After 8 years, rescued feral cats still shy.

Hi! I am so impressed by the cat knowledge in these forums and I'm really hoping someone can give me some advice.

About 8 years ago, we took in a beautiful family of cats that had been living under a friend's deck. We believe they are a mother and 2 of her kittens. After their initial vet visit, we brought them home. We had no other pets.They had a room to themselves for a little over a week. I spent plenty to time with them. At their most terrified, they never did more than hiss a bit. They are very gentle-natured, but they have never become friendly toward us. They will come into the room where we are sitting and snooze in the doorway, or curl up on the opposite couch from where we are sitting. They will sleep on a cushion near the table when we are eating, and they sleep under our bed, directly under my pillow. They seem to like to be near us. But, we can NOT touch them. We can't extend a finger to them to sniff without them taking off. You can walk next to them as long as they don't see you looking at them and if you don't move too quickly. If you enter their favorite room (the guest room), they will hop off the bed and dart underneath. A vet said they were too old when we got them for them to ever warm up to people.

I had hoped after so many years of love and care they would be more "pet-like", but I was generally OK with letting them set the tone for how they want to live, since they are healthy and thriving and safe. But, now I am wondering about the possibility of adding another cat. We make regular food donations to our animal shelter and on one visit I fell absolutely in love with another cat, Mr. Small. He is close in age to my cats, has lived with other cats, and his overall personality seems compatible with our cats. And he is the lovey-est thing I've ever seen!

Would trying to adopt another cat be the worst idea ever? I have an idea that Mr. Small might help our cats learn about interacting with us, or at least the cats could all live happily because they are all older, generally mellower, gentle cats, and I would have at least one cat I could pet and love on. My husband thinks I'm wrong.

As a note, we do have the room to give the new guy his own room for awhile and I understand giving everybody a nice slow introduction.

After 8 years of standoffish-ness, is there anything I can do for my formerly-feral babies, whether or not we get another cat? And, is it possible to introduce a new cat or will that just be too much for my furry oddballs? Our first duty is to the cats we already have, but I would love to take Mr. Small.

Thank you all so much for your help!

-Comtoc

Just because, here is a picture of Gabby, Fiona, and Rex vegging in the guestroom:


This is Mr. Small:

When it comes to cat personality I am the type who takes it as it is especially if they're already adults. Kittens may seem easier to understand but cats are too smart for us and will do what they want whether we like it or not.   Bless you for taking such good care of your cat family, accepting and loving them. They are so cute in the pictures! 

There is a link in the beginning of the Behavior forum about cat introductions. http://www.thecatsite.com/a/introducing-cats-to-cats  gives you tips that will be very helpful when you decide to adopt Mr. Small (he's cute too  ). 

In my experience, it was not difficult to bring in newcomers to the resident group. The only thing that was variable was the time it took. Kittens were no problem. They were taught by the "elders" to behave. As for adults, I used  "scent exchange" not only between cats but even rubbing the newbie with one of my old used t shirts.  I was calm during supervised get together. Remember, cats can sense if you are nervous and will react to it. Expect hissing and some growling.

There were rare times when the newbies were accepted almost immediately and there were few times when I had to stop cat fights. For me when everybody at least tolerates each other, everything is okay. Cats prefer a harmonious home and they work hard for it like we do. 

Anyway, hope I helped. Good luck and please give us updates! 

how about you try snuggling with them a lot cuz skitty misfits brother pretty was the same way but he stopped whenever we cuddled with him a lot so try it and try bringing them around other people but remember just remember don't may don't really approach them really fast especially with new people.good luck :-)

Thank you for the responses!

I guess I figured the resident kitties will never really change. I suppose I'm more worried that the stress of a new friend would be too much for them. This is their home and their comfort, happiness, and health is our first responsibility, not matter how much I want to adopt the shelter cat (who got left behind when someone adopted his brother and has already been there 4 months! Poor fuzzy baby!)

I would LOVE to snuggle my kitties! We literally CANNOT touch them. We just let them be and they choose when to grace us with their detached presence. They are so gorgeous, though. Especially the long-haired calico mother, Fiona.

With three scaredy-cats in the house, I never wanted more, but when I met Mr. Small, I just fell in love. To me, four cats isn't any more work than three. And I would love to have a cat on which I can actually lavish love! My husband is hesitant, but if I could be reasonably sure it wouldn't be bad for the resident cats, I think I could convince him to meet Mr. Small.

I have 2 feral cats. They are 6 and 4. The female is 6 and I trapped her at 5 months and had her spayed along with 2 males. They were then released to the back yard where I provided food and shelter. She came in at 1.5 years of age. At first she was aloof and went in and out. At age 6 I stopped letting her out and stopped any dry food free feeding. It is not good for them. I started wet food timed feedings she then became the cat I wanted. She sleeps with me sits on the arm of the chair with me and enjoys some loving. The boy was abandoned at 4 weeks. He is a work in progress at age 4, I can love him and kiss him at feeding time. Any other time he likes to bite thinking it is acceptable. It took 4 years to get the female to tolerate him. She is 7 pounds with claws he is 17 pounds declawed(it was that or euthanasia) he was so vicious. He is coming around and biting less. He now sits on back of my fathers chair to keep him company. He does not like to be picked up much. I can pick him up and cuddle him at feeding time. Doing wet timed feedings only will make them more affectionate.

We do feed them wet food at set times, once in the morning and once in the evening. At the same time we put a small scoop of "crunchies" in their dry food bowl. So, the dry food bowl is empty between feedings unless they save themselves a snack.

I'm glad we are doing mostly the right things. They are who they are and that's fine. I can live with that. I guess I'm going to keep reading and try to decide if adding another cat will be the wrong choice for them.

Thank you for the input!

Well, I guess the "adding a new cat" issue is a moot point. I went to visit Mr. Small's profile on the shelter website, and it's gone. I think someone adopted him. I'm very happy for him, but I am sooooooo sad.

 I'm so sorry. 

Sometimes these things are just not meant to be.  

That is exactly what I am trying to tell myself! He now has a home and these are probably his perfect forever-people. I thought he was supposed to be my baby and I loved him and I was trying so hard to figure out how to adopt him and make sure my resident babies were happy. I guess it works out well. My current kitties have no disruption and Mr. Small has a forever home. But, I'm sad for me.

Aw.  I'm sorry to hear it.  I still think about a little silver tabby that caught my husband's eye before we were even looking to adopt.  My DH is allergic to cats so when we were newlyweds we were without them.  I honestly don't know why we were in Petsmart (maybe for my fish I used to have? lol) but he walked by their adoption center and saw her.  Her name was Tinsel; the same as my very first cat I had at 2 years of age.  There are others now and then I've found I feel a connection to.  But like Mani said; sometimes it's just not meant to be.     

I really commend you for accepting your current 3 babies as they are.  Others might have found their ways unacceptable.  It sounds like they have it great with you!!