Monday's Question of the Day - January 12, 2015

Kat0121

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Introvert.... with a social anxiety disorder
I've come a long way since I was a kid but it's still never comfortable being around people or certain situations
It's possible to be an introvert and not have any sort of anxiety issue that makes being around people difficult. I know some people who are introverts but are comfortable being in groups.

I fortunately have a job where I can hole up in a work area and be mostly left alone all day


To the introverts, has anyone ever made you feel bad for being a quiet person? When I was a kid everyone would comment about how quiet I was and it always made me feel that there was something "wrong" with being quiet and not very social
Even as an adult I get the occasional comment or remark about my introvertness. My manager (an extrovert) made a completely inappropriate remark about it last year which I had to inform HR about and let them deal with the manager.
My entire life. My mother constantly told me that I "need to come out of my shell". She's an extrovert and tried to make me just like her. It was the worst. All she did was make me more self conscious by reminding me that I wasn't good enough the way I was. Yeah, that's a great way to get someone to come out of their shell and be more outgoing.
 

mani

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I'm an introvert who has never had a problem acting like an extrovert at work (over thirty years of teaching means you've learned to automatically turn on your "public persona" when you're in front of a group of people).
              
  
 

cassiopea

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Introvert here!




To the introverts, has anyone ever made you feel bad for being a quiet person? When I was a kid everyone would comment about how quiet I was and it always made me feel that there was something "wrong" with being quiet and not very social :slant: Even as an adult I get the occasional comment or remark about my introverted.


Definitely *nod*
 
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MoochNNoodles

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To the introverts, has anyone ever made you feel bad for being a quiet person? When I was a kid everyone would comment about how quiet I was and it always made me feel that there was something "wrong" with being quiet and not very social
Even as an adult I get the occasional comment or remark about my introvertness. My manager (an extrovert) made a completely inappropriate remark about it last year which I had to inform HR about and let them deal with the manager.
Many times as a kid.  My mom signed me up for dance lessons at age 5 to help me come out of my shell.  I enjoyed dancing for 5 years so i don't regret it; but i still like my shell.  Somewhere along the lines I learned to speak up for myself when necessary.  DH does not want me to refer to our DD as shy.  He always heard that as a kid and he says he would always think "I'm not shy; I just don't have anything to say to you!"  He never said it of course; but he thought it a lot.  
 

maureen brad

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I am an introvert. People laugh when I say this because I am friendly, I laugh a lot and people always say I am 'vivacious'. Extroverts get their energy for life from being with people. They leave gatherings etc. feeling refreshed. Being alone for lengths of time deplete that energy so They need to gather again with people to re-fuel.

 Introverts like people too( most of them) But they get their energy from their private time. As much as they may enjoy family and friends they need to have much private time to re-fuel.

 That explains me . Until I heard that explained I didn't get that about myself. I never understood why someone like me who easily spoke with people and worked with large groups needed so much private time. getting together with people once in awhile is fine but I have family that get together with friends etc constantly and that would just wipe me out. Of course I am not including my husband or children , I am with them a lot... my husband is like me though, neither of us feel the need to get together with people constantly and we give each other 'space'.
 

denice

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I am quiet except in small groups of people that I know well.  I also have the issues at work with people thinking I am unfriendly and anti-social.  I am sure that some people didn't trust me because I was quiet, the stereotype about a quiet person has to be up to something nefarious.  I hope I can continue to work from home until I retire.  I will be 59 next month so I don't have that long to go.
 

LTS3

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.  He always heard that as a kid and he says he would always think "I'm not shy; I just don't have anything to say to you!"  He never said it of course; but he thought it a lot.  
So true
When I was a kid it was more of "I'm afraid of talking to you and now I want to crawl under a rock to hide" and being tongue-tied because of the anxiety.

There's a great book introverts should read. It's called Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/about-the-book/ Most libraries have a copy or two of the book so you don't really need to buy it. I found it a great insightful read. One of the chapters talks about how schools favor extroverted kids and should make more of an effort to tailor teaching methods to introverts. I could so relate to that chapter. I had a teacher once who constantly picked on me and made me feel awful because I was so introverted.
 

smokem

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Definitely,introvert.

I have tried to be an extrovert,but it didnt work for me.

I guess I felt inferior when young,you know the whole bully thing.

Thank God there is a knowing that comes with age,happy to be me.

Really good question,BTW.
 
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MoochNNoodles

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So true
When I was a kid it was more of "I'm afraid of talking to you and now I want to crawl under a rock to hide" and being tongue-tied because of the anxiety.

There's a great book introverts should read. It's called Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain, http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/about-the-book/ Most libraries have a copy or two of the book so you don't really need to buy it. I found it a great insightful read. One of the chapters talks about how schools favor extroverted kids and should make more of an effort to tailor teaching methods to introverts. I could so relate to that chapter. I had a teacher once who constantly picked on me and made me feel awful because I was so introverted.
I found the book for kindle; it was only $3.36 so I just bought it.  DH might enjoy reading it too.

I know I have mentioned it on the boards before (and maybe in this thread) but we are homeschooling our kids at this point (which is just preschool) so I've been doing reading on learning styles and personalities.  Teaching to a child's strengths is a huge benefit of homeschooling.  I have a feeling that teachers are taught to call on the quiet kids.  I don't know how they can be expected to keep track of each kids learning.  There are so many articles out right now about common core pushing a "one size fits all" approach even to the kindergarten level.  I see the introverts suffering a lot from this.  Introverts do need to learn to speak up when necessary and things like that; but for some; forcing things like that only makes things worse for them.  
 
Definitely,introvert.

I have tried to be an extrovert,but it didnt work for me.

I guess I felt inferior when young,you know the whole bully thing.

Thank God there is a knowing that comes with age,happy to be me.

Really good question,BTW.
I find the older I get; the more I appreciate being an introvert.  I enjoy myself.  I have spoken in front of large groups and I don't mind it; if the topic is right.  I'm also learning to just accept that people are not going to understand.  Even when I was in school I realized that by being quiet; I learned a lot about some of my classmates and their "extracurricular activities."  If I were more extroverted I could have been a good gossip. 
 

misty8723

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Introvert.

I do like to socialize, but on my terms.  Some people I'm very comfortable with right away. Some I could be around for a lifetime and never be comfortable.
 

Freedom

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I am an introvert.  I have also recently learned that I am an HSP - a highly sensitive person.  This has been fascinating and has had a huge impact on my life.

For anyone interested, you can read The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron.  The tests are online here:  http://hsperson.com/test/
 

betsygee

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Norachan

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Oh yeah, that's me summed up perfectly.



I love that last graph, stages of socializing. Does any one else get that moment of blind panic when invited to a social gathering, followed by a deep calming breath and the need to remind your self that you can do this? 

 
 

betsygee

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Oh yeah, that's me summed up perfectly.



I love that last graph, stages of socializing. Does any one else get that moment of blind panic when invited to a social gathering, followed by a deep calming breath and the need to remind your self that you can do this? 

 
Yep!  That last graph perfectly illustrates just about every event I've ever been to.  
   

On many occasions, hubby and I have taken separate cars to a party because I know that after an hour or two, I will have reached saturation level with socializing and need to go home, but hubby will want to stay longer.  What can I say.  
 
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MoochNNoodles

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Oh those are so me.  And yes to the panic related to being invited to a social gathering.  Extra woe if it is a sales party.  I have to socialize AND figure out how much I want to buy to appear supportive but not actually buy stuff I don't want or am not interested in.  And you want ME to host a party?  You either hate me or don't know me at all.  
  Respect my bubble.  
  Ok, ok honestly... I do enjoy some socializing and some event hosting. But it really is draining!!  I like to go out and do things from time to time; but I like it on my terms or with a group of select people.  
 

stewball

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When I say I'm an extrovert it depends where I am or was. I work. Massively extroverted there was known. Worked there for years. We women new each other better than our husbands did. But put me in a room of strangers illiterally shrivel up. I'm only really me with people who know me well.
 
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