Trust issues

My pet cat used to be a stray. When we moved to our new house last year this cat used to come by. So i started giving her food. But gradually she would come to out lawn everyday and wait for food. Then she would just stay outside our door and one day she came in. She roamed around and day by day she got used to it. Then she started staying inside. We could not make her go out even if we wanted to. We got her vaccinated and its been almost 5 months. But the thing is she maintains her own level of socializing. When she feels like it she will come up to me and snuggle and all that. But if i try to do the same she'll just scratch. It's like she likes to keep things her way. Everytime i try to clip her nails its a huge scratch battle and one unsuccessful one. Will this situation ever change? It's like she has this invisible border she won't let me cross

NSS008 said:

My pet cat used to be a stray. When we moved to our new house last year this cat used to come by. So i started giving her food. But gradually she would come to out lawn everyday and wait for food. Then she would just stay outside our door and one day she came in. She roamed around and day by day she got used to it. Then she started staying inside. We could not make her go out even if we wanted to. We got her vaccinated and its been almost 5 months. But the thing is she maintains her own level of socializing. When she feels like it she will come up to me and snuggle and all that. But if i try to do the same she'll just scratch. It's like she likes to keep things her way. Everytime i try to clip her nails its a huge scratch battle and one unsuccessful one. Will this situation ever change? It's like she has this invisible border she won't let me cross

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That's lovely that you took the time to take care of her so well.

Even with cats raised indoors from birth, clipping nails can be a battle.

One thing that reduces the number of times you need to clip their nails is to give them a "scratching post"

Basically you can make one or pay someone to cheaply make you a post out of sisal rope tightly bound over a pice of wood. Look up sisal rope for cat trees on google.

NSS008 said:

My pet cat used to be a stray. When we moved to our new house last year this cat used to come by. So i started giving her food. But gradually she would come to out lawn everyday and wait for food. Then she would just stay outside our door and one day she came in. She roamed around and day by day she got used to it. Then she started staying inside. We could not make her go out even if we wanted to. We got her vaccinated and its been almost 5 months. But the thing is she maintains her own level of socializing. When she feels like it she will come up to me and snuggle and all that. But if i try to do the same she'll just scratch. It's like she likes to keep things her way. Everytime i try to clip her nails its a huge scratch battle and one unsuccessful one. Will this situation ever change? It's like she has this invisible border she won't let me cross

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This is in a way a typical scenario.  Even the essence of difference between dogs and cats.   A dog is submissive to the owner, his master.  Ready to serve at your whim. True, he may give you a true love when you deserve it, but he will be nice to you even if you dont deserve it.

While a cat, will give you his trust and respect first when you deserve it.  And soon enough, comes also the love. When you deserve the trust and love.

Philosophy aside.   It is a common rule of thumb, with cats, the cuddling and giving each other love is always better when the cat voluntarily come forward to you, on his initiative, then when you are taking the initiative.

Also, in a way its good your cat is clearly saying no when she doenst wants to be cuddled.   This way you KNOW every time she accepts your cuddles, she is doing it voluntarily. Or at very least, she finds herself in it.  Because, you KNOW if she isnt in proper state of mind, she will either just go away, or even - protest forcefully.

So, let it take time and patience.  And love.  Give love and with time you will get it back.

There is a nice tip. Many cats, especially shy cats, dont like to be cuddled standing on the floor. Or being lifted up to your chest.

Its often easier when they are laying comfortable on a sofa or a chair, or other favorite laying place...  Perhaps because they are more at ease there?

In the beginning, dont cuddle too long.  Take a break as soon you notice she begins to be impatient.  So it may be perhaps just two, maximum three strokes in the beginning...

Re the clipping of nails.  Begin with this scratching post.

There are also tricks. Trying to clip one nail at a time when she is comfortably sleepy.

Or one holds, one clips.   If desperate enough, you can wrap her up with a thick towel, alike a burrito.  Or perhaps even including her eyes, alike when they train birds of prey.  But this is for later.  Now the first prioritiy is to be sure she feels safe and comfortable in your home. To build up a layer, an amount of trust.  When you do have an excess of trust, first then you can do such things - which uses some of this excess of trust...   So to speak.

Tx a lot for helping this little sis of our, giving her a proper home including a good care.

  Good luck!

A little encouragement about patience:  we adopted 3 kittens about 18 months ago who quickly adapted to being indoor-outdoor very affectionate cats. But we were also feeding their mother, aptly named "Patience" who was a real hard case. I finally was able to catch her and get her spayed and shots, but she also was very limited in her ability to socialize, probably because she had been abused. It took a year to get her somewhat friendly, she would hide in the basement when anyone came to the house and no way could I pick her up or cuddle her or any of those "house cat" things, I was lucky if she would tolerate a head butt or brief back stroke.   But in the last few months she has had a turn around, to the point that I can barely sit on the couch without her wanting to sit on me, she now sleeps on the bed and loves to cuddle.  It takes time, much time sometimes, to gain trust. 

Lrosewiles said:

A little encouragement about patience:  we adopted 3 kittens about 18 months ago who quickly adapted to being indoor-outdoor very affectionate cats. But we were also feeding their mother, aptly named "Patience" who was a real hard case. I finally was able to catch her and get her spayed and shots, but she also was very limited in her ability to socialize, probably because she had been abused. It took a year to get her somewhat friendly, she would hide in the basement when anyone came to the house and no way could I pick her up or cuddle her or any of those "house cat" things, I was lucky if she would tolerate a head butt or brief back stroke.   But in the last few months she has had a turn around, to the point that I can barely sit on the couch without her wanting to sit on me, she now sleeps on the bed and loves to cuddle.  It takes time, much time sometimes, to gain trust. 

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thank you so much for your encouraging words. I'm learning that patience is the key when it comes to stray cats. When I remember the first time I found her since then we've come a long way. She's now a mom too. Everyday I'm learning about her patterns and trying to keep her comfortable. Hopefully she'll trust me completely soon [emoji]128522[/emoji]

Also, playing is super important. Restlessness will cause anxiety, paranoia, aggression, and destruction (in varying amounts). It's also a fantastic way to bond.

And outdoor cats have to be super aware of body language. A big creature coming at them, eyes open, with an arm extended like they're gonna attack is going to be met poorly. Remember to squint, blink, and avert eye contact. Approach slowly, and reach out nearby, but let her make the call on whether to accept the touch or not. Soon, she'll accept more often than not. That's how I do it with Kira and Judy. They keep seeking more and more affection.

Also, in a way, the swatting is a good sign. Either she thinks you're trying to play, or she's willing to "discipline" you. Both require a lot of trust actually. You're much bigger, and able to hurt them easily. It's risky to swat at you. They know you won't hurt them. (Remember, cats that like each other will swat the other if they cross one's boundaries.)