I lost my friend today. Tripod,Bobtail,and lots of sassy

222lll

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Hello all,
We said goodbye to my best friend today. His health has been in rough shape this last month. He had been suffering from what we thought was a severe URI(infection) bUT he just wasn't responding well to any meds. Last night he woke me up pawing at my back. He was bleeding from his nose. I woke up cleaned him up and put him on a towel next to me. Throughout the night I would wake up and check on him if he didn't wake me up first wanting to be held or acknowledged. I thought maybe at first he had busted blood vessels in his nose (it had happened once before from all his sneezing)but he hasn't been sneezing for awhile now. Though as the hours passed the drainage was not lessening and his eye began to swell and his face seemed tender to the touch. I kept him as comfortable as possible and waited for my gf to get up (she works nights) to discuss our next step. Sadly even if I had the funds I don't think we could have done much for him and I didn't want to watch him suffer. (There is lots about his medical condition I haven't posted on here) but I felt it was time. We did in home euthanasia...it was better than taking him to the vet but in a way I felt rushed...I don't know it could just be my hightened emotional state. We should get his ashes back in a few days and we had his paw print done as well. I'm avoiding the bedroom (that was his area) I keep thinking I need to get his meds and make sure he's eaten but the room is cold,dark,and empty of life. I miss him so much already and it hasn't even been 12 hours.

This wonderful old man saved me. He was exactly what I needed and I was what he needed. My grandmother was a hoarder. Stuff,animals,more stuff... it's what I grew up in but knew was wrong. I decided when I was 18 to step up and do the right thing. I tried to get her help but instead that earned me banishment from her life as well as the 40+ animals she owned. Years later my grandmother was sick and helpless. She had no money and nobody. I was contacted by one of her friends asking me if I could help. Keep in mind this woman hated me, just imagine the biggest mess of a family and you've got it. I went to help her. Talk to her and asked about her animals. She told me yes but quite a few had died and gave me permission to go and check on them. I remember opening the door and of course if you've ever been around a hoarding situation you know the "smell". Of course it had been years since I had smelled or dealt with any of this and here I was a brand new "civillian" (I had just gotten out of the army) diving head first into this. And ya know there he was orange and white as could be still kicking after all these years...for the first time in a long time I hit my knees crying. I was overwhelmed by my entire situation but here was this old tripod bobtail cat I had loved so much as a kid. There he was looking curious and wide eyed. There were only 13 cats left most of which I didn't know. Bob was the one from my childhood who was still hanging in there. I took him with me and promised the others I would be back to help them (of course I left food and fresh water). I rehomed 9 and had 2 put down and of course kept Bob. Fast forward and this cat who I've shared so much history with,helps me cope after my grandmother goes into a coma and I have to make the choice. He spent nights sitting on my chest purring while I told him all my problems and cried god did i cry a lot.Giving me head bop when I would come home from working all day and college all night,he'd be happy and in turn I'd laugh and never realize just how much this sweet cat was saving me. I've worked with animals for 9 years in lots of aspects...I've seen euthanasia more times than I would like to count but this...this hurts like I never imagined. I had Bob for about 2 years. We battled stomatitis and even moved across country together to live with my gf. He got to be loved and have free roam of the house and have fresh food and water. He got clean beds and had his own laser pointer(he'd always "eat" the dot and look so happy with himself).He got to be a loving companion and not a thing to be added to the collection. I did everything I knew to do but sadly life must end. I am thankful for the time I got for the opportunity to show him what being spoiled was but I will miss him so much and wish we had more time together. Rest well, Bubba. I love you.
 

betsygee

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Oh, I am so sorry to read this.  It sounds like you and that sweet cat saved each other.  How wonderful you two got at least two years together, though it's never enough time, is it.

My heart goes out to you.  
 

mnm

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I'm so sorry for your loss, but so amazed at your caring spirit and help you have given your best friend. It's soooo hard to say goodbye...we also put Min down at home...it was as I had hoped it would be.... nonstressful for her and peaceful for all. I know there was an amazing difference once we got her ashes home...just a feeling of...ahhh she's where she should be...home. I have faith I will see her again... and I hope you will experience some comforting signs that gives you a peace in your heart, knowing you did the right thing and your furbaby is ok.
 

reba

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I am sorry to hear about Bob's passing.  You clearly have a big heart and Bob got the benefit of that.  After having such a hard life, it shows there is some justice in the world for kitties like Bob.  Can you imagine how his life might of gone had you not gotten that call to take care of your grandmother?  She may not have appreciated your efforts, but his life was completely transformed. Take care and may your memories of him comfort you in the coming weeks. 
 

di and bob

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I'm so sorry for your loss, my heart is breaking for what you went through. You are an angel here on earth to have helped those sweet babies, and to take Bob in and give him such a good home is heartwarming. He must have thought he was already in heaven when you took him home, I'm so glad you were able to spend time with your childhood friend. There is always that one special cat that bonds with our very soul, Bob was yours. I know the pain  overwhelming at times, a broken heart is hard to mend, but please remember he would never want you to be so sad, he loved you too much to see you in such pain. The heavens have gained a beautiful angel with his passing, he will remain forever in your heart. Take care........... RIP beautiful Bob!
 

howsefrau32

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How lucky those cats were for you to help them find homes, and ease a few from their pain, and to give Bob so much love and comfort for the time that you had him.  I'm so sorry for your loss. 
 
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222lll

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Thank you all for your kind words.
it's been a terrible few days. I keep thinking he's here and even want to go and check on him in the bedroom. I haven't been able to sleep in my bed because I just cry and cry. (He always slept at the foot of the bed down from my feet). And whenever it 2ad time for bed and I would lay down he would come and lay on my chest until we were both sleepy and then get in his little bed and sleep. This hole in my heart just constantly aches. I worry I didn't make the right choice but gf says that the bleeding from his nose(not gushing but continuous) and the swelling in his eye something wasn't right and we couldn't have fixed it. She keeps telling me we did the right thing. I hope so. I just want so badly for him to be sitting at the bottom of the bed...I want to say hey Bubba we are home....I miss him so very much. Have others felt the regret/guilt?
 

di and bob

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Even if our babies lived to be thirty we would still feel guilt and regret. It is a part of the grieving process and everyone goes through it, you are definitely not alone! Two years later and my heart still aches and I still cry when I think of my sweetheart. It is different for everyone, but I know I've had to MAKE myself not dwell on it, it hurts too much. Time helps to soften the raw edges and I think we have to learn to live with our feelings and emotions. I keep trying to put myself in a place that reasons what I would want HER to be like if she lost me, I would want her to go on with her life, be happy again, and remember the good times, not the bad. Live in the present, not the past. My heart goes out to you, I know too well what you are feeling. Be gentle on yourself.......
 

jcat

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I think all of us who've had our cherished pets euthanized second-guess ourselves, even though we know deep down that it was the right thing to do.
 

Loving Mickey

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I am truly sorry on the loss of your precious baby. I know the pain you must be feeling. I too have lost a cat I felt very bonded with. My precious Mickey passed last July and I still cry over his passing. My Mickey helped me survive so much in life just as your baby helped you. We will always miss them and mourn their loss. I wish I could tell you it gets easier with time. For me, it hasn't. Maybe some others heal easier. I don't know as we all grieve differently. Just know that you loved your baby and did all you could for him. He was loved and he knew that. He will remain in your heart always. Maybe he has met my Mickey and they are playing together. Please take care! I feel your pain and hope you heal soon!
 

mnm

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I'm sure most of us agree guilt comes with it... unlike humans, we don't have the opportunity to be able to communicate to our fubabies which I think adds a whole different element to our grief. (hugs)

I chose to put my 10 yr old Minnie down rather than drag her through a fight that didn't have a guarantee of healing in the end. She needed chest drainings and I could have kept taking her back for those while waiting to see if she could triumph over her chylothorax... but just couldn't do it to her. Each draining took a little more out of her..but between drainings she carried on pretty normal! With her, it was so important to me that we kept our tight relationship ...and I wasn't willing to compromise that trust she had in me by taking her off to the vet each week for drainings, etc.
 

katiekins

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I am so, so sorry for your loss. You clearly loved your kitty more than anything. You did the right thing and guilt is, unfortunately, normal. 

Thank you so much for sharing your story - it is both beautiful and heartbreaking. Big, big hugs for you!! xx
 

riley1

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I am so sorry for your loss!  I am also truly amazed that you knew this kitty for so long. It is doubtful that you could do anything to help a cat that had lived this long, so don't feel bad.  I am in a similar position: 4 days 8 hours.  Know exactly what you mean.  Having a bad back when not walking around the house I am lying down.  Whether the couch or the bed; I still expect him to jump up & go to sleep on me.  I used to say "let's go to bed Rizzo" and he would come and settle down to sleep against me.  Doing things that are no longer necessary:  shutting closet doors to keep him out, not leaving laundry on the bed for fear of cat snuggling, expecting to see him in every room.  He came to live with me one month after I came to this house and he has never not been here.  Cats are silent movers but the house seems so quiet & empty.  Coming home and not having him here is the worst.

Yes, I think everyone blames themselves, feel guilty and regret.  I have a whole list of things.  Here is the short list just to try to make you feel better.

Not taking him out until June last summer.  Normally started in late April.

Picking him up roughly when he did not want to come inside.

Yelling at him when he did things I thought were bad.

Not testing his sedative before the day the vet come.

Not taking more time with the end process.

And I could go on & on.  This is pretty normal and I know the ache in your heart.  My little guy was my life.  I took his love & attention for grated and thought we would have many more years.  I have a bout of sobbing three times per day.

Your kitty knew you were trying your best to help him.  Now he is on the other side; no pain, no problems & will wait for you to join him one day.

Sending you light & angels!

PS:  my sister is a hoarder of both stuff and cats/dogs.  I know your disgust at the situation and so glad you saved the healthy remaining babies.
 
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