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Becoming a full time mother and house caretaker

post #1 of 31
Thread Starter 
Hubby and I are discussing this option recently. He has got a nice raise and his salary will be on the increase from now on. My home owned business is not making any profit and we were considering the possibilities. I could go out and get a proper job again (after the baby is born), but I would probably have to begin at the bottom and if I choose to work in this area the pay would be low. I would also need to hire a cleaner and have arrangements for the (future) kids.

The other option is for me to become a full time housewife. Take care of the kids and the house. That would save on expenses and would mean (I hope) that I can give the children better care and education (we are even talking about home schooling).

On the one hand, we find that this makes a lot of sense. We can get by on hubby's salary alone and the house and family will benefit. I think I even enjoy staying at home and I hope I will enjoy being a mom.

What's the drawback? Well, in Israel and especially where I come from a woman is expected to be independent and have a job of her own. My grandmothers and my mother were all working women (mom still is) and would never have agreed to stay at home. I am afraid that staying at home would hurt my self esteem and the way others see me. My family was not happy when I left a promising career in the army for some strange internet business and deciding to become a full time mom would be considered admitting I'm a failure (no one would say that in those very words, but I think that's what they'll be thinking).

What are your opinions on the matter? I'd love to hear from women who have chosen either path and know what you thought at the time and what you think in retrospect.
post #2 of 31
Anne......excuse me for saying this.....but screw what Isreal thinks is the NORM!
And don't worry about what your family thinks of you...you have NOTHING to be ashamed of!!!!!!! They need to wake up.....traditions are over! These days, you and your husband should decide what is best for you and your (soon to be) child. If he makes enough money to where you can stay home, and raise your child, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of!!
My mother (God rest her soul) never worked a day outside the home....but yet she raised 4 kids, put in a garden every year, canned beans, snapped peas, worked her @ss off, and still came in to fix a 5 course meal for my father and brothers every night. So anyone who says staying at home and working is a failure....has OBVIOUSLY never done it! You are to be commended, I hope you chose to be a stay at home mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #3 of 31
I agree with what Debby says!

It is you and your husband's decision on what is the best, not what your country thinks!! And, I don't think you are a failure in anyways, at all. Staying at home to be a full time mom is not being a failure, either.
As for careers go, now with the internet and technology, I am sure there is something that would interest you if you did decide to go back to work. I know over here, especially doing web design, a lot of people work from home! I think it is great that you would be able to stay at home with your baby! Over here, well in Arizona, new moms only get 6 weeks maternity leave... anything over the 6 weeks is upaid, which is really stupid if you ask me! And, about your family if it were me, I would just ignore it... You are an adult, and you make your own choices! Atleast that is what I think I know that my parents were not happy that I didn't get a degree and got married instead, but you know what? I don't care!!! The fact that I am happy is what should matter the most!! I can always go back to school.... but right now it is not a good time.
So, I say: Do what you and your husband are happy with, and who gives a $@&% what others say!!! YOU GO, GIRL!
post #4 of 31
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the encouragement

You know, I guess it's my self esteem I'm worried about. I'd be he first to say that women today should feel free to make that choice themselves. It's just that I'm scared I'll be sorry about this in years to come...

I am trying to make a living from home, but with the internet being in the state it is it's not easy. As for web design, I'm trying that as well, but the market in Israel is really bad right now so I only got a couple of projects in the past year Not enough at all. I hope to start tutoring for at least a few hours a week when the kids are back in school. But still, it's hardly the career I've been raised to acheive... Two years ago I was studying for my MA degree and doing extremely well in my military career. Since then I have left the university and the job and moved into a small town (from Tel Aviv). I've always considered myself a feminist (still do) and it's kinda strange to find myself in the ultra traditional role of a housemaker...
post #5 of 31
my opinion is that you should do whatever you think is right and best for you, hubby and the baby regardless of what others think. I do believe that raising children and keeping a familiy together is a more challeging task than making a career (just my opinion though).
I would surely opt to stay at home if I could afford it, moreover, my job (and yours too I believe) can be done from home too.
BTW how's the pregnancy going dear, i haven't heard anything in a while???
post #6 of 31
Anne, even though I don't really know you, I have a question for you... You say you're worried about your self-esteem and how you may end up regretting your choice in the years to come- why do you think this choice you make is for life? If you find that being a housewife is not the thing for you, you can always start to find a job or something else to do later on in life, even if it may be harder once you've been without a job for a longer period of time. Nothing is for ever or impossible, and what would keep you from doing some projects etc from home, even while taking care of the kid(s) and house, if you manage to find the time and energy (and you would if that was what you wanted)? This is what my sister is doing. Her first child is now 1 yrs old, and she's most likely expecting another, and has stayed home all this time, although she was (and is now doubly!) one of the most hard-working women I know. She still does. She takes small jobs and projects even while staying at home looking after her son, to earn a little more money (you get payed maternity leave for 9 months, after that you get a smaller "allowance" if you decide to stay home and look after the kids) and to keep working and in touch with the "field". Anyhow, my point is that there are always choices, so no need to think of this choice as a forever-thing, and being a housewife does not mean you can't also keep working small-scale if you wish to. Of course, I don't know the situation in Israel, so it may be the alternatives of being a career woman and housewife are more clearly cut, but at least over here a compromise is possible if you really wish it, and "changing your mind" is possible with enough determination.
post #7 of 31
I can speak to this topic with experience. When I had my daughter almost 5 years ago, I had a great job as a project manager developing computer-based training courses. I made more money than my husband. I thought I'd be just fine going back to work after 10 weeks at home with my baby. Let me tell you, it was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I finally convinced my company to let me work 30 hours a week. By the time my son was on the way, my husband was making more, and it made more sense for me to quit. The cost of daycare alone for two children would have been more than our mortgage! My main fear was that I was going to be bored and lonely. All my friends were from work.

The first few months were really hard, but I think that most of that getting used to have two children rather than one. Over the last two and a half years, I've just had the best time. I NEVER regret staying home with my kids. I just love the time that I get to spend with them. I'm not even sure I'll be getting a job after they start school (maybe something home based).

When people ask me what I do, I proudly say that I stay home and raise my children. This is more than a full time job. My kids are up at 6:30 and go to bed at 8:00 in the evening. I am usually doing work around the house until 9:00 at night, and I don't even keep a very clean house. This is a hard job, and it's something that we should be proud of. I'm sorry that Isreal has such a poor attitude about staying home with the kids. It's not all that great here either. But I've found a number of other women in the neighborhood that stay home, so we all get together. I've also joined a mothers group that meets twice a month.

Anne, I really think that you should do what your heart tells you to do. Maybe you could wait and make the decision until after the baby is born. I know that once I saw the baby, I knew working was not what I wanted to be doing. Don't worry about what other people think of you. On this issue, they're just plain wrong!
post #8 of 31
Anne you have to do what feels right for you. I have learned through therapy that when other people push themselves past your boundaries and expect you to do what they want they are trespassing. You have the power to either let them in or keep them out. I let my father do this to me and I never felt good about myself. I was letting his opinions and ideas take over mine. He did this all my life. My thoughts were always based on what he would think or what he would do.And a lot of times I never even realized it.

Your feelings belong to you and no one else. If someone else doesnt feel what you are doing is right then thats their feelings and they belong to them. You are not responsible for the thoughts and feelings of others. Whether you stay home or work is a decision that belongs to you alone.

All the best with your decision. Take care.
post #9 of 31
I left the work-force over 8 years ago and at first it was very hard to remain above the comments flying at me. People wondered why I didn't work? And compounded to this is the fact that my children all have 4 feet not 2! I had a successful job in advertising, I was really good and what I did, I made great money. But my hubby makes great money as well, and we wanted to start our own business on top of it. Lately, we have let the home business kind of slide, but just this weekend 3 clients walked in off the street and bought our product!

You are a phenomenal web-site designer. The only thing is you need to be recognized as such. And from what I understand, with a little sneakery this can be achieved. Once you design such a phenomenal web-page like Cat Site, you enlist others to email the companies that hand out web-site awards encouraging them to come and take a peek at your latest completion. Once the awards start to be issued, you name is added on a premiere list and sent to others around the globe. That is how I am to understand that this works. At least how it was explained to me by another Web Goddess...

Hang in there my friend, your turn is coming to be known. Your family needs you and it is up to you to determine how your own personal satisfaction is to be achieved. Some people just have holes in their head, let me tell you a quick story.

When I first married Mike his old church invited us to a dinner in our honor. Now, I am not going to name the religion affiliated with this church, but at the table, I was asked directly when Mike and I were going to have children. I looked this matronly woman in the face and told her that having children wasn't an option for me. Now, I did not go into detail about my total hyst. at age 21 or the reasons behind that, I simply told this woman that Mike and I did not have a option of this. This *woman* raised herself up in the chair and gasped "MY DEAR, so what worth are you????" I was hissed! Mike and I left right after that remark and never looked back.

So let them say what they will. The bottom line is are you happy? Is hubby happy? Is baby happy? And people that tell you staying home and taking care of house, husband and child isn't work? Obviously it isn't to them, because they must not be very good at it!

Also Anne with your intelligence and command of language have you thought about writing grants for other people for a living? I believe if you go to charity.com you will find information about this lucrative field.
post #10 of 31
Anne, I agree with everyone else in saying, DO WHAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND FEEL IS RIGHT FOR YOU TWO! You should not be concerned with the opinions of your country. I can understand what you may feel from others' vibes when you tell them you are a housewife.. but HELL if I'll let ANYONE say that being a housewife is NOT a job in it's own! You heard it from Debby when she told you all that her mom did everyday in the home... and that is full-time work, PLUS overtime when you think about the late nights with the children and so forth!

All I mainly have to say is, are you happy with your internet busniess that you have here? Are you content with wanting to make it better and learn how to be a better designer? You say quitting your job to start this was not in the norm... so aren't you happy with what you've done with it?? I believe you are! So I don't think things will be much different for you if you decide to stay at home to raise a family! I bet you'll love it!

As for me, the choice is not so easy! I WANT desperately to stay at home with my baby that I'll be having as well. Will I be able to?? Well, with my husband alone we can just squeak by on finances. But I am considering looking into part-time work to just bring in a little extra of a paycheck so we're not so tight!! Deep down I don't want to work, but I may find myself there!! I envy you if you're financially set on your husband's income! And if I were you, I would stay home!

Do what your heart tells you and you'll be fine! Of course you'll probably beat yourself up by what others say about you, but then again, you'd probably beat yourself up if you DID work and knew you didn't want to be! Don't stress sweet sister!

post #11 of 31

I agree with everyone here. You need to do what is right for you, your husband and your child. What Israel and everyone else thinks does not matter. Your family has their own lives as it should be and they have no right to tell you how to live yours. I wish that I could've stayed home with Amy when she was young. Unfortunately we needed both our incomes so that was not possible. Since you can live comfortably on your husband's salary, do yourself a favor, be with your child. That time in his or her life only comes around once and is so important. Don't ever live your life on "What Ifs".

The bottom line is, as long as YOU are happy, that is all that matters.

I wish you all the best.


post #12 of 31

I agree with all the good advice above. You need to do what is right for you and your family and forget the rest.

I am finding myself in a similar position. I am going to have to decide if I am going to return to work or not. I have not asked anyone their opinions as I think I will make the best decision. I want to stay at home and bring up baby as I truley believe its the best thing to do for the child. I would love to stay working as I have spent the last 2 years working my butt off at getting qualifications and am just about to start making some real good money. But childcare costs a lot in London, and I believe that me spending at least the first 2 years at home bringing up baby will give him/her the best start in life. I don't think childcare can replace the love and teaching I could give myself, unless it was coming from my husband (who cannot give up his job) or my mother (who lives in South Africa). So I will be staying at home. I have yet to tell my employer and hubby is really stressed out about finances and being the sole earner. And maybe I can do something from home. It might take a while to set up but if it works I only have to make my salary less what childcare would cost and it will be ok.
post #13 of 31
I really think it's good for the kids to stay home with them. I worked at AT&T and made a great income. When I got pregnant the first time I decided to stay home with her. I am still a stay at home mom after 3 kids. They are very smart all reading by 3 years old. They also do not show any attachement problems. BUT......I am not so sure I like it very much. I get pretty bored and sometimes downright mad. Spending 24/7 with kids is hard on the adult brain. I don't think I could leave them with someone else, it just sounds good sometimes. But as for the money thing. Working at a starting salary is sometimes more expensive than staying home. You have to have the babysitter, clothes for work, gas money, lunch money, your own car, etc. Your heart will tell you what to do. Just do what you want to do. Or you could try working for a while then quit if you decide against it. Good Luck on whatever you decide.
post #14 of 31
There seems to be some very wise people here on the site you created!!

If you are worried about your self esteem come here... we will help you out You are a remarkable woman with beauty and intelligence. Just remember to tell your self that everyday. My mother was a stay at home mom when we were kids and I wouldn't have asked to have it any other way. What a special treat to come home from school to a lovely mother and not an empty house. I too say go for it!! I don't think you would ever regret this decision.

Who knows maybe you can be the one to change the way Israel looks upon stay at home MOMS
post #15 of 31
Hi, Anne.

I gave up a career and stopped my education to stay home with my daughter, and I believe it was the best thing for her, but it was also hard to do.

I was 31 when I got pregnant, and you know you have a life that is your own and suddenly, you're a mom and your life isn't yours any more. I think this was very good for me in a lot of ways, it certainly forces you to make choices about how you spend your time. But I was also completely unaware, and since my parents have passed away, I was pretty much without even the support of a mother.

The loss of income wasn't significant in our family, but the loss of independence that comes with earning your own money continues to be an issue for me. On the one hand, I do feel entitled to a portion of my husband's money for my personal expenses, but on the other, I sometimes feel guilty spending "his" money on myself. This is one of those times when you learn a lot about money, power, and your own values.

Also, although I live in the US, we don't have much of a support system for at-home moms. Both parents work in most families, so other women just aren't around much. Because we are starting homeschooling this year and joining Girl Scouts (might be Girl Guides in your country), we are starting to get a circle of friends. It's very important to know a few other moms who can trade baby sitting and errands, just to give yourself a little break now and then. You might meet them at a La Leche League meeting, if you have that, or at your church/temple. You could also start a mom's group, which would keep you busy and help fill the gap left by stopping work.

The upside so far all seems to be for my daughter, but I decided that when we embarked on this journey. We chose to follow what is called "attachment parenting" so we are in a little different place than most of my fellow Texans. I breastfed, actually until she was almost 3, though by then it was just at bedtime. She never had an earache or an upset stomach, plus she has only had 2 or 3 colds and even those weren't bad. I'm sure it was the combination of nursing and lack of daily exposure to other children's germs that happens at day care. So many parents send kids they know are sick, because they have to work. She is outgoing and secure, she makes friends easily, she can amuse herself pretty well, and I always get compliments on her behavior and personality. I know a lot of it is just who she is, not something I've done, but I think it makes a difference if a child is just one of a crowd or allowed to blossom on her own in a safe and loving environment. And It's worth it to me to take a couple of years - or several! - out of my life to give my daughter a good start in life.

post #16 of 31

If you can manage to stay home with your kids, I firmly believe that is the best thing for them. Just remember to find time for yourself in all this, because kids are like smoke, their needs seem to expand to take up all the available space! I have to remember to carve out time for myself. In the US the emphasis has been more on being the perfect and having a job too, which sounds the opposite of what you face.

I make art furniture, and now that my daughter is older, I am finding that I can actually sell my stuff! Making it is something that can be fit in around my family's schedule or worked on late at night. This is not my "field" nor is it what I studied, so you might consider a radical change in career direction if you choose to stay home.

Motherhood is more than full-time, and it is a career in and of itself. Learning how to do it and keeping up with your child is a lot of work. It's also really amazing and rewarding in ways you can't predict. And it's not for everyone. So if you try it and find out you are miserable (and some women are), you can always choose something else. Or you might just fall in love with your baby and not want to leave her.

Don't let THEM tell you what to do. I bucked local tradition and I think my family is stronger for it. I know my daughter benefitted. Do what you have to do for yourself and your family, because those are the people who will be with you for the rest of your life. Your life doesn't have to please everyone, only you.

Good luck.
post #17 of 31
I am a working woman in a fairly high-level position (I'm a boss, so I can get away with playing on the internet all day ). I have no children, so I don't know if my opinion will count, but....

A stay at home mom who raises her kids and cares for the house works 100 times harder than I can imagine! I don't know how these moms do it!

My only concern would be if you let yourself become isolated. I've read that there is a high prevalence of depression and anxiety in women who stay at home and spend time only with their children (of course, this is not true of everyone in this situation!). So, you need to make sure you hook up with other women to keep yourself centered and to make sure you don't forget how to talk to adults!

I say Go For It!!! Do what is right for you and your family.
post #18 of 31

You will NEVER do anything in your life more important than giving your children a good start in life. They are the world's future.
You only get one shot at it with each child. You are in the very fortunate position of being able to choose. Most women today have to work to survive.

Of course, there are drawbacks, but the rewards are tremendous. I'm not going to go on repeating everything everyone else said but this bears repeating - "it doesn't have to be forever". Many women I know stayed home until school age for their youngest and then returned to work. My daughter waited until her son could go to preschool (I think he was 3). Whatever length of time you decide to 'postpone' your working will be what's best for you and you will never regret it.
post #19 of 31
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone for the great responses. We have company at the moment but I couldn't help but excuse myself for 10 minutes to read this thread. I will return to it later tonight or tomorow morning - there are some very insightful thoughts here and I need time to think about it all...

You all are the best!

Thank you!

post #20 of 31
I raised (!) myself as a feminist, too. Never wanted to, make "a man" the center of my life, be financially dependent on him, do all the housework, raise children etc...I have never wanted "a man" interfering with my desires, wishes, decisions, as in some of the posts here saying "my husband wouldn't let me do this; wants to throw the cat away" etc...I was never going to get married & do what almost every women do in Turkey (unlike Israel, most women are housewifes in TR)...I must have talked big because I was the first one among my friends who got married !!!..

I studied Molecular Biology & Genetics in college. But since we are living in USA now for my husband's Ph D & since I don't have the visa to work, I can't work in USA ! I don't know how to drive & we are living in a place where there is no public transportation! Most of all, since we have moved here recently & since somehow Americans here don't seem to be that eager to be friends or I don't know how to make friends with them, I (we) don't have any friends !!! That is, I'm almost completely isolated & dependent on my husband & my only friend is my computer !! My hubyy is a nice guy, I wouldn't marry him otherwise, but I'm not living the life I was dreaming about ! I am a house wife now; god I hate that word for myself !!! I am soo scared of having a child & approaching 1 more step to being a house wife !! As sunlion said, raising children is completely another career & I don't think that I'm ready for that career yet. I really love children a lot, but I am not sure If I want that career at all either !?

Although I wasn't a great student in college to become a graduate student, I am trying my odds to become one now ! Hopefully I will start to a Ph D program in Psychology this semester & earn some money & meet some new people etc.

I watched an English movie on TV yesterday (missed the beginning so don't know the name). It was something like Sliding Doors of Gyweneth Paltrow. Somehow a housewife changes place with herself but at a different time where she didn't except her husband's proposal & became a working woman instead. It was a nice film. I wish I also had a chance like that...

You can always do what ever you want at any age in USA. I don't know about Israel, but that's not valid, especially for women, in TR...Again I don't know about Israel, but unlike USA, it is extremely hard, if not impossible for most times, for a Turkish woman to go against traditions & stuff. And I am glad that I don't have to deal with any of those s**t, because I'm faaar away from them.

Good luck
post #21 of 31
Anne I have to say you should do what you feel is right for you and your family. I am a stay at home mom. I never liked to work but I did until last year. When I had to go on bed rest with my daughter last year I quit. And now having another baby so close my husband does not want me to go to work. I am an only child myself so it is hard for me. I like my alone time don't get me wrong I love my daughter. It is hard for me because I do not drive a car I do not know how (don't laugh) I never learned. I am in the process of learning now. This makes things hard for me because I can't go anywhere. I hate it and I live very far from public transportation. My husband works 2 jobs because he does not want me to work. All of the money he makes would go to day care if I did. He works a midnight shift until 8 am and then goes to another job from 9 am to 5 pm. It is an hour drive for him to come home so he is very tired when he gets home. He tries to spend time with our daughter and myself but he also needs sleep. I hate it! I know my situation is different from yours. I don't know how much more of what I am doing I can do. I loved the idea of staying home at first but now I hate it! I want to work so I can get out of my house and see other people and interact with them. It is hard having a conversation with a 1 year old all day every day. I know you will make the right choice. Do what is best for you and your new baby not your country. As for the rest of your family also do what is best for you. In my family I am the only one who does not work. My mother worked all but 6 months after I was born and still does. I spent my life in child care I hated it. Good Luck I know it is hard to chose what is best but you and your husband will make the right chioce.

I also forgot to add even if I could drive we only have one car.
post #22 of 31
I think the key to being a stay at home mom and remaining sane is staying busy. Try to find other friends who stay home (this may be more difficult in Isreal) or join mothers groups. Go to the gym to get out and have a break from the kids. Have a girls night out once in a while. Also, don't feel that you can't continue to do fun things once you have a child. I've taken my children everywhere since they were babies. I like to go to the mall, out to lunch, to the library, bookstores, etc. If I had to stay home everyday and not have any adult interaction, I swear I would go insane.
post #23 of 31
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone again. There are some valid points made here that really make me think about it.

First, that this is not an irreversable decision. If I feel that I don't like it, I can change my mind and go back to work. Thinking about this in these terms, rather than as a life long decision makes things easier for me.

I think I will focus on this site as my ongoing project. If the traffic grows significantly, it may even make enough money for me to consider this a job someday. Whichever design or translation project that comes along I will be happy to take on for the extra cash. In my experience so far there is a lot of work and effort involved in getting the projects and I'm not sure that will fit in with what I plan as my future lifestyle.

Now, company would be a bit of a problem. We only have one car and I can't drive it on my own (it's hubby's "company car" which means I can only drive it if he's in it) and anyway, he needs the car on a daily basis. Where we live a car is very important, so I think we may have to look into getting a second car. There's no shortage of activities around and I already have my eye on a caperntry course... We are relatively new here (we moved here about 4 months ago) and as I don't get out much I didn't make any new friends. We will be going to a birthing course in a couple of months, so I hope to meet pregnant women my age there. I also really want to breastfeed and will be thrilled to go to Le Leche meetings if we have any around (I know the organization is active in Israel, just not sure they have meetings nearby).

Also, I will have the advantage of living next door to my parents-in-law and MIL is just dying to take care of the baby, so I will never really be totally alone and can always pop over for a chat or leave the baby with her and go out.

So, your replies have helped me a lot. I think I will try being a full time mom and housemaker and see if I like it

Simon's Mommy, I hope you get your driver's lisence real soon! Maybe then you can go out more and see people. You can get a job or maybe find some other interactive things to do. I think I would climb the walls if I were shut in the house all day long with no one to talk to. In the meanwhile, you can talk to us here, for all it's worth

Dodo, I think you are a very brave woman! I know I'd be very hesitant to follow my husband into a foreign country without being able to work there. I hope your university studies will make a drastic change for the better. You too are welcome to spend more time with us here
post #24 of 31
Simon's Mommy,

My mom was over 35 when she learned to drive. She grew up in an era when women didn't drive, then she went to college in Boston and lived in the city after she got married, where there is great public transportation. When they bought a home in the suburbs, now, that was a problem. Not only stores weren't open after regular business hours (now in the US stores are often open until 9 pm, and some grocery stores are open 24 hours), but my dad would come home from work exhausted and wouldn't want to take her on errands. Boy were our Saturdays crammed!

But when she learned to drive, it opened up a whole world for her. She joined some women's groups, got a job gilding weather vanes, volunteered at her church, was able to visit her family, and she felt like she was more of a whole person, less of "just a housewife". We only had one car for a lot of years, so I do know what a headache that is, but you can do it. Getting out and about on your own schedule makes a big difference. You will be so happy you did it, it will make a huge difference in your quality of life. Yay for you!


I live in Arlington, between Dallas and Fort Worth. Where is Round Rock? I think you are near here. If you want to , feel free to email me and maybe we can get together sometime. I'm pretty busy and often have a small child in tow, but I do make a point of getting a "night off" so I can do things with adults. It is very hard to live in TX without a car! Nothing is walking distance, and even if it was, it's too hot to go far.
post #25 of 31

I just want to say I can understand what you are going through. Years ago I was home with 5 kids. Its not easy as sometimes you get out of touch with the world. I did not drive at that time either. I got my liscence when i was 40, but dont you wait that long. It frees you so much. Would it be possible for you when you get your license to drive your hubby to work for his day job and then pick him up later? It must be a hard pace for him to keep up with so little sleep as well. Would he agree to let you work an evening job and then he could maybe stay home?

Please dont think I am interfering or butting in.Just want to help.
post #26 of 31
Sunlion - Actually Round Rock is a town just outside Austin (actually, they're pretty much connected by now) and it's about 3 hours from Arlington. I grew up in Austin, but I was in the Round Rock school district.
post #27 of 31

You are completely correct that the decision is not irreversible! I stayed at home until my children were of school-age, and then I returned to the work force. I believe that those years at home instead of in daycare greatly benefited my kids.

You will also have the opportunity during this time to make a go of the internet business. The tide may turn around on that again.

Things happen for a reason. Had you not left your job to begin with, you might not have been able to take the steps you needed to rescue this pregnancy a couple of months ago.

Being liberated is about making choices, not running out into the workforce because everyone else is. Stick to your guns and do what you want to do. It's not about pleasing others.
post #28 of 31
Elinor I do not think you are interfering. He would let me take him to his day job but he is already that hour away when he goes to his second job. See his night job and day job are 15 minutes away from each other. It would be great if I could do that but it would waste gas. He would have to drive an hour on a major highway in rush hour traffic to get me and then back to his job and then I would have to come home in the same traffic. So that is like about 3 hours in traffic. Good idea if he didn't work so far away. I have also thought of working in the evening and well that won't work eaither. He told me he needs to sleep then. Men???!!
post #29 of 31
Maybe you only want to hear from women in regard to this matter, but I've paid my US$10 and so you're going to hear from me!

Some people who call themselves feminists believe there is an international patriarchy which keeps women locked into subservient roles. Academe, in particular, fosters the belief that men per se are the enemies of women. Whatever! But know this: You, not any other person female or male, can decide how you want to proceed.

The list of politically-incorrect occupations for women is as long as your arm; and it changes with the generations. Remember when "women's work" centered around cooking and children? In our culture here in the U.S.A., a crucial revelation came during a time of national crisis. (Since your are a military veteran, you can appreciate the following.) Here in the U.S.A., the Civil War of 1861-1865 revealed women could — and did — tackle the most difficult jobs imaginable: doctoring and nursing horribly-wounded people, civilian and military alike. A female physician, who served in that capacity with the U.S. Army during the Civil War, received the Congressional Medal of Honor — the highest decoration for valor given by the U.S.A. government. A Confederate States of America hospital, staffed entirely by several female nurses with no assistance from physicians, treated hundreds of casualties and did not loose a single patient!

Yet, once that war had ended it was back to "business as usual." Indeed, feminists have every right to conclude women have been wrongfully suppressed by the prevalent folkways and mores of our society! But it seems to me that dogma has at times created, rather than solved, problems. Women who "stayed" at home were vilified when activist feminism re-asserted itself during the 1960s. "Traditional" women's occupations, such as nursing and teaching, were declared off limits by evangelical feminists. Having a "career" (in certain occupations) became a be-all and end-all goal. Eschewing work in the home may have been fulfilling for some people, but it's absurd to think such a scenario ought to have fit the desires and needs of every woman.

Decades of "expectations" regarding women have thus lead you to this pass: that you believe you would be a lesser person should you work at home rather than in a traditional "work place," such as an office. Yet surely you are circumspect enough to know the difference between theory and practice! Of course, this is all easier said than done; but I believe you should trust in yourself to make a proper decision — and everyone else be damned (myself included)!

No one apart from yourself has the right to force you into any role. Neither the expectations of your relatives, your society, nor your beliefs regarding feminism should stand in your way. "What's left?" you might ask. You, Anne Moss, remain the rightful center of your universe. Please make a maximum effort to put yourself first! If you believe it's a good idea to "stay" at home, then by all means do so. As no condition is permanent, you needn't feel you're condemning yourself to a dead-end situation.

Best of luck to you!


Joe, who used to be a "male secretary"
post #30 of 31

ps.SimonsMommy I understand what you are saying. That would be impossible. I wish you all the best.
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