growing desperate- any input would help!

To fully understand what is going on, there will need to be a backstory. I apologize in advance if this is long.

Early October, my roommate adopted a cat. She didn't consult me first other than the off-handed topics of the fact we'd both like to get our own pets someday now that we are renting in a place that allows animals. We talked about cats because they're a bit less clingy than dogs and require less care (like walking them outside/fences/etc.) I was under the impression we're talk about when we were ready and go look at kittens together. She had told me her friend's cat had kittens and I said I'd like to know because I'd like to visit them and check them out. This girl adopted out all but one, apparently, and my roommate never told me as she picked the remaining kitten up. I came home from a long day to find my roommate and a cute little bundle of kitten.

I wasn't upset, really, but I was surprised. I didn't spend too much time with the cat- only one day I sat with her because my roommate had to work and she didn't want to leave her alone, so I sat in her room and petted on the kitten, played with her, fed her, etc. Things were okay, but my roommate wanted the kitten to bond with her so whenever she was home, she'd come get her from my room (where I was letting her stay, I'm home much more than my roommate) and take her to her room. 

This said, the kitten was fairly calm and loving when my roommate got her. I warned her many times about how hands were toys, not to let her chew on things, etc (she even let her play with headphones! D: ) My roommate wouldn't listen to me and just laughed it off saying it was cute. The kitten got bigger and playing was hurting. I stopped spending time with the kitten because I couldn't re-correct her training when her owner would come home and play roughly with her. When my roommate decided to give her run of the house (at 10 weeks old, mind you- she adopted the kitten at 8 weeks), her cat would come crying to my room and has torn up the door. We rent this house. I am not happy. I refused to let her in and my roommate finally realized she'd have to keep her own door closed to prevent that. The kitten still yowled, though, but finally would go to sleep.

Then I brought home Felix. They became best kitten-friends and pal around together. It's adorable. They keep each other company and wear each other out. However, Felix is a docile little thing. He doesn't make a sound. He plays well by himself and with her (and me!), I don't play with him with my hands, I took care of him while he was sick, and I LOVE falling to sleep with him curled up next to my arm which is his favorite place, too! I keep my door closed to keep her cat out and Felix in- well, that and I just don't like having my door open. It makes me uneasy, and always has.

Well, her cat has gotten progressively worse and the "shiny new kitten" feeling is wearing off now that her cat is starting to look like well... a cat. I even see her petting Felix more than her own kitten. She yowls when we leave the house if no one is at home with her and you can hear her from outside, too. It's crazy. If Felix is with her, she won't.  Last night seems to have been the final straw. My roommate asked me if I'd consider keeping my door cracked open, and when I explained to her I was uneasy about it, she told me that she'd do it for me if it was Felix being noisy. The problem? I would have already realized Felix wasn't a good fit for me if he acted like my roommate's cat and would have sought him a multi-cat household where there is constant companionship.

I put the cat out of my room as I was going to sleep last night and laid down. As I was falling asleep I heard her yowling. I guess I've gotten used to it because I just tuned it out. My roommate however, jumped up and yelled at the cat and stomped around, slammed the door, etc. I understand she was exhausted and under stress and was probably half-asleep and desperate to go back to sleep before having to wake up at an ungodly hour, but my heart broke for that poor cat. 

I don't want her in here because she destroys my things, keeps me & Felix awake, and climbs my curtains. But if I don't let her in here, my roommate is going to hate me. I don't feel it's fair to ask me to compromise to keep my door open because her cat is keeping her awake. Is there ANY solutions anyone can think of that we haven't tried? I haven't told her that I think she should find another home for the cat if she can't put the effort into it. My heart just aches because I don't want her in here unsupervised (seriously, if she wouldn't terrorize my room I would have no issue letting her in here, but she's peed on my bed twice and outside the litterbox once. My roommate still hasn't taken her to get her checked up except to get her shots when I said it could all be medically related), and I don't feel my roommate- her owner- wants her either.

Poor little cat, I feel sorry for her too. She's still quite young so it would be easy enough to train her into some better habits. Your room mate is another matter though. It's often said that cats are easy to deal with, it's the owners that are the problem.

How about sitting down with your room mate and suggesting some ways you can work together to sort her cat's problems out? Maybe watch some episodes of My Cat From Hell together to see if anyone else has similar problems. I wouldn't suggest trying to re-home the cat. As you probably know there are very few animal shelters in Japan, unwanted cats usually end up being PTS and it would be hard to find a good home for a cat that has litter box and behaviour issues.

One thing that might work is putting her and Felix together in the living room while you sleep. That would mean you miss out on sleeping with Felix, but it might keep your room mate's cat happy. Another thing that would help is a high energy play session for both cats for half an hour before bedtime to get them really worn out, followed by a small, high protein meal.

Cat's natural cycle is hunt-kill-eat-sleep. If you can mimic this by getting them to play and then feeding them right before you want them to sleep you can usually get a better night's rest.

I think your main problem is getting your room mate on board with the re-training.

Hope this helps a little.

Actually we have a friend who would be willing to take her and work with her (someone who has experience with kittens and has met the cat and knows what's going on at that). When I was speaking to her about the cat's problems, she mentioned that she would be willing to try. At this time, though, I'm not willing to compromise not sleeping with Felix as he helps incredibly with my anxiety issue and I got him with the intention of him being my companion which he is. I didn't get him to help her cat with its behavior problems (as sad as it may seem). 

The urination issue has cleared up- I really think if it's not medical it might be the fact that my roommate does not keep the box clean every day which I had once asked her if she did (but I have seen it's state and would say it's not the case). Her cat seems to prefer using his box but luckily he hasn't minded sharing.

I plan to have a very serious discussion with my roommate about this problem, though. But honestly, I don't have the time or means for a second cat which is why I didn't adopt a second. My roommate is very slowly making her cat my business, and I can't take care of her. She's making my anxiety issues even stronger than they already are. It's to the point I've considered moving if I can find a place that will let me take Felix. Really though, I think if my roommate can't take care of her cat, the cat deserves someone who can and will because I know I can't, and it seems her owner can't either. :[

Small Edit: Sorry if I seem unwilling to take the advice. Right now I do have a plan which is to make an attempt to leave my door open at night but close it during the day when I'm home from time to time to get my bonding in with Felix.

I will definitely propose the play/kill-eat-sleep to my roommate to see if we want to do that. I think, though, my roommate should be keeping the cat in her room while she sleeps to help correct her behavior in that term. I know for a fact my cats back home would go into my room at night because they knew when bedtime was. Even Felix knows that lights-off means it's time for bed, and he'll get a bite to eat and drink of water before climbing into my bed to snuggle. So maybe it would help her.

I do keep my door open to my room when I'm not home so they can play together and be together. I don't keep him caged away alone (just wanting to add that in). But I worry because like today I found plastic on the floor. My roommate is... not a clean person, and I'm paranoid about them eating stuff they're not supposed to. She calls me paranoid, but her cat did eventually eat her headphones (luckily as far as we know there were no complications but I am still scared to let him have run of the house).

...Okay, that was a big edit, sorry!

I just wanted to give an update on this.

After a big argument with my roommate, things did start to change. As I have been telling her for weeks, she has taken my advice and has been keeping her cat in the room with her with the door closed at night. The cat does not cry or try to get out and seems more than content to sleep with her all night. Hopefully the trend of my roommate spending more time with her cat will continue. Today I was able to let her in my room where she played with Felix and then curled up to go to sleep without damaging anything. I hope that things will continue to look up from here on!

Gad to hear tings are working out.

That's good to hear. I just read your thread and the problem so far is really your roommate. If she cleaned her cat's litter box daily, the cat might never have peed outside of the litter box. Not cleaning the litter box enough seems to be one of the most common reasons why cats go outside the litter box and it's probably the most easily fixable problem that actually should never have happened in the first place.

I lived with four cats and one of them would come yowl outside my door at night until I finally eventually let her come in at night. Most cats don't like closed doors separating them from their owners.

I totally understand why you do not want to leave your bedroom open at night, however. I am the same way when I have roommates, even if they are family members.

I really have come to believe that most times if a cat is acting "not right" behaviorally and it's not due to a medical issue, it's because of something the owner is doing or not doing.

That's great news. The kitten is still quite young, she'll calm down a lot as she gets older. It's good to hear that she is making progress already.

Good luck with training your room mate.