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Does anyone else struggle with christmas

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Tonight, amongst the excitement of a 4 year old racing round like he was on something, we had to erect the tree and get out all the deccies and out them up.
The tree lights are on, the inside of the lounge looks like a runway at Heathrow with lights. Tinsel adores the tree and it all looks - well very christmassy.
carol gave me a few scotches to take the edge off the night as somehow, I find christmas very hard to cope with. I have been like it for a number of years - possibly since my parents split up when I was 12. Now 34.
I have to look thrilled and excited for Christopher and I do enjoy it for him, but I just feel so down with it all. My parents split at xmas as a kid and I never really got over it - pathetic as it is.
I have feigned more migraines as a kid and adult so that I dont have to partake too much but can sit and let everyone get on with it. we have Carols father and his girfriend the whole of xmas day, then boxing day sees us at her mothers.
I wont see my mother as some of you know shes no interest in me.
I feel bad as its the first time i have not had an xmas with my stepfather following his death in August - same day as Vicki. Then the loss of my mate in the last couple of weeks - christmas just seems too much to take and I know I wont be that much in any form of spirit for it.
I guess i will take two anti depressants on xmas day and boxing day to survive it and wait for it all to be over with and I can start the car back home.
Will miss my parents this year, will miss Vicki a heck of a lot and Mike and my stepfather
, Clive. So is it just me - or does anyone else struggle with christmas and if so, how does one cope with it.
I desperately want this one to be our last over in the UK - but then again, I figure I will be on here both days looking for a chat.
Thanks for listening anyway.
post #2 of 11
Kev, I can empathize. This Christmas will be the 21st celebrated without my side of the family (bad time to travel to the U.S. because of the weather and expense), and I always worry about how my mother will cope. My brother died in 1991, my father in 2002, I'm over here, and she and my sister seem to disagree about everything. The Germans overdo Christmas: it's a "family affair" on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day. My in-laws want the whole family to be together on all three days. My husband puts in a 2-hour appearance at his parents', and then goes home, because "we can't leave the cat alone too long with the Xmas tree" - any other time I'm responsible for the cat. I feel bad for his parents then, and end up staying about 6x longer than I want to, just to make up for his behavior. My brother-in-law's wife always manages to get into a fight with my mother-in-law and/or father-in-law, which upsets the kids, who are generally bored. I will probably be online bitching all three days. What I do is treat myself to several books (I'm saving 2 Ian Rankin books for the holidays this year), and bury myself in them the first chance I get as a reward for being a model daughter-in-law. The plus side is that JC loves Christmas - what could be better than a live tree hung with "cat toys" in the living room? Your son's excitement will probably compensate for many of the "bad things" connected with Christmas.
post #3 of 11
My dad died in 1986 and mom in 2000. My 4 siblings live in 4 different states so there is no way for my family to ever get together for the holidays (ever again). My uncle is terminally ill and my sister has been threatened by a doctor that she will be dead in 5 years if she doesn't change her health habits. I am going to the funeral of a coworker on Monday (heard about that yesterday afternoon) that I've worked with for the last 7 years. If I let things get to me, they would very quickly.

I cope simply by not setting my expectations too high. If I were to expect things to be like they were when I was growing up, I could never achieve them and would be perpetually disappointed. I had to adjust my mind-set to what I can realistically expect based on my current situation, and throw out any dwelling of the past. I guess I've learned to become thankful for the inevitable changes in my life, even when they were very painful.

I feel for you Kevin. You have had a lot of changes to your life lately and making a transition is always hardest around the holidays.

((((****hugs to ya Kev ****))))

Oh yeah, and rum helps!
post #4 of 11
post #5 of 11
It's very common for people to feel down during the holidays for many different reasons.

Hang in there, it will all be over before you know it!
post #6 of 11
Yes, Christmas can be sad, no matter how badly we want it to happy for our children. Both my parents are now gone and it is hard. But I will make it the best for Amber that I can...it is her childhood....it should be wonderful, not clouded with my sad memories.
post #7 of 11
Well the only reason I look forward to christmas is because I get equipment for my car. It may sound materialistic, but its the truth. My parents are split, so I have to spend christmas in 2 places
I hope for the best to you

post #8 of 11
I would'nt even have christmas if it wasn't for my grandchildern. My father and a younger brother has passed,my mother might as well be gone,her mind is gone,all she thinks about is her son who isn't here,she has 6 other kids but we are alive.She has 6 greatgrand childern who she has never seen.And she lives 10 minutes away!So ya I always feel done this time of the year,but like I said I have my babies whom I love and I will do anything to make them happy. I just suck it up and get through it somehow. you will too,hang in there.come here we will be here also. Love your wife and son,and enjoy their happiness.
post #9 of 11
I absolutely hate this time of year! I love New Years because it means that the holidays are over. Someone once informed me that I HAD to have a tree, and even went so far as bringing me a small one and setting it up in my house. I opened the nearest window and threw it out. I thought it was completely disrespectful to my wishes, and just not up to her to tell me that EVERYONE loves Christmas, and has to have a tree.
The only thing I do for Christmas is go around and feed stray cats that live around places that are closed, and that is their normal food source.
post #10 of 11
I think Christmas can bring out both the best and the worst feelings in people. For anyone with family conflicts or losses in their lives (and who doesn't have some??), it can get almost unbearable. There is this 'picture perfect Christmas' image that somehow we all get - where everything is happy and harmonious and peace and love surmount all. And trying to force an imperfect, scarred life into that mold will never work.

A few years ago I somehow managed to reconcile a lot of the negative holiday feelings I have, and I have no idea how I did it. I somehow decided to just let others be who they are and stop trying to control everything, and stop trying to make things perfect and harmonious. And to allow the sad memories and feelings to come when they come. My FIL died the day after Christmas a few years ago, so that is a sad Christmas memory, but somehow (now that time has removed some of the pain), the memories of him just meld into an overall nostalgia/sadness that I feel a lot this time of the year. I think of him a lot this time of the year, and it is sad, but now when the sad memories of his being sick come, I try to replace them with memories of him in happy times.

Sorry if this is turning into a rambling mess; my thoughts this time of year tend to follow a more emotional path than a logical one. Kev, I feel for you, and am sending you the warmest thoughts possible.
post #11 of 11
I am another anti-holidays person. If it weren't for the kids, I would completely ignore it.

I have a tree this year for the first time in probably 10 years. The only reason I do is because it was on sale, and I enjoy looking at the lights.

The whole gift-giving thing is out of control. I am so happy that at my new school, I have been told that among the office staff, we do a cookie exchange only.

I try to largely ignore the whole season.
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