Seriously considering rehoming - thoughts please?

Hello,

It's with a very heavy heart that I'm writing this. My family is at its wits' end and we are considering rehoming Mici now. Here is a bit of background on my family's kitties:

We adopted Mici and Matti as kittens about 11 years ago, they are Siamese mix siblings, both female. Matti was a bit unbalanced and had troubles, and Mici was an absolutely normal cat (keeps to herself, but sweet when she wants attention).

We introduced Amber, a Golden Retriever puppy, a year later. No problems there, she is best friends with everyone and regularly cuddles with the cats, and the cats are totally comfortable with her.

Then about 4 years ago we adopted Mourek, a beautiful little male Siamese mix kitten. They all integrated perfectly, it was as though they had always been together.

Sadly, Matti passed away from kidney problems 2 years ago. Mici and Mourek seemed relatively unaffected, I didn't notice any unusual behaviour.

Recently, Mourek and Mici started having arguments. First it was some normal, controllable hissy fits but then it escalated to full out fighting, with each drawing blood. It was really frightening because it was full out vicious fighting.

We separated the two, Mici is living in the master bedroom. After about a week we tried letting the two meet, but they reacted badly again. It's been about two months and every attempt to let them meet ends in a full fight. It doesn't seem fair to keep them living in hostility even through the door. Mici often has a worried face when we come in and Mourek sometimes watches the bedroom door. We have tried virtually everything, researching how to reintegrate fighting cats and spraying calming spray everywhere, feliway, calming treats, rubbing towels and blankets on each cat and letting them smell the blankets, etc.

So, we are thinking about rehoming Mici, as it is Mourek who goes after her. She is a normal, if slightly older, cat and we believe she will make a good pet for any family. We would NEVER give her to a shelter, we will keep her in the bedroom until we find a suitable household that we are sure about. Again, Mici is a very stable personality so we think it's quite possible for her to be happy as a single cat in a home where she can sit in the sunlight in peace without worrying about a little firecracker like Mourek.

We love Mici very much and only want the best for them all, so if anybody has any suggestions about reconciling them, please help! If not, we would appreciate any advice for rehoming.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this <3<3

I am so sorry.  Have you taken her to the vet and had her checked out?  She is a senior kitty and usually lashing out like this out of nowhere is a sign of illness, pain, discomfort, or declining mental health. 

I have to tell you the truth, it will be difficult if not impossible to rehome Mici.  Senior cats are usually put down pretty quickly at shelters.  There just isn't enough room.  And rehoming will be difficult because of her age.  Most people want a kitten or young cat.  If you do have to rehome her, I would suggest trying to find a senior to take her.  Often they are willing to take a cat for the company and Mici will appreciate the quiet and stability.  However, you first need to have her evaluated by her vet to clear her of medical problems.  You don't want to rehome a cat that might be sick. 

I'm with P3 too. I do believe that if you do have to make the difficult decision to rehome, Mourek will likely have an easier time finding a new home. 

And yes, vet visit.

Thank you both! I'm not sure if I was unclear, but it's Mourek who is aggressive, not Mici. That's why we would rehome Mici, because we would not want to rehome an aggressive cat, and moreover Mici would have an easier time readjusting.

The vet visit is a good idea, we will try that - thanks <3

I'm sure Mici is very adaptable, the issue is finding someone who wants a senior cat. Statistically, people are more likely to adopt younglings.

A cat can be aggressive in one home and not in another. It may be that Mourek needs to be an only cat. It may be that it's just Mici he hates. I fostered an aggressive girl cat once who didn't get along with my current cat. She would pick fights with him, and he wants to play. She's now living alone with her forever home, and her owners report that she's so sweet they couldn't believe she used to pick fights.

Also, it is a good idea to have BOTH cats checked.  If he is healthy, he may be lashing out at her because she is sick or something. 

Agree with everyone here.

Loki is our aggressor and he particularly picks on our senior, Belle.  She is much older and has mid-stage kidney disease.  He is occasionally aggressive with the other cats, but they are all the same age (family), so they stand their ground with him.  Belle usually finds a spot to stay out of his way, or takes refuge in someone's lap.  I would never consider re-homing Belle, people are rarely ready to take on a senior cat.  I do think that Loki would do well as a single cat, but he is momma's boy, so I just continue to discourage him from hassling the Princess.

I can't believe you are planning on re homing mici who has done nothing except be a good girl. Why is she beIng punished. If this was my problem I'd be rehoming mourek without a second thought. She's the problem and needs to be an only animal. Please Reconsider. You'll break mici'a heart to be thrown out of her home.

I agree with Stewball. It doesn't seem fair to rehome the more senior cat who doesn't even seem to be the instigator. I also agree that you should have a vet look at the both of them before making any drastic decisions. I hope things work themselves out. I would hate to see any cat rehomed in general, but one of more senior age seems particularily more heart breaking to me.

Its far more stressful on the senior cat to be rehomed. The stress of being suddenly placed into a new situation can really take a toll on the cat's health. There are many things you can try before rehoming either of them. Separating them is of course a good first step. Take a soft towel and rub one of them down with it, give it to the other, and do the same with the other cat. This exchange of scents is a good place to start. Have you tried Feliway? Often it will help with stressed out aggressive animals. There are calming treats you can try as well. Your veterinarian will rule out physical issues with the cats, and there are medications that can be prescribed to aggressive or fearful cats to help while you're reintroducing them. Is it possible its a case of misdirected aggression? Could the aggressive cat have seen another cat through the window and taken out its anger on its housemate?

If all else fails, and you do have to find a home for one of them, the younger cat is more likely to be adopted and to adapt. He may not be an aggressive animal if he is the only animal in the home, or if their existing cat is just one of those who "won't take any crap" from the newbie.

If you have to rehome anyone, it should be Mourek, with instructions to the shelter that he needs to be an only cat. That should solve his aggression problem, if it's not something medical in origin, which you need to rule out first. There are also Jackson Galaxy-type techniques you should try.

I agree with everyone else here that trying to rehome an 11-year-old, no matter how sweet and well-behaved she is, is unfair, for one thing. And it will be extremely stressful for her ... which often leads to cats getting viruses in shelters. Then they are euthanized... but no matter what, because of her age she will probably end up either euthanized or spending the rest of her days in a no-kill shelter, assuming you find one that will take her.

I'm curious as to what your final decision will be seeing as we all seem to agree that moirek should be rehomed. Please listen to us. I'm worrying.

Stewball said:

I'm curious as to what your final decision will be seeing as we all seem to agree that moirek should be rehomed. Please listen to us. I'm worrying.

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I am against taking either to a shelter because I KNOW what is going to happen.  I work at a clinic/rescue... We go around and try to save the animals we can from dying at the shelters because they only have 3 days.  Often cats have even less time in this area.  And many won't even try to adopt out cats, just put them down immediately.  However, we they will try to contact rescues and other places first to see if they have room IF they come across one that really is a good cat in their opinion or has been through a horrific situation.  However, still most shelters in my area are kill shelters and the non kill do NOT take directly from anyone because they must conserve their room for saving the ones at the kill shelters. 

The other cat is almost or is 5 yrs old, he will have a tough time finding a home, too.  And with the "Only pet" stigma assigned to him, it will be even harder.  Most rescues would pass him by.  Because most people that have cats, have more than one. 

So I would suggest getting them checked at the vet first to see if any medical issues are there for either.  It could be what is triggering the attacks.  If not, if she must rehome, I would consider a senior citizen because most of the time, they have quiet and stable homes and just would love the company. 

Regardless of who is at fault, she needs to be sure she has done everything first that she can.  Animals are a lifetime commitment and it will be much harder on an older cat (either one of them) to start over and bond with a new family. 

Please allow me to voice my agreement that Mici has done nothing to deserve being evicted and that a cat her age is rarely adopted. See if a vet can help you figure out what happened. If it's pure aggression, and you have to rehome someone, Mourek would have better luck.

P3 and The King said:

 

Stewball said:

I'm curious as to what your final decision will be seeing as we all seem to agree that moirek should be rehomed. Please listen to us. I'm worrying.

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I am against taking either to a shelter because I KNOW what is going to happen.  I work at a clinic/rescue... We go around and try to save the animals we can from dying at the shelters because they only have 3 days.  Often cats have even less time in this area.  And many won't even try to adopt out cats, just put them down immediately.  However, we they will try to contact rescues and other places first to see if they have room IF they come across one that really is a good cat in their opinion or has been through a horrific situation.  However, still most shelters in my area are kill shelters and the non kill do NOT take directly from anyone because they must conserve their room for saving the ones at the kill shelters. 

The other cat is almost or is 5 yrs old, he will have a tough time finding a home, too.  And with the "Only pet" stigma assigned to him, it will be even harder.  Most rescues would pass him by.  Because most people that have cats, have more than one. 

So I would suggest getting them checked at the vet first to see if any medical issues are there for either.  It could be what is triggering the attacks.  If not, if she must rehome, I would consider a senior citizen because most of the time, they have quiet and stable homes and just would love the company. 

Regardless of who is at fault, she needs to be sure she has done everything first that she can.  Animals are a lifetime commitment and it will be much harder on an older cat (either one of them) to start over and bond with a new family. 

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This is such a heartbreaking story.  I really think that the advice that @P3 and The King and others have given is very solid.  The vet visit would be crucial in finding out if any underlying conditions exist in either cat, to cause such vicious fighting.

I am also thinking that living in separate rooms is not such a bad thing, but I don't know your home situation or available space.

The only other thing I would suggest, and I don't really know if it would work with cats, so maybe @P3 and The King could comment on the idea....is that if both cats were placed in their own cat harnesses and introduced within a more controlled area or space and perhaps just observed, or even video taped, so that your vet or other cat specialist could offer more help.  I really hope that the issue can be something medical and treatable, and that you would not have to rehome.

cat nap said:

 
This is such a heartbreaking story.  I really think that the advice that @P3 and The King and others have given is very solid.  The vet visit would be crucial in finding out if any underlying conditions exist in either cat, to cause such vicious fighting.

I am also thinking that living in separate rooms is not such a bad thing, but I don't know your home situation or available space.

The only other thing I would suggest, and I don't really know if it would work with cats, so maybe @P3 and The King could comment on the idea....is that if both cats were placed in their own cat harnesses and introduced within a more controlled area or space and perhaps just observed, or even video taped, so that your vet or other cat specialist could offer more help.  I really hope that the issue can be something medical and treatable, and that you would not have to rehome.

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Well, first she needs to find out if the reason for the attacks is medical.... The harness idea isn't bad but if the cats are not used to them, it would be very difficult.  They would be fighting it the entire time and may hurt themselves trying to get out of it.  Cats are not like dogs and this would not be the best solution.  Maybe you could place a screen door in between them, when eating.  Jackson Galaxy employs this method a lot.  It would be better and keep them from attacking each other.  So they aren't really together but still separated but protected. 

Behaviorist would want to see a video of the cats in their own environment and what happens.  Mostly because when something knows it's being observed or taken out of their normal environment, their behavior changes so it wouldn't be "accurate."  So they would request a video of it to see it happening and they'd better be able to access what is really going on that way.  But any behaviorist would NOT recommend rehoming before clearing them medically. 

Thank you so much, everyone!! I will keep all of your words in mind when going through the list of options. 

I will repeat that a shelter is out of the question, and always has been. We will not give Mici to a shelter, ever. It would be a "private" rehoming to someone we know, if anything.

There still is a possibility of keeping both cats living in separate rooms. It's very difficult but if nothing else works, it will have to work.

A vet visit is the first on the list now - hopefully there will be a good outcome   

Please d o re-home anyone. Take Mourek to the vet and make sure nothing is wrong with him.There are inexpensive medications Mourek may be able to take . This would help with his aggression.I spent years in the shelter system and can promise you that even a great shelter is a horrible life for a cat. a senior cat has virtually no chance at adoption. The stress in a shelter is awful for cats and it s unlikely she would adjust which means she will retreat and no one will adopt her. As far as leaving her in a room and looking for a new home, the reality is that no one will likely adopt a senior .Perhaps you could put Moure in he rom for at least part of the time and allow the girl  comfortable in the larger area of the house.Have a cat tree and several hidey holes for the cats. Teach the girl to use the tree by playing with wand toys in a way that entices her to climb the tree.This will develop her confidence.and she may stand her ground with Mourek. Play with him hard before you let them in the same room. If he is worn out he will be less likely to be aggressive.Play is a big answer as simplistic as it sounds.A bored, energetic cat will be a cat who finds trouble.Just keep working at it. I have been through it and it took about a year but all is well now.

Miss M, have you considered actually adopting a cat more Mourek's age to fill the void left by Matti's passing?  Another playmate might actually take the attention away from Mici.

Also, the suggestion for a taller tree/more cubbys is actually not bad.  We just got one when Petco had their sale and I was surprised at the difference it seems to have made.

Furmonster Mom said:

 
Miss M, have you considered actually adopting a cat more Mourek's age to fill the void left by Matti's passing?  Another playmate might actually take the attention away from Mici.

Also, the suggestion for a taller tree/more cubbys is actually not bad.  We just got one when Petco had their sale and I was surprised at the difference it seems to have made.

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No I hadn't thought of that! It sounds like an interesting idea but our rental contract says no more pets than what we have now

As an update, Mici seems quite happy living in the room and everyone is getting more used to the arrangement. It looks like nobody is going anywhere