Fear of driving?

Ok, I guess this is time for me to vent. I think I have a fear of driving. Even though I managed to pass my driving test on the second try with 2 minor errors & Ive been driving for a little while already. Sometimes I try to avoid driving at all costs & I end up catching a bus or walk instead. The only time I do drive is when we go grocery shopping 5 minutes away from my house. I have driven farther than that but it's very few the times I have but even then I try to avoid driving! I had a bad experience learning how to drive. And this is my story lol

When I got my drivers permit I hired an instructor to teach me how to drive. I had a bad experience with her. She would yell at me when I would do things incorrectly. The first time she tried to teach me how to park she would yell at me and make me feel like if I was dumb for not knowing how to do it. When I first got in the car i was really nervous because i have never driven before & she slammed the gas without even asking if I was nervous. I dreaded taking classes with her and I didn't even wanna go practice on the last day but I had already wasted more than $200 bucks so I went anyway. During those 3 days i did not learn anything. I would always shake and I was scared that if I did something wrong she would yell. I never did anything dangerous. Just a few small mistakes here and there.after taking lessons with her i would panic a lot, and cry. Then I got in my dads pick up truck , and im a small girl. The pick up is basically a monster truck for me , and same thing he would constantly yell at me. So that didn't help either. My permits expiration was around the corner and I really wanted to get my license. So I contacted another school that my friend recommended. I explained my situation the instructor and it turns out i wasn't the only one to complain about that school i contacted before. All the instructors there do not have patience with new drivers, and when people complain to the owner and ask for a refund he throws the money at them and curses them out. My new instructor taught me better than my old instructor and my dad. She pointed out my mistakes, but never EVER yelled. She kept me calm throughout the entire time and i even went on the freeway on my 2nd day! I was so proud of myself. I passed my drivers test on my 2nd try. I hopped back in my dads pick up and I guess I can say im a better driver than before. However, I still don't know how to parallel park. I can somewhat park if the street is empty or if theres a large gap, and I can park better on my left side in parking lots. But I can't somehow get over that feeling of fear. I don't even want to drive alone. I always have to have someone with me. I have driven by myself like 2 times and that was it. I feel like I need more practice but with someone who knows how to drive, in other words my dad but he never has time. I avoid driving at all costs, and I always make up an excuse to not drive. Has anyone had this kind of experience and how do you get over it?

Sorry for the long essay.

Driving isn't my favorite thing.  I don't always mind it; but if someone else can do the driving; I usually prefer that.  

I had an awful time getting my drivers license as a teenager.  Back then my parents had 2 vehicles.  One was a stick-shift and the other was an extremely large van.  It had 2 rows that fit 3 people each in the back plus a cargo area large enough to hold the riding lawn mower when they bought that.  It was BIG.  It was also older than me; so 19 years old at that time.  I took drivers ed through my school and did fine in the class.  But when it came time for the driving portion I just needed a lot more practice.  I ended up getting a permit 3 times.  I know after the first I was honest and told them I just wasn't ready to test.  Lessons with my mother often ended up in tears.  I still don't know how to use a stick shift.  My step-dad did better with me; but even his teaching style isn't the best for me.  (They found that my mother did better with my step-siblings. )  Eventually my mother's co-worker offered to teach me in her car.  That did the trick for me.  She was very calm and her car was much newer and an automatic; so it was way easier to handle.  I needed that practice.  I'm guessing that is what you need too.  More time behind the wheel!  When I finally did test; the instructor said it was like i was a completely different driver.  

I am comfortable driving for the most part.  I avoid driving in the snow or on post-storm icy roads as much as possible (I'm a stay-at-home mom so it's do-able for me).  I don't care to drive through or around cities.  I have done it though.  When i was 19 I needed to drive to a cousin's wedding in another state; alone. A friend of mine had me do the driving when we went to a concert several hours away.  She helped me get comfortable and I got myself up there and back home just fine.  My husband helped in a similar fashion since we've been married.  Fortunately he doesn't mind driving and he's willing to accompany me to the grocery store on the weekend if the roads aren't good.  When we go anywhere; he is usually the one to drive.  For me it really takes a person with the right kind of patience.  They need to be laid back but confident.  Using the bus system or walking isn't an option because we live on a country road.  Driving is necessary.

I love to drive and am very comfortable behind the wheel. Unless it's snowing, then all bets are off. I can drive in the snow and I used to drive down to Albright College (about two hours one way) during winter snow storms to pick up our son from college after exams and for weekend visits. Never bothered me. As I've gotten older, I don't want to drive in snow if I don't have to; Rick usually brings me into work on snowy days. But I usually do the driving in our family; we just started that way years ago and I've done it. I'm not particularly fond of big city traffic, but I can deal with it with no problems. 

If you really don't feel comfortable driving, you're probably better off not to drive; it's that simple. Nothing is as bad to other drivers as a fearful person behind the wheel. But in our neck of the woods, we don't have city transit or anything like that, so if you want to get anywhere you have to drive.

I would suggest forcing yourself to drive alone as much as you can. And learn how to parallel park. In fact, I'm surprised you weren't tested for it when you took your exam. Around here, that's part of the test: parallel parking and a 3-point turn, or at least it used to be. I'm not crazy about parallel parking myself, but can do it if I have to.

Once the weather gets nicer, go out twice a week and drive somewhere by yourself. You don't have to get on the highway at first, just drive around your neighborhood until you're more comfortable being alone. Then go out on the highway once you're ready. Sometimes you have to push yourself to get anywhere. Good luck!

I would agree that you need to force yourself to do it. Let me share with you a story (not meant to scare you).

In October 2013, I was in a very bad car accident. I flipped my car upside down into a tree and it caught fire, leaving me pinned. In addition I also got 2 broken legs (one was an open fracture) and lots of surgery and hardware. I was finally released to drive Jan 1 this year ,and I could not be more nervous. In general, I did not prefer to drive if I could let somebody else. An example of this is that the larger city near us, has a twice daily shuttle to Plano Texas.

I can take the shuttle for $4, and then from Plano I can get the DART to anywhere in Dallas, Fort Worth, or Denton. I much prefer public transport if it is around. Unfortunately, the bus is very limited where we live in rural Texas at the moment. (You have to call 24 hours in advance, and they only run twice a day) So you either have to leave your house at 5:30 AM for a pickup, or noon. You either return at noon or 4 pm and they have "on demand" service , curb to curb.  So driving is basically essential in this area, and we are going car shopping in February.

You are a new driver and being "scared" is normal.  I believe that nervousness is actually a good thing. Some degree of fear is what keeps us out of dangerous situations and sparks us to be careful. As far as your instructor, I tend to panic and shut down when yelled at too. Nobody likes to  be shouted at, and I would suggest if she is an official licensed instructor, maybe report her. And if it continues to be an extreme source of grief or anxiety, maybe consider seeing a counselor to work through some of that.

Good Luck and keep pushing on..

Mel

I don't enjoy driving all that much.  I'm finding that it's particularly difficult in the dark now that I'm getting older.  Plus, I've had repetitive stress issues with my hands/arms for many years and after having them on the wheel for more than 20 minutes or so, they start going numb.  The angle, just not good for me.

It sucks, because my BF does not have his license.  55 years old.  No license.  This, is the biggest issue we have.  I hate having to do all the driving.  He owes $$$ to NYS from a car he owned eons ago (he moved around a lot before I met him) and every time he'd save up enough to pay the fine, he'd lose his job again.  So, that just sits out there waiting for payment and, he can't get an NJ license (or any for that matter) until it's taken care of.  He's an awful back seat drive too - I really dislike having him in the car with me.  I actually once kicked him out of the car (we were only around the block from home) because he just was getting on my last and every nerve.

So yeah, not enjoyable at all.  I hardly go anywhere other than back and forth to the train station, grocery shopping and various local errands.  Sometimes, I'll go as far as my siblings homes (each about an hour) but that's pretty much it.  His parents live 2-1/2 hours away and I finally put my foot down and said I'm never driving there again - much as I do like them.

When I went to driving school, the instructor was god awful. He was more preoccupied with chewing gum and belittling me for not knowing my way around the areas he took me too, so when the lanes changed I didn't know what to do, and he told me not to stop and yelled at me for not turning. I used to always get friends or family to drive me places because I didn't want to screw up, especially when I was alone in the car, or to get yelled at by family. My dad actually made me practice parallel parking in front of our house until I cried because I just couldn't get it close enough. I'm grateful he did now (I certainly wasn't back then). When it came to the test, I aced that part anyway but don't ever ask me to parallel park properly again! I'm lucky to drive small cars so I can pull in frontwards and then back the car in straight. Practice whenever you can and don't sweat the times you don't get it right. Don't be afraid to take a break to recompose yourself because it's SO frustrating to try time and time again and not do it well.

I wasn't a very good driver to start, but when I lived at home I was driving everyday to school and to work. I became very familiar with my city's streets and started getting more confident and more comfortable with the car and with the road. That's really all it takes. The bad experiences will fade as you get used to driving. I always go driving to run errands when I visit home. That's the benefit of having grown up in a small city where the roads are very friendly, and even the highways are pretty friendly. Now I don't have my car with me, but I miss driving. I know some people who are still very anxious drivers, and you can tell by the way they hold themselves behind the wheel, the way they drive their car, and it's stressful for drivers and other motorists on the road because you can tell.

Where I live now? Atrocious drivers. I would only drive if I had to - like to vet appointments or heavy grocery shopping. I wouldn't trust most people on the road if my life depended on it (case in point: I've almost been hit many times because people have no patience or have forgotten that there are two directions to look in before turning). If you want and need to drive, practice and try to keep the car a stress-free place for you instead of worrying about how you're driving to the people who would yell at you.

Winchester said:

I would suggest forcing yourself to drive alone as much as you can. And learn how to parallel park. In fact, I'm surprised you weren't tested for it when you took your exam. Around here, that's part of the test: parallel parking and a 3-point turn, or at least it used to be. I'm not crazy about parallel parking myself, but can do it if I have to.

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It's the same here, but if it's part of a graduated/level licenseing, the first level is a written test in many areas, and then you can get on the road with someone who has X number of years fully licensed driving experience. In Canada, we get our G1 (written, can drive with someone fully licensed for 4+ years) first before any road tests, which would include city streets (G2) and finally highway (full G). My brothers got their licenses about 20 years ago just before graduated licensing started here and it was just one road test and you were done.

I have a somewhat 'fear' of driving, I rolled a car when I swerved to miss a deer and even though it has been years ago I'm still really jumpy. I grab at the dash when my husband gets too close to another car, and I'm extremely uncomfortable when he is passing another on the highway. He's never had an accident and I know I shouldn't be so jumpy but it's like I have absolutely no control over it. When I'm driving I am better, I have control, but at high speeds I still feel nervous. I avoid driving when I can. My advise to you is basically drive MORE, but at slower speeds in quiet areas, you'll gain confidence the more you drive. Like I said, I'm fine at slower speeds and I bet you will be too. There are a LOT of people who can't parallel park (just watch sometime) so I wouldn't worry about that, just find another spot further down. I think there are a lot more people out there like you then you think!

The first thing that I will tell you is that fear of driving is experienced by many people. As a retired professional race car drive I can assure you that even professionals have fear at one point or another. Fear and excitement are close partners in the game of high performance driving. Turn the fear into excitement, people today forget how many distractions they have when they drive, I drive with no radio, cell phones etc. You need to pay attention to all of your surroundings when you drive.

You should forgive the person who treated you so bad learning to drive. This is the first step in your healing process of fear of driving. Are you more comfortable in a smaller car? A big truck to your visual input can also start the fear process within you. 

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

Once you are in the fear mode you also go into another mode

Didn't
Even
Notice
I 
Am
Lying to myself

Before you go to bed, give yourself instructions to heal this fear in your own way with your own words. This does work. Before I got into the race car I always took at least 10 minutes to calm myself before I went driving. You could try this as well.

I am 70. Have never driven a car and don't intend to. Most places I go to, shopping, the vet vet etc is in walking distance. Everywhere else I take a taxi. Certainly cheaper than running a car.

Di and Bob said:

 
I have a somewhat 'fear' of driving, I rolled a car when I swerved to miss a deer and even though it has been years ago I'm still really jumpy. I grab at the dash when my husband gets too close to another car, and I'm extremely uncomfortable when he is passing another on the highway. He's never had an accident and I know I shouldn't be so jumpy but it's like I have absolutely no control over it. When I'm driving I am better, I have control, but at high speeds I still feel nervous. I avoid driving when I can. My advise to you is basically drive MORE, but at slower speeds in quiet areas, you'll gain confidence the more you drive. Like I said, I'm fine at slower speeds and I bet you will be too. There are a LOT of people who can't parallel park (just watch sometime) so I wouldn't worry about that, just find another spot further down. I think there are a lot more people out there like you then you think!

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I rolled one of my cars back in the 80s when I was not paying attention. Coming home from work one night, I almost missed the turn into my road from the highway. Swerved too sharply to compensate and hit a tree. Rolled end to end and hit another tree and rolled again. I was in the third roll when I hit the house. The car came to rest on the drivers side and I remember looking up outside the passenger window and seeing the stars, but there was about a foot of space between the car and the house, so I crawled out of the window and got out that way. Walked away with glass in my cheek from the drivers window and two black eyes from smacking into the steering wheel. I was lucky as I was not wearing a seatbelt. I think it took me about a week before I was back in the drivers seat. I knew the cop who came to the accident. He said, "Pam, what the **** happened?" I told him, "I fell asleep" and he said, "No, no, no, I don't want to hear that. Something else!" I think he got me for reckless driving, which was actually a smaller fine then falling asleep. And it really was reckless driving on my part.

I know....not what you want to hear, eh, Lallorona? Just know that it happened because I was not paying attention. Strictly my own stupid fault.

The situation i had with the first driving instructor (the mean one) was about 2-3 years ago. I was around 18 or 19 at the time. Even if I tried to report her it wouldn't do much because everyone in that company have each other's back. The instructor who taught me better told me she had students that have also hired services from that school and they all told her their horror stories. She even told me that one of her students who took classes with them did not practice driving until the last day of practice. (Here you only get 3 days of practicing in driving schools for a total of 6 hours). During those 2 days the instructor did all the driving and had them watch & on the last day of practice he finally lent them the car to practice but mostly to drive themselves back home. When you pay for 6 hours to be taught how to drive, 6 hours is what you're supposed to be practicing and that student only got no less than 20 minutes. I had the opportunity to complete my 6 hours but my experience with the instructor I got was horrid. I didn't learn anything and those $200+ I spent could have been used for a better school. When i hired the services from the other driving school it was a bit more expensive but it was worth it because I learned how to make better turns & lane changes. Im a lot more comfortable driving a pick up as I can see the road better and I feel safer in it. But sometimes in traffic i tend to panic just a little, and I always worry about other drivers.

And to the person who said I should forgive my old instructor, definitely. If she were to ever apologize I would definitely accept her apology with the condition she'd treat her students better, but it's the experience I had with her that left me a little traumatized for a while, so it's kind of hard to forget the experience itself.

I think with more practice you will get more comfortable.  For a long while, we only had one car. So DH would drop me off at work and pick me up.  And he was driving most everywhere. So, when I did get behind the wheel, I was very nervous.  But I got past it.  I'm not afraid to drive, but what scares me is there are so many aggressive drivers on the road.  For example, yesterday I was driving through a green light, saw a guy coming up pretty fast to the other intersection and just knew he wasn't going to stop.  Sure enough, he pulls out right out into my lane.  Luckily there was no one in the left lane and I could pull over there. I honked my horn and HE gave ME a gesture!  Right on red is legal, but you have to stop and check traffic first!

I don't drive on the thruway, though, because I AM afraid of merging and I don't drive like a bat out of heck (5 miles above the speed limit is it), but everyone else does.

Also, I won't ever even attempt to parallel park.