I really need some advice. Please read.

crystalnicole

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Hi everyone,

My 10 month old girl Lulu is very sweet, playful, and we have a great relationship and she is very attached to me (and vice versa) . It’s just myself and my boyfriend living in our house, with her being the only pet we have. I got her when she was only 6 weeks old and have rasied her since then.  We spayed her a few months ago.

She is a typical kitten with lots of energy and very playful.  She gets a lot of attention from us and most days we try to cut out some time to play with her.  The only problem we are having with her is something that’s been going on since she was 4-6 months or so…and that is the BITES a LOT!

I think she bites for a variety of reasons. First off, to communicate.  I notice that when I (or anyone) pets her, sometimes she all of a sudden will lash out and bite my hand suddenly, which I assume is her way of saying “stop, I’ve had enough, Mom!” She also bites when she is picked up at times. She doesn’t bite hard or anything…its definitely not viscous, but she’s clearly using biting to communicate to us. I have read that cats can easily become ‘over-stimulated’, and this can be their way of saying “hey, ive had enough.” I have learned to read her body language somewhat, and can sometimes stop petting, etc before she bites...but I just wish she wouldn't do the biting to communicate that she's had enough in general....especially when strangers first meet her and are petting her.

I have done a lot of research on this, and although I have tried my best to follow the basic ‘rules’ (no spanking/yelling, just ignore and walk away), I have to admit the consistency hasn’t been 100% at all times, mostly because the biting behavior has been SO constant.  My boyfriend used to use his hand sometimes to play with her in the beginning, during her first couple months with us.  I have corrected him since then, and he hasn’t used his hands for play whatsoever for the last 4-5 months or so. I also know that yelling, punishing (especially physically) potentially only makes things worse, as it prompts cats’ defense/attack mechanism to kick in. We have done our best to avoid that, however, it’s difficult sometimes. He sometimes slips up and yells at her or pushes her away, which I know isn’t helping.

She is a wonderful cat and we both love her to death and I know she adores us (especially me...her mama), we just both need the biting to stop. Biting to communicate, and also the play-biting. From what I’ve read so far, it seems that the solution to this is that when she bites to simply ignore her and either give her a toy or walk away, or both, depending on the situation. We have tried this and not much has changed so far. My boyfriend does his best to follow these ‘rules' I give him, but I’ll admit he isn’t totally consistent with it….and I notice she definitely will bite him more than me, during play especially.  He will sometimes just be sitting on the couch and she will run up and latch onto his arm with her teeth because she wants to play it seems.  When this happens, because it’s so extreme and out of the blue, he will often fling her off his arm which she probably sees as an attack and thus it makes things worse.

I know I am kind of rambling here with everything, I am just hoping for some solid advice that is as simple as possible. How can we discourage her biting behavior? And again, she seems to bite to communicate with us, and also when she is playing when she gets too excited. So, I think I need a solution for both situations. If you need anything clarified or have any specific questions, please let me know and I will be happy to give more info.

Thanks in advance :) :)

Crystal
 

tulosai

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I'm going to try to go point by point :)
First off, to communicate.  I notice that when I (or anyone) pets her, sometimes she all of a sudden will lash out and bite my hand suddenly, which I assume is her way of saying “stop, I’ve had enough, Mom!” She also bites when she is picked up at times. She doesn’t bite hard or anything…its definitely not viscous, but she’s clearly using biting to communicate to us. I have read that cats can easily become ‘over-stimulated’, and this can be their way of saying “hey, ive had enough.” I have learned to read her body language somewhat, and can sometimes stop petting, etc before she bites...but I just wish she wouldn't do the biting to communicate that she's had enough in general....especially when strangers first meet her and are petting her.
First and most important I would warn strangers/people she doesn't see a lot simply not to pet her or if they must to only pet her once (literally one stroke) so that nothing bad happens. If she ends up breaking the skin that actually can get infected easily and  become a nightmare that neither you nor your guests need. Unfortunately I think this is the most logical solution since strangers/occasional or even relatively frequent guests are probablynot going to be able to (or want to) put in the time necessary to get to know her body language.

As to the rest, I understand you wishing this simply wasn't an issue but truthfully the most effective thing you can do is simply continue to learn to read her body language, and to stop before you think you need to.  I know this probably isn't what you want to hear but it can often be VERY difficult to train cats who bite just because they've had enough to stop if they again get to a point where they've had enough- it is better to just stop yourself before they've had enough.
I have done a lot of research on this, and although I have tried my best to follow the basic ‘rules’ (no spanking/yelling, just ignore and walk away), I have to admit the consistency hasn’t been 100% at all times, mostly because the biting behavior has been SO constant.  My boyfriend used to use his hand sometimes to play with her in the beginning, during her first couple months with us.  I have corrected him since then, and he hasn’t used his hands for play whatsoever for the last 4-5 months or so. I also know that yelling, punishing (especially physically) potentially only makes things worse, as it prompts cats’ defense/attack mechanism to kick in. We have done our best to avoid that, however, it’s difficult sometimes. He sometimes slips up and yells at her or pushes her away, which I know isn’t helping.
Ignoring and walking away is fine but you can also try saying NO or OUCH or yelping loudly... this is not negative like prolonged yelling as long as you limit it to a short sound, and  some cats will then get the message they are hurting you and stop.  Hissing also works with some cats, or another loud noise like shaking a tin can of coins. Short time outs are also something you can try, as is getting her a playmate if that is something your own situation allows.  Also how often do you play with her daily? Ideally, you'd each be playing with her for 15+ minutes at different times using interactive toys.

I know 100% consistency is hard but consistency is EXTREMELY important when you are first training a cat, and your boyfriend has to somehow get on board as well. I don't mean to state the obvious or sound critical but it's extremely unfortunate he used to use his hand for play as it is VERY hard to break cats from that later, though it definitely can be done.  The first step  is to just stop using the hand for play and he's done that so that's great. He also does have to stop being aggressive toward her though. It is unfortunate he has been unable to completely stop until now but he really has to try to remember she is a cat, not a human, and training them can be a difficult process as they just do not respond like humans do.
 He will sometimes just be sitting on the couch and she will run up and latch onto his arm with her teeth because she wants to play it seems.  When this happens, because it’s so extreme and out of the blue, he will often fling her off his arm which she probably sees as an attack and thus it makes things worse.
It may be easier said than done but he really must stop this.  Flinging her away is bad for the behavior but also really could end up hurting her.  To improve the situation he should actually FREEZE when she does it, then slowly disentangle his arm. At that point he can try to redirect her attention to a toy, try a time out, ignore her, or some other strategy depending on what works best.

Here is an article that may be somewhat helpful too, and others will be by with more suggestions I'm sure:  http://www.thecatsite.com/a/cat-aggression-toward-people
 
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