Me vs the cat

My cat, "D", is extremely needy and loves to rub up against me and nibble me any chance he can get. The nibbling seems to be compulsive and constantly makes me tense and very uncomfortable. It's bad enough that he'll obsessively try to do it while I pet him or if we're sitting together, making cuddling an unpleasant if not impossible experience, but what's really getting to me is his behavior in the kitchen.

When I'm in the kitchen, he circles my feet like a little piranha. He knows I don't like it when he nibbles me. He reads my body language and is constantly trying to find the right moment to nibble. He rubs up against my leg, over and over again, and if I'm looking down or out of the corner of my eye, if I am hyper aware of him, if I am very tense, or if I do so little as motion a pinkie towards the spray bottle, he will just continue to rub up against me and keep turning his head away, doing his best not to nibble me. He'll start to turn his head to start nibbling, but will catch himself if he feels like I am aware of him somehow.

But the moment I become a little less tense, start focusing more on completing my task, etc, that's his opportunity to go in the for the nibble. It seems to be a very calculated process. He'll start sniffing, slowly turning his head in, waiting for the exact moment he feel like he can get away with it. He'll sniff, get close with his mouth, I vaguely move my eyes in his direction, or move my chin like 2cm, he'll back his head away and rub the rest of his body against me, go back in, sniffing, getting closer, until he can finally find the right moment...

Unfortunately, spraying with water isn't very effective with him, neither is stomping my feet or using a loud voice. He doesn't like those things, but usually he acts kind of oblivious and keeps trying to come back anyway. To be fair, I haven't been 100% with the water bottle or stomping in this case, because I don't know how to deal with this situation, which is why I need some advice.

At some point, I decided that he wasn't going to be allowed to rub up against me at all while I'm in the kitchen, because the rubbing and nibbling go hand in hand. I haven't committed to enforcing this because I feel like it's cruel. Like he's just trying to find comfort, and wants to be close to me, and not letting him rub up against me is just taking it too far. But I don't think I have any other choice, if I don't want him to nibble me. He is making me feel uncomfortable living in my own home. I constantly feel tense and hyper vigilant in the kitchen. I just want him to get away from me. Maybe he has anxiety issues, but so do I.

As far as I'm concerned, I don't want him to be within a 5-8 foot radius of me while I'm in the kitchen, unless he's preoccupied with something else or laying down, or really behaving himself. He is so obsessed with this behavior though. I know he'll try to do anything he can to weasel his way closer and closer to me.

The reason I started stomping, is because spraying with a water bottle and saying "no" just isn't enough. If I break him of this habit, it will involve stomping, water bottle, and using a loud voice when he gets close to me in the kitchen. Unfortunately with the water bottle, he won't even notice one spray, I have to spray him a few times. I'm honestly worried even this isn't going to be enough, but I feel as though I don't have a lot of options. I doubt he'll care about having a little bit of bitter stuff on my legs and feet, and besides, I can't have bitter stuff on my pants/socks/legs constantly.

So basically, I'm asking if this seems reasonable or if anyone has any other suggestions. I know this probably all sounds dramatic since it's "just" nibbling, but he's so obsessed with nibbling me that it's extremely uncomfortable and unsettling. I just hate it. This whole process is so exhausting.

I don't want to give him problems by doing this, or make him feel like he can't ever snuggle with me. I do and will continue to give him snuggles. I do give him attention, even though it is a difficult and uncomfortable process, as mentioned. I also ignore him when he's being inappropriately needy. And yes, he is also playing with and is given plenty of toys, and has a kitty friend that he also likes to harass.

Thanks for reading, and for your help.

Welcome to TCS!

First of all, spraying a cat with water is counter-productive. Please read this article on why you should never discipline your cat:

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/cats-and-discipline-dont-mix

All you're really doing is to teach him to be afraid of you and to figure out how to <undesirable behavior> without getting caught. You've seen this already:

 But the moment I become a little less tense, start focusing more on completing my task, etc, that's his opportunity to go in the for the nibble. 

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   He'll start to turn his head to start nibbling, but will catch himself if he feels like I am aware of him somehow.

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Cats learn. And "D" has learnt how not to get caught. Not quite what you wanted him to learn.

Spraying with water, stomping your feet and similar tactics just instill fear and anxiety in your cat. Don't do any of those things anymore. 

Unfortunately with the water bottle, he won't even notice one spray, I have to spray him a few times.  

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They start to become desensitized to a punishment if done often enough, and you're no better off than before; in fact, you might end up with a anxious, distrustful cat.

Positive reinforcement is the way to go. When he nibbles at you, gently push in towards him. Don't pull away or he might see that as an invitation to play. Say no in a sharp voice, push in towards him, then ignore him for 10 minutes. Completely ignore him. Don't talk to him, don't interact with him, don't look at him. If he nibbles you while you're petting him, immediately stop petting him and ignore him. Get up and walk away. You want him to learn that nibble = no more attention. After 10 minutes or so, resume previous activity as if nothing happened. Never scold or yell or make sudden loud noises.

Anytime he goes some time without nibbling you, reward him with a treat, praises or pets. See him sitting quietly for 20 minutes already? Toss him a treat. Soon he'll learn that not nibbling = extra attention and treats and nibbling = no more attention.

As for the kitchen, you may have to resort to putting up some kind of a physical barrier. Don't allow him in the kitchen at all, at least until he learns not to nibble.

 Maybe he has anxiety issues, but so do I.

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He sounds like he does, and not only that, he's also picking up on your anxiety, which further fuels his own. You want to be calm, patient and neutral while training him not to nibble.

Continue playing and interacting with him. You don't want to reduce playtime or attention -- only when he nibbles, and only for a few minutes. "You nibbled me this morning, so now I'm not playing with you" doesn't work with the way cats make connections about events.

Thank you for your thoughtful advice.

I can't keep him out of the kitchen - I live in an apartment with an open kitchen, and if I put gates on the sides he would just jump right over. I don't use the spray bottle very much. He's been pretty uncaring about it since the beginning. I am usually saying no, and pushing him away with my feet in the kitchen. I also don't talk to him or give him attention at all in the kitchen, except for saying no, pushing him away, or noticing him out of the corner of my eye. Saying "no" also doesn't do much, even in my sternest voice. He acts really oblivious about most things. He's bossy, and does things like sit his butt right on top of my other cats face a lot.

I have a feeling that if I just ignore him while he nibbles me in the kitchen, he will just keep on doing it.

I do agree with the rest though, when he starts nibbling me while we're cuddling I'll stop petting him, push him away, pick him up and move him away from me. I also pet him and talk to him when he's being good (he doesn't like treats). But I'm going to need to work a lot harder to break him of his habit :/

catimakittycat said:

I also don't talk to him or give him attention at all in the kitchen, except for saying no, pushing him away, or noticing him out of the corner of my eye. 

I do agree with the rest though, when he starts nibbling me while we're cuddling I'll stop petting him, push him away, pick him up and move him away from me.

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No. When I say ignore, I really mean ignore. Get up, walk away. Don't push him away, don't pick him up, don't look at him, don't do anything. Cats are weird that they think any kind of physical touch from you is "attention". 

I'm not too sure about the kitchen. I've had a cat who was really notorious like that -- head bumping my leg and then CHOMP. I used a plastic barrier (pick one up from home improvement) and he didn't jump over it. Over time he stopped doing it.

What do you do in the kitchen? Does he do it every time you're in there, or only when preparing his food? His train of thought is that, he nibbles your feet in the kitchen, and then something "nice" happens. He gets some sort of reward. So he repeats it. What could that "reward" be? 

This may sound odd. Try putting sticky bits on your legs ... Small rolls of sticy tape should do the job. S is banned from the kitchen since he started shouting at me to feed him. I used the sticky tape idea to assist a foster kitty I had stop scratching the couch. It worked .

How long does it normally take for the walking away thing to work out? Most of the time I spend in the "living area" in my apartment (living room, kitchen), is spent cooking, cleaning, eating, or relaxing momentarily. So hopefully, I won't be cooped up in the bedroom for too long (I work in an office space at home, so I'm pretty cooped up as it is), and keep getting pushed back in because of his affection.

At what point should I walk away? The rubbing gradually turning into sniffing, and then nibbling thing is the same everywhere else, so he'll be rubbing up on me a lot and finds any chance he can to nibble. Would the sniffing stage be an appropriate time to take action? Or is that too subtle? Should I let him nibble first, and then leave?

How important is it that my roommate follow this protocol? They're really bad about rewarding bad behavior - they give kitties lots of attention when they're being "bad", sometimes they even pick them up and cuddle/kiss them while being like "ohhhh, don't do that!" lol. I've called them out on it a number of times. I will talk with them about it again though.

As for the food, he becomes much needier when he wants food. And he wants food when he's needy. He loves eating, he loves chewing on anything to the point of destroying things. But I often feed them when I don't have time to walk away for however many times. I feel bad for the other kitty, because she's bossed around so much as it is and I don't want to postpone her eating because of him. So I was pushing him out of the way with my feet, but over the past couple days I've been "herding" him away when he rubs on me in the kitchen. I think it's more annoying then anything scary for him, but it's been helping so far.

They're 10 months old and very active, so I don't think the gates are going to work too well.

As for the tape thing, not sure, as it would entail me wearing them all day. Maybe I should have a pair of "tape pants" that I switch to whenever I go into the living space.