Advise on Integrating stray into an already a two cat family of 5 years

A sweet little 6lb. 7oz cat which is so small, I thought to be a kitten, kept attempting to come in my door for 3 weeks. She appeared so special, that I didn't want to take her from perhaps, someone who already owned her.

But after numerous attempts to see if she was lost , I had to take her in because the weather was going to be only 4 degrees.

I took her to the vet and blood work was perfect and found she was already spayed, which I was going to do if she wasn't.

Also took her to a groomer. Gave her a new name and adopted her.

But I already have 2 cats that have been with me that are brothers for over 5 yrs.

I did the scent trade off thing with all 3 and I kept them apart.

But I have her pet gated in with all the frills and necessities a cat needs but I can't get my cats to come around. They look in gate at her and she lays there and does nothing. Could care but they run away.

Tried feliway and they all hate it so that didn't work.

I would appreciate any ideas.

catsmeow100

The scent swapping is perfect for a start, but I have to say that, they should do quite well since she is a female and they are both males.

What usually will happen since females are dominant over males will be that they will be interested, and she will either act indifferent or bossy, lol, I love that in some strange way. Her small little self ruling the boys.

I think they will do quite well actually. The only times a male will not accept a female is the rare boys who have that out of the ordinary tough guy way about him.

95% of the time you will see the girl act mean to the boy, and he will flop down on his back and put his arms up, which is showing their submission to her.

She will want to establish who is who and once she feels confident that they know who's boss, then they will coexist perfectly.

HI,

First, thank you for your advice but this is an update and I had not read your email til now.

My intention was so that they and she could do the scent thing, through the pet gate, for a couple of days ,til I am sure they won't hurt each other.

Well , she was great yesterday and through the night but today ,she jumped the pet gate ,while I was outside for 5 minutes and she is little and could have been anywhere hiding in our house. but I yelled her name and looked upstairs.

There she was top step and I said calmly, come on Spirit and she graciously walked down and I picked her up to carry her back to her pet gated place and on the way she saw my other cat and started hissing and scrambling her feet and surface scratched my hand.

She didn't mean too, she just got all excited, when she saw him but I think she chased my other cat upstairs who was down because I couldn't find him. She is generally a super nice girl and she and I get along great. But I can't be her girlfriend. I am human. LOL

I said its only been a day and I don't thing they are quite ready for a confrontation and I don't want her to think she is being punished but I closed the door that the gate sits in front of.

It was a few minutes after I found the other two scared kitties. I went into to see her and picked her up and gave her a hug and explained, lets just take this slow til we are sure you are all ready to get along.

My two are acting so strange with her just being here in the one room gated. They won't do their treats or play time with me. They keep walking around close to the ground.

I hope they are all ok with my decision. I don't want them to hurt each other. My two boys are indoor all the time for over 5 yrs so they don't have other cat interaction so I am not sure face to face what they would do to her or her to them.

Tell me what you think now I should do or handle it.

Yes I would say you are correct in that 1 day is not nearly enough time. She is new to them, but to her, new home, new family, new resident cats, new smells, sounds, all of it.

So it will be more her that needs to adapt, and she will, and they will to her as well.

Keeping the door closed for now is best for her, it gives her time to become familiar with you, smells, sounds. It's her safe space.

Once she seems more confident, then you can either open the door (except you said she hopped the gate) but block it securely so the door is cracked open, but not far enough opened for either to slip through.

Do some scent swapping after a couple days to start getting them acquainted.

Okay!  We are now into our 5th day and I have brought her out by carrying her and she sat on my lap and my husbands and I have gotten down on the floor with her on my lap and one of my cats came and I attempted to pet her and him at the same time so they could see I loved them both. Well they both hissed and he ran. So I put her back in her safe room with the gate but didn't close it because I didn't want her to think she was being punished.

She is very content with my husband and I but not with my male cats. Which MC comes around and smells through the gate but Hammer never does til I close the door.

He was the smaller one at birth and is bossy with the bigger one but yet runs like crazy if I open the door or hides on the window or runs upstairs.

I hope they will see eye to eye soon so we can get this home back to calm again for not just 2 but all 3.

Please advise more if you could.

Or any ideas you might have.

Its prob silly, but I worry they won't mesh and then what do I do. I don't want to keep the stray in the safe house forever with a pet gate or the door closed. I want her to be able to have free roam of the house but I don't think its time yet.

Sounds like you're putting a lot of thought and effort into the process. I would advise on taking things as slowly as possible. Your aim here is essentially to de-sensitize the cats' to each other's presence, working against their natural territorial aggression responses. It can take a long while, and you do not want to rush things. It has to happen at an almost physical level in the cats' mind and it is going to take time.

We have an article about introducing cats which you may want to look at - 

Introducing Cats to Cats

I would be very careful with yourself being in close physical contact to any of the cats while you work on any measure that gets them closer together than before. As you found out already, you are likely to be the target of either their "flight response" or re-directed aggression. You did very very well to stay calm through out the interactions, but please stay safe and avoid physical contact when the cats may be agitated. 

As for the older cats not wanting to their treats or playtime sessions, sounds like they are reacting to the heightened stress levels. You can read more about stress in cats and possible ways to help them diffuse the stress here - 

How to Tell if Your Cat is Stressed Out

Six Surefire Strategies to Reduce Stress in Cats

As for worrying they may never like each other, well, that's always a possibility, even with the best of introduction processes. You should aim for them tolerating each other without too much aggression and accept the fact that they may or may not become best friends. It's still too early to tell though.

This may not be helpful, but as there is so much scent about, could you take a warm just slightly damp towel (a new one for each kitty) and buff them a little to kind of diffuse their odor. And may also gently groom each a little to try and relax them? I'm sure they wash themselves but so they are kind of clean and fresh? It may not be practical or work, but just an idea. Even when I brought one kitty back from the vet, the other kitty would be hissing at her. Maybe cleaning with a little vinegar water generally to keep things smelling a little more neutral.

Yeah, the pheromone stuff - I never was sure if it helped my kitties or made them worse or did nothing. I worried it was more disturbing so just stopped it.

Shoot, I meant cleaning around the house with vinegar water - not the kitties!

LIke any hard surfaces where they spend a lot of time - feeding areas, etc. To tone down overall scents in general and make it all more neutral.

Here are a few other links to cat to cat introductions and I will also post a video.

http://www.catbehaviorassociates.com/a-simple-little-trick-to-use-during-new-cat-introductions/

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/cat-behavior/introducing-your-cat-new-cat

http://jacksongalaxy.com/2010/10/01/cat-to-cat-introductions/

Some cats will get along just fine right from the start.  Others needs days, weeks, months and even longer.  I had a pair of males that took almost one solid year to learn to live together.  Rushing the introduction steps is often a mistake most people make; me included!  As humans we so want the cats to live peacefully, get along, be besties, etc...  In reality cats have an agenda of their own.  Take things slowly. 

Thank all thus far that has advised me on integrating my stray with my two other cats.

I want to put a lot of time into this and make it work and hope my cats all see that I want this and they will too.

They are all just darling cats.

The 2 brothers that I have had since kittens and are now over 5 yrs is MC and HAMMER . The stray I names Spirit because she has a lot of it and the way she appeared at my door out of the blue for two weeks.

I was afraid to feed her because I thought she had an owner and didn't want to take her in but after 3 weeks and it was going to be just 4 above with the weather, I don't know that she would have made it. So my hus and I took her in and I had her vet checked and we do grooming and treats just like I do with mine. Around the same time, just in a different room. She is no longer in the basement room and is upgraded to the bath room on our first floor.

I also took her to the groomer.

I appreciate any and all advice on integrating her with my other two.

THey are all fab.

THanks to all who responded to my posts'

Catsmeow100

I absolutely love reading ,that quite a few have the same situation ,as we do.

 To rephrase that, not that I love the issues they have with attempting peace amongst their pets   but that their situations are so closely related to ours ,that it is helpful to read.

It is quite challenging to bring a new pet ,into your family of already established pets.

I grew up with pets of both dogs and cats. I just don't remember having to go through the procedure of pet adjustments, of so many.

I've told of my 2 cats of 5 yrs old and how the little 2 yr. old girl  stray(Spirit) came and all that has been going on since.

Today was a real break through, after the little girl stray, only being upstairs on the first floor, pet gated 2 weeks this Weds. Dec. 3, 2014.

Myself and my husband have been opening the pet gate more often but supervising the whole time.

Today (Spirit) the little girl cat and( M.C. )my 5 yr. old cat, came nose to nose, face to face.

She just meowed (sort of talk) no hissing, no growling, or showing teeth at M.C.

How M.C. responded was just walked away.

So I don't know what she said to him but that is what he did.

Hammer, the bro, to M.C. was not around but he and she are much alike so I don't know how they will mesh at this point.

So far as yesterday, when we left the pet gate open and Ham was in my office awaiting tricks for treats, (Ah_Oh ) Spirit came in and they both hissed but then she left and returned back to her safe house.

It is unreal, how territorial they can be to each other but all so lovable and sweet to their humans.

For now, the boys are resting on the couch and I feel Spirit is happy and content in her safe house which I have the door closed because she does jump the gate.

She eats her daily recommended food and as soon as she jumps the gate she comes straight out to the office and starts on theirs but I removed it. She is just a little thing all 6 lbs of her and I don't feel she realizes that it might make her sick to comsume as much as she tries.

Just looking out for her best interests.

I was bragging too early how M.C my 5 yr. old cat and the new 2yr old female stray were nose to nose the  other day and she just meowed and he left.

But today she jumped the pet gate and M.C. had his back to her and she was sniffing his tail and I don't know if it startled him or her and there was scowling from both. He ran she sat there.

Also with her on the other side of the pet gate tonight and Hammer my other 5 yr old, got into a stare down and she started wagging her tale and growling. He just laid there not bothered.

THen she turned her back on him and walked the other way.

She may be a little crabbier than usual because she got a booster today at the vets and the vet put dye in her eye to check for infection because ever since we got her, she has had this runny eye.

Been to same vet twice and today a second opinion from another vet.

They believe it is not an infection but just has a teary eye. It is unchanged since 6 weeks ago so I guess they are right.

catsmeow100

Yes, a vet visit can stress out the cat and bring more tension into their relationship. Cats sometimes react to the scents that are brought back from the veterinary clinic, so they could be reacting to her unusual scent too. The important thing is not to react to their signs of aggression in any way that may add more stress into the already loaded situation. When they show aggression towards each other, keep calm and try to let them work it out without interfering. Of course, without allowing them to put one another at risk.