A behavior that MUST STOP, but how to do it?

I've read the Do's and Don'ts and realize my approach has been wrong, so that leaves me with my mental pockets hanging out. I'm out of ideas. I'm hoping some of the cat ladies and cat men here will have some suggestions. I sat down and wrote out a little essay to help you understand the problem even before I created an account, so here goes. I even left what I did wrong in. Don't yell at me, I get the message:

I'm a 68 year old man living in a 1-bedroom apt in Portland, OR. My only roommate is my cat. 

I have a cat I named Squeaky who has presented a behavior problem from the start which seems to be getting worse by the day. I got her at 4 or 5 months from an animal shelter and I'm the only human she knows, really, in terms of being exposed on a regular basis. I think she was well accustomed to humans and isn't even semi-feral. In fact, the reason I chose her is that of all the kittens in the shelter's cat room, she was the one who took notice of me and reached out in the universal "Please pick me up and hold me gesture."

I've lived with several cats in my life and have never experienced or witnessed a cat who wants attention and comfort so much that she will attack a human when they end the comfort or attention, seemingly as a kind of revenge.

Here's a typical scenario with Squeaky. She will come up while I'm on the couch trying to work on my computer (it's not on my lap, it's on a computer stand). She crawls up my chest with her forepaws which signals me to bend my left arm so that she can sit on it, cradled like a baby. I typically pet her with my right hand. She'd be happy to stay there for a long time, but I wouldn't get much done.

I will do that for a few minutes, but then I need to get back to what I'm doing. Well, sometimes she will turn and scratch or bite me right then. Sometimes I can get her to rest on my lap or curl up next to me. Sometimes she accepts that or sometimes she seems to be waiting for the right moment to attack. She will scratch and often bite as well and then attempt to dart away.

How I handle an attack has a lot to do with what's possible. Much of the time I can grab her before she runs away. I will hold her down and yell at her. Sometimes I will thump her on the nose with my index and middle finger. Not hard enough to cause pain, but as a way to say "You can't do that to me!" Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to get the message and, if anything, things are escalating with her attacks becoming harsher and more brazen with her returning after running away to attack some more. I also sometimes squirt water if I can't grab her in time.  I'm stopping that because it doesn't seem to be a deterrent at all and, if anything, initiates some fight play with her coming back and sitting below me waiting for a chance to jump up and attack one of my arms. My left arm could be mistaken for a meth addict's (they will often create sores on their skin by scratching at imaginary insect bites). I'm hardly exaggerating about my arm: during a recent doctor visit, she asked me what was going on in my life to cause so many scabs on my arm!

While I do play with her several times a day, part of the problem may be that until a few months ago I lived in an apartment with a balcony where I put seed out to attract birds, so she had a very exciting life in that regard. I'm afraid that the play I provide pales by comparison, and short of letting live mice out in the apartment I don't know what more I can do to make her life exciting enough to satisfy her. Perhaps an aquarium?

I'm at wit's end and, unfortunately, I'm seriously wondering if we both would be better off if she were rehomed in a home where there are older, more dominant and well-behaved cats who might temper her behavior. Having more than one cat, for me, is out of the question because of apartment rules. Besides, I don't think that two cats, especially when one is introduced into the other's territory, are necessarily really happy about that. Cats are loners in nature, are they not?

Don't get me wrong: our relationship isn't sick from top to bottom. Most of the time, she's just a normal cat, sleeping much of the time. She loves contact, perhaps too much, because she does spend a good deal of time curled up next to me on the couch sleeping, often just minutes after scratching or biting me. If I go to take an afternoon nap (a luxury we retired people have), she will cuddle up into my lower belly and go to sleep along with me. So, she's not fearful of me in any way and really wants to be with me.

I just have this one behavior to straighten out, but I really need to straighten it out. It will break my heart if I have to give her up. I really love her. Can you help?

Great that you already read the Do's and Don'ts of Modifying cat behavior: http://www.thecatsite.com/a/the-dos-and-donts-of-cat-behavior-modification

AW - Squeaky loves you to pieces and in all reality your reprimanding her for this behavior is only fueling her to do it more and possible stressing her out in the meantime. I would suggest that you have a bag of treats - a type of treat that is one of her most favorite treats - on the couch near where you sit to work on your computer. My parents have this in their couch in the evening for their rambunctious only kitty. After these demanding cuddling sessions she has with you and you want her to move away so you can work - get a treat out and treat her on the other side of the couch for her good behavior. With cats, positive works so much better then negative.

FIRST - I would suggest you pick up one of these if you don't have one A Neko Flier. They also have interchangeable mouse and bug toys. Play with Squeaky right before you are about to sit on the couch to work. 10 minutes will do. Most cats go NUTS for these and burn off much needed energy. Like hunting for their food. After that, (PUT THE WAND TOY AWAY, string + cats = ingesting ) Then, sit on the couch to work. IF she comes for attention, give her some love and then a treat when she moves away. ALSO pick up one of these: There are many, many types of treat balls on the market. GIVE her this treat ball when she goes off of your lap and you need to work.

To me, it sounds that she is extremely loving and attached to you. The nipping, biting, scratching are all natural ways that cats play with each other and their humans. I understand you do not want to get another kitty but in reality, sometimes (not always :slant another cat will give your resident cat a companion and someone to wrestle with. Finding the suitable mate is the challenge as you want a cat with a similar personality and energy level. I know you said you cannot get another kitty - and that is just fine, of course. But cats do love the company of another of their kind. If not, it just takes more on the guardians part to keep the "demanding" kitty satisfied. You are lucky to have a cat that searches out your attention! I have two of those and, yes, at times it is quite annoying. So, even with adding in another cat, Squeaky may still demand your attention/pets but may not lead to the nipping, scratching. :nothappy:

There are cat adventure videos (I'm dating myself. Cat adventure whatever-the-current-technology might be.) They show small birds flitting around, squirrels, mice, even fish. My rainbow bridge cat, Fog, used to sit up straight, tail curled around his paws. And watch, and watch, and watch. Get up and walk behind the TV to see if he could sneak up on the critters. He loved watching it. And mind you, this was an indoor / outdoor cat who hunted. A lot.

So perhaps your girl might enjoy watching a cat adventure ? video / DVD / Blueray / whatever, in place of the now absent birds at the feeder.

They do make cat bird videos....my kitty loves them. Find them on you Tube.

If it makes you feel any better, sometimes my cat does this too.

Thanks. At least I don't feel so alone.

I do have to echo the advice given to you.  What you need to do is to get her mind off you putting her down and onto something else.  There are a great number of wonderful toys out there that might help.  One toy that my cats love and that preoccupy them is the Cat's Meow (Walmart sells them or a Showcase store).  It is battery operated and has movement under a round yellow skirt.  The other is a round toy with a ball in the grove.  They can bat the ball round and round.  She needs to be kept preoccupied in a manner that will allow her to be a little independent of you.   Good luck and do keep us posted. 

Squeaky has no shortage of toys. My apartment looks like I have a 2 year old. She destroyed her Cat's Meow within a month. She does play with that ball in a groove thing, but toys don't seem to interest her when she really wants attention from me. Probably trying to exhaust her before I work would keep her off me for a while, but she'd be back.

I discovered that there are quite a few cat entertainment videos of birds, rodents, and fish. At first when I got her to take a look at one it was basically, "Meh," but I left it running on a spare computer and I just found her watching the video.

I discovered that there are quite a few cat entertainment videos on Youtube. I tried one and it was basically "Meh." I left one running on my other computer and I found her sitting near the screen, but she was looking at me (probably heard me coming) so I can't say if she was really watching it or not.

A few quick suggestions:
1. Have you considered a suction mount, window bird feeder with the one-way film? Check reviews of different feeders at Amazon.
2. Have you considered harness and leash training for 1/2 to one hour daily walks? No amount of indoor play seemed to satisfy my Java until we started his afternoon walks (he "hunts", I follow). These days, I have to beg him to play indoors. He's pooped from chasing leaves, playing in mud puddles and climbing trees (to the end of his 12' leash).
3. How about a comfy, raised bed with a small heating pad within reach of your hand for stroking? My lap cat Tom prefers my lap or desktop (when he gets hot). So, I bought a cheap dishpan, lined with snuggly, warm stuff, and after a little lap time, I put him in his dish pan. I reach over and stroke often and he's content until I leave the room ("Must not let Mommie out of sight!")

I was also going to suggest a window feeder, window platforms (or a cat tree or table in front of a window) and some interactive toys like the Neko Flies mentioned above and Da Bird. Since she's an only cat that's kept indoors, she needs you to be her playmate and provide necessary stimulation a few times a day.

We're on our second "only cat" and have found ways to help "singletons" burn off excess energy so we have some peace at other times. Our last cat was harness and leash trained and went for walks every day. Our current cat does clicker training every day (check out YouTube for how-to videos; there are also plenty of books on the subject). He loves to play fetch with balls and small toys and "kitty baseball", consisting of him climbing his cat tree and me tossing toy mice for him to bat down. Have you tried getting her to chase "red dot" (a laser pointer)?

Two or three intensive interactive play sessions a day should calm her down quite a bit.

I don't know if this will work or not; it has worked with my clan. When cats are kittens and they're doing something, their mama will clout them on the nose and hiss.....this is her way of saying, "OK, knock it off! Enough is enough!" When we've had kittens and I would hold one, if the cat would try to bite me or scratch me, I would tap him or her on the nose (GENTLY!!!) and hiss. And then say, NO! Not yell at the cat, but I would be firm about the NO! Banshee, one of our Rainbow babies, would actually slap people...she slapped my mother and it left a mark on her face. She tried it on me once and I tapped her along the side of her nose, hissed, and said NO!.When I did this to Banshee, her ears went back and flattened out and I knew she understood. Never again did she try to smack me, although she did smack other people. 

Again, you can gently tap (and I cannot stress this enough....gently); there's no need to really smack her. And that's not what I'm saying. Just a tap and a hiss. And then a firm NO! And then put her down. Hopefully you could get to the point where if she were to start, you can just put your finger up and say NO! or hiss at her and that would be enough to deter her.

Also, I don't know if this will help you or not, but have you trimmed her claws at all? Regular trimming is important--at least I think it is--simply to keep the claws at a decent length. That won't help with her biting, but it may temper the scratches and/or gouges a bit. Two of our six cats still have their claws and we trim claws the first Sunday afternoon of every month to keep them at a decent length.

I agree about playtime. It's important, particularly where there's an only cat. They need to work some of that energy off and chasing a Da Bird or a laser light or something similar is the best way to do it. Does she like catnip? Play, play, play, give her some catnip and let it take effect. Then give her a good snack. Chances are she'll go off and nap somewhere for awhile and let you work in peace. 

Take some time at night while you're watching tv or a movie and let her lay on your lap for as long as she wants. When I go to bed at night with my book, Mollipop will come up and lay in my left arm in bed while I'm reading. She'll stay there, literally, for hours. She really sacks out. If I'm on the couch with a book, she'll jump up and then settle down on my chest. When I'm on the computer, Molli will also jump into my lap and then fold herself over my right shoulder. I just let her go and work on the computer with my left hand. She may stay there for 15-20 minutes; sometimes she'll actually fall asleep. I let her go, but then eventually I have to put her down so I can get some work done. But we do this every time I'm on the computer and then, once she's had a nice cuddle with me, she's OK with being put down. Molli is a needy kitty and she loves the attention. So I let her do her thing for a while, then I do what I need to do.

I'm really sorry you're going through this with your girl and I wish there was something you could do to help her stop. 

Sorry if I missed it, but how long have you had her?  And how old is she now?   If she is still young, some of her energy will likely fade as she gets older.

I see Winchester mentioned it, but I agree with trimming her claws.   That will help a lot with the scratches, and make it easier to put her down when she starts to attack, without you being her scratching post. 

If you can, I would also put her out of the room and close the door when she gets rambunctious and eventually she should get the hint.

As for biting, my cat Ruby used to paw and bite at me in the mornings looking for breakfast.  You know, like "get up Mommy" pestering.  One morning she bit a little harder than usual and punctured the skin of my thumb.  Maybe because I was half asleep and it was a shock, but I literally screamed "owwwww".  My squeal must have startled her because she immediately crawled under the covers to hide!  

I eventually trained her to not wake me in the mornings, period, but she does still paw and gently bite at other times, but never since has she bitten hard enough to break the skin.  So it can't hurt to loudly say "no" or "owww" when she bites at you.

I agree.  The Cat's Meow doesn't generally last too long but I kept replacing it because my kitties loved it.  Two great ideas were given with the window feeder and the designated play time.  You have one disadvantage as do all kitty parents when they adopt cats.  Your Squeaky may have been 4 or 5 months old when you got her but a lot can happen in that time period.  She may have been removed from her mom too early, she may have been handled roughly, etc.  You have no way of knowing.  When I first adopted my Sam, it took awhile before he would have anything to do with me.  Throughout the years he became my best friend BUT it did not take long after adopting him to know he had been mistreated.  As he was the only cat in a big pen in the pet store kind of sent red flags up also but I didn't care.  Here was a cat who needed love, patience and repetitive work.  Throughout his life, he kept 90% of his vets at more than arms length.  I knew when he wanted his space, as a simple glare from those big kitty eyes said volumes.  The bottom line here is I knew something wasn't right, that something had happened to him before I got him.  He was approx. 9 months old when I took him.  I don't care what anyone says, cats have very long memories and thought Squeaky is young, there MAY be something behind her behaviour that you will never know.  So, keeping that in mind, you need to work with her to find a balance.  The window feeder, if you can do it, will give her a great deal of stimulation.  The designated playtime is great.  National Geographic has put out some wonderfully healthy toys that you can use when playing with her so that if she is a wild play kitty, your hand won't get in the way.  When you go out, leave a radio on for her.  From what you are describing, she seems to have missed something and I could guess what it is until the cows come home.  Work with her and I think you will find you will discover the answer.  Best of luck and give Squeaky a snuggle for me.

The window feeder sounds doable. I'll look into that.  Likewise, I will try setting up a little bed next to me, though I'm already on the couch when this happens. Taking her for a walk outside the building isn't really safe for several reasons. My apartment is in a mixed use neighborhood and mostly does not have grassy or garden areas for a cat to explore. The other residents might be out with their dogs (mostly large). People in the building even come out of their apartments with their dogs not on a leash. The apartment has a roof garden and large communal patio area. Both are equipped with a "no pets" sign. Besides, Squeaky seems to be a Houdini when it comes to getting out of collars or even harnesses.

I do play with my cat a fair amount, but we're talking about when she wants to relax by being held. Holding her is certainly pleasant for me, but it has to come to an end and that is when I get bitten and scratched.

Like I said elsewhere, I do play with her a fair amount. So far, the best suggestion has been the kitty video. I found Youtube has a wide variety of videos intended to entertain cats: bird feeders, virtual aquariums, small animals, etc. She does watch a video I set up in a spare computer and the problem is certainly a bit less intense today, but not entirely gone. I'll give it time.

I think she was handled enough. She was very friendly, standing on her haunches and reaching out demanding to be picked up in the cat room at the shelter. It's why I selected her.  She probably needs interesting things to do away from me. I may get a small aquarium and put some goldfish in it, with a glass plate on top, of course, so that she can't go fishin'.

Making a bed for her could be as simple as putting a soft blanket on the couch next to you. My cats are much more willing to rest next to me if there's something soft to curl up on. You could even give her a treat there, when you want to signal that lap time is over.

Squeaky watched a fair amount of video of birds at a feeder today and I played with her probably about twice as much as usual, but we still had an incident this evening. She crawled up on my lap and I held her in my arms as she seems to like so much. That was good for about 10-15 minutes when she started giving me a little (what to call it?) meow-bark. Sounded like a complaint, so I thought she was tired of being held, so I moved to put her down next to me. Well...it turns out that REALLY wasn't what she wanted and I barely escaped a mauling. I held her down gently and petted her head but I could tell that just made matters worse. I had no choice but to scruff her and put her down on the floor. Well, she turned around and glared and I'm sure the only thing that prevented an attack was showing her the spray bottle. She stood there on the brink of attacking so I tried a tactic I have used from time to time, which is to stare her down. Normally, looking into a cat's eyes isn't a good idea with an unfamiliar cat because, as a predator, they think of being stared at as aggressive, a prelude to an attack. However, in a dispute between cats, the one who can stare longest generally proves their dominance and the other cat becomes submissive. You need to keep staring, though, until the cat averts his gaze. At that point, you've won and generally they won't be aggressive. It worked, she curled up on the floor,and eventually got up and walked away.

So, we seem to be inching toward a solution with the video and increased play, but there is still something going on I don't underestand. I was holding her the way she has always liked but after a while she started to complain. I'm clueless as to what she didn't like, but apparently she wasn't asking to be put down.