Am i not fit to be a cat owner?

I have had my cat Kitty for three years now, its been tough because im a pretty solitary person, so its been a transition to get used to having a cat. I have a temper problem, i tend to hold things in and then explode in anger. I have never harmed anyone, but the fear is there. I feel very lucky to have her as shes been a blessing to my life.

For instance it used to annoy me when she would not leave my room when i needed her to and i lost it and started yelling at her and trying to get her out from under my bed. I realize that i was overreacting and i let her leave now when she wants to. I thought i had learned to be more patient with her, as i realize she doesnt understand my anger. ive had her three years and cant remember the last time i got angry before today.

But today, i have fever and was feeling sick. Im trying to get my cat to stop eating snacks, since shes a bit overweight at 13 lbs. This means she spends all day meowing for food. The good thing is that she finishes her canned food, because she was leaving her canned food to eat the temptations snacks.

Anyway, back to the point of this post, i was laying in bed with fever, and after the fifth time she jumped on my bed, i lost my temper and told her to leave me room,  and i leaned up to throw the door.

thankfully it only tapped her, as i held my strength back at the last moment. I honestly dont know if its that i didnt see that she hadnt left yet,  or if i was so angry i didnrt care.

Even though i didnt hurt her, i feel so guilty, and feel like she deserves a better owner. Am i just not fit to be her owner? Any advice would be appreciated.

This is a very difficult question, and honestly, only you really have the answer in your heart.

On the one hand, it seems that she has been good for you, in that your concern for her is helping you manage your anger, learning patience. 

Make no mistake, patience is learned, we aren't born with it.  So, if you didn't have anyone in your life who taught you how to be patient, either actively or by example, it can be a difficult thing to learn later on down the road.

On the other hand, your outbursts could be causing her stress.  Cats can be sensitive to stress, and it can cause medical issues in some cases.  The flip side of that coin is that cats are also pretty adaptable to their environment.  It seems to me that after 3 years, she's probably adapted to your moods by now.

All that being said, anyone who has multiple cats will tell you that even they get annoyed with each other and will tell each other to "back the &%$#!! off" by growling, hissing, and bapping.  As humans, we don't speak the exact same language, but we can imitate to our best abilities.  I've found hissing (pssssssttt!!) to be very effective when I'm particularly upset with someone.  Sometimes I'll accentuate my point by clapping my hands a couple times.  It gets my point across, and also allows me a relatively harmless vent for my frustration.

Point is, you aren't the only person on the planet who has gotten frustrated with their animal companions; the trick is in how manage it.  If you think you can move forward, having learned something, then that is an important step.   

Furmonster Mom said:

 
This is a very difficult question, and honestly, only you really have the answer in your heart.

Point is, you aren't the only person on the planet who has gotten frustrated with their animal companions; the trick is in how manage it.  If you think you can move forward, having learned something, then that is an important step. 

 

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Thank you so much for your kind and compassionate answer. I still feel awful, as kitty is so important to me.

I dont understand why i lost my cool today, I feel like i have become more patient these past few years, because of Kitty, and especially since i have been helping my brother with his 3 year old daughter. I had to learn some patience fast, because she has a strong personality. She is almost four and its only now that she is starting to talk more, and use broken sentences. 

I learned to be patient with her, because anger was not going to get through to her. Nor would i ever mistreat someone elses child.

Which confuses me, i hate anyone being mean to my cat, but i still lose my temper with her.

I definitely know all about cats with attitudes, my niece adopted a new dog, and my cat hisses at him, and slaps him. lol She doesnt hurt him, although i know she could if she wanted to. Shes a really sweet cat, but she knows how to defend herself.

Dont worry, if this had become a habit, i would have relocated her a long time ago. Like i said, its very rare for me to lose my cool anymore.

Thank you so much for your post, it meant a lot to me.

I can understand your worry- forgive me if I step out of bounds, but have you gotten yourself checked out health wise? Something may not be right (hormones??) and it's causing you unneeded stress

You say you had a fever and were feeling ill, that can make anyone cranky. It's easy to revert to bad habits in that state. I have gotten frustrated with my cats too at times, especially when I wasn't feeling well or was under stress. They do forgive me, as I'm sure yours does.

IMO the simple fact that you're worried about it and making an effort to take good care of your cat means you are not "unfit" to be a cat owner. 

Draco said:

I can understand your worry- forgive me if I step out of bounds, but have you gotten yourself checked out health wise? Something may not be right (hormones??) and it's causing you unneeded stress

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I havent gotten myself checked out, but i do think i have a hormonal problem. I have a very irregular period, sometimes i will get it often, sometimes a year can go by  and i dont get a period. Ive been eating healthier, so im hoping that will help.

momto3cats said:

 
You say you had a fever and were feeling ill, that can make anyone cranky. It's easy to revert to bad habits in that state. I have gotten frustrated with my cats too at times, especially when I wasn't feeling well or was under stress. They do forgive me, as I'm sure yours does.

IMO the simple fact that you're worried about it and making an effort to take good care of your cat means you are not "unfit" to be a cat owner. 

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thanks! your response made me feel a lot better. I felt so bad, after i had gotten angry with her, she started rubbing herself on my legs to ask for food. lol i feel so bad not giving her treats anymore.

I agree. I would get myself checked out. Hormones can cause that kind of behavior sometimes, especially if they are not balanced. (irregular periods sounds like this could be, have a talk w/ your GYN)

 After that, considering things get straightened out, & balanced, if it continues, I would check into anger management, or some kind of therapist, to see why you are like this.

Good luck, & maybe just trying to put yourself in your kitties place will help.

Lately, my cats have been misbehaving really bad - list is endless - jumping on kitchen counters (one of them is now able to reach), getting to their treats when I'm not home, knocking down packets of Crystal Light, knocking over guitars, soundbars, chewing on my glasses, etc..But to be honest, those things don't bother me. I get ANGRY when I see them doing something that is bad for them, eating something that is bad for them. I don't know why but I lose it there and then, as if days of frustrations boil over.

So here's what I do. I either do an about-face and turn very gentle at the moment I feel like I'm going to become very angry, or I simply yell at them in a VERY typical way to let them know I'm not happy. Choose a behavior to let them know you're not happy or yell at them in the same way everytime.  But if I'm really pissed, I will clean their feet or do something that is good for them but that they really hate.  

Sometimes it's not easy to being human. 

You should see a cat as the king of queen of the house. Cats do not take orders from humans, they do what they want to do. However, if you are sick they tend to come lay with you because they "feel" you are being sick. I'm quite sure she jumped on your bed because she knew something was wrong.

Also, cats do not understand punishment and anger. They will not understand why you get angry at them because they are just doing "their thing". Sure, you can teach them a couple of things, but only if they want to learn it really.

I think you should look for something to fix your anger. Get some help so you can start feeling better soon, there must be a reason for you to have all that anger bottled up inside of you.

I don't think we can tell you whether you are fit to be a cat-owner or not, as we can not see the situation. You haven't harmed your cat yet, so I think it's fine. Though, make sure it doesn't get that far.

My cats know that I am top cat in the house and DO take orders from me.

Before she was spayed, one of my cats, Chloe, would go in heat cycles and she knows how much I hate when she yowls. But the poor thing can't help it and would fight it. One could hear her struggle with her yowling. She would make  noises like,  "Grrr.wwwwww.grrr.... yowl-yowl. yowl-yowl" and then promptly run underneath the bed. A+ for effort.

Cats are such smart creatures.

terestrife said:

 
I havent gotten myself checked out, but i do think i have a hormonal problem. I have a very irregular period, sometimes i will get it often, sometimes a year can go by  and i dont get a period. Ive been eating healthier, so im hoping that will help.

thanks! your response made me feel a lot better. I felt so bad, after i had gotten angry with her, she started rubbing herself on my legs to ask for food. lol i feel so bad not giving her treats anymore.

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Have you had your Iron levels checked? Low iron will throw off your periods. but even if that's not the cause, the heavy periods can cause your iron levels to tank. an increase in iron along with Bvitamins and Calcium can help when suffering from irregular periods. Thyroid levels would be worth looking at as well, and maybe have your Uterus checked to see if it's "misbehaving" (as my doctor likes to say lol)

As far as the food goes, Kitty might appreciate having her breakfast and dinner, with  just a few pieces of kibble as a lunchtime snack. they have less calories than treats, but will allow you both the comfort of that bonding moment and help her 'hold out' until dinnertime  

 [endif]My cat once scratched my face, pooped on my bed right before me getting ready to sleep! She played with a cockroach (disgusting!) but I still won’t get mad at her for doing that, I mean don’t expect her to understand if you’re having a bad day, cats learn from training.

I know you love your cat, but consider taking a break at least until you recover from the fever.

garrettmarvelwi said:

 
 [endif]My cat once scratched my face, pooped on my bed right before me getting ready to sleep! She played with a cockroach (disgusting!) but I still won’t get mad at her for doing that, I mean don’t expect her to understand if you’re having a bad day, cats learn from training.

I know you love your cat, but consider taking a break at least until you recover from the fever.

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So, just because you have a perfect temperament, you expect everyone else to? Its like you are saying "I dont have a temper, so no one else should either!" Very helpful and nonjudgemental. =)