Multiple cats, multiple issues

Just found this site on my quest to get some answers for a litter box issue, and now I'm going to cover everything....lol.

We have 3 kitties.  Belphagor ("Bel") is a 4 yr old neutered male.  He is my son's cat.  My son LOVES this cat....  Part of the problem is that my son went away to college this year.  He can't take his beloved kitty with him in the dorm.   For weeks after my son left, Bel would wander around the house meowing incessantly.   About a month or so ago, he finally stopped and now he has become really needy towards me.  He constantly wants attention but he hates being picked up.  It's like "pet me but don't touch me..."   Anyway, twice this past week we have caught him peeing on the floor (not spraying) outside the litter box.  Tonight we grabbed a black light and went over the carpet because my daughter said her room smelled like pee.  She has my son's room while he is gone to college.  There was pee in several places on the carpet.  Ugh....I'm pretty sure it's Bel that has done this dastardly deed.  We tried to clean it up and added a 2nd litter box in the room where the most pee was located.  Most of the pee is located either in my son's room or right next to the [main] litter box in the living room.

Lily is our second kitty.  She is a 15 month old spayed shelter rescue.  I got her when she was barely weaned (about 4 weeks old).  Being separated from her mother so early caused so compulsive behavior (like sucking on blankets) and separation anxiety.  She gets really upset if I go behind a closed door.  She will meow incessantly at the door until I let her in.  If I close the door after I let her in, she meows at the door until I open it again.  Drives me insane.  She also likes to chew on fingers and is generally a 'nervous' cat. 

Loki is a 5 month old neutered kitten that a crack addict dumped on my daughter at the gas station.  He barely had his eyes open when she brought him home because she didn't want to just leave him in the gas station parking lot.  We bottlefed him until he was weaned.  Got him neutered as soon as he was old enough...  Loki is just plain nuts... He gets into EVERYTHING.  We keep the garbage under the kitchen sink.  He has learned how to open the cabinets to get into the garbage.  He will jump on the table and counters for food...even while you are eating it.  My husband gets so angry that he threatens to kill him.  Problem is that my daughter LOVES this cat....  She had another cat earlier this year that had to be put down because she refused to use a litter box, despite our best attempts at fixing the problem.  Besides the getting-into-stuff problem, Loki loves to torment Belphagor.  Once in a while, Bel will play with Loki but most of the time, he gets really angry that Loki won't leave him alone. 

So I really don't want my son OR daughter to lose their beloved pets.  I'm going to take Bel to the vet to make sure he doesn't have a UTI....but outside of that, there's a couple of clues as to why he might be peeing outside of the box....  The hard part is figuring out what to do about it.  I figure these are the possible reasons why he might be inappropriate peeing:

1.  He misses my son and is feeling insecure because he's gone and someone 'else' is in his room.  Nothing I can do about this if it's the problem.  My daughter doesn't have another room to use...

2.  Loki's harassment is making him insecure, angry, (or jealous because he plays with Lily). 

My husband is not a very tolerant or cat-friendly man.  I have to figure out how to fix the problem of peeing outside the litter box or he is INSIST the cat goes, gets put down, or whatever...he won't care. 

What a rough situation for you all.    I'm glad you are taking him to be checked for a UTI; if he has a physical problem (UTI, crystals, etc); addressing the behavior of it won't help much.  What are you using to clean where he has gone?  Be sure it's a good enzyme cleaner (Nature's Miracle is what I use).  it can take several applications to thoroughly get a scent out.  If he can smell it; it may attract him back.  

It does sound like there is a good chance this is due to the stress of your son leaving; but it's not a hopeless situation.  It just might take some patience to figure things out too.  

I had a few suggestions in mind as I read through your post, but I'm going to be blunt.

My husband is not a very tolerant or cat-friendly man.  I have to figure out how to fix the problem of peeing outside the litter box or he is INSIST the cat goes, gets put down, or whatever...he won't care.   

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 My husband gets so angry that he threatens to kill him.  

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 She had another cat earlier this year that had to be put down because she refused to use a litter box

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Going by these, there is not much point in trying to "fix" the problems, because cats will have ongoing problems throughout their lives, just like we cannot expect to be perfectly healthy until we die.

I'm concerned about your husband's reaction "next time". What happens the next time they have issues? Is he going to keep threatening to kill them? What if one day he decides they need to be put down? Seems like it has happened once this year. 

I think at this point you unfortunately may have to choose between the cats or your family. The cats may be better off at homes without such animosity. This is assuming your husband is beyond reason.

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Of course, I'm hoping that the situation is not as bad as it sounds. 

 1.  He misses my son and is feeling insecure because he's gone and someone 'else' is in his room.  Nothing I can do about this if it's the problem. 

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I think so too. However, there *is* something you can do. I don't know how often your son comes home, but when he does, get him to get a few old shirts. Work out in those shirts, try to soak them in sweat. This saturates the shirts with your son's scent, which is what Bel needs. Give the shirts to Bel in his favorite napping spot, or wherever he likes to hang out. Don't wash those shirts.

Being able to be near your son's scent may help with his insecurity. He can also mail some shirts home occasionally, but that may be cost-prohibitive.

If you can invest in an answering machine, it can also help if your son calls home sometimes and just "talk" to Bel in his bedroom. Cats do recognize their favorite human's voice on the phone.

Being separated from her mother so early caused so compulsive behavior (like sucking on blankets) and separation anxiety.  She gets really upset if I go behind a closed door.  She will meow incessantly at the door until I let her in.  If I close the door after I let her in, she meows at the door until I open it again.  Drives me insane.   

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Have you tried Feliway diffusers around the house? Calming collars or calming treats? Lots of cat owners report success with those methods. In addition, the nasty sweat-soaked shirt may also help here. Work out in a couple of old shirts and let them be Lily's constant companion. In addition to that, lots of playtime and interaction with her from you. She is likely going to be needier than the other cats.

Reward her (either with treats if she likes food, or playtime or cuddles) when she is quiet for long periods of time. When she meows, ignore her. Don't open the door or look at her or talk to her. This is easier said than done, but she needs to learn that being quiet gets her what she wants. It's going to take a lot of patience and consistency -- something you should keep in mind with the household environment.

 Loki is a 5 month old neutered kitten

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Pretty much explains everything else. Kittens are giant furballs of energy, and all they do is PLAY PLAY and more PLAY. If they don't get playtime, they'll try to get into trouble, because they're kittens.

Here are a couple of links you may find useful for the counter-jumping:

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/get-off-how-to-discourage-your-cat-from-jumping-on-counters

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/cats-and-night-crazies

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/cats-and-discipline-dont-mix

Beyond that, lots of play. Play, play, play. Kittens are super cute, but they are a lot higher maintenance. They need constant play and constant interaction. Toys, climbing trees, anything you can get your hands on. Scolding kittens rarely works because they're too playful to realize that it's not a further invitation to play. If you tire him out every day, he will have less energy to get into trouble.

Loki and Bel -- normal behavior. Lots of kittens play with adult cats, which is good for the kitten as they have an extra avenue to expend energy. Sometimes the adult cat will get irritated and they put the kitten in its place (via hissing, swatting, etc). The kitten may leave him alone, and then come back later to torment the adult cat again. This is perfectly normal. Kittens learn socially acceptable behavior from adult cats. 

Keep a close eye when they play. If you feel that the play has turned into physical aggression -- watch out for signs of aggression, like flat ears, hair standing, claws outstretched, growling, etc -- then you may want to intervene:

http://www.thecatsite.com/a/breaking-up-cat-fights

Do let us know how it goes!

Welcome! My first suggestion to people with cats missing the litterbox is get the cat to the vet for a urinalysis - better yet - a urine sensitivity culture. Make sure this is not a health issue first and foremost, because most times it is. Stress can cause a UTI as well. And, since Bel has been so distraught over your son moving out a year ago then it is very possible that the stress of losing him has caused inflammation in the bladder and a UTI. Also - if it were me, and since you added a new kitten, I would put some litter boxes around your house for easy access. I see you did add another litter box in one room too, so that is good. Have you changed litters? Are you scooping enough? With a new kitten, Bel may not want to share boxes at all. Is he getting ambushed by the kitten upon exiting the litter box? These are just things to mull over IF this turns out to be a non-medical issue and behavioral. There have been two huge changes in Bel's life this last year. Your son leaving home and the addition of the new kitten - which I have respect for you taking in and saving. Please do keep us posted on how things are going! :cross:

Article that will help .... http://www.thecatsite.com/a/litterbox-problems-in-cats-the-ultimate-guide

p.s. I do think this can all work out and that you won't have to "choose" or get rid of the cats but unfortunately you can't make your husband love cats and in the end - I do worry that he will make this difficult on you. :shame: and the cats. We care and want to help in anyway we can.