What would you do if your significant other wanted you to have fewer cats?

misty8723

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One of those "the grass is always greener". There may always be someone more compatible than your current partner, but if you're both invested in the relationship, you make it work even if you're not on the same page, paragraph, or line about certain topics. This may be the only point of contention (and it's in the distant future) whereas the rest of their relationship might be perfect and they might agree on and prioritize all of the same things otherwise. The OP has already said he is willing to compromise to keep the four current cats and accept them as part of her family, but if he has a different view of their future and how catly it ends up being, his partner should be able to listen openly about it and if needed, make compromises of her own.
Yes, I have no idea what kind of relationship they have, and I should have worded it differently.  I'm thinking mostly of myself and how I feel.  We all have that one issue that's very important, and you have to be on the same page with that one thing.  Same thing with kids. If one partner wants kids and the other doesn't but compromises and has them - he / she is always going to be a little resentful of those kids. It's not like choosing a house or where you live.  That's the only point I was trying to make.  Like I said, I worded it badly, and apologize for that.
 

Freedom

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I am curious as to how she came to have 4 cats; yes, this makes a difference.

At one time, I had 11; currently down to 7.  NOT adding any.  I was involved in cat rescue, discovered I can not foster (I adopt all of them, but especially the ones I have to help through major medical issues to recover their health -- that is very bonding.)  I recognized the problem and I stopped volunteering.  I will not add any more; nor do I plan to rehome any.  Several of them have issues which mean they would be about not adoptable; so to get rid of them would mean euthanasia.  They will always have a home with me.  I made that commitment.

Perhaps she found them as strays, or volunteered in rescue.  Or did she go to a shelter and adopt them?  In that case, there could be some underlying reason why she keeps adding to her 'family.'  Given the ages (2 about 10 years, 2 about 3 years) it does NOT sound like she got them all at once to fill a 'need,' that she could not live alone, or that she has to have someone to care for.    Seems to me, if you are serious about this person, you would want to understand the how and why, before making any commitment, and before making any decisions or compromises.

I smile when I look at that video; I also know I would never go to that extent.  I do have a cat tree in every room (no, not the bathroom lol).  I do regularly rub these with catnip and spray the furniture (especially the corners)  with a mix of water and white vinegar (half and half).  This is mild enough that humans do not notice it.  Strong enough to repel a cat.  Like you, I don't like my furniture shredded either!

Did I go a bit crazy, having 11 indoor cats?  OH YEAH.  But I learned a lot about cats, and a lot about myself.   Explore that with her.

Next, does your city say no more than 3 cats per house?  Some do.  Others, like mine, have an ordinance which prohibits pet hoarding.  This leaves it up to the Animal Control Officer to decide if there are too many.  Things s/he considers: vet care and sanitation in the house.  Mine see the vet regularly, and my home is well maintained; most folks don't know I have A cat, let alone 7.  (My cats don't come around when guests enter).  The ones who realize I have a cat recognize a cat toy, or some such.  I've had people ask me what that piece of furniture 'does,' pointing to one of the cat trees, lol. 

Hope this gives you somethings to think about.
 

Kat0121

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Sorry, but that looks like a dream house to me.  
    

Seriously, though--how old are these cats?  Are you willing to look at the possibility that it may be several years before you're down to one or two cats?
I would love to have a house like that!! Kitty heaven!
 

Norachan

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I would love to have a house like that!! Kitty heaven!
 It's such an amazing house, I'd love to do something like that with our place.

I think one important thing that the guy on the video said is that even though he has a lot of cats it never feels overwhelming because they all have their own space and never gather together. That was why we decided to put in our cat highway. Having a lot of cats milling around your feet or taking up the whole couch can be too much to deal with. Giving them there own space makes life a lot easier for you.

Love the fact that they have decorated the walkway to fit in with the decor of the rest of the house too.

As others have said, compromise is the key. My husband had never had any pets before we met but he's grown to love our cats. He's done a lot to help me re-home kittens that we've taken in and helps translate when we have to take one of our cats to the vet. (He's a native Japanese speaker and I'm not.)

At the same time he's helped me put the brakes on. I know I'd want to take in more strays and spend money on cat condos, treats and toys for them if it weren't for him. He's made me see that we need to budget and put money aside for the future rather than thinking, "Well I got paid extra for working overtime this week, maybe I'll buy the kitties something nice."

I think you need to sit down with your girlfriend and talk about how you're going to share space, bills, cleaning duties and all the other responsibilities that come with being a pet owner before she moves in.
 

betsygee

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I think you need to sit down with your girlfriend and talk about how you're going to share space, bills, cleaning duties and all the other responsibilities that come with being a pet owner before she moves in.
That is very wise advice.   
  There's a lot involved besides just the number of cats.  
 

natalie_ca

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In your situation, you knew she has four cats. You chose her anyway. She should not have to give any of her cats up for you. It's just wrong. And I don't think you'd find many people here who'd disagree. That being said, however, should the cats pass away, perhaps you could try to come to an agreement that you and she would not replace the cats. As for the kitty playground, you need to come to terms with that, too. It would be her place as well as yours, so there has to be a happy medium.
I agree with that 100%
 

maiaelizabeth

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when my bf and I moved in together I told him I wanted a cat he said he was allergic. It's not true because I got Maia and nothing happened .... I think he was a little skeptic about it. He took care of Maia while I was working and fell in love with her. How could he not they spent all day and night together and who wouldn't fall in love of a beautiful kitten. 4 months after we got her he decided to get her a brother. He did. So we got Foley. We both love them dearly. If anything were to happen between us it would be like a custody dispute because we both want and love them til death.

If I were put to choose between him and my cats I think you know who the loser would be.
 

lallorona

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Hm.... If my bf told me I have to get rid of two of my cats it would definitely be a deal breaker for me. My cat is part of my family and in no way would i get rid of my cat for anyone. I'd rather live in my own house with my cats. But hey that's just me. I had my cat waaaaay before I met my bf and in a situation like this i would chose my cat over him.
 

MoochNNoodles

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I think your request is reasonable.  DH and I have compromised with our limit being 2.  He is allergic so that is the biggest reason we have limited our number of cats.  The difference is that my remaining childhood cat was very sick when we got married.  She passed away 3 weeks after our wedding.  For almost the first 2 years of our marriage we were without cats.  It was really hard for me.  Back then DH was in the military and would deploy and I'd be all alone in our little house.  I missed having cats so much I'd play with the cat help icon on Word while writing papers (I was finishing my last year of college).  When it came time for DH to deploy again my mother talked with him and he said it confirmed something he'd been thinking; I NEEDED cats back in my life.  I didn't handle his first deployment after we were married very well (and I was a military brat myself, so I knew the deployment routine to a certain extent).  The second was so much better.  I've said all that to say; please keep her heart in mind (and I think you are).  Time changes things too.  Our girls will be 10 in about a month.  I have found we are not in the same place we once were when it comes to thoughts about our pets.  At one time I dreamed of having 6 cats and 2 dogs (not that DH's allergies would ever allow that!).  Now; I don't have the time or patience for that many!!
  We have small children and I like having my evenings to devote to giving our 2 cats attention. They are our first babies.  Also, we have had more medical bills than ever the last few months for the cats.  One trip to the emergency vet recently cost us several hundred dollars.  If we'd done all the testing they wanted; it would have been thousands.  I am committed to caring for my girls; and that commitment means thinking ahead to when they are aging.  

I think the furniture/kitty playground is an area where compromise could be easier than you think.  I think the house in that video is awesome; but when I look around my own home; I couldn't see that here.  They do have some really neat things out there; that could be something to explore together as things go from "my home" to "our home."  

Good luck!
 

stewball

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If I was told it's me or the cats I'd ask if be needed help packing.
 

betsygee

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In all fairness, I don't think the OP is asking his GF to get rid of any cats she has now--just not to replace two of them when they pass.  
 

pinkdagger

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^ Yeah, I think the knee-jerk reaction (based on the title or skimming the OP) is that they're saying "it's the cats or me" as a condition before moving in together. OP has made it clear he's willing to accept all four cats with his partner, but would prefer a future with fewer cats, which isn't out of line at all IMO.
 

keyes

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When my husband was a SO I had 2 cats, at the time he was not a fan.  Then we built a house and then there was 3 and he said that was enough but by that time he was a fan.  Then there was 4, somehow they just keep on finding me, and he said that really we just didn't have room for anymore.  Then last spring, he's the one that told me that one of my TNR's really needed to be kept in the house because of her back legs not working quite right.  And then last fall I ended up bringing my Mom's cat into the house because of her moving to a nursing home and nary a word was said.  End of story.
 

Norachan

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When my husband was a SO I had 2 cats, at the time he was not a fan.  Then we built a house and then there was 3 and he said that was enough but by that time he was a fan.  Then there was 4, somehow they just keep on finding me, and he said that really we just didn't have room for anymore.  Then last spring, he's the one that told me that one of my TNR's really needed to be kept in the house because of her back legs not working quite right.  And then last fall I ended up bringing my Mom's cat into the house because of her moving to a nursing home and nary a word was said.  End of story.
I bet once the OP has had enough time to get used to living with his GF's cats he's going to become a real fan of them. He'll be back here soon asking for tips on how to build a kitty super highway and what are the best kind of toys to buy them.

 

keyes

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Ok Norachan, you just made me laugh out loud!  I just had a vision of that in my head and I actually have gone thru that with my now husband.  Not that he would ever go online but he will ask me about things related to our furbabies.  So funny.
 

ruaryx

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Lol!  That's what's happening with my bf.  He didn't grow up with pets so he used to be a bit scared of my cat.  Nowadays he babies her more than I do and talks about her to his friends.  
 
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