Miss my boy,

huntersdad

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My big guy Hunter lost his battle to Kidney Disease last night and is was the most heartbreaking thing ever.  It is true that it never gets any easier.  I knew that he would never get better but I am so glad I kept the SubQ's up to the end.  His diabetes was in check although I still gave him 1/2 unit of insulin 2X a day w/ his daily 150CC fluids.  I wasn't sure what to expect in the end but my hopes were that he would stop eating and drinking and that would be que.  Fortunately, my vet put me in contact w/ another local vet who would come to my home when I decided it was time so that was in place.

When I got from work Hunter was lying on his side on the floor strectched out and I prayed at that instant that he went peacefully.  However, when I pet him it woke him up and immediately went into another seizure.  The water dish next to him was already spilled and it tortures me to imagine how long the seizures had been going on.  I put him on the bed and called the vet and they came a few hrs. later.  I was grateful to have a last few hrs. w/ him to comfort him as the seizures continued every 20 mins. or so.  He actually ate a little too but he could not walk.  Has anybody had that experience?  I read that it might have been temporary paralysis.  I hope he didn't hurt himself during a seizure when I was at work.  This loss will take a while to get over I think.
 

di and bob

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My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You went above and beyond for your precious baby to live as long as he could so you could share his love just that much longer, I have a feeling you would have done whatever it took. I'm sure your sweet Hunter hung on as long as he could to be with you at the end, your comforting presence meant the world to him even as it broke your heart. You two shared a special bond that death can never take away, as long as you are alive he will have a place in your heart and will be loved forever. I know Hunter would want you to celebrate the love you shared, be glad and grateful for the years you spent together, not dwell on his death and be so sad. When we love someone so much, the pain is felt that much more. We all mourn the loss of such a valiant fighter, the heavens have gained a beautiful soul. RIP dear Hunter!
 

misty8723

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I'm so sorry you and Hunter had to go through this.  Seeing our babies like that is the most helpless feeling in the world.  You did everything you could for your boy, and were there at the end to comfort him. 
 
 
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huntersdad

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Thank You for your thoughts.  It helps me to talk about it here because all of you understand the pain I'm going through.

I had to leave work today because I just couldn't stop thinking about him and how hard he fought the past few months.

I put a dog to sleep before and he was also my best friend and that was hard but there is something about a cat which made it so much more difficult.  I can't quite figure it out.  I just hope next week I won't cry at work like I did today.
 

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I just clicked on this site to read and was thinking I miss my boy then 3 seconds later I read this exact same thing. My condolences. It's very tough.
 

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I'm very sorry for your loss of Hunter. You did everything you could for him and helped him to cross when it was time. Sometimes the grief is particularly sharp because you've gone through all the ups and downs of a long illness together and it's never been far from your mind. RIP, Hunter. :rbheart:
 

mnm

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aww..I'm so sorry... you definitely had the signs of it being the right time... that can be a blessing in itself, and I hope it went peaceful as possible for you at home..I know everyone doesn't get that opportunity but we did that as well and I am so thankful we could. I'm so sorry for your loss, and don't worry if a few tears slip out at work... those tears are a beautiful measure of the bond you have with your baby :)
 

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I attached this to one of my own post but wanted to make sure you saw it.

HuntersDad,

You really went all out to keep your kitty healthy for so long. I can't imagine having to give shots & SubQ fluids everyday.  My little guy did not want his person touched unless it was his idea.  He never liked being picked up, or even oral meds. I even got special liguid to make sure the process was easier.  You got quite a bit of time with him but it is so bitter-sweet when you know they will not get better.  Only had 3 weeks with my boy from the time I had to admit to myself that he waI know what you say about bouncing back as Rizzo did this many times.  My vet also said the same things about eating, using the litter box, etc.  I could have waited a few more days but as he was starting to show signs of pain I thought it was better to go ahead.

I know that everyone can not do this and sometimes there is no time, but having the vet come to your house is such a gift to your cat.  If you're was like mine getting him into a carrier, car & the vet's office was a very traumatic experience for him.  I know your pain at having to watch him have seizures in those last hours.  On another post I explained how I had given my cat a sedative that made him lose body control & very hungry; not sleepy at all.    Watching him flopping around the floor while trying to eat was awful to watch.  After an hour he calmed down just in time for the vet to come.  I wish she would have been late because I did not get to really say goodbye. I brought him right to the den & told her to do it because I didn't want him to be afraid.  Also, did not want to look into his face for fear I could not do it.  Later she said that we should have waited & let him calm down because the first shot really hurt.  I wish she would have said that a the time.  The again, if he struggled to get away that would have been really hard as well.

You said you expected him to stop doing the normal things like eating, etc.  My experience was that this is very stressful on both your kitty & yourself to see them getting steadily worse.  I scheduled the appt twice & backed out when mine was not eating.  Your kitty having been well up until his last day may be a blessing.  The end was hard but at least he did not have to go through days of getting worse.  I think my kitty was experiencing pain for a couple months but not letting me see it and holding on until I was ready.

Read my post above with the suggestions from the book.  Maybe one of them may help you at this time, if you, like me are trying to find anything to ease the ache.  Write more on this site about your kitty and the good times you shared.  Writing & getting other people's stories is help me a great deal.
 
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huntersdad

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Hi, Thank You for sharing some of your story.

Hunter had a very interesting life.  I met him about 10 yrs ago and he was hanging around so my neighbors and I started taking care of him.  It turns out that somebody moved away and didn't take him w/ them.  We stopped seeing him so we asked this guy if he knew what happened to the kitty and he said he found a home for him about 10 miles away so we were happy for the him.  About 3 months later he was back so we told the guy he should tell the people he gave him to come for him because he found his way back.  At that point, the guy came clean and admitted he didn't find a home for him but just dropped him off in the country 10 miles away.  It took him 3 months but he found his way back and he was skin and bones.  At that point, my neighbors and I agreed on joint custody.  My neighbors continued to visit Hunter after they moved away.  He was brave, courageous, comical, resourceful, smart, handsome, athletic, friendly and very, very independent........I spoiled him to death! 

He loved to be outside and would come in to say eat, say hi and enjoy a cat nap and then he wanted back out.  I can't tell you how many times he would wake me up in the middle of the night by scratching the bed because he wanted to go out.  I think he found it liberating to go to the bathroom outside even though he had a litter box.  At 12 he developed Hypothyroidism and spent 1 week at Cornell for radiation treatment.  At 13 he would want to go outside once in awhile but by that time he was pretty much exclusively an indoor cat. 

Throughout his life it was never an option to give him any medicine orally.  Shots were the way to go w/ him and if he had his druthers I'm sure he would not take them but he learned it was part of the deal and took them like a champ.  He hated to go to the vets so for the past 3 months I didn't take him anymore and we all realized there wasn't much more to do that I wasn't already doing.  They would have liked for me to bring him in about once a month just for tests but I decided not to go again because it stressed him out so much.  His tests would not have got any better w/ kidney disease.  My vet was very understanding and I continued to see them when I would pick up his SubQ fluids so I would always keep them abreast of his condition. 

I would not have thought on the morning of his last day that it would be his last day.  When I left for work he jumped up on the couch like he has every other morning (although I made steps out of cushions).  He needed them but sometimes he wouldn't use them just to show me he didn't need them, ha!  Although the last few hrs. were horrific for both of us I tell myself it could have been so much worse.

Thank You everyone for understanding,
 
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huntersdad

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Thank You for your thoughts and prayers.  This forum has helped me so much and everyday it gets a little bit easier.

I am comforted knowing there are so many others like myself who have unconditional love for their cats.
 

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My post is late, but I want you to know how sorry I am for your loss.  I'm glad things are getting better for you as time goes on.  
 

bruce1967

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Dear HuntersDad,

   Please accept my apologies for my post being so late. I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss.My thoughts and prayers are with you.

With my deepest sympathy,

Bruce1967
 
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huntersdad

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Thank You Bruce1967 and nurseangel,

Your thoughts go a very long way and I appreciate it.

Those days hurt like nobody's business and I'll never get completely over it....I don't think anyone ever does but the days have become easier.
 
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