Should I put my cat to sleep?

Hi everybody. I need some "what would you do?" advice here on whether or not it's time to put my cat to sleep. She is almost 12 years old and she has a rare neurological condition because she's a Manx (no tail.) Just over a year ago, she became incontinent. For the last 13 months, we've tried every kind of diaper and pee pad and cleanup spray but she's pretty much been peeing everywhere all of the time--but we've just been dealing with it because we love her. She's losing control of her bottom half which is what we think has caused the loss of bladder control.

She's been walking with difficulty for a long time, but about a week ago she lost the use of her back legs completely and now just drags herself by her front legs. 

Over the past year, three different vets have said: "No no no--it is NOT time to put her down." All of them said that because she's still eating and seeking affection, she still has some quality of life.

So, at this point, she's incontinent and can't walk and we have to get her an enema about once a month, BUT she still has a huge appetite and wants to snuggle.

Finally, last week the vet said although she wouldn't make the recommendation to put her down, she said that at this point she would no longer try to talk us out of it because it's a borderline judgment call.

Would be grateful for any thoughts or outside perspectives. We don't know what to do.

I certainly don't want to tell you what to do or make you feel bad for choosing something different. This is strictly the opinion of an amateur cat parent.

If she is still fighting, I would say she's not ready to die yet. You can tell when a cat gives up; they stop eating and don't want to play. She will show you when she is ready to go. At that time, you wil feel at peace and know for sure.

Just something to think about.

The test i think is always quality of life of your cat. I had a cat that became lame in her back legs due to what I later found out was a stroke. She was also incontinent. Unlike your cat though she didn't move and would stay in the same place all day if I didn't move her. She was still alert and ate but she couldn't move. After a week I did decide to put her down. It seems your kitty still wants to move and be active despite her limitations so I think quality is still there. The other thing to consider which is more difficult is the strain on you and your family having to care for her like this. It can't be easy and your kitty will know if it is clearly a strain on you. It looks like you are dealing with a lot and I don't think you are wrong to consider that too. If it becomes a strain on your relationship with your kitty because of the stress of caring for her it's time. You want to remember, and your kitty wants to remember, the last days to be happy days not days filled with frustration. I don't think anyone here will judge you if you decided to put your kitty down just due to the sheer work it takes to care for your cat and the strain on your relationship with your cat.

If she is still moving around and not in pain, and it's more of the issue of cleaning up, would it help to get a nice size dog crate and make her own room, so that it'll be easier for you? 

One of our cats have a health condition that sometimes his activities need to be restricted, so we got something like this:

http://www.petco.com/product/13372/Petco-Premium-2-Door-Dog-Crates.aspx

and put him in there when we are going out or when he gets too excited. He likes having his own space and calms down right away. 

So, I wonder if your cat doesn't mind it, maybe you can put some disposable pads and surround the crate with curtains or something to make it more comfortable, so that you won't have to keep cleaning everywhere in your house. 

This is def. a tough call.

One mention is I recently heard of diapers designed for cats like her.

I think if you got the incontinence mess under control, you might feel she has more time before she is ready.

The look in her eyes, if she doesn't show depression, or lack of interest, if she does not do the typical 'I don't feel well and want to be left alone' by finding random spots where she doesn't interact with you, then she still must have some pleasure in life.

Thank you all. Yes, I don't think it's quite time yet. She does still have a full appetite and wants to snuggle when she comes out of her little cat hideaway box. It's just that watching her drag herself is so pathetic every time I see it I wonder if we're doing her a disservice. After a year of incontinence we're used to cleaning up after her, so we're willing to do that--we just haven't been sure if we're torturing her or not by keeping her alive. We have tried every kind of cat diaper and human diaper and I even had her in a onesie lined with a maxi pad for awhile. She wriggles out of all of them, so we've sort of resigned ourselves to just cleaning up after her and don't mind it so much anymore.

The reason I'm so worried about it is that we lost our 17.5 year old cat last month and looking back I believe he may have been suffering for several days before we were able to admit that it was time. For now, we'll keep our stinky girl and just keep snugglin' and wipin' and feedin' and cleanin' until the real "time" comes.

Thanks again to everyone for your thoughtful responses.

I understand, you are a very caring selfless cat owner.

Hindsight is always 20/20 unfortunately.

We do our best, or what we as humans believe it to be

Hi lizzire,
I think you are doing the right thing by giving your cat some more time. If she is still eating, snuggling and affectionate with you and also trying, her best to get around than she still has life left in her. She sounds like she is not ready to leave you. You sound like you don't mind cleaning after her which I think is great. You are a caring cat parent. I would do the same for my cat. I don't think 12 is that old for a cat. I hope she has a few more years left with you.It must be hard caring for her but I am sure she is worth it. I can tell that you love her alot and I know she loves you in return.

Such a tough call.  My older cat, Ra, lost some of the function in his back legs, and the vet suggested B12 shots.  They worked.  I don't know if it would work in your case.  This was diabetes related. But it doesn't hurt to ask your vet if it might. 

Hope you can find diapers that fit properly, if you decide to give her more time.  I think you have to follow your gut about what is best for your kitty.  Just take time mulling it over.  And then trust your decision.  It's so hard to have a pet put down.  When I finally put my Ra down, it broke my heart, even though I knew it was time.  Good luck.

Lizzire,
You are truly wonderful! I went through this 15 years ago. We gave up and put her down which was godawful for all of us. She wasn't ready to leave us yet, and her baby boy left us not long after. I think they were keeping each other going. I've regretted that decision every day since then, and I think learned from it. Now I will go to great lengths to keep my babies with me until I no longer have a choice. And they do tell you when the time has come. I am not judging you, I think you are an amazing person to have done so much and tried so hard. She will let you know for certain. It sounds like she is still finding joy and love in being with you. I wish you and your baby girl all the love and happiness you can find amidst the difficulties. No one will think less of you for letting go. Everyone here understands.
Wishing you well?

JUST CAN'T SAY GOODBYE TO THE SWEETNESS YET! THANKS YOU GUYS!!!

She's so cute! 

She looks so sweet!! It doesn't sound like its time for her to leave either.

She is adorable! Hi boo-boo!! Those eyes are lit up with life for sure!

You might consider a cat wheelchair, if it's only her back legs that are affected. You can make your own out of toy wheels and plastic piping if you're good at that kind of thing. She might wiggle out, but if she learns she can run around with wheels she might enjoy it.

She's beautiful, I nearly lost my Ella a few months ago, the vet said she looked so healthy her coat was so shiny and when her fur goes dull and her eyes are distant you will know, I took this on board and in her far away state (on vet bed, machines etc out cold) I shouted at her to not leave me and she came back that night x your cat looks beautifly shiny and her eyes so bright that I believe she will let you know when she's ready to go... Your an amazing mum xx

My gut reaction to your post is that she doesn't need to go yet.  She sound's plugged into this world and you sound realistic and capable of evaluating her condition.  God she's such a cutie in that onesie.   

How about expressing her bladder?

Look at that sweet face! I think it's a tough call but do what you feel is best for her. If you think she's not in pain and still eating and wanting affection and playing some, I'd hold off, ya know?