Feeling lost and guilty

flmickey90

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It's been almost a week now.  Last Sunday night at almost midnight, I had my cat outside with me and holding her for some fresh air.  She saw a cat and started wiggling to get free and I could not get her inside before she got out of my arms.  I'm so lost and beside myself and feel so guilty for letting this happen.  The major downside is that she's skittish of people she doesn't know and any time someone knocks on the door she goes to hide.  And the major topper and kicker to it all is that she's declawed, which I did NOT do to her as I don't agree with it one bit so please don't go after me for it ... the previous owner was the one who had it done to her because her grandkids didn't want her to get scratched because she is an elderly lady and took the cat in after her daughter passed away.  I've lost it at least once a day since this has happened. I've gone around and put fliers up in town and in the area and talked to neighbors.  Have contacted animal control and the local vet in town as well.  Have left a few items outside for her, but I'm torn on wanting to leave her food out for her because there's always other neighborhood cats out and I don't want to have them scare her off or them to get it so I can get her.  I'm not trying to sound stingy and am sorry if it does, but she's had a UTI and on a special diet and on the prescription diet food.  I don't have any tuna to put out. Have put a towel that she's laid on out but haven't put her bed out and know I should.  I feel so awful for this happening and I now regret taking her out with out her harness on regardless if she liked it or not and again out of stupidity I didn't have a collar on her with her home again microchip info.  I just feel like a terrible and irresponsible owner for this happening and I know it's happened to others.  I am trying to remain optimistic, but as we all know it can be easier said than done.  No matter where I look in the apartment, I see her things (toys, dishes, litterbox, places she will nap, her fur, etc) is so hard.  Last night, I put her clean dishes and some of her toys (the only ones left out are like Da Bird and others on a like/stick like that) in the bin where I have her dry food bag and finally cleaned out her litter box today.  I have her two beds in my room in the one corner and find it difficult to even look in that spot and one other in my closet before I put them together.  Doesn't help I haven't been hungry and eating so much and lost some weight (which have needed to do, but not the way I've wanted) and that's not good since I'm diabetic.  Both my mom and I have been quite down and depressed about this happening and I'm almost to the point of tears as I've been typing this, so I'll have to stop for now.  But I will share a picture or two of my Lil Miss Babycakes, Shadow.





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nansiludie

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I'm so sorry to hear this, she may still come home, did you check under any bushes, sheds, parked cars, crawl spaces? Anywhere a scared cat could crawl into or under? She is probably not far, just hiding. Try shaking some dry food in a dish, especially around dusk and dawn. Have you knocked on neighbor's doors to see if they might have seen her? Have you checked the local shelter?
 
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flmickey90

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I've looked where I can without going to much into neighbors yards and looking under their vehicles and bushes and behind things and have them calling the cops or getting mad at me.  Yes, I have contacted local shelter, animal control and vets, she is microchipped.  When going out and calling for her after dark, I've taken some food in a plastic dish with lid and shake it as I call for her.  Have talked to quite a few neighbors. One couple down the street said they had both saw one that could have been her, but at different times and the wife told her husband (the one I spoke with) said she looked like she could have been injured.  Have left them a tear off of an extra flyer with the Home Again number and her microchip number on one side as well as my name and number on the other.
 

nansiludie

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Oh, okay. You've done pretty much all then. I guess its  wait and see now. Wait, did you list a classified ad? I know some papers will let a free, lost cat ad run for a day.
 
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flmickey90

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I had thought about it, but, of course, when I remember about it am already in bed and don't feel like getting up to write myself a note. I'll write myself a note now as I think of it to do that on Monday.   I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or wrong thing for not putting anything out either food wise or scent because of other neighborhood cats that are around that they just let roam any time of the day and night.  As much as I want to do that, I don't want to have anyone around by the stuff (food or any household item) and her get scared away because of them.
 

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It would probably be good to go ahead and put something out there that smells like you, a t-shirt or something, that way the other cats won't recognize the smell but she will.
 
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flmickey90

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Knew I was forgetting to do something again.  I would take something with me when would go around the area calling for her and would leave it out.  But one day this past week had people come and mow the lawn of the apartment complex and I had brought it back in and forgot to put it back out after they had left and didn't think of leaving it out again after coming back home from the walk.  Thanks for the reminder for that!  I had thought about maybe leaving one of her beds out there, but is it bad to be nervous of doing that with neighboring cats that are out and about and not knowing if they would try and mark that bed or not?  I know that there's things to get to remove like pee scents and such, but not sure how it would be work with scents from other cats as well.  I've never used something like that until recently when she had a UTI and marked one of her own beds.   I've left an old towel that had on a pillow that she would lay on in a spot in the living room and that's what have been taking when I go out calling for her.  
 
It would probably be good to go ahead and put something out there that smells like you, a t-shirt or something, that way the other cats won't recognize the smell but she will.
 
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flmickey90

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@Mani   Thank you so much.  I had tried to see what I could find for ideas and such, but looks like I probably went to the wrong area and just missed it that info. Thanks for sharing that.  It's been a week today (well about midnight tonight) and I'm just so lost and trying to be optimistic, but it hasn't been easy.  Miss her bunches and have lost it a number of times over the week.
 

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Oh dear...horrible situation.  She's a beautiful cat.  Don't give up hope.  Have you tried Pet Finders web site?  I recently found a little dog who was not chipped and I put a found dog report on Pet Finders and the owner was at my door within 12 hours.  It could easily work the other way around.  You can search to see if anyone has found her on their site and I think it is nationwide.  Facebook is another place you can post pictures if you have a local organization like humane society or pet rescue groups.  You can also place an ad for free on Craigslist.  I'm wishing you lots of good luck finding her.  Don't give up.
 
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flmickey90

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@Dandila   Thank you.   I think I have, but will have to go back and check as know I've got to a few places online.  I've found several pages on Facebook to post about her being lost and no luck yet with them yet.  Have even posted on my page directly and have had a few people share it.  I have a friend (who have met through one of the pages I posted on) that is also keeping an eye out for her and her husband and son have been as well.  Again, thanks!  It just doesn't feel the same in the apartment without her.
 

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@Mani   Thank you so much.  I had tried to see what I could find for ideas and such, but looks like I probably went to the wrong area and just missed it that info. Thanks for sharing that.  It's been a week today (well about midnight tonight) and I'm just so lost and trying to be optimistic, but it hasn't been easy.  Miss her bunches and have lost it a number of times over the week.
She is a beautiful girl. i'm so sorry that she's missing. You can't blame yourself for this. These things happen. If you were able to borrow or rent some humane traps from a local shelter or rescue group, would your neighbors let you place them in their yards? You may get a few critters that you weren't expecting to before you you have any success but it's worth a try. I'd put something good and stinky in them like some canned sardines. They are about a $1 a can and those babies give off a strong smell. Please don't lose hope. Lost animals find their way home all the time. You have to stay positive. Hang in there. I know it's terrifying and frustrating not knowing where she is. Sending out vibes that she comes home very soon and is unharmed. 
 
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flmickey90

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She is a beautiful girl. i'm so sorry that she's missing. You can't blame yourself for this. These things happen. If you were able to borrow or rent some humane traps from a local shelter or rescue group, would your neighbors let you place them in their yards? You may get a few critters that you weren't expecting to before you you have any success but it's worth a try. I'd put something good and stinky in them like some canned sardines. They are about a $1 a can and those babies give off a strong smell. Please don't lose hope. Lost animals find their way home all the time. You have to stay positive. Hang in there. I know it's terrifying and frustrating not knowing where she is. Sending out vibes that she comes home very soon and is unharmed. 
I had tried asking like animal control to see if they would help, but didn't seem like they had anything extra to be able to.  Neither them, nor the local shelter/humane society have had anything come in when have talked to them.  I'm being optimistic, but am sure others have maybe felt the way I do in that the longer it goes, it feels almost less likely that they'd come home.  Thank you for the positive thoughts and kind words.  I guess the only reason I feel the way I do is that she was the first cat I've had in such a long time that I felt I've let her down and didn't protect her like I should have.  Know all parents of furbabies feel that way, though.  Hard to say with how neighbors would be as have heard of some that maybe aren't to keen with having things like that done and just don't want to be bothered with it and just don't have the heart like those of us that love animals.
 

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Your intent was not to let her down but rather enrich her life by letting her be outside.  The intent behind an action is what counts.  Don't beat yourself up, please.  Just keep visualizing what her return home would look like to you.  Imagine all of the ways it could happen and how it would make you feel.  This exercise will focus your energy in the place it needs to be for her to come home to you.
 
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flmickey90

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Your intent was not to let her down but rather enrich her life by letting her be outside.  The intent behind an action is what counts.  Don't beat yourself up, please.  Just keep visualizing what her return home would look like to you.  Imagine all of the ways it could happen and how it would make you feel.  This exercise will focus your energy in the place it needs to be for her to come home to you.
So very true!  That's something I've been telling myself when I get down and upset with myself for it.  I know that there's been times she's tried getting out and I was able to stop her until I was ready to let her out with me.  I keep imagining that day and hoping that it will be soon!  I know I need to keep the faith and be positive that she will return back to me, but it's also the unknown factor of the "WHEN" it will be.  I know I really want to have that furbaby in the home and I know I feel bad for wanting to have another one, but my thoughts are wanting to get her back and not just going to get another as know it won't be the same.  Is it bad to want to get another one to replace her when it hasn't been enough time to really get over what happened especially since I haven't been able to find her?  I feel that I want one, but it's also a feeling of disrespect to her that I'm not giving her a chance to come home and/or to be found.  Please don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those idiotic nasty people out there that just wants to get one to replace one that's missing.  For me, it's just I have a big heart for animals, ESPECIALLY cats,  that now even though I have a major void in my life (and my mom has that same void feeling) with her being gone that it just feels off.  But then on the other hand I feel if I did get one, I wouldn't feel right either as I feel I wouldn't be doing good for that one.  Don't know if that makes sense or not.  Just is all those thoughts going through my jumbled brain with what's going on and how she's doing if she's ok and all that kind of thing that everyone has more than likely gone through.
 

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You wanting to replace the void her absence has caused is not bad.  It's human nature, I think.  But you're right that a new one would not be the same.  You know that cats, just like people, are all very different.  Doesn't make one good or one bad, they're just different.  So, have you thought about what would happen if you got another one and she came back?  How do you think she would react to it?
 
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flmickey90

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That's how I was kind of thinking and feeling it was as well.  Yea, I had thought about that.  I'll have to go back and look at my lease agreement with where I live as if I remember right, we're only allowed 1 pet and that's it.  Know of at least one that I think has more, though, but I don't want to overstep it as am lucky enough to find an apartment that accepts pets as it's hard to find.  I don't think she likes other cats and that's why she had gotten away from me as she went to chase after it for being so close to her home, so if (trying to not think of the if she doesn't) she came back and there was another one here, I'm not sure how well it would go and it wouldn't be right to have to in turn have to get rid of one, which I hate to say would probably be the one I got to kind of fill that void.  I am not the one to do something like that as I'd feel bad for having to do that as it happens WAY to much!!
 

mani

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I would not be giving up.  It's still just a week. We've had cats being found much later than that on TCS.  Have you knocked on every door?  Asked people if you can search their yards? Put up the posters around your area? Cats just hole up.. she could be so close.
 
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flmickey90

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I haven't given up.  Just have tons of thoughts going through the brain since it's happened.  I've done what I can and some that I've talked to have said that they'd keep an eye out for her, but not sure if any really have or not.  No, I didn't ask if I could check their yards as am sure after a while they'd not want me to do it anymore.  Have done the poster up a number of places and have had to switch out because of the weather as have had rain.  Am keeping positive, but of course there's always times that the negative thoughts come into play.  I just hope that if someone does take her in that they don't treat her bad and that if they take her in to the vets that the vets will check for her since she's been microchipped, just didn't have a collar on her with that information, which I know I should have had on her.  I'm thinking of continuing to keep her microchip up to date when it comes time to renew it again through Home Again.
 

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i really hope you find her. she is a stunning cat! sometimes cats come back on their own even after they have been many miles away. 
 
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