I'm a lurker of TCS and what's happened in the last few days has made me decide to create an account because I feel like you guys might be able to understand what I'm going through.
You don't have to read all of this, I really just need to get it off my chest.
Last monday I got a text from my mother saying my 14 year old cat, Kitty wasn't doing so well and that she was going to take her to the vet. On tuesday, she put her down. This didn't hit me so hard, Kitty was old and was getting a lot of external tumors, was probably in a lot of pain, and pretty much just slept all day unless she needed to eat. It was nice knowing she wouldn't be in pain anymore, but at the same time I had Kitty for 11 years - adopted her when she was 3 and I was in third grade. I grew up with her, and she grew up with me. She was the very first cat I ever had. I miss her, but I'm happy that I got to experience life with Kitty, and I hope I gave her a good home while she was around.
Late last year, I adopted an eight week old kitten and instantly fell in love with him. He was awesome, followed me around, jumped on my lap, always talked to me. He acted more like a dog than a cat, in my opinion, and I loved it. He was so sweet. When I made dinner, he'd come downstairs and sit next to my feet. He slept right on top of my head every night, or curled up next to my chest. He'd come to me when I called his name, sit in the window and wait for me when I'd leave the house. Everywhere I went, he was hopping right behind me. This cat was everything to me, and kept me company when I really needed it.
He was a siamese, so he had a few predispositioned neurological issues. I think he had a mild case of pica, constantly eating things he wasn't supposed to (including carpet, plastic, cardboard, dirt and rocks, dust, rubber, string, he even ate nearly a fourth of a sock and an entire bra strap - including plastic clasp). Anyways, on friday morning I woke up and went downstairs and saw him. I instantly knew he was gone. He was laying in the middle of the kitchen, stiff as a board, mouth hanging open. I honestly can't get this image out of my head. It's haunting me. I collapsed and screamed and cried and begged him to come back. I desperately tried CPR but his tongue was already blue and he was extremely stiff. There wasn't anything I could do. He had gotten into a plastic garbage bag and I guess some of it got lodged in his airways and he suffocated sometime in the early morning. The entire situation feels unreal. Unfair. It was so surreal, he never EVER went downstairs alone.. Why this time? His last moments were probably awful. Suffocating doesn't sound peaceful at all. The last moment I remember with him was waking up in the middle of the night and petting him before falling back asleep. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I'm filled with guilt over what I could and couldn't have done. It's hard sleeping at night because he should be here with me still. My love for this cat was so beyond this world I can't even explain it. There wasn't a single day that went by since I got him that I didn't pick him up and tell him he was the best kitty in the whole world. When Kitty died, I understood it was her time to go, but with him, I barely even scratched the surface. He was only 5 months old, we had so many memories waiting to be made - and now they're gone. I feel at fault. I should have moved the bag. I should have woken up at a decent time. I should have kept him in the room with me while I slept in. This is honestly one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through, and I miss him so so so much. I've been a complete mess for the past few days. I think only time is gonna heal this wound. I'm so so sorry it happened this way.
Sorry for the wall of text, it feels a little bit better talking about it. I feel like most of the people I've told this to have kind of understood, but ultimately feel like "it's just a cat" or "**** happens, life goes on". He wasn't just a cat to me, he was like a best friend. And yes, life goes on, but right now my entire world feels like it's come to a complete stop.
I hope you're at peace now, little guy. You made me extremely happy in the short amount of time I knew you, I hope I returned the favor, and I'm sorry you had to leave so soon. I'll miss you. Keep Kitty company for me. I hope we get to meet again.
You don't have to read all of this, I really just need to get it off my chest.
Last monday I got a text from my mother saying my 14 year old cat, Kitty wasn't doing so well and that she was going to take her to the vet. On tuesday, she put her down. This didn't hit me so hard, Kitty was old and was getting a lot of external tumors, was probably in a lot of pain, and pretty much just slept all day unless she needed to eat. It was nice knowing she wouldn't be in pain anymore, but at the same time I had Kitty for 11 years - adopted her when she was 3 and I was in third grade. I grew up with her, and she grew up with me. She was the very first cat I ever had. I miss her, but I'm happy that I got to experience life with Kitty, and I hope I gave her a good home while she was around.
Late last year, I adopted an eight week old kitten and instantly fell in love with him. He was awesome, followed me around, jumped on my lap, always talked to me. He acted more like a dog than a cat, in my opinion, and I loved it. He was so sweet. When I made dinner, he'd come downstairs and sit next to my feet. He slept right on top of my head every night, or curled up next to my chest. He'd come to me when I called his name, sit in the window and wait for me when I'd leave the house. Everywhere I went, he was hopping right behind me. This cat was everything to me, and kept me company when I really needed it.
He was a siamese, so he had a few predispositioned neurological issues. I think he had a mild case of pica, constantly eating things he wasn't supposed to (including carpet, plastic, cardboard, dirt and rocks, dust, rubber, string, he even ate nearly a fourth of a sock and an entire bra strap - including plastic clasp). Anyways, on friday morning I woke up and went downstairs and saw him. I instantly knew he was gone. He was laying in the middle of the kitchen, stiff as a board, mouth hanging open. I honestly can't get this image out of my head. It's haunting me. I collapsed and screamed and cried and begged him to come back. I desperately tried CPR but his tongue was already blue and he was extremely stiff. There wasn't anything I could do. He had gotten into a plastic garbage bag and I guess some of it got lodged in his airways and he suffocated sometime in the early morning. The entire situation feels unreal. Unfair. It was so surreal, he never EVER went downstairs alone.. Why this time? His last moments were probably awful. Suffocating doesn't sound peaceful at all. The last moment I remember with him was waking up in the middle of the night and petting him before falling back asleep. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I'm filled with guilt over what I could and couldn't have done. It's hard sleeping at night because he should be here with me still. My love for this cat was so beyond this world I can't even explain it. There wasn't a single day that went by since I got him that I didn't pick him up and tell him he was the best kitty in the whole world. When Kitty died, I understood it was her time to go, but with him, I barely even scratched the surface. He was only 5 months old, we had so many memories waiting to be made - and now they're gone. I feel at fault. I should have moved the bag. I should have woken up at a decent time. I should have kept him in the room with me while I slept in. This is honestly one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through, and I miss him so so so much. I've been a complete mess for the past few days. I think only time is gonna heal this wound. I'm so so sorry it happened this way.
Sorry for the wall of text, it feels a little bit better talking about it. I feel like most of the people I've told this to have kind of understood, but ultimately feel like "it's just a cat" or "**** happens, life goes on". He wasn't just a cat to me, he was like a best friend. And yes, life goes on, but right now my entire world feels like it's come to a complete stop.
I hope you're at peace now, little guy. You made me extremely happy in the short amount of time I knew you, I hope I returned the favor, and I'm sorry you had to leave so soon. I'll miss you. Keep Kitty company for me. I hope we get to meet again.