Lost my temper with my cat :(

I wanted to thank everyone once again for their support and tell a bit of our latest relationship. I promise, this is the last time I'm reviving this thread lol.

Recently she was on heat. I thought that time would be a nightmare and series of assasination attempts from her, but she was in her cutest behaviour. She stayed close to me, always tried to get me pet her. I got used to find her on top of my chest, her head on her paws, looking at me She was basically like a lover watching her love sleep. She also started a habit of petting me. When I'm in bed, she came to me and slowly caressed me. 

During her heat, she got vocal. And not like a cat, she was like a wolf. She is now back to her normal state. But I'm smiling when I say she inherited some of her behaviour from her heat period. 

When I'm working on the desk, she comes to me and caresses me. She sleeps on my lap whenever my lap is ready. She used to bite softly to remind me that petting is over, now she just takes my hand away. 

Her spontaneous attacks are over. This might be due to our improved communication though. She knows when I tsk-tsk it means stop what you're doing. And I know when she's somewhere meowing, she needs something.

But there are still times when she does something she knows I don't like her doing, and she does that while she is looking into my eyes. I'm trying to cut eye contact while she's doing those things and not pay attention to her after she does. Sometimes she stops it when I stop eye contact, so I think I'm doing something right.

Also, her biting is never hard now. She keeps her claws hidden. 

She at last keeps it cool when I try to cut her nails. Before, it was like WWI. And when I won, she surrendered and after I was finished with her nails, she started WWII. Now we only have a "dogfight". 

She looks happy and content. 

I think they are like children-they will test and test.If you are

consistant they learn to trust you.Glad she has stopped attacking you.

That is great news!  It's always nice to hear positive updates! 

I would suggest that you devise some play that allows her to vent some energy on attack appropriate items... you don't have to spend money, maybe a long shoe string with a ribbon tied at the end... get her chasing that and pouncing on it instead of you.  Ger her tired out with play.  

You didn't mention anything about catnip, but it's not good for young cats and certainly not a good idea if she is getting wound up.

Good luck!

Great update.
Like I said before, the longer you are together the more you will understand each other.
Well done!

I have a cat that is generally aggressive and can lash out sometimes, it's just how she is (she's 12 years old). I've just learned how to deal with her and not let her get to me. If i get angry I just walk away. I've learned how to be with her, different than my other cats. I think you made a mistake and it's good you are owning up to it. Learn from it and love her with all your heart and I think it will be ok. She must know you love her and you made a mistake.

BTW you are so lucky to have a lap cat. I have 3 cats, 2 of them were lap cats when we adopted them and they just stopped doing it. Everyday I wish they'd curl up on my lap but they just don't. 

There's an incredible amount of good advice in this thread. It sounds like you're making great progress, so congratulations! When she attacks you in addition to yelling "no!" you can shake a can full of coins to make a loud noise or spray her with a water bottle. Separating yourself from her during these attacks is also ideal but instead of picking her up and moving her to a different room I'd recommend just walking away yourself and shutting the door. Picking her up or trying to shoo her into another room is just further stimulation for her when she's already agitated.

I know you said you're having trouble finding Feliway and Comfort Zone products but keep looking. They're amazing! Sergeants and Hartz make calming pheromone collars and perhaps you can find their products where you live. I've also heard that lavender can have a calming effect on cats. It may also be worthwhile to ask your vet about anti anxiety and/or antidepressant medications. Two of my cats take fluoxetine (Prozac) and it's worked wonders on their behavioral issues.

Lovely to hear your news Kutubira!

Just a word about the water squirting punishment that's been suggested, though. Negative punishment really isn't the best way to go with cats, and if she sees you doing the squirting it could really set things back. 

Here's a short article on using discipline on cats.

And we don't mind you reviving your thread at all!  It's great to know how things are going.

I have a neutered male cat (a 5-yr-old Balinese) who used to attack me for no apparent reason when I first got him. Since he was declawed (by his former owner), he would attack me by biting. I would just be sitting on the couch watching television, minding my own business, and he would approach me, then sit in front of me, and I could actually see him becoming angry/aggressive; his pupils would dilate and his tail would start to go, and then he would strike at me, almost like a snake! He tried to bite my face and head numerous times. And if he got hold of my hand, he would bite and pull very hard, as though he was trying to rip my skin off. I tried everything I could think of: Feliway, getting up and leaving the room (he would chase me so he could continue the attack).

Finally, I got him a playmate - a younger spayed female - and she seemed to teach him how to play-bite, because from the time I got her 5 years ago until now, he hasn't shown any aggression towards me. Unfortunately, he does get aggressive with her at times, although he's much calmer. Of course, he's 10 years old now, so that may also have something to do with it. But he gets anxious and extremely jealous of my female if I try to show her any attention, or even talk to her. So I've found that adding a small amount of melatonin to his wet food 1-3 times a week seems to help calm him down. I don't know if its available in Turkey or not, but in the US its sold with the vitamins and supplements. I give him between .25 and .50 mg and crush it into a powder before mixing with his food. Since Sakiz looks fairly small, I would keep the dosage at .25 mg or less, at least until you see how she reacts. Melatonin is naturally produced by all mammals, including humans, cats, and dogs, so its safe to give your cat. It does, however, have a bit of a tranquilizer effect, so it will likely cause her to sleep more.

thanks for the info on melatonin

CatLadyVetTech said:

There's an incredible amount of good advice in this thread. It sounds like you're making great progress, so congratulations! When she attacks you in addition to yelling "no!" you can shake a can full of coins to make a loud noise or spray her with a water bottle. Separating yourself from her during these attacks is also ideal but instead of picking her up and moving her to a different room I'd recommend just walking away yourself and shutting the door. Picking her up or trying to shoo her into another room is just further stimulation for her when she's already agitated.

I know you said you're having trouble finding Feliway and Comfort Zone products but keep looking. They're amazing! Sergeants and Hartz make calming pheromone collars and perhaps you can find their products where you live. I've also heard that lavender can have a calming effect on cats. It may also be worthwhile to ask your vet about anti anxiety and/or antidepressant medications. Two of my cats take fluoxetine (Prozac) and it's worked wonders on their behavioral issues.

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No punishment. This can reinforce aggressive behavior. Punishment works on an individual who is sensitive to your praise and adoration. Punishment can escalate an individual, human or animal, who is already defensive or aggressive towards a target. This use of coins and water spray is old behavior modification theory that has been disproven. For dogs also. It appears to work at first, but is, in fact, not a long term effective means of communicating with cats or dogs. Or people. But, there are some people I would love to power wash, Lord knows.

Studies have proven the anxiolytic effects of lavender, so bully there. Steaming up a pot of water with lavender in it can be a great potpurri for the home, as well as a steamy lavender bath in the loo. Wait to try prescriptions, such as SSRI's or other behavior modifying medication, until a cat doesn't respond to walking away or cat-to-cat aggression that persists despite behavior modifying training and use of facial pheremone products (spray and diffuser), lavender, and calming products such as Composure drops have failed.

@kutubira You mentioned in one of your earlier posts her "weird behavior" of flying about, jumping furniture, to you, to counters. These are normal crepuscular cycles of activity, that happen 3 to 4 times a day. Unfortunately for daywalkers with daytime jobs/classes, one of these activity events, or kitty zoomies as I and vet cohorts like to call 'em, happens 12am-3am, when the world is asleep and our cats see and hear things we do not. Zoomy zoom all over the house. If outside, owners have reported this is when their cat hunts the most, bringing rodents and skinks and bugs to the door or window.

You've come a long way. Certainly, many of us have been frustrated or acted without thinking with a cat. You sought answers, sought to understand yourself and Sakiz better. That is more growth than many humans are capable. Your growth will only continue, as you challenge yourself to better understand how you carry yourself, how you appear, and are conveyed to observers, both human and animal. We become more self-aware of our space within a place thanks to our pets. Better self-inventory and analysis, to improve, evolve, and be the best version of us we can be. Good Job.

Thanks people. Sakız and I appreciate it. As I am writing this, she is on my lap purring and trying to get a more comfortable position


That's her, trying to find a more comfortable position while I was typing this answer. I accidentally took a photo before this, so she noticed that something's going on. 

My school for this year ended and I'm studying for finals. So I'm at home all day, but not always able to play with Sakız. I was thinking that would cause aggressive behavior because I don't play with her, but she takes it very well. 

If she wants to be pet, she just jumps onto my desk, lies down near my notes and shows her neck. If I don't pet her immediately, she meows looking at me. "Love me now, I gotta do other stuff later". 

Her aggressiveness went away completely as I mentioned earlier. She uses her voice and her paws, not her claws and teeth. 

She has another new habit. She now sleeps on me at night. Not near me, not leaning on me, she just waits for me to lie down and then she sleeps on my belly or back. Of course I probably move after I sleep. But I find her on top of me, looking at me when I wake up. 

I read somewhere that cats hate aluminum foil and you can use it to keep them away from counters etc. She LOVES them. When I open a window, she tries to go out, so I tried the foil trick. She just started to jump on the foil. I made a ball out of the foil and she played with it for like 10 minutes.

I'm on the third floor. She got out once. My balcony door was broken and I didn't know this. I did not hear from her for more than 2 hours so I wanted to check her. She was sitting outside of a window. I immediately went inside to find something to lure her inside, but apparently she came inside as soon as she saw me leaving the room. My mom says cats are smart enough to know it's dangerous to jump from 3rd floor, but she also said sometimes they forget they're in a high floor if they see something interesting. It was night, so maybe "interesting stuff" was sleeping. So I'm trying to keep her inside. Any tips on keeping her away from windows would be nice.

I'm worried she might've found a male cat to mate. I couldn't neuter her so there's a chance that some kittens are on their way. I'm researching for the signs of a cat's pregnancy. 

My mom also told that even if she goes away, she would try to come back, but because of apartment door being closed, she wouldn't be able to come back. There's a chance that I hear her meowing, but that's a slim one, so I want her inside.

I don't try any punishment methods because of an article I read on this site. I don't know how, when and why she developed this, but she responds to "tsking (Is this a word? lol)" very well. When I tsk-tsk, she stops what she was doing, but things change when the stuff she's doing is of high importance to her. For instance, she doesn't quit trying to jump on the door, but she stops eating my book. 

I have a friend who hits his cat's head softly when the cat does something wrong. I recently saw the cat, and he looked miserable to me, especially considering how playful Sakız is. That cat is a friendly one, but he doesn't play games on his own, did not come to his owner if the owner did not call, doesn't jump around... I think he does nothing except for doing what's needed to survive. If I wanted that kind of pet, I'd get fish. On the other hand, Sakız spends her time chasing a aluminum foil ball or a plastic bag, jumping from a door to a sofa, she comes near me whenever she wants to and most of the times I call her. She knows that when I raise my hand, it's not for hitting her and it was an accident if/when I step on her tail. So we're both free around each other. And this is priceless.

To sum up, everything is great with her, except for the window thing. I'm trying to find ways to stop her trying to go out from the windows, but it seems impossible. And I can't trust her to come back when she sees enough. Covering the windows is not an option because a) My landlord kinda likes his house to stay same as the day it was built in 1940s, and b) I don't have money and time for any construction job to track and/or perform. 

EDIT: Photo added. 

I use chicken wire over screens of doors and windows, to ensure no escapees. And it can be artsy, fun to clip recipes and pictures to in the kitchen and about the home.

http://www.theprairiehomestead.com/2012/01/homestead-decor-diy-chicken-wire-frame.html

Very inexpensive, as chicken wire is available in 25 foot rolls for $10 to $18, depending on 2 foot versus 4 foot wide window measurement need to cover, and you only need a few feet for all your windows, so you can hold onto the roll for extra in the future.

Also, you could make a small or large enclosure beyond the window, with the entire outer window opening included within the enclosure. My rescue groups use anywhere from a room sized pen of chicken wire and wood, to an acre enclosed in PVC-net fence, across the top also, above the young trees, with 200 cats free to roam within in rotating groups from the mini "cat barns" and medical "sheds" after quarantine/isolation period the first 2 weeks they are in the rescue.

But, only use as long as you plan to get her spayed soon. She really needs this, for behavior, for health, and for survival, so she doesn't keep trying to escape and find a mate. A female cat's ovulation is induced my nearby males, so she can enter another heat as soon as she finishes one. This is difficult for her to endure, first of all, even if a female cat in heat appears more affectionate or playful, it's hell on their hormones and brain. Second of all, it means she can have many litters within one year, one after the other. Some litters are 7 or 8 kittens, Lord help you, and being responsible for that many more mouths, as well as adopting them out, will be much more challenging than the single cat for which you are currently responsible. A lot of work if done right, and more opportunity for disease, parasites, and more procreating to take hold.

Can you order Da Bird and Come Kitty harness online? The Da Bird wand really gets them jumping and pouncing, hunt-like practice, for 10 to 30 minute sessions, wearing them out, so the urge to attempt window pouncing and roaming is diminished. It's been mentioned before, but is better than your make-shift cat toys at it is a whirling, copter-like gathering of feathers and brightly colored mylar material, attracting them and holding their attention for a long time. The toy at the end is replaceable, and I use various feather toys, mylar only toys, and other prey-mimicking toys you can clip to the end of the string's clasp. It's very sturdy also.

The Come Kitty harness would be a great way to be able to walk her around your home exterior, letting her get a feel for creeping along the ground, stalky stalky like, watching and listening to all the movement and stimuli. She'll get to explore, get that urge scratched so to speak, with you, on your terms, without being at risk for dog attack, hit-by-car, mating, or running away. This type of harness cinches down when they tighten and pull, and relaxes when they're relaxed, keeping the often-wily cat getting accustomed to a harness from escaping it and darting off into the unknown. She may still be a small in sizing right now, but most 8-10lb cats use the Medium Come Kitty harness. I have a red and a purple, the red is the small, the purple is the medium, so I can grab the size I need fast if needing to get a cat harnessed fast, as you may need to for future visitors' trafficking through or if a door or window is broken into and you need to confine/restrict her without being able to close her up.









Good luck with Sakiz and her journey into adulthood from her current juvenile (teenager) state. Be persistent seeking spay/neuter services. I know overpopulation by stray dogs and cats is a huge problem in Turkey, so programs aren't readily available to assist low-income or high stray demographic areas. You're smart and resilient, keep seeking, and try not to wait until you feel financially sound, as this may take a while. I took on extra odd jobs to pay for own and fosters needing vet care when I was younger, without regular income, on scholarship an aid to attend school. Many friends with animals have done the same, as well as selling or pawning jewelry, artsy stuff, electronics and computers until they could save the money to get it back, after having the surgery or treatment done for their pets.

Order online, shipped from Amazon sellers.

Come Kitty Harness

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_p...432933903&rnid=2528832011&tag=&tag=thecatsite

Da Bird

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_p...432934547&rnid=2528832011&tag=&tag=thecatsite

Chicken Wire Roll at a hardware or farm supply, specifically in poultry management section... Turkey has suppliers.

Seeing the price, I talked to my landlord and he told me to not change or add anything. I'm looking into temporary solutions. Maybe temporary enough to carry around and use only for the windows that are open. 

I'm on the third floor and I wanted Sakız to go out to the balcony time to time. Of course that would be dangerous for her because she might get distracted and get away. So a harness might be a good idea as well. 

Thank you guys. I'll let you know how it goes.

Maybe you can give your friend advice about how to improve his relationship with his cat so he longer hits his cat(even softly). Wishing u& sakiz good luck

Hello Kutubira. Thank you for posting this. I think a lot of people would't talk about this kind of behavior toward a pet that they love and you are probably helping a lot of people who read this thread. You've received some great advice and suggestions so I won't repeat things others have said. It's a temptation for us to interpret our kitty's behavior in a human way- but they see things quite differently than we do. IMO, Sakiz is quite young and with a calm but firm approach she will learn to not "attack." I have found with pets that I have owned that when you are calm and keep your cool, they will, too. But that kind of thing develops over time when you are consistent. When you consistently keep your cool and are not aggressive back to Sakiz and remove yourself from playing with her or interacting with her when she is aggressive, she will likely learn how to behave as you do.

A long time ago, I had a dog who I actually forgot to spay.  She went into heat and her behavior was much different during that period of time. After she was spayed she was a completely different dog! Sakiz will probably be different and maybe much less aggressive after you spay her. It is a very important thing to do for a cat- especially one that can get outside and be found by other male cats. Her behavior and attempts to get outside might be less of a problem once she is spayed. 

I am looking forward to the progression of your story! Hugs to sweet little Sakiz!

Well, there are some proverbs about this situation in my language but I don't know how to translate them.

I have bad news and good news.

Bad news is, Sakız is pregnant. She has a big belly, she runs away if I press a little to her belly and she's not in heat for a while. She calls me from other rooms "Hey human, I need petting right now. Can't get there, you'll have to come over." I go over there, find her lying down and ready to be pet. I pet her, she leaves.

But I got the clue from her big belly mostly. 

There is another bad news for me exclusively. The cost of her being pregnant will definitely exceed the cost of spaying her. I already took her to the vet to check her up twice. Fortunately, I have a good vet and he made some discounts, but let's face it, I SHOULD HAVE spayed her. 

The good news... Sakız is healthy. There aren't any bad behaviours. She still goes to her litter box to pee. She is more careful with jumping high. She looks pretty. Vet said she's fine. 

Another good news is, the kittens will be safe. I don't know how many Sakız will give birth to, but I have 12 people who are willing to contribute to her and kittens' care, take care of them while I'm at the school. They offered to give a hand financially as well. I am saving for spaying, so she won't be pregnant again after this. I know, too late. But better than never, I realize. 

I explained to those people what I went through with Sakız. How she had her violent behaviors and how sweet she was after and before that. I told them about how they may not find any reason to cats' not so loveable actions. Sakız got less and less aggressive as I provided her more freedom. So I explained that they are free animals. I told them that not all of them love being pet or sitting on your lap and purr. Most importantly, I explained them that cats don't die in 5 years and they have longer lives. I believe I made them realize what they are getting into.

This was not explained to me.

I told them that I won't be giving the kittens away for at least 3 months and they can't pet them for the first one or two months. I gifted them a book about cats and I'm hoping they all have their turns to read it. I'm moving next year, but I told them to bring the kittens together time to time. They agreed to all of these conditions. Please tell me if they need to know anything else about the kittens. 

So, what am I doing with Sakız right now?

First of all, she now has a room for herself now. I do not enter to that room except for giving her food and water. I realized that when we are both in that room and Sakız is in her hiding place, she doesn't come to me when I call her. But if I am not in the room and I call her, she comes out of that room. I figured that the spot is her place to give birth. I moved her litter box to that room. I also moved the food and water bowl. She now stays in that room and in that particular hiding spot for 3 hours a day. 

I prepared another place near her litter box for her. I found a big basket and filled it with soft clothes. I put her favourite ball in that basket. I took her and put her in the basket a couple of times to make sure she knows that place is for her. 

I'm concerned about her diet though. My mother gave her cheese and she loved that. So I keep giving her cheese. I added a vitamin pill to her diet. I put the pill into her bowl and it's the first thing she eats. I put a little more food into her bowl now. Wet food was some kind of praise for her but I started to give it to her more frequently. 

She still loves to play games. So I did not stop playing games with her. Like I said, she's a little reluctant to jump high. But other than that, nothing is changed. If I get a stick, a paper or a ball, she's ready to chase it. She gets bored more quickly though. 

People tell me that cats give birth easily. But I have two vets' phone numbers, one of them told me that he could come over 24/7. I actually tested him, keep this between us lol. I called him in the middle of night and asked him some questions. He patiently answered them and offered to come by if I was not satisfied. 

Since she's already pregnant, I convinced my friend to bring his cat to my house time to time. His male cat and Sakız are good friends, surprisingly, from the 1st moment. They did not try to mate and they just walk around together. We'll stop bringing him after Sakız gives birth. 

Please tell me if I am missing anything, or overdoing anything. Of course, except for spaying her. I should have found some money and done that.