What to do - introductions

So I finally got another cat to be a companion for my 7 year old hyperactive cat Boomer - he is very needy, always wants to play and hates when I'm gone.  He had a cat companion when I first got him at 5 months old (my old 15 year old cat) who he was always around (not her choice, he didn't particularly like him) when we got home.  I got him a sweet 1 year rescue girl.  Everything went awesome the first couple of days until boomer got too excited and started wanting to play with her - she was very upset and thought he was attacking.  Now she is hissing when he is crying at the door and wont go anywhere near him even for treats. 

The sad thing is Boomer is doing so well having a companion around - he is eating better, bringing her toys and sticking them by the door and then yesterday when I was gone for 9 hours and there was no frantic crying like normal when I got home - just wanted supper that was 3 hours late and settled down on the couch.  So this is proving he really needs a friend around. 

I think the problem is that he was taken from his mom too early and doesn't have proper cat socialization skills.  He really likes to watch holly (or any other cats) but tends to stare them down which the other cat I think took as a aggressive threat.  He did get overexcited and pounced but only when the other cat was sitting there growling.  He also doesn't know to back up with the growls and hisses, just continues to walk by or continue what he is doing (normally looking for the other cats food). 

So he really needs a companion but I have no idea how to introduce him to a friend now .... the other cat is getting worse and worse with Boomer and she is not playful with him at all - 5 minutes of wand play and she is good for most of the day. I think the personalities are like oil and water - likely the rescue has a 30 day trial so I can swap her out for another cat - not fair to her to be in a home where he will be harass to play. Boomer on the other hand ..... 20 minutes of play at least 4-5 times a day at the very minimum.

Should I try a kitten? would they be more accepting to him and his weird behaviour?

I don't have much experience with this, but I'm wondering if your new girl probably does best as an only cat or a home where other cat's acitivities are more....quiet? I'd switch out the adoption since you still have time, and talk to the rescue more about Boomer's personality, how playful he is, just may lack some social skills earlier in life. See what they recommend for you and Boomer.

I would think a younger kitten would be great, but again, kittens personalities can be hard to figure out at that age. Your Boomer could be overwhelming for a timid kitten, for example, so not all kittens would work, plus you'd have to feed the kitten more often and if you're not at home to feed frequent meals or supervise playtimes, it can be hard for all. Perhaps an older kitten is ideal, where more of its personality is deciphered? I think you want a playful and self-confident kitty, yet one that isn't too dominant or independent, either, and one that has been socialized appropriately.

Good luck, hope you update us on the developments ahead! 

Knock on wood but it might work out . I worked with boomer to back up when holly growled or hissed and use "soft eyes" .... Instead of his crazy playful ones. We had a lovely 3 hours with both cats up stairs and calm. This morning back to charging but I think boomer really wants to play and holly doesn't understand yet. I can't get him to play with any toys to calm him down either, sigh.

Don't know what happened in Holly's mind but she suddenly went from hissing at boomer sitting outside her door to I want to lie here so don't bother me.

How did you go about introducing these two?

Started 24 hours holly (new) in a seperate room, started feeding cats on opposite of a closed door, opening it a crack and then feeding with door open - almost no hissing or growling at this point. I then used two baby gates to block off the door so they could get use to the sight of eachother (smell swaps and sound didn't bother either but sight was the problem).

That was when the problem started ..... Boomer decided he really wanted the new bed I got her and scaled the gates. No fights ... Just him stealing food and then the bed. I came down and found him with a guilty look on his face in the bed and holly across the room in her kennel half asleep.

Started having supervised visits but holly was very growly even when boomer was across the room (and upstairs that ties the entire width of my house) cleaning himself. She wouldn't stop, boomer would get excited and charge her, she scream and swat, he would swat back.

Got worse and worse she holly went back into her room and starting hissing and getting very upset at any sound of him (when I posted the original post). So left her in the room with no contact and suddenly holly s behaviour completely changed and stopped being reactive to boomer.

These are my general comments on introducing.....

There are several steps to a successful introduction, the goal being BFFs, not enemies or angry at you (especially the resident cat).  A careful introduction raises the stress level in incremental steps, allowing both cats, especially the resident cat time to acclimate to the stressor before being introduced to the next level.  You are going to move the "bar" closer and closer to the resident cat until the final step, a supervised face-to-face, becomes  a fender bender and not a car crash.

Step one: Complete separation, putting the new cat is a small room like a bathroom with food, litter and water.  Do not let the cats see each other - too much stress too soon.  Give the new cat time to adjust.  Give both cats time (a week+/-) to get used to this.  They will know each other is there.  Start feeding the resident cat nearer to the door, adjusting daily until he is at the door eating. Do voluntary scent exchange by rubbing the new cat's cheeks on a sock and then offering the sock as a gift to the resident. Don't force him to smell the sock, don't rub it on him. Observe his behavior and allow it.   Rub a clean sock on his cheeks and offer it to the new cat.  Continue to do this but never force either cat to interact with the other cat's sock.

When they are reasonably calm with everything in step one go to:

Step Two:  Allow the cats to see each other.  Two baby gates stacked on top of each other in the open door is a great way.  Cracking the door open and blocking it into position so they can't get through the door is another way.  With many cats the stress of this will make them revert, but it would have been much worse if you had started with this step.  Continue as if this was step one, but now with them seeing each other.  When they are both calm, no hissing or growling, you can go to:

Step Three: After eating meals and feeling satisfied (full stomach = less aggressive) and trimmed nails, you can start to do brief supervised introductions face to face.  Watch their body language and reactions and increase their time together until you are confident that they can manage on their own.

In General, treat the resident cat like he is King.  Don't do things to make him jealous. Don't discipline either cat for showing aggression, punishing them for what they feel is a normal behavior (and is normal for them) just raises the stress.  And follow your cats' lead on the speed of the introduction, there are no rules other than to listen to them.

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/cat-behavior/introducing-your-cat-new-cat

http://www.catbehaviorassociates.com/a-simple-little-trick-to-use-during-new-cat-introductions/

Karma2222 said:

Started 24 hours holly (new) in a seperate room, started feeding cats on opposite of a closed door, opening it a crack and then feeding with door open - almost no hissing or growling at this point. I then used two baby gates to block off the door so they could get use to the sight of eachother (smell swaps and sound didn't bother either but sight was the problem).

That was when the problem started ..... Boomer decided he really wanted the new bed I got her and scaled the gates. No fights ... Just him stealing food and then the bed. I came down and found him with a guilty look on his face in the bed and holly across the room in her kennel half asleep.

Started having supervised visits but holly was very growly even when boomer was across the room (and upstairs that ties the entire width of my house) cleaning himself. She wouldn't stop, boomer would get excited and charge her, she scream and swat, he would swat back.

Got worse and worse she holly went back into her room and starting hissing and getting very upset at any sound of him (when I posted the original post). So left her in the room with no contact and suddenly holly s behaviour completely changed and stopped being reactive to boomer.

Click to expand...

Hi, it sounds as if you should back track and redo some steps.  You will know when to move on to the next step by your kitties' reactions.  For example, if you move onto scent swapping, and there is excessive growling, hissing at the scent, then wait until the cats can smell it calmly before moving on.  If you move onto feeding with the baby gate and there is growling, you should go back and redo the last step for several days. 

Perhaps buy another baby gate to stack onto the other baby gate so that Boomer can't jump over it?  You new kitty needs to be able to feel safe around him and not be startled by an overenthusiastic Boomer.  Good luck! 

I had two ban gates on top of eachother .... I don't think I could have fit a third one ...

Actually it helped when I stopped feeding them together - because holly is quite possessive of her food and all boomer wants is her food. Of course its my guys who completely ignore the "kitty handbook". Lol

But yes it did help stepping back a couple of steps and restarting.

They seem to be fine when boomer is calm and mellow but if he is super playful, he tries to play and scares her. So as long as I keep them away from eachother when boomer is in that mood for now it is working great. They are asleep across from eachother right now.

We had to stop feeding Tempest and Sinbad together as well. They'll eagerly eat treats with each other around, but things get odd/tense when there is actual food present.

Tempest won't eat with Sinbad there. She just stands possessively over her food bowl, trying to stare him down. What's weird is when she does that, he starts thinking both food bowls are hers even with the gates separating them! So he backs away and slinks into submissive posture, and we get 2 hungry kitties staring at each other and leaving the food untouched.

I think if I had to offer any advice - at this point we've had 6 months of integration going on and we're still working on it! - I'd say the most important thing is to watch your cats for their signals of comfort. Just from reading these forums I can see that there is no standard length of time. Some cats get along immediately, others take .... 6 months or more. 

What's been having the greatest effect for us is a combination of giving them treats whenever they interact in any way, and just spending time with them. We have Tempest in her own room, with 2 gates across the door, and Sinbad is in the house. My husband goes into Tempest's room and sits by the gate, and I sit outside it on the other side of the gate. Tempest sits with my husband and looks at Sinbad, and Sinbad sits with me and looks at Tempest. 

It sounds like you're having a better time now though! 

Sigh ..... Two very bad days. Holly is now flattening her ears and growling when boomer is across the large room from him - even when he is not looking at her! He was perfect all day and didn't react at her being a grumpy cat until 8:30 when she wont stop growling at him and he was just going about his business.

She also is still crying for hours at night and sleeping all day. If I try to get her up during the day she has started growling at me. Ignoring doesn't work, playing for an hour before bed doesn't help .... I can't let her out at night because of the other cat and he panicked when I tried to lock him in my room with me.

I am sooooo tired . And my degus (rodents) have also decided to start fighting again so they are separated as well andnow I have to reintroduce them as well .....

And I start back at work on Monday so the cats will be left 8-9 hours daily and if holly doesn't let me sleep I'm not going to have an energy to deal with the two of them.

So anyone reading this thread at a later date I will update - I tried introducing these two cats for another 3 weeks with ZERO improvement. boomer wanted to play, holly did not and would hiss, boomer would try to force the issue and mini fight would break out.

I did return holly to the rescue group on jan 18 because she was stressed if boomer was in the room, boomer was sneezing and spraying nose gunk everywhre he was so stressed out (he has chronic upper respiratory) which he hasn't done in years. Decided it was best for everyone a different home would be the best choice.

I had holidays so I couldn't try someone else until March so March 12th I brought home a monster - 15 pound (holly was 7 lol) pure white male - Yeti. And this is how cat introductions should go lol .... I did almost everything the same way I did with holly (errrr they haven't had any direct contact because I want to test for FIV first and that is on Saturday since he was an intact stray male and is 3 years old). I also am not feeding them close together because they are not and will not be on then same food and that will be a sore spot with boomer I know.

So by day 5 - they are playing paws under the door by themselves , I can take them both outside on leashes (not too close) and have no hissing or issuing with sight of eachother, boomer sits at the window and meowing at yeti who is inside (so they are maybe 3 inches apart with only the window seperating them), I ca open the door and they will box and paw eachother for 5 minutes straight and then cry when I break it up and the only place where boomer is still upset when I let yeti wander in is my bedroom.

So moral - personalities defintely make a difference and two may not get along and then try a different one and they (cross fingers) will be best buds

Try taking to the rescue about Boomer and what he needs in a play mate. I added a siamese girl which is what I wanted and it was your situation. My Little Red Man made friends with a stray and invited him in to dinner. Riley decided that he liked our house and kept coming back so now I have 3. They worked thru their issues of Riley being insecure and the boys are great playmates. Darci just watches them like they're idiots and does her own thing. Best of luck

It took trying to introduce that other cat to really understand what boomer needed ..... he hasn't been around another cat for 3 years.  I am proud to say it took Yeti and Boomer a full 10 minutes of face to face contact to start playing and become best friends.  I still put him in his own room when I'm gone but that is more to do with me having to figure out what to do with the food situation - Yeti is a pig but boomer is a snacker and is slightly underweight (and on very expensive limited ingredient food).  I'm wondering how quick they would have integrated if I hadn't got sick for the last 10 days and stalled them (I knew they were ready to be introduced I just didn't have the energy). 

So to everyone - if one cat is not working and the intro is going no where maybe it is for the best to find another home (as much as it hurts - I cried for days) and try a different cat.

So happy for you, Boomer and Yeti!