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Boys Suck!!!!!

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
Why do they have to be such jerks!

Ok...the boy and I got in a little tiff tonight. As I was leaving, due to the fact I was pissed, he asks me if I wanted him to walk me to my car, like he does all the time. I said "don't bother" and he didn't!!!

He should have. I could have been raped and mugged out there and he would have felt really bad. Now its been well over an hour since I left and he still didn't call.

I just talked to my friend for like an hour complaining about him.

I told her I was cutting my losses now and she said I was jumping the gun.

I had come to terms with the fact I'll never get married and be a spinster cat lady and then I start dating this boy. Now I have to come to terms with it again.

Nat, the friend I called, said he will probably call me tomorrow night or at the latest Monday.

I'm not answering my phone. He can leave me a message and then call me again when I don't call him back.

UG! I just need to vent. Give me the power not to call him and be the stupid clingly chick!!!
post #2 of 26
I said "don't bother" and he didn't!!!
Well, it looks like he was d**ned if he did, d**ned if he didn't. You can't have it both ways!

I feel for you - its really tough to try to build a relationship or friendship, and boys do suck sometimes. But you can't tell him one thing, expect him to do something different, and then get mad because he did exactly what you told him to do!

Don't give up, try to put yourself in his shoes and think about how you would be feeling in his place.

edited to add:
I hope you are feeling better this morning, and the initial upset and drama have subsided a bit. And surely, just to put things in context for other people who are reading, you kind of exaggerated the risk of rape and mugging, didn't you? I live right in the downtown core of a larger city in Ontario, and have extremely low risk of rape or mugging walking to my car at night.
post #3 of 26
I have to agree with Sammie5.

He wouldn't have won either way. You two just had an arguement and from the sounds of things you two needed space.

If someone was angry at you and told you not to bother with your offer of help, how would you have felt? Would you have insisted with helping?
post #4 of 26
I have to agree. Men are pretty literal creatures. If you said, "Don't bother", why are you angry at him for doing as you asked? He offered to do the right thing, regardless of whether you were arguing or not.

If this was indeed "a little tiff", why are you making such a big deal over it and not answering his call when he makes it? If he makes the effort to call you, you really can't humiliate him further and expect him to contuinue to call back. The guy's gotta be able to have some dignity left.
post #5 of 26
If you are going to fight with someone you care about, and want to keep in your life, you gotta fight fair. Sometimes that is easier said than done. It sounds like we have some Dr. Phil watchers here.
post #6 of 26
I agree. Men don't think the same way as women do - women tend to speak in circles, say one thing and mean the other, like you did - he took it that you didn't want him to walk you so he didn't. Ease up on him. Even though you had a tiff, he still bothered to ask if he could walk you. He is still being a gentleman.
post #7 of 26
Being male... Think I'll sit this one out
post #8 of 26
Originally posted by BentAminal
Being male... Think I'll sit this one out
ROTFL!! But hey, since you are a man maybe you have some "Dudely" points to make in this matter...

post #9 of 26
Ooooooo, trying to pull me in on this topic... Kim!! I'll have to be careful with you. :P
post #10 of 26
Creeyowl when you told him : I said "don't bother" and he didn't!!!
This really told him you don't want his help . He did offer though : he asks me if I wanted him to walk me to my car, like he does all the time. So he still was trying to be nice , thats how I see it . The fact that you thought he should have walked you to your car is a differend story . # 1 , he did see you were absad with him , so he thinks better listen to her or she get even more absad with me . # 2 , a man don't think like a woman , when you told him no don't bother he took it for a no . You can not hold this against him now . I am long enough marriage to know that when I tell my hubby one thing and that is excactly how is going to be . No matter how I may feel or think about that . If you wanted him to walk you to the car you just had to tell him yes please and he would have walked you there .Please remember that a man thinks differendly then a woman is . And most of the time the hardest thing to deal with due to miss understanding from both sites .
post #11 of 26
Thread Starter 
I know I know. I'm not as pissed as I was last night. When he calls I'll talk to him. Just irks me that no matter what I said he should be more concerned about my safety and walked me anyway.
post #12 of 26
Since he offered to walk you to your car, Id say hes a pretty good guy. I would have done the same, if a girl said "don't bother" I would leave it at that.
Anyways, I hope it turns out ok for you!

post #13 of 26
Just irks me that no matter what I said he should be more concerned about my safety and walked me anyway.
No, I don't think so. You need to be very clear, and mean what you say. You know that men say they don't know what women want. This is one reason. He should respect your opinion about things, and assume that if you say you are fine walking to the car by yourself, then you mean that, you are safe.
post #14 of 26
Unless you were walking in an area where the attacks you describe are frequent, or you had a long distance to walk alone in the dark, he 100% did his duty. In this day and age, it's rare that you even get the offer anymore. You sent the messsage that you neither wanted nor needed his escort.
post #15 of 26
Awww. Oh my how many times I've expected guys to read my mind. *sigh* When my ex & I would fight, he would flee the scene, which made me feel worse. So finally I just told him that even if I say GET OUT OF HERE it doesn't mean actually LEAVE (can you believe he actually left?! Men! ) and he never left again. You just have to tell him how to decipher (or give him a hint at least). It's like a foreign language to him and he'll learn it over time. Actually he'll learn YOURS over time if you let him. Unfortunately for guys, it's not the same for everyone. :split: hehehe...

I hope you two can work things out and be happy again!

P.S. He probably figured given your mood at the time that you were in NO danger at all.
post #16 of 26
Thread Starter 
He called. Said he was sorry. Blah Blah Blah. Probably gonna see him Wednesday. I'll see how I feel then. I'm still kind of pissed, but points for him for calling.

I like the boy but my defences are high, tired of always getting hurt

I know I'm really giving him a hard time about such a little tiff, but I feel I need to, or get walked over!
post #17 of 26
Thread Starter 
It all goes back to that question:

"Do I look fat?"

If the guy pauses, or looks at you or makes any kind of face he's in the dog house. If he automatically says "no" its all good.

Guys have to learn what goes on in our little mixed up heads
post #18 of 26
I don't know about you guys, but my husband IS from Mars
(still love him just the same)

post #19 of 26
Originally posted by kimward34
I don't know about you guys, but my husband IS from Mars
(still love him just the same)

Kim - ditto! I mean I love mine
post #20 of 26
Originally posted by Creepyowl
Give me the power not to call him and be the stupid clingly chick!!!
I´ll add a little bit to this conversations.

I can´t stay mad with anyone in silent, I mean I cant argue and then just continue to be mad and just continue with the day. Why be mad at someone you care for, just to be mad? The arguement is over, offering peace does not mean that the other person was right or you were wrong, it just means you want to make peace again and continue from there. I must admit I have been so mad and hurt I have not anwered the phone if my s/o and I have been arguing and he has rushed out (which he does not anymore). It´s like a statement, but then I regret not answering, what if he doesn´t call again for a long time, I dont really want to be mad anymore, just wanted to make this statement...

He offered to walk you to the car, and then if he would have called (which he has done now) really means he wants to make peace with you, but you so obvously wont let him if you don´t answer the phone.
Now he has called, let this be over with and make peace with him, to be able to forgive is a good quality and helps a good relationship get better.

You said you dont wanted to call him, not wanting to be a stupig clingly chick. Calling him would not have made you a stupic clingly chick, but someone who is willing to let go and make peace in a mature way, instead of making an effort to keep the anger going. So, instead of staying mad a bit longer, just call him now (he has taken the first and the second move anyway) and start enjoying each others company again.

My s/o and I have decited to react to argument that way that we force ourself to calm down and make peace and talk things over calmly and with respect, but that would not mean that we give in and admit the other one is right. It works great!

And one more thing...As most have said, men think differently. Do I look fat? is a question. We want the instant answer "No, of course not", even though we might think we actually do look fat, but they are not allowed to even think that for one moment. But, again, it is a question, and before the man can answer he has to look at the person and see if she actually looks fat or not!

I hope you don´t feel I am attacking you I am really not, just wanted to tell you my phylosophy on arguing and staying mad at each other.

Your friend seems like a nice guy, I´d say he´s a keeper!
post #21 of 26
Originally posted by Kiwideus
Kim - ditto! I mean I love mine
LOL! Kellye- we must start a club!
post #22 of 26
Creepyowl, how OLD are you?
post #23 of 26
Yayi- On her profile it says:

January 15, 1976
post #24 of 26
Thread Starter 
I'm 27 but that doesn't mean I can't be insecure in a relationship?? Age has nothing to do with the fact that I don't want to be walked over, and that I would like the upper hand in a relationship.

Anyway, things are ok with the boy and I. We are going out Wednesday night.

I just was upset and had to vent. When in relationships I always think I'm better off alone to avoid the heartache.
post #25 of 26
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by WellingtonCats
Yayi- On her profile it says:

January 15, 1976

See Sam you only have 1 month to buy me that super duper birthday present
post #26 of 26
Oh the games people play. . . .
Communication is key to any lasting relationship.
Also, both partners need to give 100% +!

At 27, I was 9 years into a miserable marriage that ended when I was 30. I learned an awful lot about myself. . . . and my ex as I look back and reflect. He was a self centered tyrant and I was a doormat.

I think you need to take some time out and find yourself before persuing anything long term with your boyfriend. He needs to do the same before committing himself to you.

Good luck.
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