Yes - shelter cats need time to adjust - but what do you do when little kids hearts are on the line?

I am a veteran cat owner.  My last two cats lived over 18 years each with us.  I have two little girls, 5 and 6  and we just adopted our new forever cat, Dr. Seuss.  After having adopted two other shelter cats I felt confident in noticing the right sort of personality traits for our family. "Dog Cat" is the best way to describe our last cat,  Pickles.  On the lap the second you sit down, comes when you call, never hisses, scratches or hides under furniture, follows you from room to room just to be close and interactive. 

We asked around at various shelters and foster homes if such a cat were waiting for a family and that is how we found Dr. Seuess. He was described as a total love bug.  A people cat.  Totally affectionate.

We went to meet him at the foster home which had several cats roaming around, dogs upstairs and bunnies hopping about the floor.  Seuss had been picked up on the streets of NYC and then ended up at this foster home.

* He came when you called (kiss kiss sound)  - he was speedy about it too. Right to you and wanting pets.

* he nuzzled against our hands, rubbed against legs and generally seemed VERY affectionate.

* he drooled with happiness.

* he then would walk across your lap but not sit on it.

Things I probably should have put more stake in:

* he seemed slightly more interested in the surroundings than us - in hindsight.

* When I picked him up he tolerated it for a 20 seconds and then wanted to get down.

* he rolled over on his belly and was playful but then wanted to bite you if you pet him.

We attributed the not wanting to be held to his crazy mixed up species surroundings and our newness.

We thought all in all - this was our kind of cat.

We brought Seuss home three days ago.

 My last two cats came home and never hid - never.  Not even the first day.

Right away they were sleeping on our beds and wandering around after us from room to room.

- Suess hid under furniture  when we got home. I can get him out if I make the  kiss kiss sound, but he usually goes back

- I coaxed him to sleep with us for an hour or two the other night but he hasn't chosen to do that again

- He doesn't enjoy being picked up 

- He will come when you call him but doesn't seem to seem to seek out human interaction - well a little bit but not like we are the center of his world.

- He scratches and bites randomly when you petting him gently - maybe overstimulated?

With two little girls who are going to grow up with this being the MAJOR pet in their childhood it has to be the right fit.  We can't wait a year to coax him to adjust and then find that he will never be a lap cat or never sleep on our beds or hide when friends come over. We do not want more than one cat. This is it for the next 18 years.

How do we deal with this when we can't wait months to see a change? (too hard on our girls to give him up months from now)

 Is there any way to know?

Should I have figured this out when he didn't like to be picked up?

He is so loving, I was placated by that I think.

Thoughts?

Heather

I have only owned one cat and it has only been 5 months so my cat owner experience is not superior to yours. But for the past few months, I have read and researched cat behaviour and understand that some cats, like yours and mine, settle in very well to new surroundings (like yours, my cat did not hide and wanted to sleep on my bed the very first night). And then some cats, like the one you just adopted, takes a while to adjust and will hide for days, maybe even weeks. 

So his behaviour now is not necessarily his behaviour in a week. And of course, you know this but the problem is you don't want to invest time in finding out if your new cat will be a lovebug is a month's time.

For this reason, I don't think you will get an answer you'd like from here. I believe most people at TCS will tell you to wait and find out, to let your cat adjust and show his true colours. 

Also, not all cats like to be held and not all cats will be snugglers. My cat is not a lap cat and he does not like to be held. However, I'm finding that 5 months later, he is more tolerant of people holding him. I don't hold him but my other family members insist on holding him (which I don't approve of, but I can't monitor and yell at them 24/7) and he used to struggle. But now he'll just let out a pathetic meow or even just wait patiently to be let go. Just recently, he's been letting me put my arms around him while he's sleeping, and even leaning into my arms. Before, he would just slink away and lay down a foot away from me, clearly saying, "Nope! I don't like hugs!"

His scratching and batting does sound like overstimulation. 

Otherwise, I really hope you give your new cat a chance. Your kids can adjust to this cat and learn how to handle him as opposed to handling your other cats. You can teach them to watch out for signs of overstimulation, to not pick him up, etc. You did a great thing saving this cat from the shelter! I hope you do keep him

Three days among strangers in an unfamiliar setting simply isn't enough time to judge how he's going to be. It's rare for cats to settle in right off the bat or be "all over" people they don't know. Many friendly adults need 4 - 8 weeks to feel at home and secure. It's best to let him hide if he wants, only pet him when he seeks affection and allow him to adjust at his own pace. It won't take 6 months or a year if he's been used to a busy household.

Give him a week or so. Put him in a decent size low traffic room. Let him get used to the sent, your family, ect. I put Frosty in a bathroom. He just may need some time to warm up to you. I would recommend that only you (or your spouse) go in that room for the next few days. Just sit with him in the room, let him come up to you. Let him get used to your sent.

Then slowly introduce your children (1 at a time), they may make him nervous right now. Get a feather cat to for him to play with. Get a few cheap fetching toys, he might like that. It may take a while.

Does your house still smell like your old cats (reusing toys, cat towers, ect)? He was a street cat, and other cats mean bad to him (possibly). If you can please
A) Deep clean your carpet, cat towers, bed (may still have your other cat's sent on it), ect.
B) Replace all small toys, food bowls, ect.

And he may not be a lap cat, he could be more of a cat that would walk on a leash then sleep in your bed. He may like playing with toys more then your hand. He may just be a dog-like cat.

And if none of these things work... you might want to take him back if he doesn't suit your family and lifestyle.

Hope this helps.

Poor Dr. Seuss.  Here he was living on the streets, then went to a foster to learn to be a social family cat and now he is in a new home once again.  i would be scared too.  Think of everything he has been through.  You have very high expectations for him in such a short time period.

Often when you bring a cat home, they need their own room for a few days or even a few weeks.  This is so they can adjust.  It is also so they can have a safe place to call their own.  Opening a cat up to all of your home right away is very overwhelming.  He needed a room where he can adjust.  In this space, it should be cat proofed so he cannot hide under the bed or get behind other furniture.  This is so that you can get to him needed.  Yet he does need his own hiding spot.  This can be a simple cardboard box with a cozy blanket or even a cat tree with a hiding box near a window. 

In this space, he should have a litter box and access to food and water.  Also some toys.  Have you tried a feliway diffuser to help him adjust?  Has he ever been around children before?

When you visit him, always start with by bringing him a special yummy treat.  Up the ante to start and try plain cooked chicken, a bit of tuna or salmon.  Sit on the floor at his level.  If you loom above him, it may frighten him.  If your girls are visiting him too, keep their voices soft.  Do not try to pet him or pick him up.  Allow him to come to you.  Offer yummy treats. 

Does he have toys or have you played with him?  You can try the famous da bird toy, laser pointer, toy mice or even catnip toys. 

He needs time, love and patience.  You have a lot of requirements for him to fill.  He may not be able to meet them.  Yet turning him away is sad.  He needs a chance.  It is unusual to just bring a cat home, plop him down and he is part of the family.  Owning a cat takes time.  Each cat has its own unique personality.  They also come with baggage.  My guess is that Dr. Seuss has a lot of baggage. 

I hope you will allow him time to adjust and release some of your requirements for now.  He needs to know if this is a home he can count on.  Think how he must feel picking up on your vibes that he is not meeting your expectations.  He was just plopped down in your home and he has no idea where his space is or who you are.  He needs you to spend time with him.  Also be sure to teach your girls to approach him quietly and pet him softly.  He may grow into a wonderful loving cat.  He just needs time, patience and love.

From my decades of experience taking in shelter cats, strays and ferals, not one of them has ever made a complete adjustment to myself, home, and other cats in just three days. Well, except a few very young kittens. It takes at least a few weeks, and sometimes months, for an adult cat to adjust to so many changes. I hope you will talk to your girls and explain the need for patience with this little guy--children can often surprise us with their amazing abilities to be patient and accepting of people and of animals when we adults are ready to give up. Dr. Seuss has been through so much hardship in his life. Being a stray on the streets of NYC is a VERY tough life for a cat, it's amazing he survived. He deserves a chance to have a loving home.

Eight months ago I took in a cat from a colony of semi-feral cats near my work place who was not being properly cared for by his cat hoarder owner. The cat was so infected with fleas and parasites that even though he was fed, he was starving. He was affectionate, but somewhat wild--he used to running around outside all of the time and living in very crowded conditions when inside. He had intestinal issues that took months of antibiotics and medications to clear up. He did not initially get along with my other 4 indoor cats, and cried for hours. It took a few months for him to settle down. Now, 8 months later, he is big, fluffy (when I first took him in he was a short haired cat, but with proper nutrition, it turns out he is a long haired cat), loves to play with his toys, and snuggles with me and two of my cats.  I sometimes take him outside on a harness. He is loving, funny, spoiled, loves to play with toys, and I can't imagine life without him. Was he worth the over 500 dollars in vet care and months of crying and adjustment? Absolutely. he is one of my forever cats now, and he will never know another day of hunger, itchiness, or neglect in his life. I can't adequately describe to you the joys of taking in a special needs cat and knowing you've made all the difference in his life or the satisfaction you get when that cat loves you in return. I just hope you will PLEASE be patient with Dr. Seuss and give him some time, because cats in his situation don't always get a second chance when returned to a shelter, especially if they're labeled "unadoptable." Thank you for taking a chance on him and I hope you and your little girls  will hang in there with him!

Agree. 3 days is absolutely not enough to judge how he's going to be. I would even say a few months is sometimes not enough. It seems that you want a very particular cat that meets all the checkboxes in a list. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. 

Maybe you could consider a small dog. Dogs, unlike cats, do treat their owners as the center of their world, and a well-adjusted dog will be all over you because they love being around their humans. Many dogs are also very good with kids and very good about being handled.

I think it's a little unfair to any cat to expect it to be a copy cat of others. It's a good lesson for your kids that they can learn to love this cat on his terms. You really do have a year, your children won't be traumatized if it takes a little while for this cat to warm up. It's possible he has never been around children before. Give him time. DrSeuss sounds like a sweety pie!!!! Can we have a picture, pleeeeze?? [emoji]128513[/emoji]

Here's the view as a mom:  In the next year or two your kids will become involved in school, scouts, sports, dance, music or whatever activity catches their fancy. It starts slowly.   Having a cat who is a little more independent might be a good thing as your girls spend less time at home.  

If the cat doesn't like to be picked up or held, you should get a cat tree or something high enough so the cat can get away from the girls and their friends if needed.  

My dear boy, Milo, was exactly like you describe - snugly, following me around, devoted to me, spending hours on my lap etc. He spent his first week under the bed and took awhile to warm up but the wait was totally worth it.

 please give him a chance, 3 days is not enough time to adjust to a new environment and new people.  He sounds like he already has been through so much, please don't return him to the shelter, I'm sure in the long run he'll be a wonderful loving kitty.

It's also unfair to expect so much out of a kitty. He's an individual and more so because of his history of living on the streets and being in a shelter. He needs time to adjust, love to trust and patience to love you. 

To put things in perspective... 

Imagine how you would feel if you lived on the streets barely scraping by and fighting for your life everyday. Then you finally get into a shelter and things start to look up. Then you are given a chance to live with a loving family in a beautiful big house. You would not be used to that. As humans we understand that things around are changing and sometimes why, so we deal with it, but it doesn't mean we feel comfortable, secure or well in the new conditions we are living even after months or years of "recovery": that's why there's a big need for psychological help to people like that. A cat doesn't have that, he just has instinct and doesn't understand things are going to get better: we don't speak cat and they don't speak human.

I urge you to be patient with this boy and if you have any more trouble or questions, please know there's a whole team of people here gladly willing to answer all your questions and concerns.

Since you named him Dr. Seuss, I'm guessing someone in your family likes him or his books, so I'll leave you with this quote from him. Though it might not refer to something else, I felt it fit right into this thread:

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It's not.” 
― Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

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I would say if he was described that way, by someone who knew him in a foster home, then he just needs a little more time.  3 days is nothing for a cat after a shift in living environment.  If you can coax him out even temporarily I think that's a GOOD sign!  

Note:  a minority of cats actually enjoy being picked up, in my experience.  But that alone isn't a gauge of their affection otherwise.  I have two total lap cats, one of which squirms instantly if you try to pick her up, and the other tolerates being picked up for short duration like you experienced.  But they'll sit on my lap for hours sometimes.

I'm hardly an expert but to me your initial thoughts seem fine and he just needs a bit more time.  Now expecting him to be exactly like your prior cat in behavior, that will set you up for disappointment.  But expecting him not to hide all the time?  Sure, just after some more time.

Do you know how long he was in the foster home?  That might give you some idea of how settled he was there.  If it was a short time then really it would just be one long stretch of unsettling time for him.  If he was there for a couple months, then his new routine his just been shaken up and nothing throws off a cat like shaking up the routine.  They are very attached to their routines and their physical environment is a huge part of that.

It is very unfair to expect a cat to be like other cats you've owned previously. No two cats are the same, just like human beings.

I was looking for a cat just like one of my sister's cats when I went looking for a cat to adopt. If my sister would have let me have her cat, I would just have taken her cat since I really bonded with her cat when I lived with her. Her cat used to knead me and didn't do that to my sister or her husband at the time. So when I went looking for a replacement kitty, I narrowed it down easily as I wanted a cat that looked the same. However, my new cat is 1/2 the size of my sister's cat since I could adopt a smaller cat. My new cat is not the same as my sister's cat. She never kneads me, but she's adorable and tries to clean my hair when she's happy with me. She's her own kitty and I love her just as she is. I think you should keep your new cat and be open to accepting him as he is. My new cat froze in fear when I picked her up. I did wait a month and a half to pick her up since she is a rescue kitty. I kept picking her up occasionally, then putting her down right away each time so that she became accustomed to it. Now she purrs usually when I pick her up and is fine with being held for a couple minutes. I love her so much that I've forgotten what my sister's cat is like since I haven't really seen her in years.

Otherwise, if you are really determined to have a certain type of kitty, maybe fostering kitties (one at a time) until you find the one you want might be a good idea.

Thank you all for your responses.We are working hard to help Dr. Seuss acclamate. We will update you as we go along. He is a good kitty, and we do adore him.  It may seem like very high expectations, but in our house, kitties on laps actually heal -my daughter and husband suffer from anxiety and having a cat on their lap is wonderful treatment. We are a healthier family with a cat in the house, but yes, right or wrong, we are looking for a good fit to help our family.

I appreciate all of your advice and we are taking it to heart.

Good luck and please do keep us updated!

Just to add encouragement; my girls are litter mates but have different personalities.  Mooch is social and has to be on me.  She's almost always near where I am.  Noodles; well she is our resident grumpy cat!  But she lays on the back of the couch near my head and purrs her little heart out at night when the house is quiet.  If Mooch is off somewhere; she might even sit in my lap.  But it's on her terms.  Their differences are some of the things I love about them.