When to say "Goodbye"

My beloved Tori is dying from metastatic cancer. The X-ray couldn't tell us where the primary was because of ascites but there was a secondary in the lung. My vet said there was nothing to be done, except euthanize. However I asked her to remove the fluid from the abdomen, which she did. She is more comfortable, and we have had a few more days together. She still eats and drinks a little, but now sleeps on the sofa, not on the bed with me. She only comes on my lap occasionally, and doesn't purr much any  more. I'm struggling with the decision to take her to the vet to be euthanized. I had my other one done a few months ago, she also was 17 and had chronic renal failure, I had treated her with fluids and blood pressure meds for over a year, but her liver and kidneys had failed.  I was in rehab, after breaking my hip and wrist,  so had to make the decision, as people were coming in to feed them but I thought she was in pain, and my granddaughter and I took her to the vet for the final goodbye. The decision was easier to make. I have had to do this many times before, but this time I'm having more difficulty as she doesn't seem in pain, bit cats are so stoical it's difficult to tell. Would she rather go sooner than later. Has anyone else had this dilemma?   

OMG, I am soooo sorry to hear about your Precious Tori! It seems you have been through a lot of hard times.

This is a decision I feel you need to make on your own. However, if she is in pain then I would consider putting her to sleep so that she isn't suffering.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Yes I've had 6 months of bad Karma. Yes if she's in pain I will definitely take her. It would be no comfort to me either to have a cat in pain. Thanks for your sympathy and kind thoughts. Already people are offering me cats, but I need another knee replacement and won't get another cat until that is better. There are so many cat's in need of a loving home, but Tori is my special baby.  

YOU know your precious baby more then anyone, the dull eyes, the no interest in anything anymore, the 'quietness' of her will let you know when she is ready to leave this life. As long as she is eating and drinking a little and takes pleasure with your presence she will hang on a little longer. Please try to make some kind of arrangements with your vet in case the time comes after hours or on a weekends, it would relieve a lot of stress. Did the vet offer some kind of pain management? If not, you might ask, if for anything else to give to her before that final visit. I'll pray that she goes peacefully in her sleep, it is an ending we would all pray for our loved ones. My heart goes out to you, I know how much it hurts to go through this, we will all try to give you comfort in any way we can. If you need a shoulder, we are here.

Torismom said:

Yes I've had 6 months of bad Karma. Yes if she's in pain I will definitely take her. It would be no comfort to me either to have a cat in pain. Thanks for your sympathy and kind thoughts. Already people are offering me cats, but I need another knee replacement and won't get another cat until that is better. There are so many cat's in need of a loving home, but Tori is my special baby.  

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I lost my precious Josie (see avatar) 6 months ago and she, also, was my lap kitty. She got sick so fast and I was too late to catch it and the vet put her to sleep. She was 14.

The bad karma will go away so just hang in there. Remember that you have given her many loving years so it's okay to let go.

Thanks so much..... So sad for you about Jose, but grief is the price we pay for love. I seem to have generations of cats and Torii was the first to come and is the last to go . She sleeps a lot eats and drinks a little , and visits me for an occasional cuddle.. not nearly so much as when she was well, I think she's just tired.. Bye for now,

Jan

I'm so sorry you're facing end of life decisions for your precious love, Tori.  You know her best and you'll know when it's time.  Making sure our babies don't suffer because we want their lives extended is the most loving decision we can make.

Thank you. I agree. She's still eating & drinking, and going to the litter box,  and although she sleeps a lot, she still likes a n occasional cuddle. I've had to do it many times, so have an idea when it's time, however each cat is different, but all so very loved.

I would consider getting pain medicine to have around. 

Thanks Di and Bob, I don't think she is in pain, just tired and a bit weary.

Thanks for your support,

J

Thanks I would if I thought she was in pain but they are so constipating, Actually if she starts being in pain I will take her and have her euthanized. I don't want to prolong any agony for her.

It is a hard call and for each cat it will be different. Keep in mind that as cats age they also will sleep a lot more but as long as they are eating, going to the litter box, and hopefully grooming then these are all good signs. My guys almost 20 and he is pretty stiff when he walks but he still jumps on chairs and comes to hang out. He has slept on my bed since he was very young (he was from the litter of my other cat so he has been with me since day one) but in the last 5 months or so has stopped. He has a harder time getting comfortable and moves around a lot to different spots so this may play a part in it. He still hangs out but not as much and in the last few months has been eating a lot less. His sister was put down and she went from what I thought was a healthy cat to being put down in a span of 4 days. She was eating normally and then one day she started throwing up anything she ate so she went to the vet and they found she was littered with cancer and there was no turning back. She was 17 and went right downhill so fast so the decision was somewhat easy with her.

With my guy I am always assessing him to see if it is enough (he has lots of issues) and it is time to put him down but like yours he keeps going and doesn't seem to be in pain most of the time. I know there are times when he is in pain or not feeling well but it is very hard to weigh the options and decide which is better. He eats, cleans, and goes to the litter box and other than being really old and sleeping a lot he is still doing his stuff. He has been an inside cat for a few years now and seems to enjoy himself especially when it is nice outside and he can go on the deck.

Do whatever you can for her and feed her anything she will eat and monitor her because she will not be getting better. Watch for signs of pain when going to the bathroom or general screaming for no reason or if she start to hide in hard to get to places. She is probably getting tired easily now and may be sore but as long as she is not in obvious pain then let it go and monitor. If you are not sure and think there may be a lot of discomfort then do it now otherwise just monitor for big changes and act at that time.

I was in your boat... sort of... Min had to have chest cavity drainings due to a leak in her chest wall (chylothorax). The condition isn't well known, nor does it have a "for sure" cure. Options were to keep her drained in hopes it would heal on it's own with the help of a supplement Rutin (which we did) or put a port in to keep her drained at home.. or put her through a very invasive surgery, in which the odds were not the greatest in any case of treatment.

She was only 10, and was ready for a 3rd draining within 3 weeks and each draining was a bit harder on her to recoup... the fluid would push against her lungs and she would breathe from her abdomie..then we'd relieve it by draining her. She was still playing the day before we put her down... she did her normal routine the night before..and morning we put her down. We had a service come to the home to put her to sleep. I did not want to keep shoving meds down her throat...I didn't want the bond between us to be jeapordized as she did not like me giving her the pills... and I did not want to put her through a fight not knowing the outcome...it would have been horrible to make her suffer if the end was going to be death anyway. So, we let her go .. but we were totally at peace knowing she did not suffer enough to change her behavior.. she was herself

Thank you both, it's helpful to know what others do in similar situations. Tori sleeps a lot, but comes to visit me at night and during the day  and cuddles for a while, she still purrs a little and is still eating, drinking, though not a lot, and uses  the litter box, which she  misses sometimes, but had done that for a while I have disposable pads round the box. Tori is not on any meds, so we don't have that problem. I'll continue to monitor her and play it by ear. My friend who is a nurse and like me a cat lover and owner doesn't think she is suffering.

Again thanks for your support.

Jan

Hello . I am so very sorry and sad to read your very sad add as I do this I am really sad and up set but feel I have to do this while I have a cry . We got told about 3 years ago one of our cats had C and there was nothing they could do we brought her home so she could have her last few days with us and the other 2 pets she past away the next day and we were heart broken but happy that she was with us and we were with her.Yes we miss her a lot but she is for ever with us and we see her some times here in the house still and yes we have more cats now but it was not to make up for loseing her (can not spell right word ) as we still miss her and think of the happy funny times we all had . Better stop now sorry for me being so down when you your self will be down days do get better just takes time .

Hello Kingalleyone,

So sorry I brought this back to you, and thank you for your commiserations. I know there are many like us. We all love our furbabies so much and when they have been a part of our lives for so long, it's like losing a beloved relative, almost like a child, especially if one lives alone as I do. Bye for now, and enjoy your other babies,

Hugs, Jan

Hello .Jan Thanks for being so nice I am sorry if I up set you in any way with my add and being so up set. Yes our pets are part of our family's and we treat them like queens and kings . Take care Jan from Allyone

I heard a veterinarian on Animal Vets say years ago in reference to a terminally ill cat, "Make a list of their 3 favorite things to do... it could be a favorite meal, a particular toy, a game or activity... when they get to the point they are no longer interested in those things anymore... it may be time to consider bringing them in..."