I want to know my boy is ok

catconcern

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Hey all. My boy was put to rest by us in July and it's really upset me. I regret it. I could be at ease with the situation a whole lot more if I knew he was ok in the after life. I feel I abandoned him terribly and his last hours on this earth haunt me. I feel he didn't want to be put to sleep and had more time left.

I doubt there is a god. I doubt there is an after life. Having said that when my grand father passed away about 6 months later I dreamt about him and it was on his birthday. I was away at the time I didn't even know it was his birthday. In my dream, it was him. Really him. He was trying to warn me of danger. I want to have a dream like this about my boy or at least get a sign of there is a god that he is ok. That's where I doubt there is a god. If there is one, why isn't he answering my prayers.

While on vacation in September last year a woman I met told me she had a friend who connected with deceased animals. She said according to him they had a hard time crossing over to the other side and he helped them with that. Of all things she mentioned that he was sad because his cat had died. By the way I didn't even mention anything about animals or my cat. So it's not like she was just saying it to make me feel better.

So I'm torn and I know I'm contradicting myself here. On one hand, I do believe. On the other I don't. I have my doubts.

I love my boy. I regret what I did. It pains me to think I'll never see him again and there is nothing after death. To end my boys life and for him now to be buried in the ground, it's terrible.

I feel like I'm a murderer and wasn't there for my baby.
 

Columbine

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Hi catconcern. First of all you are *not* a murderer. Making a decision to have an animal put to sleep is always heart wrenching and difficult.

I've had the opposite problem a couple of times, in that I've felt I've betrayed my animals (a cat and a dog) by fighting to keep them alive for too long and causing them to suffer in the process (I'm an adult living at home for health reasons and my mother has enormous difficulty letting an animal go).

It must have felt right at the time or you wouldn't have gone ahead. Yes, you may have been able to eke out more time with your boy, but I feel it's *quality* of life that's important to the animal.What you gave your boy was a dignified death and that counts for a lot.

I'm afraid I can't be of much comfort about the existence of an afterlife, but I'm sure you gave him the best life you could and that (in my view) is what counts.

My heart goes out to you. I've lost many animals (7 cats, 2 horses and a dog) in my life. Every time I've questioned whether my decision was the right one, no matter whether the death was natural or induced. It's never easy. All you can do is your best.
 

misty8723

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I do believe there is an afterlife, and I do believe we will see our pets again.

I have the same heartbreak you feel, having ended my Darcy's life. Even though I know her time on earth wasn't much longer and she was suffering, it haunts me so much her last moments.  So I can sympathize in a way a lot of other can't I think.  It's hard to go on and I cry almost daily thinking about it.

I do believe that Cynthia - our cat that passed naturally on pain medicine - contacted us to let us know she was okay.  There was just something, a sound, that was very unique to her and that signaled to us that she had come into the bedroom. Both DH and I heard it on separate occasions a day apart.  I've had signs from human loved ones who passed, so I believe that was her letting us know she was okay.

One month to the day after Darcy's death I had a dream where I saw  her run into a building and I ran in there after her to save her, only to see her cuddled up in a bed with a little yellow cat. So, I'm hoping that was Darcy coming to let me know she is okay.  Darcy's death who I caused haunts me way more than Cindy's death who died naturally.  I guess all we can do is take comfort that we did our best for our babies and pass the love in our hearts on to another animal who needs us.

If you contact that person who claims to be able to contact animals in the after life, I would suggest telling them as little as possible about the situation and see if anything they say is something that you just can't deny.  Unfortunately, there are so many out there who would prey on us in our grief that's it's hard to know who we can trust.
 

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It's natural to feel grief and doubt when a treasured companion dies, guilt that we did the wrong thing, the wrong everything.The only reason I believe that there is ANYTHING good in this world or the next, is because I have witnessed such horrific evil there HAS to be an opposite, it is the way of nature. I hold such horrible guilt for the death of my Chrissy, but when I think of what a sweet, sassy girl she was, and how much she loved me, I know she would never want me to be so sad and to dwell in the past. As much as I would do anything to change it, there is nothing I can do to undo or relive the past and the future is out of reach to me too, so I have to make this present time into a life and try to do a better job of living it. You have to too. You know your sweet boy would never hold you guilty of what you are putting yourself through, he loved you too much. He would want you to celebrate the love and the life you two had, not dwell on his death. As painful as it is, they are gone from our lives, but as long as we are alive, and we have our treasured memories, they will be forever alive in our hearts. Do I believe we will be reunited one day? You bet, when two souls intertwine, and share the kind of love we did, there is no way that that 'essence' will ever die. A piece of our hearts goes with them when they leave us, but we WILL be made whole again when we are no longer bound to this earth and the essence that is us takes flight to the heavens. Ask your sweet boy for a sign, then watch carefully, he WILL give you one, be it a hair, a dream, or a shooting star. A site that I took great comfort in is 'compassion for creatures', Chaplain Donna put together a last prayer for my Chrissy that I will treasure forever. Please be gentle on yourself, take care......... RIP beautiful boy!
 
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catconcern

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Really appreciate all the replies thanks all. Some really thought provoking responses in here and has helped me. Will respond to you all in detail later on when I finish work.
 
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catconcern

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Hi catconcern. First of all you are *not* a murderer. Making a decision to have an animal put to sleep is always heart wrenching and difficult.

I've had the opposite problem a couple of times, in that I've felt I've betrayed my animals (a cat and a dog) by fighting to keep them alive for too long and causing them to suffer in the process (I'm an adult living at home for health reasons and my mother has enormous difficulty letting an animal go).

It must have felt right at the time or you wouldn't have gone ahead. Yes, you may have been able to eke out more time with your boy, but I feel it's *quality* of life that's important to the animal.What you gave your boy was a dignified death and that counts for a lot.

I'm afraid I can't be of much comfort about the existence of an afterlife, but I'm sure you gave him the best life you could and that (in my view) is what counts.

My heart goes out to you. I've lost many animals (7 cats, 2 horses and a dog) in my life. Every time I've questioned whether my decision was the right one, no matter whether the death was natural or induced. It's never easy. All you can do is your best.

Thanks for the kind words and advice. What makes it hard for me to accept is that on the day we put my boy to sleep he didn't appear to be in any pain. He had a hard 5 days leading up to it but even still he was going outside and eating a little. The cortisone shot. The second one made was his undoing. His last day he was purring for 30 minutes non stop after being quiet days before. He wanted to go outside that morning. In the afternoon however his side had split open like someone had cut him with a knife. He had a tumour in there and spread throughout his body. But he jumped on and off the window sill. How much pain was he in that he could do that with a burst side?

So I took him to the vet. We were going to have the tumour cut out. I said boy if this is the last time i see you I love you and thanks for everything. He let out a scared murmur. That was the last time I saw my boy alive. I left him scared. The vet, the main one, a different one to the one we saw before called up and said he'd discovered more lumps. We knew he had more lumps. To our knowledge according to other vets, they weren't cancer. The vet said it would be best to put him down. I wish he never had called and just went through with the op. I broke a promise to my boy saying I wouldn't put him down. The phone call changed my mind and my my mum was listening in saying we have to put him down. The bet didn't know he was purring in the morning and wanted to go outside. The vet didn't know my boy jumped on and off the window will. That wasn't a cat on his last legs. He still had quality of life. If the vet was in touch with the situation instead of them having several there he'd know my boy had those lumps a while. That's why I feel like a murderer. I abandoned him and didn't fight enough and more like I could and should have. I let others make a choice for me which don't believe was the right one. At the time I thought I can't have my boy have all that mass removed. But the vet said they could give him pain killers. But he also said " your cat doesn't like other animals and giving him medicine would be hard " a lot of cats don't like being at the vet and handled by then. We could have. They're not reasons to put him down. In my weak state of mind I let others dictate me.

I've talked about this many times on here I'm just filling you in on the details in case you don't know them. He is my best friend. If I thought his time was up by all means euthanize him. I didn't and it's why I can't really live and accept what happened. My boy would have felt scared and abandoned all alone in that cage waiting for the op and the smart intuitive boy that he is would have known he wasn't going to wake up. That's like waiting to be executed with no control over your fate. He would have wanted me to rescue him, but nothing coming. I was also going to go back and see him before the op but didn't which also haunts me. In my mind I have to pretend like all this stuff didn't happen and my boy wasn't really real just for me to get by. My whole life is about me constantly picking myself up the floor from shattering events.
 
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catconcern

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I do believe there is an afterlife, and I do believe we will see our pets again.

I have the same heartbreak you feel, having ended my Darcy's life. Even though I know her time on earth wasn't much longer and she was suffering, it haunts me so much her last moments.  So I can sympathize in a way a lot of other can't I think.  It's hard to go on and I cry almost daily thinking about it.

I do believe that Cynthia - our cat that passed naturally on pain medicine - contacted us to let us know she was okay.  There was just something, a sound, that was very unique to her and that signaled to us that she had come into the bedroom. Both DH and I heard it on separate occasions a day apart.  I've had signs from human loved ones who passed, so I believe that was her letting us know she was okay.

One month to the day after Darcy's death I had a dream where I saw  her run into a building and I ran in there after her to save her, only to see her cuddled up in a bed with a little yellow cat. So, I'm hoping that was Darcy coming to let me know she is okay.  Darcy's death who I caused haunts me way more than Cindy's death who died naturally.  I guess all we can do is take comfort that we did our best for our babies and pass the love in our hearts on to another animal who needs us.

If you contact that person who claims to be able to contact animals in the after life, I would suggest telling them as little as possible about the situation and see if anything they say is something that you just can't deny.  Unfortunately, there are so many out there who would prey on us in our grief that's it's hard to know who we can trust.
ill have to search ur posts and look to see what happened because I can't recall. I cry almost daily too.

That's awdsome u have had signs from cats and humans. I do remember reading the one about your cat.

I've had a couple dreams but they weren't real ones. I had one yesterday about him and woke up after it. It was upsetting. My boy had a hard life with us for the first 6 months but lived like a king for the rest of it bar the last 10 days or so. So I can take comfort that we gave him a good life. I have new cats now.

Yeah I know there are some low life people out there that would try to take advantage. This lady I met however, she brought up her friend and cat without no mention from me revealing anything about me losing a pet or even animals. I'm very weary.
 
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catconcern

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It's natural to feel grief and doubt when a treasured companion dies, guilt that we did the wrong thing, the wrong everything.The only reason I believe that there is ANYTHING good in this world or the next, is because I have witnessed such horrific evil there HAS to be an opposite, it is the way of nature. I hold such horrible guilt for the death of my Chrissy, but when I think of what a sweet, sassy girl she was, and how much she loved me, I know she would never want me to be so sad and to dwell in the past. As much as I would do anything to change it, there is nothing I can do to undo or relive the past and the future is out of reach to me too, so I have to make this present time into a life and try to do a better job of living it. You have to too. You know your sweet boy would never hold you guilty of what you are putting yourself through, he loved you too much. He would want you to celebrate the love and the life you two had, not dwell on his death. As painful as it is, they are gone from our lives, but as long as we are alive, and we have our treasured memories, they will be forever alive in our hearts. Do I believe we will be reunited one day? You bet, when two souls intertwine, and share the kind of love we did, there is no way that that 'essence' will ever die. A piece of our hearts goes with them when they leave us, but we WILL be made whole again when we are no longer bound to this earth and the essence that is us takes flight to the heavens. Ask your sweet boy for a sign, then watch carefully, he WILL give you one, be it a hair, a dream, or a shooting star. A site that I took great comfort in is 'compassion for creatures', Chaplain Donna put together a last prayer for my Chrissy that I will treasure forever. Please be gentle on yourself, take care......... RIP beautiful boy!
He did love me heaps and dearly and wouldn't want me to suffer but I feel I definitely robbed him of time on this earth and took him off it against his own will. That hurts di. You are right tho in that I have to make the most of it now and live a happy and prosperous life.

Thanks for the nice words and advice. I know our love will never die. I have asked for signs but nothing yet.
 

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I am so, so sorry. Your story sounds agonising and I wasn't aware of the details.

I have noticed, though, with my own animals that they sometimes appear much better than previously on the fateful day. The last horse I had put to sleep had been struggling to walk on anything but the softest ground for days, despite painkillers. Yet on the day I said goodbye she was suddenly walking more easily again. I went through with it anyway, and agonised for a year as to whether I'd done the right thing. The only comfort was that I'd rescued her from abuse and had finally been able to offer her some peace during her final years.

My dog that died was worse. Like your boy, she had tumors but was acting absolutely normally. On the vets advice, we took her in to have the tumors (cancer) removed. She was never the same again. To all outward intents and purposes we sent in a healthy - acting happy girl and brought home a sick, 'broken' dog. From the day of her op she was never the same - lost interest in food, walks, everything she loved. I still grieve for her and regret my final decisions.

I'm telling you this to give you a better sense of my experiences.

My heart goes out to you. Nothing I can say will take away the pain. Try to remember your boy as he was and focus on his life instead of his death.
:vibes:
 

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My darling boy Monty had cancer too and I totally understand how you feel. He was 13 when we had him put to sleep. The months before we decided to let him go we took him to the vet to get a shot for this and a shot for that and in the end we decided we had to stop, we were doing it for us and not for him and it wasn't fair. He had abdominal cancer and was just skin and bone and was incontinent too. He was still walking around and purring when we pet him but he had absolutely no quality of life, was hardly eating anything and was in constant pain. He purred for the vet just before the injection (that will stay with me forever :() but that's just how he was, a happy loving boy, to everybody. I felt so guilty for a very long time after and still do sometimes but that is a natural emotion and its to be expected.
Please go easy on yourself and allow yourself to move on. Remember all the good times you had together. It's been over a year since we said goodbye and I still have a little cry every now and then and I allow myself to be upset because of the love I had for my boy and nobody will ever take that away from me but I try not to dwell on it. I can't bring him back. He is now running free over the bridge, pain free, waiting for the day we meet again.

Be strong, be upset if you want to, you have every right to be but please allow yourself to move on.:alright:

RIP sweet boy. :rbheart:
 

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ill have to search ur posts and look to see what happened because I can't recall. I cry almost daily too.

That's awdsome u have had signs from cats and humans. I do remember reading the one about your cat.

I've had a couple dreams but they weren't real ones. I had one yesterday about him and woke up after it. It was upsetting. My boy had a hard life with us for the first 6 months but lived like a king for the rest of it bar the last 10 days or so. So I can take comfort that we gave him a good life. I have new cats now.

Yeah I know there are some low life people out there that would try to take advantage. This lady I met however, she brought up her friend and cat without no mention from me revealing anything about me losing a pet or even animals. I'm very weary.
Well, in a nutshell, Cynthia had cancer which they couldn't figure out what kind without the surgery She had surgery and they removed a large mast cell tumor from her colon and part of her colon. She had cemo, went into remission, then started getting sick again but they couldn't find any sign of cancer. She just started losing weight and going downhill. Toward the end for her we got pain medicine and allowed her to pass in our home, on our bed, on her favorite blanket.  It was hard to live through, hard to see her going through that, but she had some very good days even toward the end.

With Darcy, we got her to be a companion for Swanie who loved and missed Cindy. Darcy was a warm, sweet, loving, energetic, beautiful cat.  About two weeks after we brought her home, she was not so energetic and sleeping a lot over the weekend. Took her to the vet on Monday thinking maybe a cold or something, only to find out it was probably much worse. It turned out to be FIP. We did all we could for her, and she was with us another month of so because she started going downhill very rapidly, and we took her back to the vet. I guess in my mind I knew it was the right thing to do, but my heart says maybe we should have gotten pain med for her too and let her go naturally.

Anyway, I think you should be open to a sign from your boy. My vet tech told me they often come back and sometimes it's in your face hello! it's me! and sometimes it's very subtle.  With Cindy it was very subtle.  I don't know if Darcy sent something I might have missed but I'm hoping the dream was her way of telling me she was okay.

The human person I had signs from was my Mom, and she sent us three very specific signs that we couldn't miss 2 nights after she passed.  It is very comforting. Not that you miss them any less, but at least you know they are okay.

I really hope you can find some peace, and if contacting the animal communicator can give you peace, it might be worth a shot.  If it's not too expensive, you really have nothing to lose.
 
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catconcern

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Thanks again for the recent replies all. I will respond tomorrow, it's late where I am ATM. You have all helped me feel a little Better and given some good advice as well as sharing your own stories so we can all relate. I will respond to each of you tomorrow.
 

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....I feel like you are more of a hero... you did say goodbye...you took him to get help...and I can't imagine the tumor surgery being a simple..take it out and kitty is fine... obviously we don't know that...but gosh I feel he went in a best way possible... already asleep... and he quite possibly could have come out of surgery only to fight off cancer... and as we have heard they hide their pain...he may have been suffering even if you didn't see it...I still believe wholeheartedly you have every right to grieve and miss him, but no right to feel guilty for giving him the best life nobody else could have! I would feel horrible to make my furbaby fight through something without knowing they'd come through it 100%... now THAT would be something to feel guilty about..prolonging their life ..for you... instead of letting them go "before" suffering begins. Your best gift now for him...is to accept life's course...I know you said you are not a God believer, but I am...and I totally believe our kitties are in a perfect place... as I also believe God made them for a special reason... and we were blessed to be able to take care of them and love them, not knowing how long that would be...but that's ok...because they were loved..it doesn't matter how long...that love is with them forever.. (hugs)
 

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oh, and ps.... I had to smile when I ran across this photo of Min "reading the Bible" heehee
 

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Dear CatConcern,

I promise you will live easier if you try to live by simple words of "It just had to be that way". There was absolutely no other way it could have ended and you could not have done anything different to change the path.

I am also not a religious person and I also doubt if my kitty just went forever or he is in cat heaven or being reincarnated. But you need to believe in something. If nothing, then believe in your kitty and your relationship, the one you had. Live off the great moments, laugh at the funny ones and even cry off the sad ones.

I can really relate to how you feel, but do know, after reading all posts on this board from people suffering loss of their beloved kitty, we all feel the same. Regardless if we decided to put them to sleep, if we waited for the natural death to appear, we always have same emotions.

Have doubts, I have them, it is perfectly natural to have doubts. Nobody can prove us right or wrong. It is a belief system. Doubt everything, but never doubt your beloved kitty, nor the way it had to end.
 

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I use an animal communicator on a regular basis.  Read the threads on Rizzo in this section.  I have talked with my Rizzo in spirit & intend to do so in a few months.  Each time I use a communicator I find something very specific that they could not have know about or guessed..  Don't recommend them to people.  There is such a variation in their abilities.  With the really good ones it is like having a conversation with your animals but they are SO expensive. Talking with those of lesser talents is not very rewarding. With all the people on this site I am surprised not to see other threads about this topic.

I should believe in the other side due to my experiences.  Talked with my husband many years ago.  Am getting better at believing in this but I wish I had concrete scientific proof.
 

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I use an animal communicator on a regular basis.  Read the threads on Rizzo in this section.  I have talked with my Rizzo in spirit & intend to do so in a few months.  Each time I use a communicator I find something very specific that they could not have know about or guessed..  Don't recommend them to people.  There is such a variation in their abilities.  With the really good ones it is like having a conversation with your animals but they are SO expensive. Talking with those of lesser talents is not very rewarding. With all the people on this site I am surprised not to see other threads about this topic.

I should believe in the other side due to my experiences.  Talked with my husband many years ago.  Am getting better at believing in this but I wish I had concrete scientific proof.
I've used an animal communicator too, but to talk to my living kitties not the ones who have crossed over. I'm sill skeptical, but that's because I know there are so many out there who would take advantage of us it's hard to  know who is real and who isn't.
 
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