Oh where do I start.........
Christmas day around 12:30 I went out to our garage to find our outside cat Pepper passed way. She hadn't been sick or anything. I could instantly tell she was gone because her bladder had obviously let go and there was saliva on the garage floor by her mouth. She was still warm, no rigor. I had just seen her a couple hours before on her bed, petted her, she seemed fine, had been fine. She looked like she had just laid down and died.
Pepper, a petite grey female, had wandered in as a stray some 10 years ago so we figured she was 12-14 years old. She was such a fixture to my routine. I fed her every morning before I left for work. Found and played with her after work. Checked on her every night before bed. I work a lot outside and we were always together or in sight of each other. She followed me everywhere and I think she thought I was a cat too. I am crushed. We had her cremated the next day. I see shadows of her everywhere and it is such a loss to not have my friend and helper with me when I work outside.
My wife, did the only thing she knew to do. Last night I was watching TV and our daughter brought in two orange male tabby's about 3 months old. Apparently my wife and daughter had thought it would make me feel better to have new outdoor friends but new cats were the last thing on my mind. You see I constantly worried about Pepper because we live by a semi-busy road and there are eagles and coyotes about. I think we were just very fortunate that Pepper was never hit or eaten by something and I didn't want to have that worry again. They couldn't be indoor cats as we already have two, Mabel and Pearl. Pearl is white, deaf and blind in one eye. Mabel is a small gray tabby, VERY territorial, follows me around like a dog, is always on me, sleeps under the covers with me, greets me when I come home from work and even stays in the bathroom when I take a shower. When I would bring Pepper in because of the cold there would always be a fight between Mabel and Pepper.
So now my wife has left with the two male tabby's to return them from where they came and I feel twice as bad as I did before. I feel bad cause my wife thought she could help. I feel bad cause I could provide those tabby's a very loving home but don't want them to be outside but then they would upset the balance with Mabel and Pearl. I feel bad cause I don't know what will become of those two tabby's. I wish I could save them all but can't.
