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We are having a lesson

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
I'm not sure what that lesson is just yet, or even if it's only one lesson, but this is surely a time that is testing me and my dh.

We just lost Chris less than 2 weeks ago, we know that my oldest kitty (17 in the spring), Patrick, who was diagnosed with chronic renal failure about 1 1/2 years ago has either lymphoma or severe ibd now as well as changing thyroid values. As of today, we are told it seems to be lymphoma after all, and he has a couple of months perhaps. Larissa, who is 5, has been concerning me as her box habits haven't been the best, and she will at times, hide behind the bathroom door...just nap there and not stir. I have had the feeling she just doesn't feel well.

Today we found out she's spilling bilirubin into her urine, we are waiting labs, but this usually means a problem with the liver, and potentially we are looking at an x/ray or echo and liver biopsy

Tyler is being treated as early diabetic with diet only, Ophelia's ashtma is kicking up, and Joshua (Patrick's 15 y.o. son) is suddenly having his ibd kick up again (he's maintained nicely on Hill's Z/D).

I find the lack of control appalling...I can't fix all this, I won't hurry any of them to the rainbow bridge, and it hurts like hell. So...time to learn to cope with chronic/terminal illness. Might sound odd, but this retired RN deliberately worked at delivering babies, and though with premies and emergencies I saw my share of death, it's less than on other units in a hospital.

I know there are lessons here, re faith, re loving full heartedly no matter how much it will then hurt to lose that which you love, re treasuring every moment with the people and the animals that I love.
I know I will work harder to afford to do the things I need and want to do (I want new cat furniture, I want to build a cat walk around my living room, I want to switch to a more holistic diet for my cats.) and I know that every upcoming moment with Patrick will be as joyous as it is sad, and I am going to treasure them.

I'm sorry this is long, but if you've read the whole thing, thank you.
post #2 of 11
((((HUGS)))) Pat!

Wow, that is a lot to deal with at one time. I'm so sorry for the kitties, and for you and DH to deal with it all.
post #3 of 11
Oh Pat, my heart hurts for you as I read this. I sit here wondering, is it the water? Are you near a power pole? Is the universe off kilter somehow?

Having lost 7 cats this year because of various health problems, I know that muliple deaths are so hard to manage and that I feel my heart will never quite be the same again. I also know that if it comes down to your sweet babies suffering, you will do the right thing and usher them into peace before you are quite ready to.

I wish I could fix this for you. The only thing I can do is say I am here should you need to scream, or just talk-
post #4 of 11
I'm so sorry Sweetie! Sounds like you're really having a hard time. It always seems like when it rains, it pours. Keep the faith Hon!
Many hugs to you & your DH!
post #5 of 11
I wish I could help in some way. I am like you, I will not hurry the RB trip. A friend at work just lost one of her cats and she did everything she could to help the guy. He made it through the fires and died of cancer, but he was more comfortable with the wholistic treatment.
post #6 of 11
I used to think that sharing your love with a lot of pets helps take the pain away when you loose one. They only distract you when it happens, particularly if they are grieving and you are their only comfort. But what comfort they give back!

My heart goes out to you and all your babies.
post #7 of 11
OMG Pat & Alix , I am so sorry . My heart is going out to you . And I just worry about Ginger and Cookie's eye . I cant imation (sp) how you must feel right now . I know I would be devastated (sp?) . I will keep you and your sweetie pie's in my prayeres every day . (((((((HUGS))))))) to you and kisses to your babies .
post #8 of 11
I'm so sorry about this. You and your babies don't deserve it. I think Hissy is right, there must be something off in the Universe. I pray for a miracle for you and your babies.
post #9 of 11
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))) You are much stronger than me. I'm terribly sorry you and your family are going through all this. I will pray for you and furrbabies. They know they're in the best hands possible and I think we all know that all of you purrbabies receive the best love and attention any cat could ever ask for.

Allow yourself to vent, share, laugh, cry, hug, kiss, smile, sigh. We're here for you. Your babies are there for you, as you are for them.

post #10 of 11
I'm so sorry for all you're going through. It's just hard to believe that much could happen to one family at once. I don't know what I would do if it were my kitties. Even though Hallie is PKD+ I don't feel I'm going through anything like you are at this time. You will certainly be in my thoughts.
post #11 of 11
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone for your notes, we will all get through this, yesterday just felt overwhelming.

Hissy, so far, though it's been hard, I know we've done a good job in walking that fine line of when it's time to let your cat go. It most definitely must be on their time and be compassionate. Patrick is still playing with his toys, snuggling with me, purring and happy 99% of the time, however if like his mother, he will stay like that no matter how ill he is, so we will have to use some physical parameters - his spirit will never say it's time. I will not let him become bones with skin just because it hurts to let him go.

Anyhoo, I just needed a place to let it out yesterday, I'm very grateful I could do so here. And now I intend on loving up & enjoying my guys through the upcoming days, leaving sniffling for later. I'm such a puddler!
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