally children.
The only thing I can really remember, if they are close together as mine were, after 2 you run out of hands to hold onto. That may sound weird but just think of it. If you have 2 real small ones now, you need a 3rd hand. I remember a time when traveling by train from state of Washington to Kansas and my kids were 1,2,3 (nearly 4). Anyway, I also had a handbag and a suitcase and a diaper bag. So, I had bought the harness' for the boys and held my daughter plus carrying all the assorted baggage. You would have though I'd staked them out in the yard with no water! But I still think it was the way to go, I'd rather have them following Mom along on their leashes like good little boys than running after the trains around or just off.
This is only thing I can come up with.

Jeannie

You know Jeano, you have a very valid point. I don't really know if it would influence me if I wanted another child but when you think about it everything is designed for 2 (which translates to 4 with parents) Even in cars, if you have a regular car, someone of the kids always has to sit in the middle if you have 3 kids. If you go to the carnival, many rides only accomodate two. In any activity requiring supervision, like swimming, there's 2 parents for 3 kids.
And like you said, 2 hands for 3 that need holding.

My son's family has experienced this more than my daughter because they are closer in age and all boys. They have 3 bedrooms, so 2 have to share.

Maybe the key is in spacing. How old are your kids now Dawn?

Just some food for thought. Having only had 2 myself, I noticed these problems with my grandkids but hadn't thought about it until Jeano posted.

I have 2 kids, and would not consider having any more, but that is simply a personal preference. I do note that the tendency today is to stop at 2, especially if there is one of each gender. Unlike in my generation, where is was common to see families of 3, 4, 5, or even 6, I note that when people decide to have even a third baby, others seem to regard that as unusual. I have friends that have 3 and will probably have a 4th.

I had five kids. The first four were from my first marriage. The first two were close together in age and were very close emotionally. They loved their baby sister but they shared a special bond. I somehow felt the need to have another and I did.

Like others have mentioned everything seems geared to pairs and one can be left out.I have heard that middle children can have problems as they are not the oldest and not the youngest and have more trouble finding their place in the family. But of course this is not always true i am sure.

I found the work load not that much more as when you have a couple one more didnt make that much difference.They play together and can be less demanding than one. Also the other kids want to help out with the new baby. Sometimes they can fight to see who gets to help but that can be worked out too.

Its not an easy decision.I wish you the best in whatever you do decide. It would be interesting to hear from people who were kids in a threesome situation.

I, also, don't have any biological children, butI have helped raise my two nieces. They are ten yrs. apart and I think it would have been easier on their Mom and myself had they been closer in age. They are very close as sister and do almost everything together now. If I had had children I know I would have wanted at least 4 if not more! I came from a family of 6 kids and we have always been very close. The only thing that would have stopped me from having a large family would be the ability, financially, to provide equally for all of them. I say that if you and your husband are in agreement, and it is financialy feasable, to go ahead and have the third child. Since you already accept the fact that most of the work will fall to you; that should not be a factor in this decision. If you are still unsure; you should pray for guidance and trust the Lord to give you a sign; for or against. I know that you try very hard, Dawn, to provide a loving Christian environment in your home; so you have probably already taken this to God in prayer. May you be blessed in whatever you decide.

Darlene

I have 3 kids and one on the way. RJ just turned 11 Taylor is 6 and Madalyn is 1. I do not know how old your childern are but I think you will be ok. My son and first daughter do not live with me. My son lives with my mom I had him very young he comes and stays with me when he wants. And my first daughter I do not see her she lives with her dad in New York we are divorced. He is an A**. But any way RJ lived with me when I had Taylor and I did full time child care of many children and it was not that hard. I am going to be a member of the 2 under 2 club in a month and a half. I think that will be harder than if you have older children to help. If you have older children and you want another baby you can get them to help you. I would not worry about how hard it will be just think of the wonderful baby you will have.

I am going to jump back in on this. I don't think anyone should depend on help from the older children, for some things maybe but the basic care of the child and any other children is the parents. I don't know that anyone meant "alot" of help but I have a sister who is 13 1/2 years younger and Mom worked and I took care of the home, and the baby and went to school. When I was old enough to date it was common knowledge that she went with us until Mom got off. Or if I went roller skating etc, she was on my hip, that was just the way it was. I'm not saying this was all bad, but that's not what having another child is about, depending on another child for basic care.
OK, if I've stepped on toes, sorry. But there's several different levels of helping and I wanted it clear how I feel. Thanks guys.

Jeannie

Thank you all so much for your comments. You've been very thoughtful and kind. I still need to give this more thought and prayer. After our second child was born, we pretty much decided that was it. We sold all of our baby things and everything. But I keep feeling like I need to have one more. I need to make sure that this is what God wants us to do, not just some hormone thing.

My children right now are almost 5 and 2 and a half. My daughter would be old enough to help out a bit, but I certainly wouldn't expect too much of her. Also, she'll be in kindergarten in one more year, so maybe I'll wait until then.

Regardless, I really appreciate all your kind thoughts. I'll let you know if we ever make a decision!

Jeannie I agree that that the older kids should not be saddled with too much care of the younger ones. That is not fair. But kids do want to be included in doing things for the baby.It makes them feel a part of it all. Maybe helping mommy bath or put powder on or getting a diaper, little things like that. It is not fair for the older kids to have to be the parent and not have their own time to do their own kid stuff.

Jeano369 and Elinor what I ment by help is a few different things. Such as when I need to use the bathroom and when the phone rings and I have to take the call (not a long call) or when I need to make dinner. That is if the baby is walking or fussy. It is nice to say can you talk to your sister or play with her for a few minutes while mommy makes dinner or goes to the bathroom. Just to make sure they do not get hurt. I'm not talking about full care of the brother or sister. Or something like can you get the baby's bottle while I change the baby's diaper. I never would want to ask my children to do anything major. Like take there brother or sister on a date. I would never go anywhere (even if my children were old enough) and expect them to take care of there brother or sister. Sorry if you thought that is what I ment but what I ask my children to do is not a lot. After all children play with each other.

I have a friend who has 7 children (I just typo-ed "friend" as "fried", think it might mean something?). She says, the first one is a real shock because you've never been a parent before. The second one is better because they amuse each other. The third one increases stress again because there is that 2-against-1 dynamic pretty often. But after that, it just gets easier! She claims when you have 7, they take up the same amount of time and attention as an only child - all of it!

Also, one of my aunts had 3 sons. She says she thought she had covered all the bases of different personalities because they are not like each other, then one of them moved back home with his daughter after a divorce, and she realized that all children are different.

One advantage of 3: With 2, it's easy to view them as opposites, you know, the neat one and the messy one, the outgoing one and the quiet one, the picky eater and the food vacuum, etc. With 3 you're more likely to see individuals.

I'm thinking: You need to make the decision that's right for your whole family, but, it seems like we regret most the things we didn't do. If you really want another baby and choose not to have one for other reasons, you will probably miss that child for years. Which isn't always a reason to go ahead, just something to think about.