I seem to have lost the trust of my 14 year old girl.

I've had a rescue cat for over 4 years ( she's around 14 now) i don't really know her history other than she is scared of people and i think has also been very roughly handled. It's taken nearly the whole of that time for her to trust me.For the past few months she's had an ongoing ear infection which has required several visits to the vets  and lots of drop being administered by me. Two weeks ago she had finally had enough and has since been too scared to come near me, she spends her days outside somewhere, and doesn't like me to touch her, where before, she followed me around the house, chirruping and rubbing her head against me. I know the handling has been traumatic for her and she has been badly treated in the past, but she needed the treatment for her ear condition. I know i have broken her trust and her heart...as well as my own as i would never hurt any living thing, let alone this wonderful little creature. I miss her so much and don't know how i can start to get her to trust me again, she has allowed me to touch her a few times, but moves away almost immediately. The worst thing is the look in her eyes, she used to half close her eyes to me all the time, but now she just looks terrified of me. Anybody got any suggestions about how i regain her trust, because i really feel like a monster at the moment. I really miss her affection and love.

Awww.  I really feel for you.  The poor girl doesn't understand it's for her own good.  

I always try to follow up unpleasant things with treats and lots of reassuring talking to them.  Does she still like to play?  Maybe some new interactive toys would help.  I give Noodles calming treats to help with an over-grooming issue.  Something like that or feliway/calming collars might be worth looking into.  The only concern with a calming collar would be that they don't work like safety collars and you said she goes outdoors.  So I'm not sure that is a good idea; although some people have good success with them.

If you are done with the treatmens, she will get over it in time if every time you touch her you give her a treat or catnip etc.  Many of us have had to go through treatment times and the cats will forgive you in awhile, when they see you are no longer interested in bothering them with treatments.  I had to keep mine confined in a small room for a couple of weekks or I would not have been able to handle him, but one he was better, we worked on the trust issue.  That was years ago and he has no issues with me anymore.  He does hate the vet however, so mostly I bring home medicine for him rather than take him to the vet.  The vet is happy to do that because last time the cat was there, he tore the vet up pretty badly.  The cat has 7 toes in the front and i had clipped his claws but missed a couple.  Oops/

vet said it would be fine not to see the cat so often and I could just pick up medicine for him.

I've been there too. Don't worry she will trust you eventually but it'll take some time (in case you don't take her to the vet ever again). What you need to do is provide her with her favorite food and treats because that what will make her trust and relax around you. Walk slowly and sit down when you do. Just don't give up.

Hi there, yes she has come back, though she is very unwell and has lost her balance, i think she may have an inner ear infection, just waiting for results from the vet. She came home and just came and came to me and gave me lots of love....made me cry! Thanks for your response, it's really lovely to know that there are lots of like-minded people out there who feel that cats have feelings and care!

Poor baby; it really sounds like this has been an ongoing thing for her.  

Not sure what if anything you are using for flea prevention, but some cats are sensitive to anything in the group of drugs that controls or prevents heartworm (like Advantage Multi for one) -- and sometimes cats are treated for ear mites with this drug too (ivermectin and its family) and they can get symptoms like falling over etc. so be sure to ask the vet if she has had anything in the ivermectin/avermectin family and if so, it will take a month or so to get out of her system and the falling over should stop then.. If she has NOT had this, then perhaps it IS an inner ear infection.  There are good antibiotics that are tasteless and can be mixed into the food in powder form, or dissolved in milk or water.  (amoxicillin and clavamox -- they HATE the vet liquid version, but dissolving a pill is easy, or dumping the powder from a capsule into their foods.)  We use this on the ferals when they get wounded and get abscesses.