First off, let me say upfront, what I need to say, or talk about here is not for the sensitive hearts. I just went through an u describing violent death. If you are sensitive, this post is not one you want to read. But I have no one to talk to about it, and my mind is a whirlwind of pain, anger and regret. I need some thoughts from someone who is outside of the situation to maybe, I don't know, at least listen.
I am a garden variety animal lover. Cats are my favorite and have 4 that have been with me for many years, but I also have 14 year old and 6 year old dogs that have been with me since they were puppies, and a 8 year old cornsnake I've had since he was a snakelette. Our little zoo has always gotten along very well. Our cats, however perpetually fascinated with our snake, have never tried to attack or "play" with him, they just like to sit by his cage and watch. Our dogs have grown up with cats, and both of them "mommy" the cats like crazy. If either one hears even a kitten mewing on t.v. They get all anxious and walk in circles looking for the baby. Also, for a long time, I used to foster pregnant mama cats or orphaned kitts for our local humane society, and they were great with them. Of course, it was good for the fosters to be around the other cats and the dogs, so they could comfortably enter a new home with other animals without the stress of teaching them to get along. Point is, we have a very peaceful little animal family, who live here with my husband and I, and two of my adult kids who attend college classes.
It really began about two weeks ago, when we heard desperate mewing coming from my husbands truck. A kitten had wedged himself under the carriage, and couldn't get out. We were able to unwedge him, and found he was an all black (my particularly favorite color) kitten of about 14 weeks. He smelling awful and had scabs here and there. No mommy cat had been seen anywhere in the neighborhood, but we held him on the porch and let him squall for a bit to see if any mommy showed up. No such luck. So we took him inside, offered him some cat food soaked in formula (I had an old can from when my 8 year old baby Bubbs had gotten ill due to kidney disease, however he unfortunately passed), and some fresh water. He really scarfed! We gave him a bath, and combed him out, then cuddled him to sleep. My husband started calling him Chevy.
He was an active little bugger, as any healthy kitt is, and he took a strange liking to our dogs. He tried to nurse our younger girl every night, lol. He would run around, pounce on their wagging tails, and both girls tried to "mommy" him, cleaning him with their ridiculously lagre tongues, and followed him everywhere, or vice versa. Chevy had absolutely NO interest in our cats at all. They, being cats, would sniff while Chevy wasn't looking, and hiss and run away when he did face them. Chevy didn't care, he just bounced along his merry way. It appeared we had inadvertently gotten a new member of the zoo, even though to me, after Bubbs, it seemed a bit too soon. But like any kitt, he was irresistible.
Then tragedy struck. My oldest dog has always been slightly food protective. We knew, and all of the other animals just got the hint with a show of teeth or a stare to just walk away. She NEVER did more than that, but for reasons unknown to us, this night would be different. It was time to feed everyone, and the dogs usually get fed first. Out of high doggy order, our 14 year old always ate first, then our younger girl would come eat after. They share a bowl, it's never been a problem. However when the food hit the bowl, Chevy came dashing in behind my 14 year old and actually jumped in the food bowl. My dog spooked and snapped at Chevy. Remember, this has NEVER happened before....but no one ever jumped from behind my dog into her food bowl either. The thing about kittens; when they get scared, they tend to jump up high, then scamper off. Older cats just scamper. Time and place and situation was just all wrong. Our dog would have missed him completely if he'd just ran, but he actually jumped right up into her jaws. It happened so fast. My dog immediately ran to her cage (it stays open for her all day just for her comfort), and began whimpering like I've never heard before. I was on the ground holding my poor little Chevy...there was nothing I could do. If I put pressure on the wound, it would have choked him. He was choking anyway. The bite was to his jugular. In my hands, this poor thing died. In less than a minute and a half, he was gone. There are no words for the feelings of desperate anger, guilt, (I knew Chevy had absolutely no fear of our dogs even though they are both very large, if I had just put him in another room....I just never thought this could or would happen). Now I feel like I'm going through some kind of post traumatic stress thing, and my dog hasn't been the same since. She won't eat, she won't leave her cage, she will only come to me with her tail tucked and on her belly. I just don't know what to do.
I've had some say my dog should be immediately put down. I've heard from friends of my kids that she should've been shot that night. I'm grieving in the most awful way. I can't imagine people who go through traumatic deaths of their daily or friends, I just can't wrap my head around it. On top of it, I think my dog is going to starve herself out of grief and guilt. There just aren't any dog psychiatrists. Many vet says is was a terrible fluke. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong situation. That my girl will get better and eat again in time, but that she must mourn too. We've tried coaxing her with her favorite foods, we changed the place of her feeding and the bowl. I just don't know what to do. With her......or me.
I'm very sorry if this post offended anyone. I'm reaching out out of desperation. I know it has to be hard to read, but living with it has become a nightmare. Any words; good bad or ugly. I'll take anything but the screaming of my mind.
I am a garden variety animal lover. Cats are my favorite and have 4 that have been with me for many years, but I also have 14 year old and 6 year old dogs that have been with me since they were puppies, and a 8 year old cornsnake I've had since he was a snakelette. Our little zoo has always gotten along very well. Our cats, however perpetually fascinated with our snake, have never tried to attack or "play" with him, they just like to sit by his cage and watch. Our dogs have grown up with cats, and both of them "mommy" the cats like crazy. If either one hears even a kitten mewing on t.v. They get all anxious and walk in circles looking for the baby. Also, for a long time, I used to foster pregnant mama cats or orphaned kitts for our local humane society, and they were great with them. Of course, it was good for the fosters to be around the other cats and the dogs, so they could comfortably enter a new home with other animals without the stress of teaching them to get along. Point is, we have a very peaceful little animal family, who live here with my husband and I, and two of my adult kids who attend college classes.
It really began about two weeks ago, when we heard desperate mewing coming from my husbands truck. A kitten had wedged himself under the carriage, and couldn't get out. We were able to unwedge him, and found he was an all black (my particularly favorite color) kitten of about 14 weeks. He smelling awful and had scabs here and there. No mommy cat had been seen anywhere in the neighborhood, but we held him on the porch and let him squall for a bit to see if any mommy showed up. No such luck. So we took him inside, offered him some cat food soaked in formula (I had an old can from when my 8 year old baby Bubbs had gotten ill due to kidney disease, however he unfortunately passed), and some fresh water. He really scarfed! We gave him a bath, and combed him out, then cuddled him to sleep. My husband started calling him Chevy.
He was an active little bugger, as any healthy kitt is, and he took a strange liking to our dogs. He tried to nurse our younger girl every night, lol. He would run around, pounce on their wagging tails, and both girls tried to "mommy" him, cleaning him with their ridiculously lagre tongues, and followed him everywhere, or vice versa. Chevy had absolutely NO interest in our cats at all. They, being cats, would sniff while Chevy wasn't looking, and hiss and run away when he did face them. Chevy didn't care, he just bounced along his merry way. It appeared we had inadvertently gotten a new member of the zoo, even though to me, after Bubbs, it seemed a bit too soon. But like any kitt, he was irresistible.
Then tragedy struck. My oldest dog has always been slightly food protective. We knew, and all of the other animals just got the hint with a show of teeth or a stare to just walk away. She NEVER did more than that, but for reasons unknown to us, this night would be different. It was time to feed everyone, and the dogs usually get fed first. Out of high doggy order, our 14 year old always ate first, then our younger girl would come eat after. They share a bowl, it's never been a problem. However when the food hit the bowl, Chevy came dashing in behind my 14 year old and actually jumped in the food bowl. My dog spooked and snapped at Chevy. Remember, this has NEVER happened before....but no one ever jumped from behind my dog into her food bowl either. The thing about kittens; when they get scared, they tend to jump up high, then scamper off. Older cats just scamper. Time and place and situation was just all wrong. Our dog would have missed him completely if he'd just ran, but he actually jumped right up into her jaws. It happened so fast. My dog immediately ran to her cage (it stays open for her all day just for her comfort), and began whimpering like I've never heard before. I was on the ground holding my poor little Chevy...there was nothing I could do. If I put pressure on the wound, it would have choked him. He was choking anyway. The bite was to his jugular. In my hands, this poor thing died. In less than a minute and a half, he was gone. There are no words for the feelings of desperate anger, guilt, (I knew Chevy had absolutely no fear of our dogs even though they are both very large, if I had just put him in another room....I just never thought this could or would happen). Now I feel like I'm going through some kind of post traumatic stress thing, and my dog hasn't been the same since. She won't eat, she won't leave her cage, she will only come to me with her tail tucked and on her belly. I just don't know what to do.
I've had some say my dog should be immediately put down. I've heard from friends of my kids that she should've been shot that night. I'm grieving in the most awful way. I can't imagine people who go through traumatic deaths of their daily or friends, I just can't wrap my head around it. On top of it, I think my dog is going to starve herself out of grief and guilt. There just aren't any dog psychiatrists. Many vet says is was a terrible fluke. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong situation. That my girl will get better and eat again in time, but that she must mourn too. We've tried coaxing her with her favorite foods, we changed the place of her feeding and the bowl. I just don't know what to do. With her......or me.
I'm very sorry if this post offended anyone. I'm reaching out out of desperation. I know it has to be hard to read, but living with it has become a nightmare. Any words; good bad or ugly. I'll take anything but the screaming of my mind.
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I just don't know what to say but know that you are not alone here in your guilt and anguish even though you should not feel guilty, I understand. In time, you will heal. I just hope that your dog will too. Poor dear family. I am so sorry. 
Give your dog lots and lots and lots of love right now. Let her know you forgive her and even more so, that it was just an accident, and that she reacted and didn't even know the kitten was there, so fragile. Also, know that kittens do get themselves into very dangerous situations all the time and tradegy strikes, sadly. They just don't have any skills yet of what is safe and unsafe. :shame: 
x1000 
