Mr. Grimsby and me

pharber-murphy · Mar 15, 2015

Hi, everyone. Mr. Grimsby (15+ years), hasn't been doing well lately. I took him to a couple of vets to figure out why he wasn't eating and threw up when he did. The "second opinion" vet took several x-rays and said Mr. G was suffering from a terrible arthritic flare-up in his spine. He said he couldn't find any reason for the eating problems, and his blood work wasn't too bad. He guessed the arthritis might be so painful that Mr. G. won't eat/can't keep it down.

The vet gave him a shot of steroids and prescribed a round of Prednisone. He also started a round of cold laser therapy, which is supposed to reduce the inflammation. Mr. G. also got 400 CCs of subQ fluids that day. Fast-forward two days and his second visit for cold laser therapy, and he needed another 300 CCs of subQ fluids. He missed his appointment yesterday because he's found a new hiding place that I haven't uncovered yet, and the vet's office closed at noon.

Yesterday afternoon, I tried to give him some more subQ fluids because he is still not eating and is positively skeletal. He tolerate about 15 CCs then started squirming and pulling away. I plan to try again today with the clothespin trick. This morning we fought like cats and dogs over whether he was going to take the Prednisone tablet - I won, but just barely. I'm not looking forward to a repeat of all this tomorrow and for the next two weeks or however long it takes to get him back to normal (assuming that is achievable).

Today (and it could just be a passing thing), I feel that we our relationship is degrading to an adversarial one because of all the poking, prodding and shoving pills down his throat. He's not happy and I'm totally stressed out - crying all day or fighting back tears. I've told hubby that I can't keep doing this, and got him to agree to board Mr. G. at the vet until he's past this crisis.

So, here's my question to all of you who have had a loved one cross the rainbow bridge. If you had your loved one put to sleep, how did you decide when it was time? If I have to, I would rather put Mr. G. to sleep than make him suffer in his last days and hate me in the end. What was your tipping point?

I could really use some guidance with this. Thank you all very much for your input.

stephenq · Mar 15, 2015

PHarber-Murphy said:
Hi, everyone. Mr. Grimsby (15+ years), hasn't been doing well lately. I took him to a couple of vets to figure out why he wasn't eating and threw up when he did. The "second opinion" vet took several x-rays and said Mr. G was suffering from a terrible arthritic flare-up in his spine. He said he couldn't find any reason for the eating problems, and his blood work wasn't too bad. He guessed the arthritis might be so painful that Mr. G. won't eat/can't keep it down.

The vet gave him a shot of steroids and prescribed a round of Prednisone. He also started a round of cold laser therapy, which is supposed to reduce the inflammation. Mr. G. also got 400 CCs of subQ fluids that day. Fast-forward two days and his second visit for cold laser therapy, and he needed another 300 CCs of subQ fluids. He missed his appointment yesterday because he's found a new hiding place that I haven't uncovered yet, and the vet's office closed at noon.

Yesterday afternoon, I tried to give him some more subQ fluids because he is still not eating and is positively skeletal. He tolerate about 15 CCs then started squirming and pulling away. I plan to try again today with the clothespin trick. This morning we fought like cats and dogs over whether he was going to take the Prednisone tablet - I won, but just barely. I'm not looking forward to a repeat of all this tomorrow and for the next two weeks or however long it takes to get him back to normal (assuming that is achievable).

Today (and it could just be a passing thing), I feel that we our relationship is degrading to an adversarial one because of all the poking, prodding and shoving pills down his throat. He's not happy and I'm totally stressed out - crying all day or fighting back tears. I've told hubby that I can't keep doing this, and got him to agree to board Mr. G. at the vet until he's past this crisis.

So, here's my question to all of you who have had a loved one cross the rainbow bridge. If you had your loved one put to sleep, how did you decide when it was time? If I have to, I would rather put Mr. G. to sleep than make him suffer in his last days and hate me in the end. What was your tipping point?

I could really use some guidance with this. Thank you all very much for your input.

It's a very tough question and depends in part on prognosis. If his chances of getting through this are good, then discomfort may be worth it. If his prognosis is poor, why make him hate you for no reason? One option is to look for a surrogate to administer the meds. The bottom line, if you and his vet feel his time is short, then value your relationship with him and keep him comfy.

Note though that some steroids can be given as a gel in the ear, or as a sub Q injection.

mnm · Mar 15, 2015

With Min's chylothorax we knew the road ahead would be rough and even at that...treatments for chylothorax are not that promising so after a couple weeks of what you are going through...the pilling...the fluid drainings from her chest... even though she wasn't suffering much (she still carried on her routine and even played) plus chances were not great that she would conquer it... I didn't want to lose our relationship...and I didn't want her last days to be of suffering for "my sake to hold on to her". I had a vet come to the house..it was very peaceful... difficult...but peaceful.

di and bob · Mar 16, 2015

See if you can give injections or even liquids instead of the pills, I know injections don't sound like fun, but you just pull the skin up and stick in, much quicker and more friendly then those dreaded pills. I know that it breaks your heart to think your sweet baby is beginning to avoid you, but remember he doesn't hate YOU, just what you are doing to him. I would think the best thing to do would be to have a frank talk with the vet that knows him the best. If the prognosis is irreversible, and there is no 'cure', and the treatments are so hard on him, then yes, it's time. I think you should just imagine if it was you going through all this, I know I wouldn't want to continue past an enjoyable life. It is quality of life, not prolonging the inevitable. You have done your best, it may be time to just love him as hard and much as you can, without all those treatments that he hates so much. My heart breaks for what you are going through, you have a lot of support on this site, and hopefully some help. I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, be gentle on yourself.

pharber-murphy · Mar 16, 2015

Thank you for your kind words and sharing your wisdom. We really appreciate it.

I dropped Mr. G. off at the vet this morning. I want the vet to board him until he's through the most intrusive treatments. The thing is, the vet thinks his problem stems directly and only from the severe arthritis in his spine. His blood work was pretty good and the x-rays were clear. I think if we we can get him through the Prednisone, the subQ fluids, and the cold laser therapy, he should be okay. But, he is quite old in cat years so maybe I'm just being unrealistic.

I learned yesterday that I have other options for the Prednisone - it can be given as a liquid (maybe injected) or as a topical cream/gel. We don't have to fight over whether he'll let me shove a pill down his throat. Oh, I tried the clothespin trick to give him some subQs yesterday. That did not work at all; in fact, I got even less fluids into him than without the clothespins.

I asked for an appointment with the vet this afternoon to discuss our options. I know that we can't continue the treatments at home. It's killing both of us!

I'll keep you posted on our progress. Thanks again for your support.

katiekins · Mar 16, 2015

I'm so sorry to hear about Mr. G. You know I'm going through something similar with Katie so I know all too well about the tears, the mind racing and the indecision. My heart really goes out to you. It's a horrible, horrible place to be. You want your sweet boy to be happy and healthy, and when they are neither, it's hard to know what to do.

When I spoke with the vet today, she talked about maintaining the bond between kitty and parent and that really resonated with me. I don't want to have to fight with her and upset her when I'm trying to help her, especially if it's not getting better and there seems to be no end to it. That's not quality of life for either of us.

I really hope Mr. G improves. Katie will keep her paws crossed! Hugs to you and Mr. G

mnm · Mar 16, 2015

Katiekins....that's what really made me feel horrible...when Min would back up when she saw me coming "just in case I had a pill". In our case..it was a 'supplement" that "might" help...so it just wasn't worth the battle.

nurseangel · Mar 16, 2015

I'm so sorry for what you and Mr. G are going through.

riley1 · Mar 17, 2015

I am sorry for your trouble & this decision is hard. It is more expensive but I found that liquid favored meds worked best for my cat. It was still a struggle & changed our relationship. They just don't know we are trying to help. In my cat's case he had just had it with treatments. Good luck & keep us posted. It helped me to talk thru things with people here on the site. Try not to be stressed up if you can; this is upsetting to most cats.

stephenq · Mar 18, 2015

I have no idea what the clothespin trick is (?) but here is a link to an excellent video on giving sub Q fluids by Dr. Kris, a vt and TCS guest expert.

http://www.iwillhelpyourcat.com/videos/#/give-sq-fluids-like-a-pro-and-save-your-cat/

pharber-murphy · Mar 19, 2015

Well, I brought Mr. G. home this afternoon, and things are looking really bad. He wet the towel in his carrier on the way home, and wet our bed (not his) after he got here. When he tries to walk, he takes a few wobbly steps, then lies down and breathes heavily for a little while before getting up to take a few more steps. He finally made it to the living room, then turned around and wobbled back to the bedroom. It looks like he managed to climb the steps up to our bed and just collapsed as soon as he got near his heated bed.

I phoned the vet, who suggested he may be in pain, but I think he's just had enough. I gave him some pain meds anyway and will try to force-feed him in a little while, but I want to give him time to rest and the pain meds to kick in. Tomorrow morning, we're taking him to the vet to be put to sleep. This is no way for my lovely, sophisticated Mr. Grimsby to live out his days.

I am very, very sad but I keep telling myself he had eight years with us that he probably wouldn't have had if we hadn't adopted him. And, he has lived to somewhere between 15 and 17-18 years, which is a good long time for a cat. As much as it breaks my heart, I have to let him go to his final rest now. Oh, how much it hurts!

Best regards.

mnm · Mar 19, 2015

aww..bless his heart... I am so sorry... but I sure support you in your decision tomorrow. Quality of life is everything.

stephenq · Mar 20, 2015

PHarber-Murphy said:
Well, I brought Mr. G. home this afternoon, and things are looking really bad. He wet the towel in his carrier on the way home, and wet our bed (not his) after he got here. When he tries to walk, he takes a few wobbly steps, then lies down and breathes heavily for a little while before getting up to take a few more steps. He finally made it to the living room, then turned around and wobbled back to the bedroom. It looks like he managed to climb the steps up to our bed and just collapsed as soon as he got near his heated bed.

I phoned the vet, who suggested he may be in pain, but I think he's just had enough. I gave him some pain meds anyway and will try to force-feed him in a little while, but I want to give him time to rest and the pain meds to kick in. Tomorrow morning, we're taking him to the vet to be put to sleep. This is no way for my lovely, sophisticated Mr. Grimsby to live out his days.

I am very, very sad but I keep telling myself he had eight years with us that he probably wouldn't have had if we hadn't adopted him. And, he has lived to somewhere between 15 and 17-18 years, which is a good long time for a cat. As much as it breaks my heart, I have to let him go to his final rest now. Oh, how much it hurts!

Best regards.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. My only suggestion is, if your going to put him to sleep tomorrow, there is no need to force feed him today, its uncomfortable and not necessary from a nutritional point of view.

pharber-murphy · Mar 20, 2015

I am so very sad and distressed. We had Mr. Grimsby put to sleep this morning. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. My husband was with me, which was a comfort and I held Mr. Grimsby while his life slipped away. He was just so beautiful.

It wasn't easy for the vet and his tech either because the vein in his back leg collapsed every time she managed to stab it with the needle. I know that it hurt Mr. Grimsby, too, because he cried out and flinched. That was really tough on both of us - I guess the pain meds I gave him earlier in the day and the sedative they gave him before putting him to sleep just weren't enough.

Of course, as soon as the potion was injected, I began wondering if I was doing the right thing and if he might have pulled through if I'd just tried one more trick. By then, it was too late. I know there wasn't anything else I could do for him and having him put down was the kindest thing I could do. But, good Lord, it hurts so very much.

Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes. We really appreciate it. And I"ll see him one day on this bridge and he'll be happy to see me.

Best regards.

Phyllis

stephenq · Mar 20, 2015

PHarber-Murphy said:
I am so very sad and distressed. We had Mr. Grimsby put to sleep this morning. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. My husband was with me, which was a comfort and I held Mr. Grimsby while his life slipped away. He was just so beautiful.

It wasn't easy for the vet and his tech either because the vein in his back leg collapsed every time she managed to stab it with the needle. I know that it hurt Mr. Grimsby, too, because he cried out and flinched. That was really tough on both of us - I guess the pain meds I gave him earlier in the day and the sedative they gave him before putting him to sleep just weren't enough.

Of course, as soon as the potion was injected, I began wondering if I was doing the right thing and if he might have pulled through if I'd just tried one more trick. By then, it was too late. I know there wasn't anything else I could do for him and having him put down was the kindest thing I could do. But, good Lord, it hurts so very much.

Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes. We really appreciate it. And I"ll see him one day on this bridge and he'll be happy to see me.

Best regards.

Phyllis

You did the right thing, the kindest thing, the final gift. It was just a pinch, and then he felt fine. I lost our Simon a month ago, grieving is so hard and the price we pay for loving. I received much comfort, and you may too when you are ready by posting in the crossing the bridge forum.

jennyr · Mar 20, 2015

I am so sorry you had to go through this, but it was for the best in the end. It is always so hard. I offer you the condolences of the moderating team for your sad loss of Mr Grimsby.

pharber-murphy · Mar 20, 2015

I've just changed my avatar to a photo of Mr. Grimsby. He was the most beautiful cat and so distinguished and polite. He never bit or scratched, like his sister does (but I blame that on the way hubby "plays" with her). Earlier, I was remembering how he would come trotting down the hallway with his tail in the air like a little flag whenever I came home from work. It was such a wonderful welcome home :-) He slept beside me with my arm draped over his body. Whenever he'd get out of bed, he'd move very stealthily. I'd sometimes wake up in an uncomfortable position thinking I was holding onto Mr. G when he wasn't even in the room.

I'm going to get a bottle of champagne tonight and hold a wake for our little boy. I have to do something special to honor his life and his impact on my life.

Oh, it's raining here today. I feel like God is crying for us - silly, I know...

Sorry, I'll probably keep posting little tidbits. It makes me feel better knowing there are folks out there just like me who don't think it's ridiculous to love a little animal so deeply. And I appreciate that.

Best regards.

jcat · Mar 21, 2015

My condolences. It's so sad when our cherished pets come to the end of their days. The memories both hurt and help. RIP, Mr. Grimsby.

riley1 · Mar 21, 2015

How very sad for you. My little boy growled for the first time when they gave the pre- shot.. It was heart breaking that I did all that planning & then he was hurt at the end. You did the very best for him & it was time to go. It helped me to post all of my thoughts about my beauty on this site. Take care, we are hear to listen.

mnm · Mar 21, 2015

bless your heart... some of us know all too well what you are feeling and the different of stages your grieving will take you through. My hubby always reminded me that we set out to adopt and give our 2 kitties the bestest life possible...not knowing how long that would be..but the important thing, is that we did give them the bestest life possible. Bless you for doing the same for your sweet Mr. G. Don't let any guilt slip in there... you were very UNSELFISH to do the hardest yet best thing for him.

Mr. Grimsby and me

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