Huckleberry has Passed...

This post is most responsive to a thread I posted in "Cat Health"...

I originally posted here (Cat Health) in early November about Huckleberry's vet visit (diagnosed with dehydration, anorexia, and chronic kidney failure). I was given the option of treating him, but the vet was more advising of putting him down because of the circumstances. I decided to treat him and I got an overwhelming amount of support here  which still really means SO MUCH to me:

http://www.thecatsite.com/t/287515/please-send-prayers-and-positive-thoughts-toward-huckleberry

I really have to thank those who responded to my linked thread. Your replies were so supportive, helpful, and appreciated. I remember feeling so desperate and lost. Now I feel at peace and I know Huckleberry is too. Thank you SO MUCH for helping me with this.
 

@Norachan  @helsic  @rlavach  @forrestmeows @mnm @Loving Mickey  @Alismama  @empirefalls @cocheezie @allieq  @silmarien  @plur11ap  @JDollPrincess  @whskrNwoofermom  @bonepicker  @momto3cats  

He was doing really well from the beginning of December. He started eating a healthy amount of food and his water intake was exceptional... he was gaining some weight. His energy wasn't fully there, he never started "playing" again... he was always so playful, with Levi and with me. He was more loving and affectionate over the past couple months; he just wanted to sit in my lap, get in my face, and give me kisses. He just wanted to be next to me. I was happy with the strides he was making. It was then expected that every day was a day that he would be getting better.

Early in this past week, I noticed he started eating less and was being more vocal than usual. Wednesday when I got home he was crying and I noticed him walking unbalanced, which brought back vivid memories from when I took him into the vet. He jumped up into the kitchen sink, where he loves to drink water. So I turned the water on a little as usual and walked away. I heard of jump on the floor a minute later, which means he's done. So I walked back over and turned the water off and then he starts puking all over the floor (just water and bile). I start to freak out and don't know what to do, I start saying "OH MY GOD Huckleberry what's wrong? Huckleberry what's wrong???" Then I start cleaning it up... he jumps back into the sink and I turn on the water and continue cleaning. I'm finished cleaning when he jumps down again and throws up the same amount. He then tried to jump back into the sink, he didn't reach it and landed on his side. He looked at me and I looked at him. My mind went through several things at once and I just thought "Oh my God I can't do this again." I said I would try. I would give it a shot. And I did. Financially, emotionally, and for his quality of life I can not do this again. I called my mom (who helped me with the finances of treating Huckleberry) and told her what was going on and what my decision was. I called the animal clinic and, under the circumstances, they booked me within the next hour.

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. Huckleberry just turned 9 years old. I love him so much and he will always be a part of my life. Since Wednesday night, I've been doing better than I thought. I think that if I chose to put him down back in November, I would've been a mess. I'm glad I got to spend the last few months with him... I'm glad I gave it a try. Ultimately, I'm glad to have had him. Rest in peace Huckleberry. I don't think I will go a day without thinking of you... and smiling.

Oh I am truly sorry to hear about the loss of your precious Huckleberry. I remember your post quite well. I truly wanted him to improve and spend many more years with you. At nine years old, he should have.
Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. I so wanted him to get well. I do understand the pain you must be feeling. It is just so heartbreaking when we lose our precious kitties. I still cry over the loss of my precious Mickey every day. He passed last July and I still miss him so very much!
Try to remember all the good times you had with your Huckleberry. He got to spend the last few months with you because of you. You did all you could for him and he loved you for it.
I wish I could magically make your pain go away. Always remember you loved him and he loved you in return. You were there for him when he needed you and that means alot!
Please take care!
May your memories of Huckleberry be happy ones and hold a smile in your heart.
RIP Sweet Huckleberry!
You will be missed!
Hope you are having fun playing with my Mickey!

Gee so sorry. I'm glad you give it all you could. You got extra months with him and can be at peace with doing what was right for the both of you. By giving him extra time, and by letting him rest.

Peace to you and huckleberry.

We never have enough time with our babies, but to lose one so young and so loved is especially painful. You did all you could and Huckleberry knew it, he loved you so much for loving him and giving him the best life he could ask for. My heart goes out to you, I know the pain of a broken heart all too well and would never wish it on anyone. Please accept my condolences, I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, be gentle on yourself and treasure the memories of that sweet cat. RIP beautiful Huckleberry!   

I'm so sorry about your loss of Huckleberry. You did what you could for him, made sure his last months were filled with love, and released him peacefully when his time had run out. He certainly must have known how loved he was. RIP, Huckleberry.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Huckleberry, my thoughts and prayers go out to you during this difficult time.

RIP Huckleberry

What beautiful pictures of Huckleberry!  I am glad you got to spent those extra weeks with him.  Nine is so young to go!  I lost my 13 year old 35 days ago so I know the pain you are going thru.  Like your boy, mine became very affectionate about a month before I was willing to admit that he had cancer.  He started pawing at the bedspread to lay down under the blanket with his head against my neck.  In 8 years he had never done this.   They must know they are leaving & want to make sure we know that they love us.     Doing the right thing is very hard but you knew you had to help him.  Then they are gone & everything is so final.  It is good that you find peace in knowing that he is no longer sick or in pain.  He had a good life & you to love him.   Your mom was very kind in helping you through this.

RIP Huckleberry! 

Poor little Huckleberry!!! I'm so, so sorry for your dear loss! I'm very sad he had to go so young. But, I'm happy you got to spend more time with your BFFF, Best Furry Friend Furever, before he had to go. I know from your posts just how dear he is to you.

He was such a cutie pie! I really enjoy looking at your collages of Huckleberry. They show just how much of a personality he has and how much you care about him! I know he was very thankful to you for taking such good care of him and for spending the last few months with you. I will pray for your peace and strength. I'm sure Huckleberry will be watching over you! Hugs. :heart4::rub:

Riley1 said:

 
What beautiful pictures of Huckleberry!  I am glad you got to spent those extra weeks with him.  Nine is so young to go!  I lost my 13 year old 35 days ago so I know the pain you are going thru.  Like your boy, mine became very affectionate about a month before I was willing to admit that he had cancer.  He started pawing at the bedspread to lay down under the blanket with his head against my neck.  In 8 years he had never done this.   They must know they are leaving & want to make sure we know that they love us.     Doing the right thing is very hard but you knew you had to help him.  Then they are gone & everything is so final.  It is good that you find peace in knowing that he is no longer sick or in pain.  He had a good life & you to love him.   Your mom was very kind in helping you through this.

RIP Huckleberry! 

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I couldn't have said it better myself...Condolences on losing your beautiful boy! The pictures that you have posted are a beautiful tribute to your treasured cat. I am glad to your mother and you for making the emotional as well as financial investments that gave Huckleberry  the "autumn" time of his life - a time to ease into good-bye.  I know it is not often possible and you used that extra time wisely. Huckleberry left this realm knowing the joys of having a real family who called him by name, gave him toys, food and love - a family who delighted in him

ohhhhh I'm so so sorry....so many of us have experienced such a sad loss...our hearts go out to you.... Huckleberry was one luckly lil fella to have you!!!

I'm so sorry to you and your family for the loss of a beautiful friend.  And a blessing for your mom, too, for helping with his medical expenses.  She must be a very special person.

Thank you all for your kind words. @Loving Mickey  and @ForrestMeows... I will always remember your touching responses of love and kindness at such a devastating situation in my life.

Huckleberry was such a big part of my 20s, I took him in a little over 9 years ago... when I had just turned 20. My friend Sam came across him when he was a tiny fur ball, named him Huckleberry, and was looking for a home for him. She couldn't keep him because her family's cat is vicious with other cats. After a couple of days, she asked me if I would hold on to him until she could find a home for him. I told her no... "Sam, you and I both know what will happen if I take him home... I'm gonna want to keep him and I don't want to want to keep him" LOL. I was living with my parents and we already had 4 cats (outdoor). I've had outdoor cats ever since I was born. Sam pleaded, "Just for one day", I gave in. Within a few hours that cat was mine. The name stuck. Huckleberry was a crazy little kitten, some would even call him the spawn of satan. But he was my crazy little kitten.

I think he started to mellow out when my brother got a kitten a year later... Levi. When we introduced them, Huckleberry laid on his side, and started dragging himself toward Levi (as though to avoid intimidating the little kitten). The two of them became best buddies. They were always chasing each other, playing, getting way out of hand LOL. When my brother and I moved out, I kept both the cats. There was no way I would separate myself from Huckleberry and no way I would separate Huckleberry from Levi. I snuck them in with me into my apartment where cats were not allowed... which wasn't too hard because my brother's girlfriend's sister managed the building and she had cats of her own. A lot of memories were made there, even though I was only there for 8 months and then my brother and I moved in together after him and his girlfriend broke up. Geez I could go on and on.

I did think about it from time to time, and my biggest concern was how one cat would behave if the other one died. When I brought Huckleberry back home in November after being cared for at the vet for 2 days, Levi was hostile toward him. There was a lot of hissing and growling on Levi's part. It subsided in a week or two, but it was still just different. They were never exactly the same around each other... They cleaned each other here and there but the bond had lessened. Levi doesn't show any signs of mourning,... And I'm relieved, because how do you explain death to a cat? Maybe he already knew. Oddly, I'm doing okay. I'm surprised, I'm generally a sensitive person... I fell apart putting him down a week ago... just completely broke down. Since then, I've been fine. Almost like, "it is what it is." I love that cat like crazy. I always thought he'd last until 13 or 14 years old... right? But I guess from November to now helped me realize that his life may be shorter. Huckleberry was a wonderful cat, he had such a great, interesting personality and will always be a part of my life.

Thanks everyone for your replies... the support, and comfort in the loss of my friend.