Becoming a full time mother and house caretaker

simon's mommy

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Anne I have to say you should do what you feel is right for you and your family. I am a stay at home mom. I never liked to work but I did until last year. When I had to go on bed rest with my daughter last year I quit. And now having another baby so close my husband does not want me to go to work. I am an only child myself so it is hard for me. I like my alone time don't get me wrong I love my daughter. It is hard for me because I do not drive a car I do not know how (don't laugh) I never learned. I am in the process of learning now. This makes things hard for me because I can't go anywhere. I hate it and I live very far from public transportation. My husband works 2 jobs because he does not want me to work. All of the money he makes would go to day care if I did. He works a midnight shift until 8 am and then goes to another job from 9 am to 5 pm. It is an hour drive for him to come home so he is very tired when he gets home. He tries to spend time with our daughter and myself but he also needs sleep. I hate it! I know my situation is different from yours. I don't know how much more of what I am doing I can do. I loved the idea of staying home at first but now I hate it! I want to work so I can get out of my house and see other people and interact with them. It is hard having a conversation with a 1 year old all day every day. I know you will make the right choice. Do what is best for you and your new baby not your country. As for the rest of your family also do what is best for you. In my family I am the only one who does not work. My mother worked all but 6 months after I was born and still does. I spent my life in child care I hated it. Good Luck I know it is hard to chose what is best but you and your husband will make the right chioce.


I also forgot to add even if I could drive we only have one car.
 

dawnt91

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I think the key to being a stay at home mom and remaining sane is staying busy. Try to find other friends who stay home (this may be more difficult in Isreal) or join mothers groups. Go to the gym to get out and have a break from the kids. Have a girls night out once in a while. Also, don't feel that you can't continue to do fun things once you have a child. I've taken my children everywhere since they were babies. I like to go to the mall, out to lunch, to the library, bookstores, etc. If I had to stay home everyday and not have any adult interaction, I swear I would go insane.
 
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Anne

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Thank you everyone again. There are some valid points made here that really make me think about it.

First, that this is not an irreversable decision. If I feel that I don't like it, I can change my mind and go back to work. Thinking about this in these terms, rather than as a life long decision makes things easier for me.

I think I will focus on this site as my ongoing project. If the traffic grows significantly, it may even make enough money for me to consider this a job someday. Whichever design or translation project that comes along I will be happy to take on for the extra cash. In my experience so far there is a lot of work and effort involved in getting the projects and I'm not sure that will fit in with what I plan as my future lifestyle.

Now, company would be a bit of a problem. We only have one car and I can't drive it on my own (it's hubby's "company car" which means I can only drive it if he's in it) and anyway, he needs the car on a daily basis. Where we live a car is very important, so I think we may have to look into getting a second car. There's no shortage of activities around and I already have my eye on a caperntry course...
We are relatively new here (we moved here about 4 months ago) and as I don't get out much I didn't make any new friends. We will be going to a birthing course in a couple of months, so I hope to meet pregnant women my age there. I also really want to breastfeed and will be thrilled to go to Le Leche meetings if we have any around (I know the organization is active in Israel, just not sure they have meetings nearby).

Also, I will have the advantage of living next door to my parents-in-law and MIL is just dying to take care of the baby, so I will never really be totally alone and can always pop over for a chat or leave the baby with her and go out.

So, your replies have helped me a lot. I think I will try being a full time mom and housemaker and see if I like it


Simon's Mommy, I hope you get your driver's lisence real soon! Maybe then you can go out more and see people. You can get a job or maybe find some other interactive things to do. I think I would climb the walls if I were shut in the house all day long with no one to talk to. In the meanwhile, you can talk to us here, for all it's worth


Dodo, I think you are a very brave woman! I know I'd be very hesitant to follow my husband into a foreign country without being able to work there. I hope your university studies will make a drastic change for the better. You too are welcome to spend more time with us here
 

sunlion

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Simon's Mommy,

My mom was over 35 when she learned to drive. She grew up in an era when women didn't drive, then she went to college in Boston and lived in the city after she got married, where there is great public transportation. When they bought a home in the suburbs, now, that was a problem. Not only stores weren't open after regular business hours (now in the US stores are often open until 9 pm, and some grocery stores are open 24 hours), but my dad would come home from work exhausted and wouldn't want to take her on errands. Boy were our Saturdays crammed!

But when she learned to drive, it opened up a whole world for her. She joined some women's groups, got a job gilding weather vanes, volunteered at her church, was able to visit her family, and she felt like she was more of a whole person, less of "just a housewife". We only had one car for a lot of years, so I do know what a headache that is, but you can do it. Getting out and about on your own schedule makes a big difference. You will be so happy you did it, it will make a huge difference in your quality of life. Yay for you!

Dodo,

I live in Arlington, between Dallas and Fort Worth. Where is Round Rock? I think you are near here. If you want to , feel free to email me and maybe we can get together sometime. I'm pretty busy and often have a small child in tow, but I do make a point of getting a "night off" so I can do things with adults. It is very hard to live in TX without a car! Nothing is walking distance, and even if it was, it's too hot to go far.
 

elinor

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Simonsmommy

I just want to say I can understand what you are going through. Years ago I was home with 5 kids. Its not easy as sometimes you get out of touch with the world. I did not drive at that time either. I got my liscence when i was 40, but dont you wait that long. It frees you so much. Would it be possible for you when you get your license to drive your hubby to work for his day job and then pick him up later? It must be a hard pace for him to keep up with so little sleep as well. Would he agree to let you work an evening job and then he could maybe stay home?

Please dont think I am interfering or butting in.Just want to help.
 

dawnt91

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Sunlion - Actually Round Rock is a town just outside Austin (actually, they're pretty much connected by now) and it's about 3 hours from Arlington. I grew up in Austin, but I was in the Round Rock school district.
 

deb25

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Anne:

You are completely correct that the decision is not irreversible! I stayed at home until my children were of school-age, and then I returned to the work force. I believe that those years at home instead of in daycare greatly benefited my kids.

You will also have the opportunity during this time to make a go of the internet business. The tide may turn around on that again.

Things happen for a reason. Had you not left your job to begin with, you might not have been able to take the steps you needed to rescue this pregnancy a couple of months ago.

Being liberated is about making choices, not running out into the workforce because everyone else is. Stick to your guns and do what you want to do. It's not about pleasing others.
 

simon's mommy

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Elinor I do not think you are interfering. He would let me take him to his day job but he is already that hour away when he goes to his second job. See his night job and day job are 15 minutes away from each other. It would be great if I could do that but it would waste gas. He would have to drive an hour on a major highway in rush hour traffic to get me and then back to his job and then I would have to come home in the same traffic. So that is like about 3 hours in traffic. Good idea if he didn't work so far away.
I have also thought of working in the evening and well that won't work eaither. He told me he needs to sleep then. Men???!!
 

mr. cat

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Maybe you only want to hear from women in regard to this matter, but I've paid my US$10 and so you're going to hear from me!



Some people who call themselves feminists believe there is an international patriarchy which keeps women locked into subservient roles. Academe, in particular, fosters the belief that men per se are the enemies of women. Whatever! But know this: You, not any other person female or male, can decide how you want to proceed.

The list of politically-incorrect occupations for women is as long as your arm; and it changes with the generations. Remember when "women's work" centered around cooking and children? In our culture here in the U.S.A., a crucial revelation came during a time of national crisis. (Since your are a military veteran, you can appreciate the following.) Here in the U.S.A., the Civil War of 1861-1865 revealed women could — and did — tackle the most difficult jobs imaginable: doctoring and nursing horribly-wounded people, civilian and military alike. A female physician, who served in that capacity with the U.S. Army during the Civil War, received the Congressional Medal of Honor — the highest decoration for valor given by the U.S.A. government. A Confederate States of America hospital, staffed entirely by several female nurses with no assistance from physicians, treated hundreds of casualties and did not loose a single patient!

Yet, once that war had ended it was back to "business as usual." Indeed, feminists have every right to conclude women have been wrongfully suppressed by the prevalent folkways and mores of our society! But it seems to me that dogma has at times created, rather than solved, problems. Women who "stayed" at home were vilified when activist feminism re-asserted itself during the 1960s. "Traditional" women's occupations, such as nursing and teaching, were declared off limits by evangelical feminists. Having a "career" (in certain occupations) became a be-all and end-all goal. Eschewing work in the home may have been fulfilling for some people, but it's absurd to think such a scenario ought to have fit the desires and needs of every woman.

Decades of "expectations" regarding women have thus lead you to this pass: that you believe you would be a lesser person should you work at home rather than in a traditional "work place," such as an office. Yet surely you are circumspect enough to know the difference between theory and practice! Of course, this is all easier said than done; but I believe you should trust in yourself to make a proper decision — and everyone else be damned (myself included)!

No one apart from yourself has the right to force you into any role. Neither the expectations of your relatives, your society, nor your beliefs regarding feminism should stand in your way. "What's left?" you might ask. You, Anne Moss, remain the rightful center of your universe. Please make a maximum effort to put yourself first! If you believe it's a good idea to "stay" at home, then by all means do so. As no condition is permanent, you needn't feel you're condemning yourself to a dead-end situation.

Best of luck to you!



=^..^=

Joe, who used to be a "male secretary"
 

elinor

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RIGHT ON MR. CAT !




ps.SimonsMommy I understand what you are saying. That would be impossible. I wish you all the best.
 

debby

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Anne! You have really gotten some great advice here! Keep us posted on what you decide!!!
I already gave my two cents worth on the first page, so I won't repeat it, but you know I agree with everyone else!
 
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