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Im losing my baby

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
Hi folks,
I've made a few post over at the Stray and Feral Care Forum, but I am pretty new to this site. Im not sure if Im posting this on the right forum so please forgive if Im not.
Im hurting inside right now and I dont know too many people that can understand like those that might frequent this site.

I've had JoJo since I was 17 yrs old ...over 16 yrs now. Hes been there through marriage, divorce and remarriage. Hes been there for me when my parents died. Hes been there for me when my babies were born ...he would lay beside me as I nursed. He's been moved from house to house. He's had to deal with dogs and cats that have come and gone and so much other crap he's had to go through with and for me. Never did he complain or become distant to me (one of my other cats holds grudges against me when I bring new animals in ...lol) He's one of the most easy going cats you will ever meet.
JoJos been more then just my pet ...he's like one of my children! I know this may sound strange to some, but its just how I feel. Now he is very ill and nearing his end. It started with rapid weight lose and a trip to the vets that showed he had hyperthyroidism. Started him on the meds and he got a VERY bad reaction to it that landed him in the hospital for a week back in Nov. Theres no other treatment option for us considering his age and other factors. Been caring for him and spoiling him as much as possible. Today I had to rush him back to vets ...he stopped eating again (he's down to 5lbs ..use to be an over 20lb cat) and drinking obsessivly. His kidneys are failing The vet made it clear theres not much more we can do for him at this stage. I have to give him IV fluids everyday and see how that goes for the next few days.
But honestly, I know that the time is coming to make that dreaded decision. I hate seeing him like this ...my fun loving, easy going, cucumber loving baby is just miserable and wasting away. I use to joke that JoJo was gonna outlive me ...maybe just wishful thinking. I dont want my baby to go, but I dont want him to suffer either. I am grateful Ive had some extra time with him this past month, to come to terms with what is going on, but its still so hard. I know Im just rambling with another long post but I guess what I really want to know is ...
How do you let go? When do you know for sure that its the right time? I dont know if anybody can actually answer that for me, but maybe those with simular experience can give me some comfort.
Thanks in advance
Kali and JoJo
post #2 of 27
Ah Kali, I'm so sorry. I've had to deal with such a decision recently and will again soon, and it is not easy, not for anyone.

How do you know? JoJo will tell you. I suppose each person has different criteria of what defines "quality of life", but however you define it, that is what most use to help them decide. So it is a bit individual. For me, it depends on when there is suffering I can not relieve. I do not feel it is suffering to give a cat treatments that help it feel better, to have what I define as quality of life - napping with me contentedly, enjoying food, still playing on occasion with a favorite toy. Suffering is no enjoyment of food or toys, not wanting to be held, crying out in pain, ongoing respiratory distress.

Love up JoJo and just watch what he tells you, he really will let you know when his spirit has had enough, and it is time for you to love him enough to help him pass on.

post #3 of 27
OH how I wish I had words to ease your pain. I just lost my cat Smokey on September 26th. She was 17 years old & I had gotten her when I was 12. She too had been through a lot with me. There was a time in my life when I was very depresed & suicidal & it was the thought of her not having anyone to care for her that kept me going. So 2 years ago when she was diagnosed with Chronic Renal Failure I was afraid I was going to crawl in a hole & die, but I didn't. Some how I went on. Caring for her was what I began living my life for, I even stoped going to visit my sister as she needed pills everday & sub-q fluids every other day. So when the weekend came that she stoped eating & even refused pizza I was once again devestated. I knew her time was near. I did everthing the vet gave me to do as options to keep her comfortable for as long as possible. I believed I owed her that much. I prayed daily for the last 2 weeks that she would let go, but she wouldn't & in the end I had to make the decision to help her go. We were at home, she was in my arms & I can think of no other way I would have wanted it. If it comes to that unfortunate decision I really suggest finding a vet that will do it in your home, not only is there no fear for the animal it's more private for you to express your grief. All the questions you ask are the same one's I asked myself over & over for 2 years, but when the day came there was no question. It was in the look of her eyes. You know your cat better than anyone including the vet. I firmly believe you will know the look that says, please help me I can't take this any longer. It will be the hardest thing you do, but if done correctly you'll have peace knowing it was time. I don't ever question my decision, I know she was done & I did the right thing. I'm sorry you have to go through this, and I'm sorry for your impending loss. Whenever you need to talk this site is a great place, in my weakest moments the people here were my strength. Lean on us.
post #4 of 27
Oh Kalikitty I am so sorry . I know this is one of the hardest things to go through . Last year in spring I had to put Sammy down , it was very hard on me to do that . Sammy had his first stroke 2 years ago befor the 2nd one . After the 2nd stroke in spring last year he just went downhill , he could not even walk , eat or drink by himself and I knew I had to do help him pass on to the rainbow bridge . Sammy was a persian cat and 15 years old . I had Sammy for 13 years and it was heart breaking for me to let go . But I knew I had to do it .There will come the day when you know that it is time to let go . Your baby will tell you somehow ((((HUGS)))) to you .
post #5 of 27
This article may help

Making the decision
post #6 of 27
Oh Kali I'm so sorry! Your situation described what I went thru with my first love Hippocrates many years ago and I really feel the pain you are going thru right now. The best advice that I received at the time was a challenging question from my vet: "Are you keeping him alive for you or are you keeping him alive for him?" Your heart and JoJo will tell you the answer. It's so hard to push aside the tears and listen.
post #7 of 27
I am so sorry, and I understand what you are going through. I had to make this decision for my cat, Midnight, almost 2 1/2 years ago. When she was 13 1/2, Midnight went completely blind in both eyes due to glaucoma, (very painful, serious and difficult to treat in an animal). I was able to have a few more months with Midnight by managing her condition, but eventually her pain and suffering could no longer be controlled or relieved. By the time Midnight had reached that point, she was also in a general decline that was accelerating, and her quality of life was going down. There was still the option of having both of Midnight's eyes surgically removed to relieve the pain, but I felt that she had been a very good cat who had given a lot back to me over the years, and didn't deserve to be put through any more. I made the decision to let her go, and the vet said I was doing the best thing and the right thing for Midnight...

I think it is very difficult to avoid being selfish and to make the right choices when an animal is nearing the end of it's life, and you have to do what you feel is the best thing.
post #8 of 27
Kali, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through Most of us, I think, I have gone through losing one of our babies at one time or another. It isn't ever easy. A few months back, I too, had to have a 17 year old female put down due to kidney failure. She had the problems with her kidneys for over a year. She had a good life for a while, but there came the point when I knew it was time to let go and let her have peace. It wasn't easy! I remembered the day that a past girlfriend and I had found her. She was a kitten that had been dumped by a bowling alley. We found her on a very cold rainy night. I picked her up and put her in the car, she fell fast to sleep with a look of contentment on her face, knowing she could sleep where it was warm and dry. But now I knew it was time to say goodbye. We gave her a good life, but by the look in her eyes, I could see the pain she was going through. Her eyes were almost fully dilated, no matter how much light was in the room and she looked scared. So, I remembered that day, the day I took her away from her fears of being alone outside in the cold and rain and it was time once again, to take her away from her fears and pain. My wife and I gave her the best treat she could have, a whole can of tuna. We let her know how much we loved her and told her that soon, she would no longer have fear or pain. I held her in my arms while at the vets office, she went to sleep there. It was hard to let go, but we knew we did the right thing.
post #9 of 27
I am very sorry to hear that you are loosing your sweet kitty. I was just thinking of the day when I have to say good-bye to my Berkley. She is sick with a cold and it is scaring me so much. I cannot bear to think of the day when we have to say good-bye.
Spend time with your kitty and talk to him to let her know that he has been a good pet. Cats seem to understand when we talk to them.
I will keep you both in my prayers.
post #10 of 27
Listen to what JoJo wants. He will be able to tell you when it is time to say goodbye.

That's the only advice I have to give. I'm sorry to hear about the news. Make the times that you spend together happy moments and cherish these with your already treasured memories.
post #11 of 27
Oh god Kali, what you must be going through!.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as i type this. your baby looks so lovely as well.

I wish i had an answer for you, but i havent, apart from i'm saying a prayer for your baby.

A hug from myself, and a 'huge' headbutt from Rosie xx

post #12 of 27

A friend of mine sent me some wise words when I had to make this decision. I lost my baby to kidney failure. I was in the middle of starting a new relationship and didn't even notice the change in her over the month. She went from 16lbs to 5, but since she was all fur it wasn't noticable till you picked her up. Once I discovered her illness, life was put on hold for me. I spent the next 3 weeks spending every spare moment with her.

"Courage is not the action itself, but making the decision to act."

I just wish I could remember who said it. I ~think~ it was John Wayne.

My heart is grieving with yours.
post #13 of 27
I am so sorry you're going through this. *hugs* JoJo is such a beautiful boy. My heart goes out to you - it is such a difficult time, and so very painful to have to try to decide.

These sites and articles may help :
pet loss support and information page
defining quality of life
a difficult decision
what to expect

I was there last summer with my sweet Rainbow Bridge girl. Her time came, unfortunately, with a crisis after a long & slow decline - I decided it was time to put aside my own need to keep her with me, and do what was best for her. When the time came, I did my best to put aside my pain and surround her with love and comfort, holding her in my arms and putting my head on her chest as I had held her so many times over the years, listening to her purr. She purred for me, and the vet very gently took her arm and injected her, her purr gradually faded, and she left this world peacefully in my arms. It was the least I could do for her after she gave me so many years of sweet love, comfort, and loyalty.

My thoughts and prayers are with you & JoJo for comfort and peace.
post #14 of 27
Thread Starter 
We took JoJo in yesterday to be euthanasized. Like many here said, he let me know it was time. I cant believe how deep the pain is and how much I miss my first and most wonderful furrbaby ever. We have his ashes in a beautiful cat statue and it is helping to keep him close. I will write more about it in the other forum for this kind of thing when I am able to stop crying.
Thank you all so much for the kind words and support and the links to help me. Much love, peace, and happiness to all you wonderful kitty guardians.

post #15 of 27
I am very sorry to hear about little JoJo. Peace be with you. JoJo is in a better place over the Rainbow Bridge.
post #16 of 27
I'm very sorry for your loss. I know that beliefs vary, but mine is strongly that we see them again someday, and if you are of a mind to believe that, I hope it will comfort you a little.

I also believe that the love doesn't disappear - not on their part, and of course, not on ours. When the loss isn't so raw and new, it can be like a gentle hug to stand still for a moment and feel that shared love still surrounding you.
post #17 of 27
Kali, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. May JoJo rest in peace and no longer be in pain.
post #18 of 27
"I also believe that the love doesn't disappear - not on their part, and of course, not on ours"

Some people say I'm crazy, but I know my baby is still here with me. A celebrity medium was asked if those who pass over miss us, and his answer is NO....they can't miss us since they're with us each and every day. Expect to see something to let you know JoJo is still with you. You may find his favorite toy in the middle of your bed, or hear his purr in your sleep. Allow that to comfort you.
post #19 of 27
I am so sorry Kali, my family and I went through the same thing two years ago with our siamese Aja (she was almost 20 when she passed). My mother also put her ashes in a beautiful cat statue and everytime I see it I remember all the great times we had together.
post #20 of 27
I am so sorry that you had to let go of JoJo , but he is in a better place now with no pain and is happy running around with joy again in his heart ((((((HUGS))))))
post #21 of 27
I'm so sorry for your loss. You knew when it was the right time and let him go with dignity and comfort. RIP JoJo.
post #22 of 27
This same exact thing happened to my first cat. His kidneys were under-developed, and they eventually were failing. He was drinking a lot of water, and he eventually lost a lot of weight. The doctor gave him a shot to keep him alive for a little bit longer. We decided to let him die a natural death, because he was traumatized about shots. It was what's best for him... and what he wanted.

Terrible, terrible times. Just have faith that what you did was right. Sometimes you have guilt that you let him die, but I think that all cat lovers always have the right intentions on their cat. I'm sure he's in peace now.
post #23 of 27
I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. I had to put my cat to sleep on Nov 29th because of kidney failure. (I have two more cats). My cat, Miss Kitty, was also a hefty cat of 15 lbs. and she was down to 5 lbs. It was a hard thing to do, but I didn't want her to suffer. Good luck to you. Letting go of your cat is also loving them and knowing when to let go so they don't suffer.
post #24 of 27
I am so sorry I've never dealt with this and i dread the day when i do...
post #25 of 27
I am so very sorry for your loss. Rest in Peace, JoJo, free and happy over the Bridge.
post #26 of 27
RIP Jojo. Tough as it is, you did the right thing. Now please be gentle with yourself. That wonderful pal of yours wouldn't want you being miserable over him -- he knows you miss him, and he's waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge.
post #27 of 27
I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

Take as long as you need to grieve and when you feel you're ready, write a tribute to JoJo.
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