Feeling so much guilt!

Last week I had my 12 year old cat Minnie put to sleep. What makes me feel  guilty is that she was still spry and happy to be living with me. The problem was with the aggressive cancer on he chest area was swollen and was leaking blood and pus, which couldn't be controlled, even with antibiotics and antiseptics.  She would come onto my bed and demand my attention in the mornings, which she never did before, which led me to assume that she was getting uncomfortable. The night before I took her to the vet, we had such a good time together and I paid special attention to her. The next day I had to take her out of her bed and put her into her carrier, and she made a fuss about that. She meowed until we got to the highway, and then she was quiet for the rest of the 7 mile drive.

We got to the vet and she was calm while the vet's assistant checked her vitals. The vet came in and she mentioned the option of getting into the sore area and cleaning it up. I asked her if it would control the infection until Minnie started to slow down, but she sounded doubtful. That's when I felt like it was hopeless,  and then I decided to go with the euthanization. It went well...I had my right hand on her body and held my left hand under her chin and kissed her head and told her goodbye. She went quickly, quietly, and peacefully. After she passed on, I spent some time alone with her telling her how much I loved her and kissing her head and face until I left. I just feel so much regret right now for not holding on to her a little while longer. I can't help but feel that I was being pig headed. I feel like I robbed her of more happiness with me. I'm having her cremated and I'm keeping her ashes.    

So sorry. I think we all have been in your shoes. It sounds like it was getting time. You didn't want her to suffer.You did what was best..Hugssss so sorry

You didn't rob her of anything you did what all of our cats should expect from us. They give us unconditional love and In return we should give them a happy life and a life without suffering for the sake of us trying to hold on to them. Cancer robbed your baby, you added only happiness to her life and did the what you owed her for all the happiness she gave you. You saw what was ahead for her it wasn't good and so you made the right decision. It hurts and it will feel that way for awhile. You have nothing to feel guilty over.

Thanks for the positive replies....I feel a little bit better about that now. I didn't just love my cats, I was crazy about them since the first day I got them when they were kittens, and now they're gone. I'm 52 years old and I never had a wife and kids, and that's why I feel like a parent who has lost his children.

I know the guilt can be overwhelming at times, but you have to believe you spared your precious Minnie any more suffering and pain. Cats are so good at masking their pain it would have been almost impossible to pinpoint WHEN the time would have been right without letting her suffer more. You gave her the greatest act of love you could, and you were there to comfort her when she needed your help to the Rainbow Bridge. She would not want you to be suffering so much, try to remember the good times and how much you loved each other. You will never let her leave your heart, her love is deep into your soul. Please be gentle on yourself and know we are always here to listen and trying to give comfort when we can. Take care......

whew... as heartbreaking as it is...in my opinion you did the right thing. I could have put my Minnie through a fight...but with no guarantees she would win.. so I decided to let her go. She needed chest drainings from fluid build up... went through 2 of them and she was ready for a 3rd...all within a couple weeks... we could have kept it up to see if the leak would heal with the help of a couple meds... or put her through a very invasive open chest surgery...but nope, I couldn't do that to her. She acted almost normal the night before we put her down as far as her routine and waking me in the night to knead on my neck and eat (uh huh, and i got up too lol), but each draining took a lil bit out of her... as far as a lil weight loss.. not eating as well.... the fluid would compress her lungs... so she did deep tummy breathing... then would be relieved after a draining... I am at peace we "relieved" her from possible suffering.

MnM said:

whew... as heartbreaking as it is...in my opinion you did the right thing. I could have put my Minnie through a fight...but with no guarantees she would win.. so I decided to let her go. She needed chest drainings from fluid build up... went through 2 of them and she was ready for a 3rd...all within a couple weeks... we could have kept it up to see if the leak would heal with the help of a couple meds... or put her through a very invasive open chest surgery...but nope, I couldn't do that to her. She acted almost normal the night before we put her down as far as her routine and waking me in the night to knead on my neck and eat (uh huh, and i got up too lol), but each draining took a lil bit out of her... as far as a lil weight loss.. not eating as well.... the fluid would compress her lungs... so she did deep tummy breathing... then would be relieved after a draining... I am at peace we "relieved" her from possible suffering.

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Thanks MnM, sounds like our cat's names and experiences are similar. Thanks for sharing that. When I took my my girl to the vet's office, she had lost a little bit of weight since the previous visit.

that says a lot right there..if they lose weight... especially when we read how cats hide their pain (instinct for when they're in the wild so preditors don't take advantage of them)

MnM said:

that says a lot right there..if they lose weight... especially when we read how cats hide their pain (instinct for when they're in the wild so preditors don't take advantage of them)

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That seems to make sense. I remember during the last week or so, I was holding Minnie, cleaning her infection, and I noticed that she seemed lighter than normal. During her last weeks, she would pester me in the mornings when I was in bed like she was anxious. She had never done that before.

nods... plus the fact that cats are soooo habitual and scheduled... it does seem pretty easy to detect when something's ailing them.

Glencatman said:

 
Thanks for the positive replies....I feel a little bit better about that now. I didn't just love my cats, I was crazy about them since the first day I got them when they were kittens, and now they're gone. I'm 52 years old and I never had a wife and kids, and that's why I feel like a parent who has lost his children.

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My husband died almost 7 yrs ago & ever since my soul was given over to my little kitty.  People who don't understand I tell " think about it like one of your children died".  I thought we would have years more so i wish I had not taken him for granted while he was here.